My father invited us(the children) to his house and after the drinking and eating, he explained the reason for the gathering which majorly centered on my sister who has just been married for three years and having serious problem with her marriage. After various analysis, my elder brother left me with a speech I kept pondering over. In his words'' Marriage is a beautiful institution created by God but only very few people get the technicalities of this institution right. He went further to explain that in the beginning, God created Adam and gave him a wife (Eve) but the devil almost ruined that beautiful union made by the creator himself by asking Eve to eat the forbidden fruit. Eve ate the fruit and persuaded Adam to eat it and we all know the story. God was angry with them both but the lesson here is that, it was possible for Adam to get annoyed with Eve for allowing him eat the fruit and putting him in the mess which he found himself and that could have led to the end of that union. Why do people who chose to love themselves till death do them part end up been unable to stand each other. After sharing evrything in common just like my sister and her husband. Barely three years they can't stand each other been together. Marriage, why is it so beautiful but difficult to keep? Even in the churches today, divorce rates are getting high. It has left me scared. Why? Can somebody do some explanation on this beautiful institution called Marriage.

Only a few lucky people in this world enjoy marriage

I think more importantly, it has to do with LUCK,  some people meet they're other half with no stress, others fast and pray till thier death and still marry the wrong person or good person from a BAD Family.



Just in case you marry the wrong person, be patient, be tolerant, and remember your children if you do have any, 

If you don't have children, then back ur bags and leave,  Theres no point wasting precious time of your life with another soul who wants to make your life a living hell.

I think african marriages are very unique in many ways. We have unique issues that the average marital counsellor cannot really relate to or have experience with. Also a lot of elderly Africans give very bad advice and in many cases have led to women being slaughtered by their husbands. There is this man called Femi Awodele. I have read some of his books and I suggest that any Nigerian planning to marry should attend his seminars. His teachings are from a Christian African perspective. He and his wife founded christian couple fellowship. I think the website is christiancouplefellowship.org. Even if you do not believe everything he says you can learn a whole lot from him. Attend their singles conventions. I think they just had one or are going to.

The one thing I can tell women is to be conscious about everything about him. The way his family relates with you and how he relates with you when it comes to his family. One of the biggest issues a woman will face in an African marriage is in laws. If your husband can deal with his family then you have no wahala in that area. A man can only pretend for so long. That is why you do not need to rush into marriage. It does not matter if you are 29 years 11 months and 29 days old. Forever is a very long time.

Some people just can't resist the temptation, hence the break ups.

incompatibility simple

People don't get married to live "happily ever after" anymore, it's more of "happily ever now", so it's easy for them to break up.
Only few people respect 'matrimony'.

who know

I am an adamant believer that marriages end not because people don't know the meaning of marriage-but simply don't know the meaning of divorce.

I am a true believer in the die-vorce-the only way to get separated from me when we're already married is if one of us die, ooo-and it won't be me.

Hubby betta sleep wit 1 eye open he want to die-vorce me, hmmph!

Meldrick:

My father invited us(the children) to his house and after the drinking and eating, he explained the reason for the gathering which majorly centered on my sister who has just been married for three years and having serious problem with her marriage. After various analysis, my elder brother left me with a speech I kept pondering over. In his words'' Marriage is a beautiful institution created by God but only very few people get the technicalities of this institution right. He went further to explain that in the beginning, God created Adam and gave him a wife (Eve) but the devil almost ruined that beautiful union made by the creator himself by asking Eve to eat the forbidden fruit. Eve ate the fruit and persuaded Adam to eat it and we all know the story. God was angry with them both but the lesson here is that, it was possible for Adam to get annoyed with Eve for allowing him eat the fruit and putting him in the mess which he found himself and that could have led to the end of that union. Why do people who chose to love themselves till death do them part end up been unable to stand each other. After sharing evrything in common just like my sister and her husband. Barely three years they can't stand each other been together. Marriage, why is it so beautiful but difficult to keep? Even in the churches today, divorce rates are getting high. It has left me scared. Why? Can somebody do some explanation on this beautiful institution called Marriage.

Like I gleened recently, the marriage vows you say/take are only as good as your intention. Some people marry for citizenship, some for money, some for status, some for company, some for parent pressure, some for peer pressure, some for desperation, etc, so why should marriage work considering the fact that prolly only about 15% ^{and i am being generous here} go into it for love with its staying power

posakosa:

Only a few lucky people in this world enjoy marriage

I think more importantly, it has to do with LUCK, some people meet they're other half with no stress, others fast and pray till thier death and still marry the wrong person or good person from a BAD Family.

Indeed, I think I agree with you on this one. It really has to do with luck. Very few people enjoy Marriage but another question I ask , Must everyone really get married? On the other hand, I read the bible and remember God said'' it is not good for the man to be alone''. I also remember that Christianity frowns at divorce but I think it is better to stay out of it than to enter it and get divorced. My only fear(the temptation of sleeping around).

rockhaven:

we go to university for 4years to study a course we may never practice as the case of many medical doctors working in banks.

marriage is meant for a lifetime,why cant we study marriage full time since it affects our life for bad or for worse.be4 u say i do ,can u really says u know ur spouse,the stregths ,the weakness,the frustrations,his or her background,why she reacts to issues as she does,his/her sexual fantasies,her priorities,his/her spiritual /human covenants as some women has already vowed to some men to continue to have sex wit them after marriage.


again it is the case that you met your spouse at a certain stage in his or her evolution and since humans continue to evolve,you must be intelligent enough not to insist your partner should remain at d stage he or she was when you married.
to do that is for you to frustrate him or her.as coples evolves,they love what they used to hate andhate what they used to love.

marriage calls for intelligence,it calls for the need to bond before the wind of chanfges begins to blow in.

lots of women and men will not divorce their spouse cus of extramarital affairs cus bonding has already taken place and nothing again can shake the root of that union.
most divorce occurs betwen those who havent comes to realise and accept the fact that they cant be complete without their spouse.

while we were stil in trespass jesus died for us .he didnt wait for us to repent/

the man or woman you marry is the woman you cant just explain why you love them ,you just do.

if you love her for this reason and evolutions makes that factor unavailable you will certainly love her less.
yes we get attracted by fair complexion,big boobs etc but after 12 months of marriage greater value for which we can die for must be discovered in our spouse or else the big boobs etc factors will not be able to sustain the interest in the spouse'

attraction is one thing and retention is another.attraction is to schooled us into retention but many stays at the stage of attraction .

yes u won him or her by attraction but you must realise you need retain his interest in you.the solution is be creative,be intelligent.be studious.

rev sam adeyemi said he was having struggles wit his wife cus he wants silence but his wife nike wants to talk but one day a guest came and he talked all day with the guest and the wife now said to him
,now i know that you can talk if the topic is your ministry.

maning the struggle was needless if she could have studied the man.ive met so many women who will not bother to find the ailment before dishing out the medicine.

again sex before marriage,if not intelligently handled prevents daters to find out who their lover is.women tends to love the man who make them cum even if he has no character
quite a number of my friends too marry the babe who gave them Mouth Action and rear entry.

love what

But could sex be the ultimate in any marriage? No matter the satisfaction a man or woman derives from his or her partner sexually, that would not prevent a broken home. Hardwork really couts in keeping a home.

many reasons ranging frm marrying wrong partners, marrying 4 wrong reasons, greed, selfishness, pple dont know love is never enough, d baba-infidelity, thinking all married pple r happy in their unions; d list is endless so God help us singles,

People pretend very well nowadays to get settled into a marriage, however, after marriage their true colours start coming through. Normally, one party would try to accommodate these changes, but with time it gets too much to bear and theings suddenly fall apart when the center cannot hold anymore.
That is when u see people airing those burdens they've had to bear and tolerate from the other party, thats when u discover it was bothering them and they were taking it in silence, thats when u see how much you've taken for granted and thats when alot of things start opening up in front of u - sadly, thats when u also realise it is too late.

I really dont think its a compatibility issue, people fall in and out of love because there is no sacrifice

@ lexiwhite
Could we say making sacrifices is the problem here? Can one make sacrifices where there is no love?

I also found out that people (especially those in the corporate world) find it more difficult to get the true love because a lot of artificiality comes to play. These individuals find it difficult to know themselves fully. They just get to see themselves, admire the outward appearance and they end up saying I do, I do.
Those individuals who knew themselves right from their early University days, have come to know if they can have a perfect blend. Some of them co-habit, which is biblically wrong but sincerely they know themselves inside out and when they succeed in graduating and the bond still exist, they have a happier union.
I once dated a girl during my school days. It took the second year for both of us to agree that we were not compatible. We both knew because we were always together almost 24hrs of the day but there was just no blend because we were alwys having problems.
In a nutshell, when people have the time to study themselves (especially whenn there is no money), they get to know if they could spend the rest of their lives together.

i think a few reasons are to blame
- Media - yes ohh, we get drawn into a world of fantasy by the media - how marriage should be etc, so by the time we are wed and it doesnt live up to those preconceptions we are disappointed and frustrated - but then inst every marriage unique? the media makes us wish for things that are FICTION - simply not real - ppl open your eyes

- haste - i know there is pressure on the African woman to get married by a certain age - as time has gone on - the limit has increased and ppl are getting more educated - however there is still the pressure there that you are 30 and not yet married - but all your firends are married with at least 1kid - no be competition my sisters - what is yours is yours

- wrong reasons - marry some one for the right reasons - not because they are rich or handsome etc, because sooner of later the wind will blow and we shall see the anus of the cock - real colours will start coming though and as soon as they dont like what they are in they want out

- incompatibility - it takes more than love to work a marriage - you need to have same beliefs, morals, values - you need to want same things in life and work in same direction TOGETHER - you need to COMPLEMENT each other in ways that make your union stronger.

- Religion - be it Christianity, Islam, Hindu - sharing a similar belief system will see you though the hard times and improve your bond

- lack of understanding - we are all individuals - no body will ever be PERFECT and be just the way you want them to be - just because you disagree does not mean it is doomed to fail - appreciate that your opinions will vary on some issues one person needs to back down, compromise and understand the other person - it needs to work both ways - you both need to give to receive

- unwillingness to try hard - ppl give up before it has even started!! - kids get in, things get a bit complicated and difficult and all of a sudden they cant handle the issue - cant handle the hard work - ppl need to go into marriage things it is probably the hardest and most rewarding thing you will do for a long time - you need to put in effort to reap good benefits with your partner, kids in laws etc,

Seriously, back in the days of our fathers and grandfathers there was no such thing as compatibility but love grew with respect and marriages thrived, today what we have is totally different and the divorce rate is going upwards every minute as a direct result. I'm a very old-fashioned man and believe those things that worked for our folks can work for us even if we adopt some level of the western behaviour.

Sacrifice from both parties in a relationship or marriage will surely help towards that goal, without it, u can as well remain single.

Lexiwhite what is your definition of "thrive". If you say women stayed in marriages regardless of how bad it was then I can agree. If you say the man could marry as many wives as possible and wife one had little or no say about it then I can agree. I believe that most women endured their husbands not enjoyed them. Children was were women focused their attention and simply "got their reward". I don't know about thriving when you consider what marriage means traditionally.

Apart from incompatibility, another sensible issue dat brings abt divorce is low moral values. most parents no longer inculcate morals into there children. They believe dat sending a child 2 an expensive school and giving them whatever money can buy are d basic necessities of life. when a child is brought up with a high moral standard, d child ends up knowing that cheating, being materialistic, unhealthy competition,lying.etc could be a grievous offence; when the child starts 2 abhor these practices, it will help in his future and also go a long way in creating a solid marriage. most pple marry just d outward beauty without really studying there partners xter. Another issue dat leads 2 d increase of divorce cases is d emergence of many fake counsellors all in d name of pastor. Some of them believe dat just because they can preach, they can also counsel on sensitive issue like marriage. they end up misleading pple for there own selfish purposes. Above all, understanding goes a long way in building a home.

Divorce rate will increase pretty soon in Nig the way things are going. Girls seem to be marrying really young nowadays in Nig. I know people will argue with me that age is not a factor but i sincerely beg to differ. A friend of mine got married recently (22yrs) for whatever reason i didn't bother to ask her sha, but i just kept asking myself Why she'll be married at that age and stage in her life when she's suppose to be serving. Oh, she couldn't invite some people because there was no time as well, which got me wondering what circumstance(s) has brought on this marriage? Spoke to her sometime ago, just a few weeks after the wedding and when I asked after the lucky man I was expecting some excitement, I got zero on that one.
Personally at this age I believe she should be trying to realise who she really is and what she want from her life, the type of home she'll like to have and how to make that home. Been wondering if she even realise or know what it takes to SUPPORT A MAN and be the best you can.
I personally know the type of person I am, I'm a bit of little miss perfect and since i don't know what relationship with the opposite sex is all about, I've never tried it, and the same will apply to my married life. As long as I search through myself very well and know I'm not ready, I'm not ready.
Me think people do the marriage thing nowadays without even knowing who they are and what they want out of that marriage
people should start drawing out their priorities and things may get a bi8t easier.
Very sad.

If both parties enters into marriage with the intension what can I get from this marriage they are bound to fail but with the good intension what can I do to make this marriage work then they are bound to succeed. Again marriage fail b/c people expect too much from the other person without adjusting their mind

rubi
how fa na
longest tyme rubbie
wher u com

Lexiwhite:

Seriously, back in the days of our fathers and grandfathers there was no such thing as compatibility but love grew with respect and marriages thrived, today what we have is totally different and the divorce rate is going upwards every minute as a direct result. I'm a very old-fashioned man and believe those things that worked for our folks can work for us even if we adopt some level of the western behaviour.

Sacrifice from both parties in a relationship or marriage will surely help towards that goal, without it, u can as well remain single.

my mom who is trying to pressure me into marriage thinks that I should marry an ugly-looking person because they will be nice and over time ill will turn to like them,

Me im thinking HELL NO, if Im not attracted from day one, i dont have the time or patience to develop feelings its annoying and too stressful.

posakosa:

my mom who is trying to pressure me into marriage thinks that I should marry an ugly-looking person because they will be nice and over time ill will turn to like them,

Me im thinking HELL NO, if Im not attracted from day one, i dont have the time or patience to develop feelings its annoying and too stressful.

This is part of the reasons for the many break-ups in Africa. At this age and time why will one be pressurised into getting married. Our problem in Africa is that we consider age and that's why we hear people complaining, Age is no longer on our side. The parents start putting pressure and he/she is bound to marry anybody that comes his/her way and the inevitable occurs.

Like someone said above,,,most people get married for the very wrong reason,,,Until we come to understand that no man or any woman is particular meant for any man or any woman,,,then this would continue,,,Some years ago,,Festus Keyamu raised an alarm about the increasing rate of divorce in Naija.
 In marriage decision,,we must not pity anybody,,someetimes last year,,a University lecturer in the Niger Delta decided to get married to a village girl who he felt or thought was not exposed like the girls in his school,,,do you know what happened to him?? he was eventually killed by that same girl in a brawl between both of them,,,,,
 If you find in the course of ur dating or courting something is not right,,,common back off from such relationship,,,,U would then understand that a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage,,,

chaircover:

If Gods word about marriage and love is diligently applied, there will be no divorce.

Even Pastors in naija gets Divorce,,,so how do you reconcile that??There was a particular lady(check the romance thread) who got married and wedded in churches three times within a year,,,and two of these men were Pastors,,,,
The answer is that most people get married for the wrong reasons

Marriage itself is a mystery. I don't have much to say concerning this thread, but I know true love exists and some marriages stand the test of time. The problem is that too many people are marrying for selfish purposes these days. A good number of guys and ladies dont want to share in the task of building a solid union. Also, I think if someone undestands his or her partner and loves the way God has created him or her [ I'm not talking about cheaters here o ], there will be less divorces. Cheers.

Marriage is a great union,dat has many attributes,rules and regulation which need to abide too.Som jump into marriage at the end also jump out,som keep their deeds during relationship en after marriage crisis start,som get married to whom they are not suppose to because of ethnic,religoin,tribalism at the end havoc start,som get married to themselves whereas they know they are not compactible,som get married to themselves all in the name of money,position,wealth, personalties wen all this are over confusion start.people just make mistake intentionally en at the end blaming GOD that they prayed about it not knowing that heaven help those who help themselves.i rest my case.

Devil, he's just behind all evil things.

lack of understanding, love and tolerance and regards the wife may be lack of submission.
for guys may be too much pride and ego, comparing this with that.

its only God that can build and still sustain (He's our great firm foundation at all times)

Many broken home today are caused by lack of understanding , no love,in patience and lacking the word of God.But i thing the end time is now knocking at the door,my dear reader let us pray hard.