congoshine:

YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS,this is the best time to BUY shares  .

The secret is to by LOW &  sell HIGH. She's it in it for the Long haul & its much more liquid & discrete than a building .

NaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaH!       IT MAY BE THE BEST TIME TO BUY SHARES HOWEVER, A PROJECT THAT GIVES YOU CASH IN HAND IS BETTER THAN A BIRD IN THE AIR THAT YOU MIGHT NOT EVEN CATCH.lolllllllllllllll!!!

Everyone who knows their salt can vouch that SHARES takes ages and, ages to bring in money.  Abi, she go wait for that when she has children to feed?? Boy, smarten up!! Building her house now would yield her quick cash as she rents out immediately saving her the gruelling hours at work, slaving her life away than waiting for her SHARES to grow before helping Moma - I mean waiting for the SHARES MARKET TO PICK UP PROBABLY IN 2020 BEFORE SHE COULD SEE A DIME, if she's lucky and the market hadn't wiped it all off by then - naaaaaaaaaaaa! Bad idea. LADY, BUILD YOUR HOUSE AND RENT IMMEDIATELY, EVEN IF IT'S 1 KOBO THAT COMES IN EVERY MONTH NA SOMETIN.  REMEMBER WHAT TESCO SAID 'EVERY LITTLE COUNTS' and that's true ooo!!

Ewo i had no idea that he was beating you oh,
then PLAN B
DONOT only use your own money to build a house begin to systematically siphon funds from the yeye man and begin to build not 1 but 2 if you have kids together then you got to siphon enough to guarantee a solid educational future for the kids and good life for yourself, i just donot believe a man that loves his wife will beat her.Its like beating yourself.
Omo make a business plan for the next 5 years and do your time queitly but wisely,
Pele, let him not ruin your life oh,
abi are you twins?

@poster

If what i just read is true (that is he beats you), then i should say it doesn't matter wether he agrees or not, just go ahead and build the house. Its only a property and besides your children will prolly thank you for it later on.

@post

I'm in full support of that. If i marry a wife and she doesn't build a house, then she's not my wife . Although as long as she doesn't plan to divorce me am totally okay with it. If she likes she can build 50 houses its her own money. Chi ke na!

@that chuck watever

Re you married? If you are, then am sorry for your wife. U sound like a man who would treat your wife like a maid. Which of course leads me to a post i read before looking at this one. No offence intended man, but really if i was you, i'll hate me .

[center] depends on what she's buildin' it 4 BUT note: NOT 2 BE KEPT SECRET 4RM HER HUBBY[/center]

@poster Pls go ahead and build your house, however, keep him informed of the progress whether he appreciates it or not. this is a man's world and owning a house is just the only way a woman can truely secure herself just incase things turn sour (not necessarily divorce). it can be used as a collateral to secure a loan in the future, at least landed properties are about the only thing financial institution rely upon these days.

i'm 29 yrs old and just bought a land in abuja to build my second house. your man should be proud of the rock he has in you. at least you don't spend your money on expensive jewellry or reidiculously pricey laces.

Don't forget to pray to God for strenght and guideance because you will surely face some challenges not only from your husband, but also from your fellow so called female friends, trust me and good luck

By all means, secure your husband's support and approval and build your house. It's good. At least you're not wasting your money on frivolities. Build it's the smart way to invest in your future and that of the family.

Some men are not comfortable with this type of proposal from their wives, because of peer pressure, but hey, persuade him until he sees reason with you.

When you finish building the house, make you invite us for the party o. All the best

I am with Aisha2 on this one.

I generally would not advise spouses to be sneaky behind each other, but because of the history between you and your husband, getting a property in Nigeria should be put on the backburner for now, so I would strongly advise you to;


1) Open a bank account in Nigeria ^{preferably one with access to online facilities so that you can check your balance at work},

2) Start increasing the money you send home to your parent and tell them to pay some of this money into your account, ^{some families are one kain with money} so kinda threaten them that if they do not pay in the money, they should not expect anymore from you.


Implementing this advise would mean that your husband would not be able to carry out his threat of seizing your salary.

And on behalf of Nairaland, I would like to say our thoughts are with you and hope you and your husband would be able to resolve your issues and wish you many happy married years ahead

i don't thin there is anything wrong in a woman building a house. AS LONG AS U DON'T GO ABOUT IT IN A WRONG WAY.
if u are independent den build ur house, anythin can happen 2 ur husband (HOPE NOTHIN HAPPENS) and depending on d ind of family u and him have u might end up losing out big time. just cauze u want ur own house in you own home does not mean you r planing on divorcin it just mean u r planing ahead in case somethin bad happens (u hav somethin 2 fall back on). NO ONE NOES D FUTURE ITS D PRESENT U USE 2 SECURE D FUTURE.

@Busy body,thanks alot,i pray for happy married life too becos i dont think i can love any other man like him,d last time i left d house, dat it was over,as soon as he called me,i couldnt resist 2 go back home,then i knew dat i'm really into him despite all his hmmmm once in a while but i know God is able to change people's heart.

@ everybody,thanks for ur advise,u people were able 2 enlighten not only me ,but some of my friends in d same shoes wit me, gained alot frm all these diff ideas from everyone of u.Thanks,God bless u all.

Don't listen to him.

You weren't born with him attached to your wrist.

Every human has the right to achieve what THEY want to achieve.

If you want a house, build to your hearts content.

Your husband has ego insecurities.

8-|

Men,

OH! I just read that your husband beats you or used to beat you.


Oya, Aunty, buy that land and build that house QUICKLY!!

And don't listen to this rubbish of Mr. and Mrs.

All certificates should bear YOUR NAME ONLY. In fact, they should all bear your MAIDEN name if possible.

Anyone that tells you different is being wicked.

If your husband doesn't agree don't bring it up again. Do it behind his back and never tell him.

Whether you stay together or not, you will always have a safe place whether you end up ever needing it or not.

That's wisdom not competition.

Theblessed:

NaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaH!       IT MAY BE THE BEST TIME TO BUY SHARES HOWEVER, A PROJECT THAT GIVES YOU CASH IN HAND IS BETTER THAN A BIRD IN THE AIR THAT YOU MIGHT NOT EVEN CATCH.lolllllllllllllll!!!

Everyone who knows their salt can vouch that SHARES takes ages and, ages to bring in money.  Abi, she go wait for that when she has children to feed?? Boy, smarten up!! Building her house now would yield her quick cash as she rents out immediately saving her the gruelling hours at work, slaving her life away than waiting for her SHARES to grow before helping Moma - I mean waiting for the SHARES MARKET TO PICK UP PROBABLY IN 2020 BEFORE SHE COULD SEE A DIME, if she's lucky and the market hadn't wiped it all off by then - naaaaaaaaaaaa! Bad idea. LADY, BUILD YOUR HOUSE AND RENT IMMEDIATELY, EVEN IF IT'S 1 KOBO THAT COMES IN EVERY MONTH NA SOMETIN.  REMEMBER WHAT TESCO SAID 'EVERY LITTLE COUNTS' and that's true ooo!!

Shares are generally more discrete & can be monitored online,like a bank account. The advantage she'll have now is that she's buying the stocks really cheap now .Yes u can talk about rent,but I know its not as straight forward as that.
Like they say,there are 2 sides to every coin. i have a lot of experience in shares & property and I can confidently tell you both have their merits & demerits. Currently the stock mareket could be going through a correction ,but its ultimately the best place to put money for the future.  Building a house in Nigeria has its migraines. I would suggest (if she has the money & is really interested in properties) she BUYS rather than attempt to build ,with all the concomitances of 'building in Nigeria'. Trust me on this one   

Busy_body:

I am with Aisha2 on this one.

I generally would not advise spouses to be sneaky behind each other, but because of the history between you and your husband, getting a property in Nigeria should be put on the backburner for now, so I would strongly advise you to;


1) Open a bank account in Nigeria ^{preferably one with access to online facilities so that you can check your balance at work},

2) Start increasing the money you send home to your parent and tell them to pay some of this money into your account, ^{some families are one kain with money} so kinda threaten them that if they do not pay in the money, they should not expect anymore from you.


Implementing this advise would mean that your husband would not be able to carry out his threat of seizing your salary.

And on behalf of Nairaland, I would like to say our thoughts are with you and hope you and your husband would be able to resolve your issues and wish you many happy married years ahead

why are nigerian relationships almost like pressure cookers? i dont know how much this lady has and how long it will take her to build the house but i find the idea of the idea of marriage of convinience we enjoy or do i say endure very sad.
i always wonder why some nigerian husband and wife have 2 different phone lines in one flat. where is the power of unity, trust and team building in our families? God help us. the older generations couldnt build us a good society modern man is making it worse. no society is stronger than its families. God help us.

//

sugabelly:

OH! I just read that your husband beats you or used to beat you.


Oya, Aunty, buy that land and build that house QUICKLY!!

And don't listen to this rubbish of Mr. and Mrs.

All certificates should bear YOUR NAME ONLY. In fact, they should all bear your MAIDEN name if possible.

Anyone that tells you different is being wicked.

If your husband doesn't agree don't bring it up again. Do it behind his back and never tell him.

Whether you stay together or not, you will always have a safe place whether you end up ever needing it or not.

That's wisdom not competition.

Gbam!

Buying the house is a good idea,but dear dont do it on your husband's back

it could be that your hubby is feeling threatened by the idea,and feels if you own a house ,you may not submissive to him anymore and can decide to leave him anytime you feel like it ,

chaircover:

Thanks a lot JJYOU - Finally a voice of reason.

With all the build responses & advise I was seeing I was beginning to lose focus on the difference between right and wrong.

It is clear that in this particular situation, the poster is experiencing difficulty in her marriage and by her own admission in a previous topic she posted, the marriage was built on pity and financial gain on the posters part. It was an escape from poverty for her and I think she got a little carried away with the prospect of a good life in the Uk without taking time to check that the man was indeed a good man or not. Good men do not beat their wives for whatever reason. They do not stifle their wives but they encourage the wives to be successful women.

In “normal” marriages it is not “normal” for husband and wife to do things independently of each other. Building or purchasing a property is probably the most expensive single item that one will buy in ones lifetime, how then it can be right for each side going off and doing their own thing without the other having any input or knowledge of it?

For sure if you have dodgy relations who you think my want to play a fast one if God forbid something terrible happens to the husband, then both husband and wife can decide that some of the house(s) may be in either the wife’s sole name or jointly etc. A good man will provide for his family anyway in case something happens to him.

Yes - no one knows tomorrow and men are known to do silly things but you won’t because of this go the extra mile of building a house behind his back “just in case” he marries another woman and throws you out. . . . .what happens if he doesn’t?

As for me God forbid that I go and build a house behind my husbands back. I respect him far more than that. It doesn’t matter how much I am earning be it £1.00 or £1 million.
All our properties built/bought home and abroad after the marriage are in both names. The only thing I can say was my sole input is my deciding how I wanted the kitchens to be designed & furnished

Remember doing things together as a husband and wife further strengthens the relationship.
It is all about team work; 2 heads are better than one and you will find that the house will be completed much quicker if both parties are fully subscribed to the project.

i thank God for your life. you are the type every good woman must have as a daughter in law. people like you are the very rare un-common wives. you reassured me my sons and daughters will find a blessed woman generation to marry. i dont understand why people turn relationships to war/ game zones.

All our properties built/bought home and abroad after the marriage are in both names. The only thing I can say was my sole input is my deciding how I wanted the kitchens to be designed & furnished

I dont disagree with what works for you, and I know most of your posts are very sensible and well thought out, but personally, I dont think I'd be happy if my sole input to a joint house design was only the kitchen. Hypothetically speaking.

That's just me sha- I'm not easygoing by nature when it comes to some things.

.

chaircover:

Hi Tpiah, Maybe I didn't phrase that properly.

What I meant is that when it comes to the kitchen there is no compromise.

Hubby & I discuss the design & furnishing of the other areas of the house and both reach an agreement. We both have different tastes & styles e.g he is a laminate flooring guy & I'm a carpet girl.

so sometimes he compromises and sometimes I compromise. . . . . But as for the kitchen; No compromise

oh, ok.

phumeza:

Buying the house is a good idea,but dear dont do it on your husband's back

The Man used to BEAT her.

Please, telling her not to do it behind his back is just being unecessarily wicked. We already know that he is opposed to it. We also already know that he is physically stronger than her and is more than capable of harming her.

What else is there to talk about?

Do you go and discuss with a Lion that is about to eat you the Gun you are trying to bring out to shoot it?

Abegi jo! Go and build your house BEHIND HIS BACK and PUT IT IN YOUR MAIDEN NAME! NEVER EVER TELL HIM. If he never beats you again then it's your good luck, but the day he raises his hand against you grab your children and go.

Who wants to their children to be around someone they don't feel safe with?

All this husband and wife rubbish is nonsense.

A man that calls himself your husband does not threaten you, endanger you, or make you feel unsafe. That is called a Tormentor.

sugabelly:

The Man used to BEAT her.

Please, telling her not to do it behind his back is just being unecessarily wicked. We already know that he is opposed to it. We also already know that he is physically stronger than her and is more than capable of harming her.

What else is there to talk about?

Do you go and discuss with a Lion that is about to eat you the Gun you are trying to bring out to shoot it?

Abegi jo! Go and build your house BEHIND HIS BACK and PUT IT IN YOUR MAIDEN NAME! NEVER EVER TELL HIM. If he never beats you again then it's your good luck, but the day he raises his hand against you grab your children and go.

Who wants to their children to be around someone they don't feel safe with?

All this husband and wife rubbish is nonsense.

A man that calls himself your husband does not threaten you, endanger you, or make you feel unsafe. That is called a Tormentor.

I don't think most people saw the part where someone said he beats her. I did not see t at first but when I did I changed my stance on not doing it behind his back. She needs to build and start a life apart from him

i think you can invest the money on something else like buying shares for your children despite the economic meltdown otherwise you will be tempted to spend it on something unneccessary. our culture does not allow such things so try to understand your husband. again men's ego can never allow them to accept that their wife is richer than them even when it is obvious.

why not?seriously!just let ur husband no ur plans

@poster, u better build ur house , i don't know y some men would do like that

he beats u up,dats dicey but dats d more reason u really to build ur house n fast!

phumeza:

it could be that your hubby is feeling threatened by the idea,and feels if you own a house ,you may not submissive to him anymore and can decide to leave him anytime you feel like it ,

That's pure selfishness.

My dear, build your own house, if that'll make you happy. You work hard enough to make the money, so you deserve to be fulfilled.

@POSTER

I WAS ALMOST NOT GOING TO RESPOND TO THIS TREAD,BUT AS A MAN I THINK THERE IS NOTHIN WRONG WHT U BUILDING UR OWN HOUSE,BUT HERE IS THE SINCERE TRUTH MEN AS GOT COMPLEX AND MIGHT TRULY THINK U PLANING TO DIVORCE IN FUTURE, HERE IS MY ADVICE FOR U,
IF U AVE KIDS OR IF U DON'T AVE WAIT TILL U AVE ONE EVEN THOU THE KID BELONGS TO ANOTHER MAN BUILD IT IN UR KIDS NAME AND LET HIM KNOW U DOING IT FOR YOUR KIDS AS YOUR OWN PART TOWARDS UR CHILD, IN THIS WAY HE SHOULD SUPPORT U

chaircover:

Thanks a lot JJYOU - Finally a voice of reason.

With all the build responses & advise I was seeing I was beginning to lose focus on the difference between right and wrong.

It is clear that in this particular situation, the poster is experiencing difficulty in her marriage and by her own admission in a previous topic she posted, the marriage was built on pity and financial gain on the posters part. It was an escape from poverty for her and I think she got a little carried away with the prospect of a good life in the Uk without taking time to check that the man was indeed a good man or not. Good men do not beat their wives for whatever reason. They do not stifle their wives but they encourage the wives to be successful women.

In “normal” marriages it is not “normal” for husband and wife to do things independently of each other. Building or purchasing a property is probably the most expensive single item that one will buy in ones lifetime, how then it can be right for each side going off and doing their own thing without the other having any input or knowledge of it?

For sure if you have dodgy relations who you think my want to play a fast one if God forbid something terrible happens to the husband, then both husband and wife can decide that some of the house(s) may be in either the wife’s sole name or jointly etc. A good man will provide for his family anyway in case something happens to him.

Yes - no one knows tomorrow and men are known to do silly things but you won’t because of this go the extra mile of building a house behind his back “just in case” he marries another woman and throws you out. . . . .what happens if he doesn’t?

As for me God forbid that I go and build a house behind my husbands back. I respect him far more than that. It doesn’t matter how much I am earning be it £1.00 or £1 million.
All our properties built/bought home and abroad after the marriage are in both names. The only thing I can say was my sole input is my deciding how I wanted the kitchens to be designed & furnished

Remember doing things together as a husband and wife further strengthens the relationship.
It is all about team work; 2 heads are better than one and you will find that the house will be completed much quicker if both parties are fully subscribed to the project.

HUmmn I see where you are coming from, you are talking about the ideal, not what obtains sometimes,
If her husband truly beats her then she had better start building many houses, if not love will clear way for poverty and had i known.

horny4u:

HUmmn I see where you are coming from, you are talking about the ideal, not what obtains sometimes,
If her husband truly beats her then she had better start building many houses, if not love will clear way for poverty and had i known.

how many can she build? what kind of marriage is this?