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Dating While Separated - Family - Nairaland

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Dating While Separated by ariyike23(f): 12:59pm On Jan 19, 2016
Hello NLs,i am new to Nl,please i will like to know your opinion on this.its about my friend,she is 25 now,she is married with a kid,but seperated from her husband for 2 years now due to domestic violence.They have no reason to come back together because they have both moved on,they are working on getting divorce,Recently,she met a guy,they started out as friends,but are now dating.please is it right for her to do this? Guys,can u date a woman who is seperated from her husband and waiting to get divorced?
Re: Dating While Separated by Hadassahisbae(f): 1:21pm On Jan 19, 2016
[quote author=ariyike23 post=42123693]Hello NLs,i am new to Nl,please i will like to know your opinion on this.its about my friend,she is 25 now,she is married with a kid,but seperated from her husband for 2 years now due to domestic violence.They have no reason to come back together because they have both moved on,they are working on getting divorce,Recently,she met a guy,they started out as friends,but are now dating.please is it right for her to do this? Guys,can u date a woman who is seperated from her husband and waiting to get divorced?[/quote
are u sure you are not d one dat want to date her?
Re: Dating While Separated by Hadassahisbae(f): 1:21pm On Jan 19, 2016
[quote author=ariyike23 post=42123693]Hello NLs,i am new to Nl,please i will like to know your opinion on this.its about my friend,she is 25 now,she is married with a kid,but seperated from her husband for 2 years now due to domestic violence.They have no reason to come back together because they have both moved on,they are working on getting divorce,Recently,she met a guy,they started out as friends,but are now dating.please is it right for her to do this? Guys,can u date a woman who is seperated from her husband and waiting to get divorced?[/quote
are u sure you are not d one?
Re: Dating While Separated by Hadassahisbae(f): 1:23pm On Jan 19, 2016
Hello NLs,i am new to Nl,please i will like to know your opinion on this.its about my friend,she is 25 now,she is married with a kid,but seperated from her husband for 2 years now due to domestic violence.They have no reason to come back together because they have both moved on,they are working on getting divorce,Recently,she met a guy,they started out as friends,but are now dating.please is it right for her to do this? Guys,can u date a woman who is seperated from her husband and waiting to get divorced? are u sure you are not the one?
Re: Dating While Separated by ariyike23(f): 2:04pm On Jan 19, 2016
[quote author=Hadassahisbae post=42124299][/quote]

lol,babe im female ooo...date ke,21 years imprisonment niyen naw
Re: Dating While Separated by RiloKiley: 4:44pm On Jan 19, 2016
Nothing wrong with it when both partners are open. The woman should let the man know her current situation with the husband. If he sees no qualms with it he can continue. Of course they can't get married until the woman is legally divorced from her husband.

4 Likes

Re: Dating While Separated by raumdeuter: 5:32pm On Jan 19, 2016
Why not. I bet the husband too is actively dating so why cant she?

Dont you know she needs to keep body warm

5 Likes

Re: Dating While Separated by Graceland1(f): 5:44pm On Jan 19, 2016
Hmmm
Re: Dating While Separated by tpiar: 5:58pm On Jan 19, 2016
ariyike23:
Hello NLs,i am new to Nl,please i will like to know your opinion on this.its about my friend,she is 25 now,she is married with a kid,but seperated from her husband for 2 years now due to domestic violence.They have no reason to come back together because they have both moved on,they are working on getting divorce,Recently,she met a guy,they started out as friends,but are now dating.please is it right for her to do this? Guys,can u date a woman who is seperated from her husband and waiting to get divorced?

how many guys are you asking?

It's up to the guy involved, not every guy out there.

The guy na nairalander ni?
Re: Dating While Separated by belamour(m): 6:30pm On Jan 23, 2016
You re only separated not Divorced.... I can't date such lady.
Re: Dating While Separated by Nobody: 3:48pm On Feb 15, 2016
I think it's illegal
Re: Dating While Separated by Tolatutu: 6:01pm On Feb 15, 2016
Divorces can sometimes take years so as long as she's upfront withe the person she's seeing i don't see why not especially since the husband has also moved on. If she doesn't start dating how will she meet someone and re-marry?

3 Likes

Re: Dating While Separated by Tolatutu: 6:02pm On Feb 15, 2016
STFUareyouGod:
I think it's illegal

illegal in what way? in most parts of Nigeria adultery sef is not illegal talkless of someone who's mutually separated

2 Likes

Re: Dating While Separated by Nobody: 6:23pm On Feb 15, 2016
Tolatutu:


illegal in what way? in most parts of Nigeria adultery sef is not illegal talkless of someone who's mutually separated
They were married, they have the law binding them. So they should be legally divorced in court of law. Got it?
Re: Dating While Separated by Tolatutu: 6:26pm On Feb 15, 2016
STFUareyouGod:
They were married, they have the law binding them. So they should be legally divorced in court of law. Got it?

What i'm telling you is even if you term it adultery, except in some parts of the North that use the penal code Adultery is not illegal so there is nothing illegal about her action. You can have the law legally binding you but no one can stop you from dating or sleeping with whoever on the side. It will only be illegal if she tries to marry this person while still married to her husband. Got it

You can say morally its controversial but its not illegal.

3 Likes

Re: Dating While Separated by Nobody: 6:41pm On Feb 15, 2016
Tolatutu:


What i'm telling you is even if you term it adultery, except in some parts of the North that use the penal code Adultery is not illegal so there is nothing illegal about her action. You can have the law legally binding you but no one can stop you from dating or sleeping with whoever on the side. It will only be illegal if she tries to marry this person while still married to her husband. Got it

You can say morally its controversial but its not illegal.
That's exactly where she's heading; marriage. It's obvious. That's why she's asking for advice
Re: Dating While Separated by Tolatutu: 6:47pm On Feb 15, 2016
STFUareyouGod:
That's exactly where she's heading; marriage. It's obvious. That's why she's asking for advice

I'am sure the plan is to keep dating while she finalizes the divorce. The Op's question was about her friend dating while separated, of course everyone knows its illegal to get married while legally married to someone else. The OP's point is should her friend wait till she's officially divorced before she starts dating or is it okay to start dating now and legally there's nothing wrong with her dating now.They've been separated for 2years and i'am sure the divorce will soon be through

4 Likes

Re: Dating While Separated by Nobody: 6:55pm On Feb 15, 2016
Tolatutu:


I'am sure the plan is to keep dating while she finalizes the divorce. The Op's question was about her friend dating while separated, of course everyone knows its illegal to get married while legally married to someone else. The OP's point is should her friend wait till she's officially divorced before she starts dating or is it okay to start dating now and legally there's nothing wrong with her dating now.They've been separated for 2years and i'am sure the divorce will soon be through
why not file for divorce now? So she can fully be free and go into whichever type of relationship she wants to?

Well, if I'll give an advice, I'll advise her to get the divorce sorted before going into whatever she plans to go with the new dude
Re: Dating While Separated by Tolatutu: 7:05pm On Feb 15, 2016
STFUareyouGod:
why not file for divorce now? So she can fully be free and go into whichever type of relationship she wants to?

Well, if I'll give an advice, I'll advise her to get the divorce sorted before going into whatever she plans to go with the new dude

The OP said she and the husband have filled for divorce and they are waiting for it to go through. Sometimes divorces take time. That's fine that's your advice, i was just saying its not illegal. I've had friends go through divorces and sometimes they drag on which is why i understand her wanting to start dating, it's already been 2 years and the husband is already dating. If she's met someome she thinks is right for her, i don't blame her for giving it a shot.

@OP, just advise your friend to take her time while dating so she doesn't rush into anything. Since she can't re-marry now it may be good sef since it will allow her time to truly get to know the guy. This time she should pay attention to any red flags without getting paranoid. All the best to her

3 Likes

Re: Dating While Separated by Dyt(f): 12:35pm On Feb 16, 2016
raumdeuter:
Why not. I bet the husband too is actively dating so why cant she?

Dont you know she needs to keep body warm

Dayo
Monwa sugar chocolate daddy to le spend
cry cry
Re: Dating While Separated by EfemenaXY: 1:12pm On Feb 16, 2016
ariyike23:
Hello NLs,i am new to Nl,please i will like to know your opinion on this.its about my friend,she is 25 now,she is married with a kid,but seperated from her husband for 2 years now due to domestic violence.They have no reason to come back together because they have both moved on,they are working on getting divorce,Recently,she met a guy,they started out as friends,but are now dating.please is it right for her to do this? Guys,can u date a woman who is seperated from her husband and waiting to get divorced?

Divorces are stressful and messy at best - especially where kids are concerned.

We get it that she's trying to move on from a bad marriage but what you as her friend should be concerned about, is that she isn't jumping into this new relationship on the rebound.

Her divorce hasn't even come through yet. Advice this friend of yours to take it easy. Let her use this "free" time to do a thorough assessment of herself and to heal. I don't even think her healing process has commenced, but rather is trying to use this new relationship to avoid facing her current situation.

Your 25 year old friend needs a serious reality check.
Re: Dating While Separated by Dyt(f): 1:33pm On Feb 16, 2016
EfemenaXY:


Divorces are stressful and messy at best - especially where kids are concerned.

We get it that she's trying to move on from a bad marriage but what you as her friend should be concerned about, is that she isn't jumping into this new relationship on the rebound.

Her divorce hasn't even come through yet. Advice this friend of yours to take it easy. Let her use this "free" time to do a thorough assessment of herself and to heal. I don't even think her healing process has commenced, but rather is trying to use this new relationship to avoid facing her current situation.

Your 25 year old friend needs a serious reality check.

Madam
She said they have been separated for 2years
She needs to move on
And all she's doing is dating not like she's getting married again

So cos she was abused she shouldn't live her life or give another a chance?

*battling eyelashes, dyt must be reading from another angle again* I still miss those jokes sha
cheesy cheesy

1 Like

Re: Dating While Separated by EfemenaXY: 2:00pm On Feb 16, 2016
Dyt:


Madam
She said they have been separated for 2years
She needs to move on
And all she's doing is dating not like she's getting married again

So cos she was abused she shouldn't live her life or give another a chance?

*battling eyelashes, dyt must be reading from another angle again* I still miss those jokes sha
cheesy cheesy

Is there somewhere in my post where I implied that she shouldn't "live her life" or be "given another chance"?

Divorces are emotional rollercosters to contend with because irrespective of the circumstances that prompted it, the players will at some point in their lives feel their marriage failed, and will need to come to terms with it.

Additonally, this lady in question had to contend with domestic abuse. That alone is another emotional scar. We don't even know the extent / level of domestic abuse she had to contend with, but being a Nigerian woman married to a Nigerian man, living in Naija - I think it's quite easy to get the picture. Has she fully recovered from that too?

They've been separated for 2 years and yet she's already met someone and has been dating him for some time. It begs the question, how long has she been dating this person for? No. It sounds like rather than face her issues squarely in the face, she's trying to block all memories of her past by sweeping them all under the carpet and hopping onto another relationship on the rebound.

She should be focusing on a total recovery, rebuilding her life (and career, assuming she's got one), and looking after her child for now.
Re: Dating While Separated by Dyt(f): 2:03pm On Feb 16, 2016
EfemenaXY:


Is there somewhere in my post where I implied that she shouldn't "live her life" or be "given another chance"?

Divorces are emotional rollercosters to contend with because irrespective of the circumstances that prompted it, the players will at some point in their lives feel their marriage failed, and will need to come to terms with it.

Additonally, this lady in question had to contend with domestic abuse. That alone is another emotional scar. We don't even know the extent / level of domestic abuse she had to contend with, but being a Nigerian woman married to a Nigerian man, living in Naija - I think it's quite easy to get the picture. Has she fully recovered from that too?

They've been separated for 2 years and yet she's already met someone and has been dating him for some time. It begs the question, how long has she been dating this person for? No. It sounds like rather than face her issues squarely in the face, she's trying to block all memories of her past by sweeping them all under the carpet and hopping onto another relationship on the rebound.

She should be focusing on a total recovery, rebuilding her life (and career, assuming she's got one), and looking after her child for now.



K
Re: Dating While Separated by EfemenaXY: 2:05pm On Feb 16, 2016
Dyt:


K


And yes, you were reading it from another angle...like you've been doing since Lyssa / Studio / Kunbee's time.. wink wink
Re: Dating While Separated by Dyt(f): 2:31pm On Feb 16, 2016
EfemenaXY:


And yes, you were reading it from another angle...like you've been doing since Lyssa / Studio / Kunbee's time.. wink wink

Lyssa the very pretty girl
Chai
Re: Dating While Separated by raumdeuter: 4:42pm On Feb 16, 2016
EfemenaXY:


Divorces are stressful and messy at best - especially where kids are concerned.

We get it that she's trying to move on from a bad marriage but what you as her friend should be concerned about, is that she isn't jumping into this new relationship on the rebound.

Her divorce hasn't even come through yet. Advice this friend of yours to take it easy. Let her use this "free" time to do a thorough assessment of herself and to heal. I don't even think her healing process has commenced, but rather is trying to use this new relationship to avoid facing her current situation.

Your 25 year old friend needs a serious reality check.

Efe, Sorry but a woman in her sexual peak. How do you suggest she keeps the engine warm when her husband has been away for 2 yrs most likely never to come back

Like I said Its almost guaranteed that the guy is not celibate either and he's actively dating

You wan make cobwebs cover the factory ni?

her mates that are single are getting nacked on demand, Her mates that are married are getting nacked daily. Na Valentine just pass everyone got some but shey na pillow she go dey hug and for how long?
Re: Dating While Separated by raumdeuter: 4:43pm On Feb 16, 2016
Dyt:


Dayo
Monwa sugar chocolate daddy to le spend
cry cry

Idaya Sugar daddy wey I know for Naija no too sabi spend but won le do obo ti next year loni

Dem sabi fuckkk like anything, If you no mind. I fit introduce una
Re: Dating While Separated by EfemenaXY: 4:57pm On Feb 16, 2016
raumdeuter:


Efe, Sorry but a woman in her sexual peak. How do you suggest she keeps the engine warm when her husband has been away for 2 yrs most likely never to come back

Like I said Its almost guaranteed that the guy is not celibate either and he's actively dating

You wan make cobwebs cover the factory ni?

her mates that are single are getting nacked on demand, Her mates that are married are getting nacked daily. Na Valentine just pass everyone got some but shey na pillow she go dey hug and for how long?

And your point is?
Re: Dating While Separated by raumdeuter: 4:59pm On Feb 16, 2016
EfemenaXY:


And your point is?


My point is she can date anyone. She doesn't have to marry them
Re: Dating While Separated by EfemenaXY: 5:01pm On Feb 16, 2016
raumdeuter:


My point is she can date anyone. She doesn't have to marry them

Did I mention anything about her getting married?

I'd also like to know your views on people (women especially) getting into relationships on the rebound.
Re: Dating While Separated by raumdeuter: 5:10pm On Feb 16, 2016
EfemenaXY:
Did I mention anything about her getting married?

I'd also like to know your views on people (women especially) getting into relationships on the rebound.

My view is that she should date as soon as possible and use her previous experience as a lesson

Not getting into a relationship quickly might make people start looking back at the previous relationship and wondering if they didnt "Persevere aka suffer enough before leaving"

I know many girls in abusive relationships that stay because the guy convinced them no one would date you or marry you after me. You are the best i got

Moving on quickly and even dating another person is a great psychological relief and can break the emotional strangle hold the previous lover had on her.

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