I have a girl friend for five years and when we met, she told me she was a virgin. Her mother equally told me the same story that her two female children were not waywards and I believed and I told her that so I am and never known any girl up till now. We moved together for 3yrs b4 I left Naija and I kept her as I met her. Before I left Naija more than two years ago, we went privately (only the two of us) to the registry to register the wedding.

Today, she was asking me whether I want to marry her because she told me she was a virgin but I have never thought of that question because all the ladies that have have been my friends have always been virgins. The last was the one we did MSc together in UI in 2003. I have never asked any of them and neither did I tell them that I have not known any woman. The way I used to discover used to be when I attempt to act as if I wanted to make love with them and they would tell me they have never done it b4 and I tell them mine story as well.

Now this my fiancee (already registered as wife) is now telling me that she is not sure because when she was in secondary school at 17yr old, his boy friend attempted to finger her but she shouted when she felt the pain and when the guy wanted to insert her screw, she prevented him by shouting. Now she said she is feeling she is still a virgin because she did not see any blood during the incident and did not know how far the guy's finger penetrated. She came to visit me in UK and wanted us to have sex but I told her we are yet to get the Godly and moral licence from God thru church wedding which we both aim to do soon.

Can a lady be a virgin and not sure??

Ladies and gentlemen of Naira land, what do you think of her and how do you think I shud react?

Akin, UK:

I have a girl friend for five years and when we met, she told me she was a virgin. Her mother equally told me the same story that her two female children were not waywards and I believed and I told her that so I am and never known any girl up till now. We moved together for 3yrs b4 I left Naija and I kept her as I met her. Before I left Naija more than two years ago, we went privately (only the two of us) to the registry to register the wedding.

Today, she was asking me whether I want to marry her because she told me she was a virgin but I have never thought of that question because all the ladies that have have been my friends have always been virgins. The last was the one we did MSc together in UI in 2003. I have never asked any of them and neither did I tell them that I have not known any woman. The way I used to discover used to be when I attempt to act as if I wanted to make love with them and they would tell me they have never done it b4 and I tell them mine story as well.

Now this my fiancee (already registered as wife) is now telling me that she is not sure because when she was in secondary school at 17yr old, his boy friend attempted to finger her but she shouted when she felt the pain and when the guy wanted to insert her screw, she prevented him by shouting. Now she said she is feeling she is still a virgin because she did not see any blood during the incident and did not know how far the guy's finger penetrated. She came to visit me in UK and wanted us to have sex but I told her we are yet to get the Godly and moral licence from God thru church wedding which we both aim to do soon.

Can a lady be a virgin and not sure??

Ladies and gentlemen of Naira land, what do you think of her and how do you think I shud react?

Do NOTHING!!!

If truly u luv her my man 4get virgin or no virgin,some girls are like that ok.She might be true of what she is telling u.

Akin, UK:

I have a girl friend for five years and when we met, she told me she was a virgin. Her mother equally told me the same story that her two female children were not waywards and I believed and I told her that so I am and never known any girl up till now. We moved together for 3yrs b4 I left Naija and I kept her as I met her. Before I left Naija more than two years ago, we went privately (only the two of us) to the registry to register the wedding.

[b]Today, she was asking me whether I want to marry her because she told me she was a virgin [/b]but I have never thought of that question because all the ladies that have have been my friends have always been virgins. The last was the one we did MSc together in UI in 2003. I have never asked any of them and neither did I tell them that I have not known any woman. The way I used to discover used to be when I attempt to act as if I wanted to make love with them and they would tell me they have never done it b4 and I tell them mine story as well.

Now this my fiancee (already registered as wife) is now telling me that she is not sure because when she was in secondary school at 17yr old, his boy friend attempted to finger her but she shouted when she felt the pain and when the guy wanted to insert her screw, she prevented him by shouting. Now she said she is feeling she is still a virgin because she did not see any blood during the incident and did not know how far the guy's finger penetrated. She came to visit me in UK and wanted us to have sex but I told her we are yet to get the Godly and moral licence from God thru church wedding which we both aim to do soon.

Can a lady be a virgin and not sure??

Ladies and gentlemen of Naira land, what do you think of her and how do you think I shud react?

Answer that question, and you'll know what you should do.

As for a lady not knowing if she's a virgin, not all ladies bleed, and because it's common for people to assume you must bleed during your first time, it makes a woman uncomfortable if it doesn't happen simply because most guys don't understand why. However, it doesn't make her unsure if she's a virgin  because she'll know if she slept with someone, i doubt fingering counts.

Why bother urself if she's a virgin or not wen u both luv each other.

Virgin or no virgin the bottom line is LOVE .

It is just bcus u have not done it b4 as clamed, but be open to each other.

Virgin or no virgin the bottom line is LOVE .

It is just bcus u have not done it b4 as clamed, but be open to each other.

ezinne1212:

Answer that question, and you'll know what you should do.

As for a lady not knowing if she's a virgin, not all ladies bleed, and because it's common for people to assume you must bleed during your first time, it makes a woman uncomfortable if it doesn't happen simply because most guys don't understand why. However, it doesn't make her unsure if she's a virgin because she'll know if she slept with someone, i doubt fingering counts.

That's very correct!!!

Bro, the pain she felt was because she had never experienced such b4. Speaking from experience, virgins feel and react to pain with the slightest touch (i mean down there).

Can a lady be a virgin and not sure??[/color][color=#990000][/color][color=#990000][color=#990000][/color]

due to inexperience, it's possible. Right from childhood, some parents instill it in their daughters dat once a man touches u, u become pregnant, used and dumped. Such kids grow up with such beliefs.

Wat i will advise u to do is this; keep ur faith alive, both of u hav come a long way, dont allow doubt and disbelief to destroy wat u hav and DONT try to do it until u r legally married (since that's wat u both want). Tell her u love her irrespective of wat has happened.

best of luck

When a woman if fed up, there's nothing u can do about it. She's totally fed up.
Live with i

Better stop her from telling u lies at this early stage of your marriage, before it goes too far and too deep.


See my siggy _{\/ \/ \/}

All of a sudden she is wondering if you want to marry her because of virginity? I hope you answered her clearly that it wasn't the reason. BUT it is VERY important as lying about such things might expose even bigger lies later on. I just hope you never gave her the impression that you were marrying her for virginity.

I don't think she is a virgin and this is a concocted story. Why would she wait ALL THESE YEARS to tell you the story?

Secondly, why the sudden pressure to have sex? She may even be pregnant and want to pin it on you so you better watch it.

The million dollar question! Does fingering count?
Aahhh. All these fake virgins who allow themselves to be manipulated digitally and then refuse to let a guy go the whole nine yards. 
Last time i checked it takes an erect 'kini' to disvirgin a woman. However I would be wary of a virgin who goes around allowing unwashed fingers to go near her pot of gold.

spoilt:

The million dollar question! Does fingering count?
Aahhh. All these[b] fake virgins [/b]who allow themselves to be manipulated digitally and then refuse to let a guy go the who nine yards.
Last time i checked it takes an erect 'kini' to disvirgin a woman. However I would be wary of a virgin who goes around allowing unwashed fingers to go near her pot of gold.

Na you dirty the fingers? I suspect the girl is a fake - why a story about when she was 17 is coming up now is suspicious - not before they went to registry, not at any other point, and now suddenly she wants to have sex as well? Fishy fishy fishy.

debosky:



Na you dirty the fingers?  I suspect the girl is a fake - why a story about when she was 17 is coming up now is suspicious - not before they went to registry, not at any other point, and now suddenly she wants to have sex as well? Fishy fishy fishy.

Yup! I think something is fishy! 

@Poster! I think you are really confused.

Maybe you should try and confirm yourself but don't let her close laps for you oo   

Because if you marry her and discover she is not a virgin, you will be highly dissappointed.

debosky:



Na you dirty the fingers?   I suspect the girl is a fake - why a story about when she was 17 is coming up now is suspicious - not before they went to registry, not at any other point, and now suddenly she wants to have sex as well? Fishy fishy fishy.

debos your theory nawao.  she may just be more matured to handle this now.  i know we come from a society almost everyone lie as if our lives depends on it she could just be telling the truth.

Akin, UK:

I have a girl friend for five years and when we met, she told me she was a virgin. Her mother equally told me the same story that her two female children were not waywards and I believed and I told her that so I am and never known any girl up till now. We moved together for 3yrs b4 I left Naija and I kept her as I met her. Before I left Naija more than two years ago, we went privately (only the two of us) to the registry to register the wedding.

Today, she was asking me whether I want to marry her because she told me she was a virgin but I have never thought of that question because all the ladies that have have been my friends have always been virgins. The last was the one we did MSc together in UI in 2003. I have never asked any of them and neither did I tell them that I have not known any woman. The way I used to discover used to be when I attempt to act as if I wanted to make love with them and they would tell me they have never done it b4 and I tell them mine story as well.

Now this my fiancee (already registered as wife) is now telling me that she is not sure because when she was in secondary school at 17yr old, his boy friend attempted to finger her but she shouted when she felt the pain and when the guy wanted to insert her screw, she prevented him by shouting. Now she said she is feeling she is still a virgin because she did not see any blood during the incident and did not know how far the guy's finger penetrated. She came to visit me in UK and wanted us to have sex but I told her we are yet to get the Godly and moral licence from God thru church wedding which we both aim to do soon.

Can a lady be a virgin and not sure??

Ladies and gentlemen of Naira land, what do you think of her and how do you think I shud react?

o boy well done for keeping yourself and saying no to temptation. still continue to keep yourself pure but make sure you go marry soon becos the body is no fire wood.  
on the small matter of being married in the registry you are already married because you were not able to keep God out of that registry room. He is everywhere. a pastor said there is always a silent listener/ witness everywhere.

i am not saying go and shag her now but that you are already married in Gods sight cos the govts are agents of God like the church.

debosky:

I don't think she is a virgin and this is a concocted story. Why would she wait ALL THESE YEARS to tell you the story?
Secondly, why the sudden pressure to have sex? She may even be pregnant and want to pin it on you so you better watch it.

This is preposterous!!!

Cut this woman some slack, will ya?
A lot of Niaja women don't even know what their vaginas look like until they hit 25 because they just couldn't be bovvered.
This woman could be spewing the truth and i don't think fingering counts.
As long as she's yet to have a full sexual intercourse, my church mind says SHE IS A VIRGIN.
The OP should do nothing and let things PLAY OUT.

if what she said is true.

in some society, as far as a guy penetrate a girl either Penni's or finger. she is no longer virgin.

either she bleed on not she's not a Virgin. some guy can shag a girl without her bleeding.

as far as u didn't inserts a full penetration like 3inch deep that cannot get to the hymen

the hymen is 2-3 inch deep in a Virgina. finger or half penetration can not get there.

so to my own view she is not a virgin

This is preposterous!!!

Cut this woman some slack, will ya?
A lot of Niaja women don't even know what their vaginas look like until they hit 25 because they just couldn't be bovvered.
This woman could be spewing the truth and i don't think fingering counts.
As long as she's yet to have a full sexual intercourse, my church mind says SHE IS A VIRGIN.
The OP should do nothing and let things PLAY OUT

i was reading the thread and becoming worried that poster's mind would be poisned until i saw your response. God bless you there is still hope if a man can reason like this.
Poster read this man post again and let your mind be at rest

~Sauron~:

This is preposterous!!!

Cut this woman some slack, will ya?
A lot of Niaja women don't even know what their vaginas look like until they hit 25 because they just couldn't be bovvered.
This woman could be spewing the truth and i don't think fingering counts.
As long as she's yet to have a full sexual intercourse, my church mind says SHE IS A VIRGIN.
The OP should do nothing and let things PLAY OUT.

I disagree – this sounds like a case of progressive elaboration.

Right now the problem is that someone fingered her when she was 17 (of course she shouted to make him stop **rolls eyes**) next thing will be that some guy forced her to have sex when she was 21 and so on, then she felt pity for her neighbour and he has gotten her pregnant!! PS – She will still claim love for him despite all this.

Ok I am being cynical, but I am highly suspicious of revisionist stories – guys in naija these days are aware there are few virgins left. Why start with such lies? The OP says he's not marrying her for virginity, but the changing stories are worrying. If she lied about this one, there will be bigger lies to be exposed in the future.

I would proceed with caution – if you are unconvinced, take her to a medical practitioner – virginity can be established medically without him having sex with her. Doing that will remove the doubt in his mind and clear up the matter conclusively. Since she claims not to be sure if she was disvirgined, let the doctor tell us. 

@poster,
maybe u r among d set of guys that goes about creating d impression that they desire to marry a virgin to every lady they meet,and these ladies who r nt virgins but see u as a nice man will suddenly bcom virgin overnight and l8r concort a stupid story of how they suspect they r no longer a virgin when they feel d need to av sex with u and to put d record straight. Av heard similar story b4 from a friend, bt he was quick to discover d girl was lying because d desire to av sex is something she cant hide when she started cooking up similar story as d poster's and she(virgin) was l8r caught with anoda guy doing it since my friend has vowed not to av sex until he's married

debosky:

Ok I am being cynical, but I am highly suspicious of revisionist stories – guys in naija these days are aware there are few virgins left. Why start with such lies? The OP says he's not marrying her for virginity, but the changing stories are worrying. If she lied about this one, there will be bigger lies to be exposed in the future.

The changing stories are not worrying.
Lets be honest here, the so called Naija virgins have actually come close to actually having sexual intercourse and for one reason or the other, the schitzo didn't go down. It will take an ACT of God to find a virgin in Nigeria who hasn't come close to having her hymen touched.
U just have to accept that just like you have accepted it would never snow in Lagos.

I would proceed with caution – if you are unconvinced, take her to a medical practitioner – virginity can be established medically without him having sex with her. Doing that will remove the doubt in his mind and clear up the matter conclusively. Since she claims not to be sure if she was disvirgined, let the doctor tell us. 

U will really subject a woman to such humiliation because of a piece of flesh called the hymen?
Tsk tsk. . . . . .Debosky, where is this coming from?

~Sauron~:

The changing stories are not worrying.
Lets be honest here, the so called Naija virgins have actually come close to actually having sexual intercourse and for one reason or the other, the schitzo didn't go down. It will take an ACT of God to find a virgin in Nigeria who hasn't come close to having her hymen touched.
U just have to accept that just like you have accepted it would never snow in Lagos.

I disagree - I have met many girls who won't front and say they are not virgins so why should some lie? It's insulting to my intelligence and I won't stand for it. I don't want the OP to end up marrying someone who has shagged half of Abeokuta but claims to be a virgin.

U will really subject a woman to such humiliation because of a piece of flesh called the hymen?
Tsk tsk. . . . . .Debosky, where is this coming from?

What humiliation? Don't women visit gynecologists for health reasons? She is personally confused - to eliminate the confusion, let us get[i] independent verification[/i].

I'm simply using my newly acquired audit skills to treat this situation.

9ja boy don HAMMER her u no know.all wat she told u were lies cos i dont see any reason why neva said such at the begining of the affairs.
bro, everything is left for you to decide oooo

debosky:

I disagree - I have met many girls who won't front and say they are not virgins so why should some lie? It's insulting to my intelligence and I won't stand for it. I don't want the OP to end up marrying someone who has shagged half of Abeokuta but claims to be a virgin.

When would you realise there are different kinds of women?
Some women are outspoken. . . .they will say anything about themselves to a total stranger cos that is what they are. Some other women are shy, laid-back and won't give much info(especially a sensitive issue like virginity) until they are 100% sure you can be TRUSTED.

What humiliation? Don't women visit gynecologists for health reasons?   She is personally confused - to eliminate the confusion, let us get[i] independent verification[/i].  

Going to a GYN to treat vaginal thrush is different to asking a doctor to ascertain if she's a virgin or not. . . . .
Besides, what has the hymen really got to do with a woman's morals. Her hymen could be intact while shee's taking it via her rectum.

I'm simply using my newly acquired audit skills to treat this situation.  

I wish you good luck on that. . . . . .
With your newly acquired audit skills. . . . Can u tell me the worth of the hymen?

~Sauron~:

When would you realise there are different kinds of women?
Some women are outspoken. . . .they will say anything about themselves to a total stranger cos that is what they are. Some other women are shy, laid-back and won't give much info(especially a sensitive issue like virginity) until they are 100% sure you can be TRUSTED.

You have simply described two types - liars and honest ones. I only roll with the latter.

Going to a GYN to treat vaginal thrush is different to asking a doctor to ascertain if she's a virgin or not. . . . .
Besides, what has the hymen really got to do with a woman's morals. Her hymen could be intact while shee's taking it via her rectum.

No doubt it's no proof she's morally good, but at least we will know whether she is lying with regard to the issue at hand - whether it was only fingering or more sinister activity had been engaged in.

I wish you good luck on that. . . . . .
With your newly acquired audit skills. . . . Can u tell me the worth of the hymen?

Depends - to some mugus it's worth a lot, in the sense that they'll pay a premium for it. For others it's invaluable as a sign of purity. To others it's a liability that needs to be discarded ASAP. I cater to all communities - which are you?

debosky:

You have simply described two types - liars and honest ones. I only roll with the latter.

The fact that a woman hasn't told you everything about herself doesn't make her a liar. . . .She's just being cautious.
Do you really think you have learnt everything about your girlfriend? Wait until you marry her.

No doubt it's no proof she's morally good, but at least we will know whether she is lying with regard to the issue at hand - whether it was only fingering or more sinister activity had been engaged in.

Did she lie? If she is a chronic liar, i don't think she would mention this at all in the first place.
What if she turns out to be a virgin after dragging her to the GYN?

Depends - to some mugus it's worth a lot, in the sense that they'll pay a premium for it. For others it's invaluable as a sign of purity. To others it's a liability that needs to be discarded ASAP. I cater to all communities - which are you?

It means nowt to me.

~Sauron~:

The fact that a woman hasn't told you everything about herself doesn't make her a liar. . . .She's just being cautious.
Do you really think you have learnt everything about your girlfriend? Wait until you marry her.

I don't know everything, but some things are very simple and clear cut - are you a virgin ? Yes or No. Which one is 'I'm not sure'? That is deception.

Did she lie? If she is a chronic liar, i don't think she would mention this at all in the first place.

If she is lying about the virginity, then She is a practitioner of progressive elaboration. They present you a perfect package, get you hooked and then progressively remove the fake layers one after another.

What if she turns out to be a virgin after dragging her to the GYN?

Then doubt is erased and things go back to normal. He will present the GYN visit as being 'helpful' not intended to 'expose' her lie. If she stringently insists on not going, you have more reason to be suspicious.

It means nowt to me.

Then you are in a 4th category - I need to expand my business.

debosky:

I don't know everything, but some things are very simple and clear cut - are you a virgin ? Yes or No. Which one is 'I'm not sure'? That is deception.

It's not. . . . . .The issue of Virginity is a grey area.
What makes one a virgin? I am sure you don't have a clear-cut definition of it.
Is it only when you have intercourse? What about the women born without hymens, what about the ones who broke their hymens non-sexually?
The girl in question is an intelligent woman and she is not sure what defines a virgin. . . . she should be applauded for not LYING.

If she is lying about the virginity, then She is a practitioner of progressive elaboration. They present you a perfect package, get you hooked and then progressively remove the fake layers one after another.

We don't know that yet. . . . . . .Don't generalise.
The fact that Ekene is a serial rapist does not make you one.

Then doubt is erased and things go back to normal. He will present the GYN visit as being 'helpful' not intended to 'expose' her lie. If she stringently insists on not going, you have more reason to be suspicious.

What has she got to hide? I am sure she would welcome the idea of visiting a GYN.

Then you are in a 4th category - I need to expand my business.

Thank ya!!!

uuuuhhhmmnnn
Insightful comments

Im tired of discussing virginity. It's exhausting!

I don't really see why it makes a difference. If you're both otherwise content with your relationship then I don't really see what has changed since it's not like you would have been having sex with her either way for religious reasons. You should be happy she's trusted you enough to tell you.

The problem of this story is that the guy trusts this girl too much and after leaving her for 2 years,
and you believed her story without check for yourself? Boys with no sexual experience shittttttttt