Na wah for people sef. please lets first seek the face of God before going into marriage. Lets be less deperate and be more focused age is nothing but number.

If Gods word about marriage and love is diligently applied, there will be no divorce.

REAL TRUTH:

Even Pastors in naija gets Divorce,,,so how do you reconcile that??

See there. That is the problem. You equate pastors with God.  No wonder millions fall by the roadside.

Before one gets married - it is important to ask a simple question - Why am I doing this?
Most times, the answers are very selfish. Hence, little wonder that the marriages fail or the people involved will just keep enduring it to the end.
Marriage should be based on God's laws but we are a very intelligent and brilliant generation with no need for God. We thus have our own ideas and no need for the ultimate pre-requisite laid down by our creator who obviously knows more than us. I will share some things he wants:

1. Maturity: He expects both parties to be matured not just in age but in character. He expects the man to be able to lead his house spiritually. He also expects the woman to be a leader too. If a man and woman are not ready to provide leadership in their house, they have no business considering marriage. When a man is spiritually matured, his woman respects him more , same vice versa.

2. Chastity: You cannot just become chaste or faithful after getting married. Infidelity is a leading cause of bad marriages and divorce in our world. A guy who slept with you while dating might be sleeping with another woman too but found you to be the best. Being married to you then doesn't mean he is gonna stop. Wake up from your dreams. The bible was explicit saying that - marriage is honorable and the bed undefiled. Some say how can one have experience if you don't try it before. Contrary to your opinion; having experience actually destroys your marriage more - that is when you can compare and contrast. And you start one day, even if it is after marriage - it doesnt mean you will not be able to become a master lover.

3. Finances: This is a big issue. Money matters a lot but not how much you have but in how both of you can relate with money.
You have to be on the same page regarding money and be sincere from the beginning. The way your partner handles money when you are dating should be watched.

4. The decision to be happy: Some people just don't want to be happy! That is the truth. For me, I made a decision that I want to be happy in my marriage and it is a driving point for me. The decision to be happy can only work if you make the other person happy. So I decided I will make my wife and kids happy so I can be happy too. I also begged my wife before we married to have the same mentality. We decided that if we have any differences; we must settle it immediately and don't keep malice. That works a lot as there will always be issues but keeping them under the pillow is the problem.

5. Praying and doing other good things together: Our God cannot be mocked. If you and your partner are spiritual soul mates; it is easy for you. Before you mess up, you will remember how highly he/she holds you and have a rethink. Also, it will be hard for you to keep praying together when you are having problems so you will be forced to say your grievances out.

6. A good sex life: It should be in number one actually
Believe me, your sex life will have issues mostly due to past baggage. I mentioned earlier that some people think the more you did b4 getting married, the better. Foul! The key is in being open to each other and telling your partner what you want without being ashamed. There is no harm in learning together. There are materials (Not Porn) that helps if you need one otherwise, nature takes it course.

7. Family and Friends: The men are the worst culprit in this regards. You must have the necessary level of maturity to protect your wife. She must not be caught in a cross fire in your family. Also wives - be careful about how you expose your husband to your friends and family. Keep it inside.
Your matters are best resolved in-house.

Some atheist have beautiful marriages. We cannot assume seeking God will lead to a perfect marriage. Whether both parties are pastors, if they don't endure, practice patience and understanding and if there is no love and compatibility, i'm afraid the marriage won't work.
I think what we need to ask God to help us with is knowing who is right for us. Making the marriage work is soley our responsibility.

Marrriage is God institution for fullfiling his purpose on earth.it is far more than what we as human being  assumed it to be.
Am not yet married, but from my long years of been a student of the Bible i can present some point which are i believe will help any body for suceessful marriage life.

Let start from here:

Most pple dont prepare for marriage emotionally,mentally and wholesomely

Faulty Preparation for marriage thru wrong choice of partner

Down earth kind of decision at home

Wrong ideas of marriage and sex

Poor view of family life in terms of husband and wife stuff

Inadequate knowledge of each other ability, temperament, and past life

unrealistic demand on each other can forfelt a good marriage

Other pples option in runing a family life

Unfaithfulness in finances,word,and sex life


if want nto learn more about my write ups on life and sex, marriage and so on
discover this at my blog
[url][/url]www.heartbeatlfe..com

kokoye:

If Gods word about marriage and love is diligently applied, there will be no divorce.


See there. That is the problem. You equate pastors with God.  No wonder millions fall by the roadside.

I would be the last person to equate God's word with any Pastor,,left to me,,I have very little or no regards for Nigerian Pastors! Now, You might just also need to know that since the failure of God's trust and relationship with man was brokerred by Adam, where he accussed God of given him a wife that made him disobeyed God,,God has given up on man when it comes to choosing a wife,,,,
 In that vein,,,if U study ur Bible very well,,,Paul said in 1st Cor,,,Let every man or woman go and look for their wives or husbands as the case may be,,,If you base ur decision on God,,,without using the Head or brain God you,,,don't blame God if ur marriage eventually failed to work,,,it is simply because U failed 2 use ur head at the appropriate time when making ur life commitment

//

Most of you women marry for the wrongest of reasons. You cant say u did not know ur man b4 u married him; U did, but no, u must marry cos others are getting married and u will change him too.

Rubbish!

Well, if they let me, there shall be no divorce ever in this world. When you dig ur grave, U should honourably lie in it and not expect u can cover it up and run off to go dig another one with another man

And for the pastors that engage divorce and remarry, I am not to judge but I expect them to be punished cos u are doing the exact opposite of what the institution preaches.

That means they cant even read that part of the Bible to any congregation

Marriages fail because of lack of marriage ingredients.

1. Lack of Tolerance. Inability to tolerate your spouse shortcomings/mistakes
2. Selfishness. Both partner always wanting to please oneself. True marriage anchors on ability to displease yourself just only to please your partner.
3. Superiority Contest. The man always wants to prove the King of the house while the woman also wants her queenship always.
4. Divorce option. When you believe that afterall you can part ways with your partner, you tend to put less effort in trying to keep your marriage.
ETC

Marriage is more or less a live contract before you go into it, you must cross check your documentation very well and when the contract has been signed and sealed you just hve to manage it or else you will be concided as a failure

gentlegg:

4. Divorce option. When you believe that afterall you can part ways with your partner, you tend to put less effort in trying to keep your marriage.
ETC

i completely agree with the above - most ppl treat it as some sort of trial and error thing - thinking aftre all if t doesnt work out - i am not jailed there i can leave!! so the least uncomfortable thing - they leave

where as if you knew that you could not leave - you would do your best to make your stay in matrimony as happy as can be

If want your marriage to last, let her occupy herself with making him happy whjle he occupies himself with making her happy.

Leave your happiness to your spouse and  seek your spouse's happiness.

That is the simple rule. Avoid selfishness. Adopt selflessness.

There is more to these few lines though.

And for my christian friends, always remember that marriage is about 98% carnal. The spiritual content of marriage is important but you have to know it is a acarnal affair in most part.

and pls be mature before u get into it! and no, I am not talking about age maturity.

Not Sure what to make of this thread.
What a question!!
U must be a kid

who is this one?

Break-ups are after-effects of insincerity and selfishness. Most people lack absolute commitment and look for something
else while they are fully married. Uncaring attitudes, adultery and envy (yes, spouses envy each other) are killers of
matrimony.

hackney:

Not Sure what to make of this thread.
What a question!!
U must be a kid

People like u who claim to be adults in the game and prove to know everything about marriages end up hitting the rock. May thay not be your portion. Say AMEN

luxoire:

i completely agree with the above - most ppl treat it as some sort of trial and error thing - thinking aftre all if t doesnt work out - i am not jailed there i can leave!! so the least uncomfortable thing - they leave

where as if you knew that you could not leave - you would do your best to make your stay in matrimony as happy as can be

This is part of what civilization or copying the so-called western culture has caused. Ladies nowadays feel so comfortable been single parents and they see no big deal about it. They feel free walking in and out of any marriage the way they like. No xtra commitment.

marriage is not all about managing compactibility but managing imcompactibility, guess u know what that means?

@ poster
what kind of question is this?

To all Nigerians out there, a sucessful marriage often times has nothing to do with religion. Most conversations I have with Nigerians they more than always want to involve religion when discussing issues related to marriage. As someone has stated previously, there are some atheists out there with successful marriages.

Any kind of success in this world, has to do with self.

BABE!:

@ poster
what kind of question is this?

what do u guys see wrong in the question. . . . I am sure y'all aint married

Many are the factors that can lead to break up in marriage,
these includes but not limited to the followings:
1. Absence of patience
2. Inability to tolerate other party
3.Lack of openness between the couple
4. Lack of proper communication cannot be ignored when discussing issue that
led to break up in marriage.
5.Greediness on the part of one of the couple
6.Family background is anothe issue
7. Money also contributed to this menace!

The above points can be elucidated further but time will
fail me to do that.

REAL TRUTH:

  Even Pastors in naija gets Divorce,,,so how do you reconcile that??There was a particular lady(check the romance thread) who got married and wedded in churches three times within a year,,,and two of these men were Pastors,,,,
The answer is that most people get married for the wrong reasons

Just becuase someone is a pastor does not mean that he/she upholds bible principles. Just my two cents!

@POSTER: we all have to be selfless for our marriages to work but many of us love ourselves better than anything/anyone else!

Meldrick:

People like u who claim to be adults in the game and prove to know everything about marriages end up hitting the rock. May thay not be your portion. Say AMENThis is part of what civilization or copying the so-called western culture has caused. Ladies nowadays feel so comfortable been single parents and they see no big deal about it. They feel free walking in and out of any marriage the way they like. No xtra commitment.

what about men who starts affairs and even walks out on their marriages? this not a matter of women seeing single parenting as casual.

posakosa:

To all Nigerians out there, a sucessful marriage often times has nothing to do with religion.  Most conversations I have with Nigerians they more than always want to involve religion when discussing issues related to marriage. As someone has stated previously, there are some atheists out there with successful marriages.

Any kind of success in this world, has to do with self.

Agreed! but ONESELF almost always involves religion. I cannot count my weekly activities or even my thoughts without including God in it. I practice christianity. and what I do, is who I am!

by august my marriage will be a year so i'm writing from my personal point of view. to be candid marriage is not all that bed of roses. it is full of challenges.
firstly, it is about marrying the right person with the right attitude to life. both must be willing to sacrifice and be ready as a man to overlook issues and to voice out when the pressure is much and be ready to make a common ground. these are not all that easy. and with prayer and resolution to make ur marriage an everlasting things will fall in place.

When reality finally dawns on the couple.

breakups are mainly based on
insincerity,
immaturiy,
diff aspirations and goals,
a whole lot of things.
thers no definate reason for breakups, just be prepared cos marriage is the only institution with no definite syllabus.

Love is the greatest ingredient of any human relationship including marriage. Although many have said its not enough, I believe it is, as long it is not one-sided.

selfishness is the word man is always seeking after self.

Until the full meaning of "for better for worse" starts sinking into people marriages will keep breaking.