Your marriage ,Your life,Your ministry (1)

In a day and age where every person has become a marriage counselor even those who don't pray neither can successfully handle a bible class ,there's a proper need to scripturally address a pertinent matter emerging in CHRISTIAN marriages

First and foremost ,Marriage is of God,honorable and should be desired by and for all .

Hebrews 13:4 KJV
[4] Marriage is honourable in all..

Secondly ,it's a choice you make ,even though prayerfully and you can choose not to make as well prayerfully too

1 Corinthians 7:8-9 KJV
[8] I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
9] But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

As a believer you marry whom you will but in christ

1 Corinthians 7:39 KJV
[39] The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.

That said

Things do go wrong in all human relationships .

Pastor and flock

2 Corinthians 13:2,10 KJV
[2] I told you before, and foretell you, as if I were present, the second time; and being absent now I write to them which heretofore have sinned, and to all other, that, if I come again, I will not spare:
10] Therefore I write these things being absent, lest being present I should use sharpness, according to the power which the Lord hath given me to edification, and not to destruction.

Amongst Fellow ministers

Acts 15:39 KJV
[39] And the contention was so sharp between them, that they departed asunder one from the other: and so Barnabas took Mark, and sailed unto Cyprus;

Amongst believers generally

1 Corinthians 11:18 KJV
[18] For first of all, when ye come together in the church, I hear that there be divisions among you; and I partly believe it.

A whole lot of apostolic teaching deals with love,forgiveness and forbearance amongst Believers,marriage is sure one of such .

This day and age many a believer aren't taught the love walk and so resort to television ,social media guidance for most relationships

Words like " am leaving him or her"," it's over " " I can't continue "etc are rampant and were mostly gleaned from the world .

Yet scriptures teach that we be cautious with this world and its ideas

Romans 12:2 KJV
[2] And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

We are to renew our minds and ensure we aren't entrapped with a world which finds nothing wrong with sex without marriage and even tags it " baby mama" and consciously teaches such illicit sex in sitcoms and movies and even its celebrities .

We are to be circumspect

Ephesians 5:15 KJV
[15] See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise,

It means carefully .

Marriages are built on forgiveness and believing the best of each other .

Human Loyalty can be shaky ,

Only Gods faithfulness is reliable and enduring ,yet we His children have the capacity to be trustworthy .

Hence scriptures teach two fundamentals for all marriages

Ephesians 5:22,25 KJV
[22] Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
[25] Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

Love and submit

Both words entail a whole lot

Love ..

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 KJV
[4] Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5] Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
[6] Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7] Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

Submit

Ephesians 5:21 KJV
[21] Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

It means in honor and reverence for the Lord

Colossians 3:18 KJV
[18] Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

Same .

I dare say ,if many of our men paid more attention to bible studies and understand love isn't just about romance ,a treat on Cayman Islands ,buying gifts ,great sex etc rather virtues of character only found in christ ,if they do ,we might save more marriages .

We might ...

And I dare say too if many women paid more attention to the Word rather than Africa Magic ,telemundo,Linda Ikejis blog etc they will understand what honor ,respect mean

They will know respect and honor keeps marriages more than beauty and sex and worst still " saying your mind "

1 Peter 3:5-6 KJV
[5] For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
[6] Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

She called him lord ,master not honey pie,sugar belly etc
Nothing wrong in pet names but from the word,he is your head not just your lover .

Being married to a none believer ( before you received christ yourself I mean ) isn't an excuse to behave badly and treat him or her with disrespect

Whilst I fully understand the Pauline teaching on love and submit in Ephesians and Colossians were strictly for believers,scriptures also instruct on marriage to none believers

1 Corinthians 7:12-13 KJV
[12] But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
[13] And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

Don't seek to leave for such reasons

1 Corinthians 7:27 KJV
[27] Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed.

Take note of the words " if he/ she be pleased to dwell " as I will touch this later as a critical part .

Peter gave another angle to the same scenario

1 Peter 3:1-2 KJV
[1] Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; [2] While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

Conduct must be godly and such that glorifies christ even though he's a non believer .

You mustn't shirk your marital duties for fasting and prayer or church meetings .

You must be his wife and her husband as the case applies .

So,when storms arise in marriages we must always seek for peace and reconciliation at all times

Hebrews 12:14 KJV
[14] Follow peace with all men , and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord:

We are to avoid strife ,anger ,bitterness ,evil speaking and malice in our marriages

Romans 12:18 KJV
[18] If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

Do all you can to stay in peace .

Ephesians 4:26,31 KJV
[26] Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: [31] Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

This is needed in ALL relationships including marriage

Strife is a no no

1 Corinthians 3:3 KJV
[3] For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men?

It's for men who aren't born again .

Nagging ,fault finding etc are works of the flesh

We are dead to the flesh and alive in the spirit

Galatians 5:24-25 KJV
[24] And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. [25] If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

Strife i.e contention ,consistent arguing and nagging are devilish

James 3:15-16 KJV
[15] This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish. [16] For where envying and strife is , there is confusion and every evil work.

Even though you might be making Worldly sense and getting social media applause ,Gods word is a rock which outlives human opinions .

As believers,whether as parties in marriages or third / interested parties called upon to mediate or give counsel we MUST pursue peace at all costs!

At all costs!

We must pray to change situations too

Prayer works

James 5:16 KJV
[16]... The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

If your marriage isn't working well ,pray !

James 5:13 KJV
[13] Is any among you afflicted? let him pray..

Many times we hardly explore these scriptural options before resorting to the worlds quick fixes
Break up !

We are believers and must act on the word

To find believers having multiple pre marital break ups is enough distress and bad testimony ,talk less of finding believers getting married several times in a life time .

We mustn't treat our marriages like Hollywood or Nollywood.

It should be seen to glorify christ .

For example The home and marriage of a Christian minister should be exemplary..

1 Timothy 3:4-5 KJV
[4] One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; [5] (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)

We must be examples to all believers

1 Timothy 4:12 KJV
[12] Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.

That said

Some exceptions do arise .

And we do have Gods word and wisdom for these instances

I have found out several ministers are either at sea on such matters or feigning ignorance or just living in denial

First and foremost marriage is not a life and death sentence .

For example,spouses do die and the living spouse can remarry

1 Timothy 5:14 KJV
[14] I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.

He refers to young widows .

We shall touch this too later

Divorce is a word in the bible .

Deuteronomy 24:1 KJV
[1] When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.

It was even put to Jesus

Matthew 19:7 KJV
[7] They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?

But the term or word is not found after the Four gospels .

It's not our primary way of treating marriages .

But then ,questions have arisen ..on domestic violence ,rape ( yes rape in marriage ), incest ,infidelity ,fraud ,deceit etc

What should be done?

I must firstly submit that cases have their uniqueness and most times we must take each one in its merit.

I firmly believe marital counseling is beyond phone in programs or blogs rather a pastors duty .

Hence its safer for couples to seek counsel from where they receive spiritual oversight

Hebrews 13:17 KJV
[17] Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.

It's safer than reading off some bitter lady or fellow on Facebook Or Twitter .

I believe many marriages can be rescued ,by Gods power I have helped out several and even in cases where divorce had been concluded in the courts .

Gods word and power is the answer

However in some exceptional cases we still have His Word....

( to be continued )

I call you blessed

Jesus is Lord,We win !

By Onayinka Olusegun
Pastor, Saints Community Church, Lagos

bless u sir