im married since 1 1/2years, but i met another guy and i fell in love with this guy, deeply in love.
since some months i already noticed some problems i have in my marriage,but i guess that my husband dont realize,that this marriage isnt the same like in the beginnin.
i told him several times what is makin me unhappy and that he changed,but until now nothin changed from his side.
we have 2 children together but most of the time im takin care of them alone, on some days he doesnt even see me or the children cuz hes always out with friends,hangin around or tryin to make money.

so i met this other guy, and we started with a friendship and now i get feelings for him, what should i do?, i have the thinkin if i didnt have any problems in my marriage i wouldnt even let any other man to enter my heart,

im confused, maybe u people can help me.if u got any other questions, just ask,

can anybody help me to shift it to "romance" instead of "family"?

Falling "deeply" in love with one man when you're married to another will not help the crisis rocking your marriage. Whatever advice anyone gives you now will not do much good as you've already made a major decision for yourself - allowing another man into your heart. But bear this in mind, the devil you know is better than the angel you don't know. When you first met the man you're married to, wasn't he as loving and caring as your new man? So what happens if your new man changes too? Will you fall in love with another man?

Instead of taking such step why not take time to consider the factors that could have made your man change so soon. Be sincere. Look inwards. Look around. Did he ever complain to you about anything? Have you done everything you can to make the home conducive and yourself irresistible to him?

No one ever said marriage is easy. you face your challenges head on and work on it not forgetting prayers. cheating will never make anything right for you and you got kids too girllllllllllllll. look make dem nor catch you oh

Berit:

can anybody help me to shift it to "romance" instead of "family"?

Its alright here,no need to move it.
@Topic,U have to make ur marriage work.I think the communication lines btw u and ur hubby is broken.is his work so time demanding?are u working too?have he ever invited u to hang out with him or have u ever asked him?
First off,cut of the relationship with this guy cos it wont do u no good.
Talk with ur hubby in love,let him know that u and the kids miss him badly.
How is the sex life?make it intresting,spice things up,intitate it and make him long for u and have something to run home to.
Let him understand money is good but his presence with his kids matters too.when hes back from work,do u ask abt his day?If no,do so.
If he drinks,get whatever he drinks at home,after dinner,suprise him with one bottle,get glasses,sit,chat and drink with him.
goodluck dear.

he never ask me to come with him, he wanna stay outside alone, i already told him several times that im not happy and i feel lonley, like a single mother and that when hes off from work that i would appreciate that hell stay at home and spen time with his family and not goin out every day, im doin so many things for him, cookin, showin my love, but, even before i met the new guy, i was already thinkin that i cant live like that anymore, a lot of people already asked if im still married,cuz they never see me and my husband together anymore for such a long time,
no, his work isnt takin so much time, most of the time hes workin in the afternoon til night, but im always stayin awake until hs comin back, even when its 12 or 1am, and then his food is ready, and im talkin to him, so, and instead of stayin in the mornin at home, hes alwys findin anything else doin,
the sex life*lol* theres no sex life for long time, im tryin so many things to make him to feel makin love but, no, then when hes around in the evenin, and we could have time together and im showin him waht i want, he stop and tell me "sorry i gotta go out and make a call", or"sorry i gotta check somethin in my car" and all those things will take up to 2-3hours, in between im callin him to ask what hes doin and that im alone here, but hes tellin me "i almost finish, i can go to bed if i want",

and the new guy, hes givin me so much love that i need in my marriage, and in the beginnin of my marriage, usually i never wanted to marry, so i married cuz my husband want, and he was never really carin but he tried and since some months hes not even tryin anymore, and im the one that is just tryin and talkin and doin, and i already ask my husband y he married and y he got children when hes not even spendin time with us, then hes always tellin me that hes not a prisoner and he can do anything he want, and in my own sight, its not like that, the way he behave is just like hes a single man, and i told him that, but he dont care.

Is it possible that your husband is cheating on you?

i dont know, i also already asked him direct if he got someone else and then hes gettin angry and tellin me y i start with a topic like that and he dont have anybody else, and when hes going out hes "just" meetin friends,

Berit:

i dont know, i also already asked him direct if he got someone else and then hes gettin angry and tellin me y i start with a topic like that and he dont have anybody else, and when hes going out hes "just" meetin friends,

Do you feel like he's cheating on you because I heard that if your gut tells you your man is cheating on you, then chances are he is.

u mean the new guy?if hes tellin me that my man might be cheatin?u mean that?if yes, no, the new guy never mentioned like that,

Berit:

u mean the new guy?if hes tellin me that my man might be cheatin?u mean that?if yes, no, the new guy never mentioned like that,

Wait does your new man know about your husband? And no I wasn't talking about the new guy, I was asking do you feel yourself that your husband is cheating on you thus the reason he is acting that way?

somehow im feelin that hes doin somethin else outside than "just" meetin friends, but i dont have any evidence
yes, the new guy know about my husband, he know about him from the beginnin, but in the beginnin we were just normal friends and then we started to develope feelings for eachother,

ha poor you. You married an irresponsible fellow.

Berit, despite all that's happening, do you still love your man? If yes, there is hope. If no, then forget it. Nothing will work if love is lost. NOTHING. Even if someone tells you practical principles that would help revive your relationship, it's the love you have for the man and the relationship that'll help you to doggedly apply the principles until the result is achieved. Where there is no will, there can be no way.

And this friend of yours, he seems dubious to me. He should be helping to rebuild your marriage instead of capitalising on the crisis to worm his way into your heart. He is a serious distraction that will definitely hamper any improvement you wish to see in your relationship with your husband. Well, that is if you really want any improvement because from the look of things, your heart is now with the intruder.

Has your husband always been this way even before marriage. how could he have suddenly changed? Are you both Germans? i am asking because if he is another national he may want to spend more time with his guys from his place and all that sort of thing.(although this is no excuse) From your story it would appear he is almost avoiding you

his work isnt takin so much time, most of the time hes workin in the afternoon til night, but im always stayin awake until hs comin back, even when its 12 or 1am, and then his food is ready, and im talkin to him, so, and instead of stayin in the mornin at home, hes alwys findin anything else doin,
the sex life*lol* theres no sex life for long time, im tryin so many things to make him to feel makin love but, no, then when hes around in the evenin, and we could have time together and im showin him waht i want, he stop and tell me "sorry i gotta go out and make a call", or"sorry i gotta check somethin in my car" and all those things will take up to 2-3hours, in between im callin him to ask what hes doin and that im alone here, but hes tellin me "i almost finish, i can go to bed if i want",

that sounds like someone trying to avoid you dear. m so sorry is it not possible to find out why he is acting this way. there could lie the answer to this problem. Dont cheat , please dont give him reason to turn it all on you when the problems start and trust me, once you start cheating the problem will multiply. try to solve this one first. Whats his relationship with the kids like?

hes nigerian,im german, im very tolerant, i aaccept lots of things, and i dont got problem when hes going out,but not almost every day and til night,

well, the relationship with the kids, when hes around, hes not really doin anything, just when im askin him to take them quickly so i can rest, but thats it, sometimes hes takin the older one outside to walk around, but just when hes in the mood,

well, i love my husband cuz hes the father of my children, so, and i just got the feelin although we are married im alone,

im tryin to keep this marriage for long time, for how many months/years i should try?im already tryin,

Well, Berit, from your latest information, I think there might be another angle to the the story. Could this man have used you to get some special privileges that wouldn't have accrued to him, if he was not married to a German? Do you suspect any such thing?

Well, Berit, from your latest information, I think there might be another angle to the the strory.[b] Could this man have used you to get some special privileges that wouldn't have accrued to him, if he was not married to a German? [/b]Do you suspect any such thing?

God bless you

well, u mean the papers stuff?, when i met him he had no papers, but he got the papers through our first child, and he married me almost 1 year later after his papers.

That should be the case. Opportunism. I suggest you try, one last time, to have a polite discussion with him. If he responds in his typical irresponsible way, then let him know that you know what he's up to and you're not forcing him to stay in the relationship. It's one thing for someone to be a gold-digger, but it's another for him to be immature about it. If he's got what he wanted and is no more interested in the relationship why not admit it, instead of toying with someone's feelings?

Have a frank talk with him and be ready to take a decisive step if he keeps acting thoughtlessly. You deserve a better treatment.

berit my sis is not good to sleep around while you still bearing his name is a sin against God and against human nature.work it out with him. maybe there is somethings you do that irritate him try to ask,before jumping into another relationship ok as you do so God will revive your marriade take care.

The matter has come to a tidy conclusion
this man has gotten what he wanted in the first place
i wonder why he married her when he already got the papers maybe he felt he owed her something in return
i wish to God he would come out straight with you and say what's on his mind
to end the misery currently being suffered so you may move on with your life and meet someone more deserving
i can only imagine
i believe in the sanctity of marriage and making marriage work
but to continue in a loveless marriage where the man's intention were perhaps never right is pure tortue
i only got one life to live and it deserves to be spent happily

No matter the decision you make resolve your issues with him first, dont cheat on him(I'd never support adultery)

Berit:

im married since 1 1/2years, but i met another guy and i fell in love with this guy, deeply in love.
since some months i already noticed some problems i have in my marriage,but i guess that my husband dont realize,that this marriage isnt the same like in the beginnin.
i told him several times what is makin me unhappy and that he changed,but until now nothin changed from his side.
we have 2 children together but most of the time im takin care of them alone, on some days he doesnt even see me or the children cuz hes always out with friends,hangin around or tryin to make money.

so i met this other guy, and we started with a friendship and now i get feelings for him, what should i do?, i have the thinkin if i didnt have any problems in my marriage i wouldnt even let any other man to enter my heart,

im confused, maybe u people can help me.if u got any other questions, just ask,

You sound like you still love him spicy yourself and be good looking don't complain too much and don't nag. Try and be confident it attracts men

Talk to your husband and follow your heart.
But be sure that it is not a mirage.

No adultery

ill try to talk to him this week again, although i know he wont listen to me(like hes doin since months), but what am i doin with the other guy?, im really in love with this guy, and i cant imagine just to let him go like that,

There's a very big and pertinent question that you have not answered and that is:

Why did you chose to marry your husband out of all other men?

I was recently at a catholic wedding and somewhere along the line the man of God asked the bridegroom, why he chose the bride of all women to be his wife.

His question to the questions was stupidly baffling because I was no good reason that suggests the uniqueness of the bride.

The bride was also asked the same questions and her answer was a bundle of emptiness.

And whenever the issue of marriage or marriage problem like this is brought up I have always find it hard to disassociate the many squ.abbles and wahala I see in marriages from an inability to answer the above question clearly

Berit:

ill try to talk to him this week again, although i know he wont listen to me(like hes doin since months), but what am i doin with the other guy?, im really in love with this guy, [size=18pt]and i cant imagine just to let him go like that,[/size]

So what do you plan to do and when will u be ready and willing to let him go.

She could have married him out of love. But, from the look of things, he obviously had other motives.

Berit, go ahead with the talk. But think deeply about whatever steps you take after that, and the possible implications. If you decide to go with the new man at the end of the day, your ex might think you and the guy had been cheating on him right from the beginning. So, think and, pray, and decide

Berit:

he never ask me to come with him, he wanna stay outside alone, i already told him several times that im not happy and i feel lonley, like a single mother and that when hes off from work that i would appreciate that hell stay at home and spen time with his family and not goin out every day, im doin so many things for him, cookin, showin my love, but, even before i met the new guy, i was already thinkin that i cant live like that anymore, a lot of people already asked if im still married,cuz they never see me and my husband together anymore for such a long time,
no, his work isnt takin so much time, most of the time hes workin in the afternoon til night, but im always stayin awake until hs comin back, even when its 12 or 1am, and then his food is ready, and im talkin to him, so, and instead of stayin in the mornin at home, hes alwys findin anything else doin,
the sex life*lol* theres no sex life for long time, im tryin so many things to make him to feel makin love but, no, then when hes around in the evenin, and we could have time together and im showin him waht i want, he stop and tell me "sorry i gotta go out and make a call", or"sorry i gotta check somethin in my car" and all those things will take up to 2-3hours, in between im callin him to ask what hes doin and that im alone here, but hes tellin me "i almost finish, i can go to bed if i want",

and the new guy, hes givin me so much love that i need in my marriage, and in the beginnin of my marriage, usually i never wanted to marry, so i married cuz my husband want, and he was never really carin but he tried and since some months hes not even tryin anymore, and im the one that is just tryin and talkin and doin, and i already ask my husband y he married and y he got children when hes not even spendin time with us, then hes always tellin me that hes not a prisoner and he can do anything he want, and in my own sight, its not like that, the way he behave is just like hes a single man, and i told him that, but he dont care.

If everything u have said is true then i can safely say that the guy is not intrested in the marriage.
Are u gainfully employed?
call him and talk with him again over the state of affairs in the marriage.I just hope he wud be honest with u,if hes not intrested again,he shld let u go rather than keeping u in pains and emotional misery.Too bad u met the wrong one.
U sound very patient,can u give him some more time,for the sake of ur kids.

well, everything i wrote down here is the truth, no reason to lie,

to be honest, i never wanted to marry, when i was small ive seen the "marriage" of my own parents and that was horrible, so, i said i never wanted to marry, and i dont really know y i married, its like cuz he wanted so i wanted to make him happy and by that time we already had one child together, maybe he also put me under pressure,but i didnt realize,

its not that easy to let the other guy go, cuz hes givin me what im missin for such a long time and some things i never had in this marriage,

im tryin, im talkin, to my husband, and i just dont know, ill try it again this time around, and i mean, our children on some days they dont even see their father, cuz hes also travellin on some weekends, to "make money", so, im also alone at least on 2 weekends in a month, and ill get maybe one call from him durin that time, for 5mins,

i mean, maybe all his "excuses" and "resons" hes givin to me, might be the truth, but sometimes it sounds weird.

Hi Berit, If ur hubby is still takin calls outside, stayin out till all hours, not coming home, it sounds like he is involved with some-one else. I went through this with my ex but thankfully i wasnt married & i could walk away. This second guy you say you are in love with ask him to stay away as you need to sort your marriage out, you have too much going on to think clearly. Ask your husband to go to marriage guidance with you to see if you can resolve the issues within the marriage. But dont get involved with the second guy as you will further complicate life for all who is involved. Hope it works out for you.