FOR GUY

You're the saddest, piss-poor excuse for a man I've ever seen, you chromosome-deficient, uber-impotent, rat-faced tard-popsicle. Celibate, eh? You mean in the closet, right? Or maybe you're a homosexual midget, in which case, you can come out of the cupboard! If you're attractive, Quasimodo is a former Mr. Universe, you full-of-yourself baboon butt-ugly bulbous babbling baffled boob. You're the kind pathological liar who even lies to an insult generator. You're a neo-Nazi, fundamentalist militant Republican-voting mega-asshole scumbag. Smart? Who are you trying to kid? Single-celled organisms out-score you in IQ tests. Stop bullshitting about your height. A fucking circus dwarf is not 'average.' Lying won't get you on the good rides in Disney. Lying about your weight again, eh? Since when did Pregnant Water Buffalo Size become 'Average'? Professional people are like legs: when they get to the top, they become asses. I like that outfit you're wearing. You should hang on to it. It'll probably come back in style some day. Do yourself and everyone else a favor: jump into a raging forest fire.

FOR LADY

Yuk! What a putrid waste of a LADY you are, you humped-back, club-footed, lollipoop lickin' loser. Married, eh? Since when did brother and sister marriages become legal? If you're attractive, Quasimodo is a former Mr. Universe, you full-of-yourself baboon butt-ugly bulbous babbling baffled boob. You're the kind pathological liar who even lies to an insult generator. You're a neo-Nazi, fundamentalist militant Republican-voting mega-asshole scumbag. You four-eyed, cerebrally-deluded, Einstein-impersonating, pseudo-intellectual nerdturd with a head full of misfiring synapses. Stop bullshitting about your height. A fucking circus dwarf is not 'average.' Lying won't get you on the good rides in Disney. You scrawny-assed, anorexic African famine victim; if you had dreads, I'd grab you by your ankles and use you to mop the floor. Professional people are like legs: when they get to the top, they become asses. I've seen wounds that were better dressed than you are. Do yourself and everyone else a favor: jump into a raging forest fire.