I have been married for 10years with 2kids now but my husband has started having an affair of which each time I confront him, he will deny that he is not doing such. But I do come across his chats with different ladies on whatsapp,Facebook and BBM and when I ask him about those chats, he said it's a harmless chat just for him to while away time and will promise never to chat them again only for him to go deeper the next minute. I so much love my husband but I doubt his level of love for me though he claims that he still love me.
I don't want to fight him but I don't have how else to get him to stop those nasty chats before it will degenerate into another thing. Pls I need matured advice and I have been praying to God to strengthen me. Pls moderators help me to get it to front page as I am down to my lowest level of patience now.

Talk to him one more time. He might just be using it to while away time truly. Dont try to quarrel with him. If he can be with you for 10years and says he still loves you, then he does.

Apart from the chats that you have seen, are their any change of behaviour that he is displaying towards you?

This post deserve fp. Cc Lalasticlala , Seun

I feel you just have to keep living your life and don't let those things bother you even though it's not easy, but the truth is men will always be men, even when they don't really have the intentions to cheat, they do play along with some of those girls with chat etc tho one thing leads to another, but for how long do you want to keep bothering urself about this things to the extent that it's making you depressed already, so just try and put it off your mind and live your life, never stop being a caring wife to him.

If there's any string attached he would have password his phone and with that there's nothing you can do.... follow up and dunt be too forward not to miss what you need to know

This was why I earlier opined that social media should not be for married couples. The temptation to stray is now a phone click away. Sorry dear. Clearly he doesn't listen to you. Try and get someone he listens to, then advise him don't forget that cheating with regards men, if at all he is doing it, is alot different than the female kind. Most times is purely physical and no emotion, this type is very easy to handle by you. As a mature lady am sure u understand what I meant

Maxcollins042:
Apart from the chats that you have seen, are their any change of behaviour that he is displaying towards you?

He has not changed much but he doesn't behave normal to me anymore and he spends more time on his phone than he spend with I and the kids. Sometimes I think of going away to get over it. Pls I need a good marriage counselor that I can talk to.

Eddygourdo:
This was why I earlier opined that social media should not be for married couples. The temptation to stray is now a phone click away. Sorry dear. Clearly he doesn't listen to you. Try and get someone he listens to, then advise him don't forgtet that cheating with regards men, if at all he is doing it, is alot different than the female kind. Most times is purely physical and no emotion, this type is very easy to handle by you. As a mature lady am sure u understand what I meant

Honestly the social media has taken a great deal on my family. He always say that he is not doing anything apart from the chat that I should trust him but I don't know how to trust him again when he has failed from the promise he made earlier

libertyfather:
If there's any string attached he would have password his phone and with that there's nothing you can do.... follow up and dunt be too forward not to miss what you need to know

he deletes them but at times he will forget to do so.

Sadly I have tl break the news to you; you are not Jesus Christ even Jesus Christ can only offer salvation it is left for the individual to accept it
Remember that Jesus even died for the sins of people yet after giving his life people continued to sin disregarding his sacrifice.

What am I saying? You can't save or change him, only him can make that decision

All I can advice you to do is to develop some level of self esteem. Your husband is disrespectful to you and your marriage vows and till he decides you are worthy of some respect there is nothing you can do except respect yourself. If you don’t respect and value yourself to know you deserve a respectful faithful relationship then no one else will respect you. If you are team " every man cheats " hold on the crew will be here soon to give you coping advice, meanwhile stay safe from STDS, your kids deserve better

Onyeozichukwu:

Honestly the social media has taken a great deal on my family. He always say that he is not doing anything apart from the chat that I should trust him but I don't know how to trust him again when he has failed from the promise he made earlier

exactly, since you both allowed social media earlier he will always feel you trying to control him, if you ask him to cease. That's why I advise you get someone else to talk sense into him. I believe the happiness and peace in his family should supersede any joy social media can offer. Plus nne he loves you. Don't regard his behaviour as a lack of love else you might feel depressed and unhappy, try and solve your issues. You are a mature lady thanks to ur experience in marriage so am sure u can handle things. But please if at all he has strayed do forgive as I believe it's likely a physical relationship and can be corrected. Sorry for your pains. I pray God grants you the wisdom to manage this situation till succour cones your way. Happy Sunday

I am not a marriage counsellor per say. But if your husband or you both will wanna talk. I will listen and say my two cents. Add me up 52ca10af.

Op, why not chat with him on social media too, with your real identity ooo. If he likes football or cars, google sites where he can get latest info, etc, and show them to him. Most people dwell on facebook, whatsapp, twitter, etc for lack of better options.

Why worry yourself over what you can't chabge or control? You wanna die?

Your hubby chats with other girls? So what? Is marriage a life sentence ? Does the chats explicitly portray him as a cheat or it's meaningless talks with no action? I know sometimes cheating starts from such meaningless chats but what can you do to change it? Nothing really! That's reality 101.

Please stop praying about that. 10 years marriage with kids, occupy your mind with better things like retirement, kids college money, pursue your own happiness too etc so long you've not caught him cheating.

Talk with him once more, tell him that you believe he's not cheating but you fear such chats might one day lead to cheating then ignore him .If he's a good husband, he'll respect you, your kids and turn around.

Lifes good and short. Choose happiness and live.

You will always be depressed if you don't do what is needed otherwise, you might get implode because you can't take it anymore. Confront him and tell him how what he is doing is hurting you; be strictly honest about it. But before you do that, Talk about love, talk about old memories and how you guys met. The precious love he purpose to you before you married him etc.. And then tell him what is it you have done to deserve this punishment. Those soft and realistic words will get him in order... And if he don't, talk to his mother or a very close relative about it.

The day you women understand that a man is polygamous in nature, that day you will start praying for him to overcome that natural instinct in him.

To live a happy life, marry a responsible man who will respect you and control that natural instinct.


If you are already married, pray for him and don't fight him, silence and mind game can get you the desired results. If you fight him, you have already pushed him to the warm arms of the woman.

Ten years,2kids and you love him like crazy. He must be an amazing husband save for his chats.

You should understand that a lot of cleopatra are Lurking to fest on same qualities that endeared you to him. You need to understand your husband first.

For you to understand him it must be devoid of emotions. Examine him critically to better understand him. He could be a good guy with harmless intent. Some ladies may wish to exploit that good side of a man.

Does he value and put family first? Principled? Ever stood up against evil? What are his unconscious remarks about cheating partners? Is he spiritually grounded? From the results, you can then know how much value your man is worth. Premium?

Only if you understand the true power you have over your man. Discover the power you have by divine birthright of being a woman, wife and mother! Please use the discovered power positively. I fear una.

Did you say you have been praying, well then, you not ready for a solution because you only stalling with prayer which won't work. This is how you go about this.


Get on every social media platform he's also on, chat him up and if doesn't chat you up. quit and switch to plan B

Set up fake accounts maybe two or three, use pics of extremely beautiful ladies so he accepts your friend request, keep chatting him up with those fake accounts to know if he would request you both to hook up for sex, if he does, just know you hubby has been intimately involved with some of those girls he's been chatting with.


Now for every chat you do with him with that fake account is an evidence to prosecute him, make sure you screen shot and save every sensitive chats you had with him and in reality be friendly with him like you know nothing.


The moment he request for a hook up online in that fake account, just wait till her gets home and whe he arrives, welcome him well and tell him you set for the hook up, Prove to him you behind that fake account and show him screen shots of all sensitive chats plus the hook up request but DON'T FLIP OUT, its important you don't rant, vent or flip out at that point in time, because if you do, he would see you as nagging and power would change hand automatically.


So, keep your cool and smile while you showing him the evidence for his promiscuity, when you done, treat him nice, bring him his food, respect him the whole time and go to bed and allow guilty conscience deal with him.

After then, he would come begging for forgiveness, might not be that night but he would surely come, but keep and open mind in dealing with him and love him more, Guilty conscience is the reason he would come ask for forgiveness.


When he does, Offer to forgive him on one occasion and that is, to give you the password to his account, give him yours also and make amends, He might be smart to open another account but from time to time, give him reasons to log on with his phone to checkmate him on that.

That's how you handle your hubby with psychology not prayers. And I bet you, he would respect you and fear you as a smart wife.

U will be happier if u ignore those chats' stay off his phone, Keep loving him'. Always have that second thought-if a king marry 100wives, he only have one Queen' he might not be that bad'. STAY OFF HIS GADGETS, what u don't know won't hurt u

Find Friends to chat to and occupy your mind. Live your life, if you want, walk away.

Onyeozichukwu:


He has not changed much but he doesn't behave normal to me anymore and he spends more time on his phone than he spend with I and the kids. Sometimes I think of going away to get over it. Pls I need a good marriage counselor that I can talk to.

Maybe if you can see the reality that the relationship has changed you can make better decisions for yourself.

Whatever you decide to do about it, don't kill yourself with worry or sorrow; if you do, life will move on and that includes your husband and kids. Do what you have to do but take charge of your happiness.

Onyeozichukwu:
I have been married for 10years with 2kids now but my husband has started having an affair of which each time I confront him, he will deny that he is not doing such. But I do come across his chats with different ladies on whatsapp,Facebook and BBM and when I ask him about those chats, he said it's a harmless chat just for him to while away time and will promise never to chat them again only for him to go deeper the next minute. I so much love my husband but I doubt his level of love for me though he claims that he still love me.
I don't want to fight him but I don't have how else to get him to stop those nasty chats before it will degenerate into another thing. Pls I need matured advice and I have been praying to God to strengthen me. Pls moderators help me to get it to front page as I am down to my lowest level of patience now.

So you want to die before your time because of a man

Don't you have a phone too, or don't you have MBs to chat too

My dear if your husband has refused to be responsible, then you need to teach him by serving him his own meal.

Shebi it's a 'harmless' chat? Let's see how tolerant he would be of you doing same!
Oshi!

andromida:


Maybe if you can see the reality that the relationship has changed you can make better decisions for yourself.

She is still living in denial . . . Most women do that!

Of course he will change, how wont he? The moment a man starts cheating (and that's exactly what he is doing), he becomes someone else.

It's not untill the D enters the V before we know he is straying.

Ujoan:


She is still living in denial . . . Most women do that!

Of course he will change, how wont he? The moment a man starts cheating (and that's exactly what he is doing), he becomes someone else.

It's not untill the D enters the V before we know he is straying.

Maybe she should become someone else as well after all the relationship needs to change.

he must be an amazing husband cus they've been together for 10 yrs? how the hell did u come to dis conclusion? an amazing husband who chats up other women n refuses to change even after his wife shares her unhappiness with these chats. who knows what else he's doing? a lot of pple stay in unhappy marriages for years cus they don't know how to get out of it, think they won't meet someone else n'll be alone , or whatever else. i just don't know how the hell u concluded he must be an amazing husband. amazing my a.ss

Chubhie:
Ten years,2kids and you love him like crazy. He must be an amazing husband save for his chats.

You should understand that a lot of cleopatra are Lurking to fest on same qualities that endeared you to him. You need to understand your husband first.

For you to understand him it must be devoid of emotions. Examine him critically to better understand him. He could be a good guy with harmless intent. Some ladies may wish to exploit that good side of a man.

Does he value and put family first? Principled? Ever stood up against evil? What are his unconscious remarks about cheating partners? Is he spiritually grounded? From the results, you can then know how much value your man is worth. Premium?

Only if you understand the true power you have over your man. Discover the power you have by divine birthright of being a woman, wife and mother! Please use the discovered power positively. I fear una.

U got wot u were lookin 4. Dnt kill ursef oo or u wnt those ladies 2 take over?

aflyingbird:
he must be an amazing husband cus they've been together for 10 yrs? how the hell did u come to dis conclusion? an amazing husband who chats up other women n refuses to change even after his wife shares her unhappiness with these chats. who knows what else he's doing? a lot of pple stay in unhappy marriages for years cus they don't know how to get out of it, think they won't meet someone else n'll be alone , or whatever else. i just don't know how the hell u concluded he must be an amazing husband. amazing my a.ss

Perhaps, by error you might have missed out the part that the wife says she's still in love with the husband. I want to first establish that before I address your emotional out pour.

You should also learn to keep your a.ss away from discussions.

u must be a learner or are just very stupidd. she said "i so much love my husband" . loving and being in love are 2 diff things. this is even a stupidd argument u are now throwing in bc it doesn't prove what u are claiming. but ok, let's say she's in love with her hubby like u are saying, this doesn't mean he must be an amazing husband! how the hell...? my argument remains the same! read my first comment again , abeg. just like many pple remain in unhappy marriages ... cus they think it's best for the kids (which's soooo not true...keeping children in an unhappy home is one of the worst things u can ever do to them), fear of being alone or whatev, u can be in love with someone who doesn't feel the same way... who isn't in love with u!!! not saying this is the case with the op and her husband, i don't know what's in their hearts BUT u arguing he must be an amazing hubby cus she's in love with him is invalid. invalid argument!!!

No, my a.ss can't be kept away from discussions. besides, wherever i go there will my a.ss be. when u got a big bottom it's impossible to hide it.

Chubhie:
Perhaps, by error you might have missed out the part that the wife says she's still in love with the husband. I want to first establish that before I address your emotional out pour.

You should also learn to keep your a.ss away from discussions.

aflyingbird:
u must be a learner or are just very stupidd. she said "i so much love my husband" . loving and being in love are 2 diff things. this is even a stupidd argument u are now throwing in bc it doesn't prove what u are claiming. but ok, let's say she's in love with her hubby like u are saying, this doesn't mean he must be an amazing husband! how the hell...? my argument remains the same! read my first comment again , abeg. just like many pple remain in unhappy marriages ... cus they think it's best for the kids (which's soooo not true...keeping children in an unhappy home is one of the worst things u can ever do to them), fear of being alone or whatev, u can be in love with someone who doesn't feel the same way... who isn't in love with u!!! not saying this is the case with the op and her husband, i don't know what's in their hearts BUT u arguing he must be an amazing hubby cus she's in love with him is invalid. invalid argument!!!

NO, MY A.SS CANNOT BE KEPT AWAY FROM DISCUSSIONS BC WHEREVER I GO THERE WILL MY A.SS BE. WHEN YOU HAVE A BIG BOTTOM IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO HIDE IT

I think I have to iron out the word amazing first. By amazing, I meant inspiring the “I love my husband SO MUCH” You can agree with me that both husband and wife seems to be having a wonderful and beautiful something going for them. If we are to isolate the chatting issue?

You feel quite confident with your A.ss. I guess it must be a wonder to behold.

I'm so tired of all these!
I'm so tired of reading stories of men's infidelity.
I've sworn never to renege on a promise whether in a relationship commitment or marriage in the future; but my fear is increasing, I wonder whether I can be any different. I've seen supposed angels cheat, notable men of God, good men that I respect and look up to. I'm really scared...

What is it with men and cheating? Where is the sanctity of marriage?

Dear Op, take it easy, I can only imagine how you feel. Talk to him calmly, don't shout or fight, get busy, do more fun things for yourself, allow nature to take control. He will change if he wishes to.

*drink some orijin*