I go through marriage/relationship threads on the front page and sometimes browse through the family and romance section and the kind of advice I see there often makes me wonder what EXACTLY Nigerians think marriage and relationships are all about.
It seems like most see it as some sort of cult/covenant where as long as physical abuse or cheating is not involved, then you are stuck and you cannot come out of again anymore, even if you die in it!
Some see it as some sort of bargain. Some see it as something you do because it’s needed. Some see it as some sort of moral obligation where you need to “do what is right”
These are the kinds of people that look down on mature single people especially ladies because in their warped minds, such ladies would have been approached earlier and so it’s her fault she’s still single because as far as they are concerned, she should have sha accepted one of them. They don’t give a damn if she didn’t feel connected enough to any of them, they are hell bent on believing her predicament is because she’s “too selective” “too materialistic” etc. Then they conclude finally that she does not have a “good character”. These people simply do not want to consider that there are some people who are unfortunately, for certain reasons not very lucky in the area of love/relationships. Some people are also very particular about what they want while some are just not into the idea of marriage and long term relationships. It doesn’t mean that any of the people mentioned in these categories have any serious personality problems or that somebody in their village is doing them, it just means that everybody has their own time and some people take this marriage business a little bit unconventionally as others.
Please before you tie the knot with your “long time” bf/gf or before you start giving advice to someone concerning marriage please bear these focal points in mind;

1. That Mr and Mrs A Are married does Not Mean That They are Happy:
Yeah, they could be our neighbors or church members who just got married and watching them just makes you wanna plan your own wedding. Hold on a sec! Many married people of today are NOT happy and if given a chance, they would settle for someone else or wait a little longer to meet someone else. Some men are beginning to admit that “monogamy is a scam”. There are more married men who don’t wear their rings these days and the number of married women cheating on their husbands will shock you to your marrow! But yet they are the ones that will give expert advice to single people o! They will tell you “love will come”. Really
2. That You Are Getting “Old” Is No Excuse For Accepting Just Any Proposal:
God forbid but it is better to grow old and die single than be in a marriage where the love is not balanced or where your partner has no vision/purpose/etc. Highest highest go and look for one fine mulato to impregnate you if your menopause is around the corner.
3. Relationships/Marriage Is NOT A Moral Obligation or A Cult:
No now now. You do not stay with someone just because you’ve been dating for over 3,4,5, or even 15 years and the next step “should be” marriage because you are used to the person and the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know. Wow! So you really want to go into marriage with a “devil” just because you’ve been dating for 5 years? Seriously! That you’ve been with someone for 10 years does not mean that you cannot leave if you know that deep down you just don’t feel that person. That you’re dating the most responsible man in the world does not make him the right one for you. That your babe is the sweetest thing ever does not make her your missing rib. I believe that we all have this thing called intuition and most times our intuition tries to warn us when are about taking life changing decisions. Listen to your intuition carefully and obey it! The right one for you may not necessarily be the one with the best character but someone your soul connects with. Someone you know you are genuinely happy with, flaws and all. I’m not saying you should throw away a diamond for a stone in the name of being with who you love, but as long as who you love does not pose any threat to your health, psychological wellbeing, etc, and you know deep down what you want, then go for it! This brings me to the final point;
4. Stop Playing God When Advising People on What Decision To Make:
This is the most annoying one. I see a poster pouring put his/her heart out here and the next thing people turn to relationship experts about something they don’t have enough facts on. Some will force their beliefs on the op. Forcing and even cursing him/her to make certain choices because they perceive that choice to be the right and moral one, never mind that they hardly know the parties involved personally and they won’t be in the marriage/relationship with them. Most times I watch in horror when A guy will come here and say that he’s about to marry someone out of pity and people will advise him to go ahead with it because the girl has “invested” a lot in him, because the devil he knows is better than the angel he doesn’t know. Bla bla bla. O ga o! Na so marriage be? Some will even curse him for even considering someone else. Please when did relationships become blood covenants that you cannot get out of mbok Yes the op might have been a big dundee for leading a girl/guy on for years only to realize they don’t want to marry the person but that does NOT also mean you should sentence the op and his supposed partner to a life of an unhappy/forced union just because of that. Allow people make mistakes and learn from them. It helps make us stronger and wiser individuals.
It is NEVER too late to make a U-turn. Even on the day of the traditional wedding, the coordinator of the trad rites/officiating Pastor asks both couples if they would like to change their minds. Do you think that part of the occasion is there for the fun of it?? No! It’s there for a purpose!
So please when next someone comes to you with such issues, remember these before playing God/relationship expert.
I have always advised people to follow their hearts while taking their heads along with them because at the end of the day, na dem sabi. I have my own life/relationship issues to focus on. One of the beauties of a relationship is in the freedom it gives.
Please stop “investing” in people if you are not prepared for any event where this person may not want you anymore. Whatever you do for a partner or a crush should be from the heart and free of charge or else it was never about love but for selfish interests. Simples!

Lucialovely see question

following

Hmmm.. See talk!

following..

CUM4WHAT:
Lucialovely see question

Op seems this ya post go make sense ooo but I don't have the energy to read it now.




Someborry plz pass me glucose

Odunharry:
following..

same

In addition, many married individuals on Nairaland have two monickers.
Marriage is not a bed of roses and at the same time you need to work hard in your marriage.......

Nice one