Seun:

Nothing happens without a reason. The fact that something "pops up from the blues" doesn't mean it has no cause. It simply means I don't know why it happened - maybe I was not attentive or I really don't have enough knowledge in the area of relationshps and communication. If you have knowledge about something, then when there is a problem at least you will know why and what your options are.

There are people that specialize in the dynamics of relationships and really have a lot of information about what makes relationships fail and what makes others work, but we don't utilize them. Instead we make assumptions based from our upbringing and culture, and we act based on our emotions.

allonym:

True nothing happens without a reason, but most people are in relationships with humans. Unless you have nothing else to do that to spend a few minutes each day pondering your actions and words (and you'll have to spend some time while you SO is asleep anticipating anything and preparing quick responses so the other time you spend thinking doesn't get noticed), you are doomed to make a mistake. For couples who spend a lot of time together, ie 12+ hours a day, the opportunities for you to do something that would get on the other person's nerves are greatly increased.

Since you're typically in a reciprocative relationship, you expect to be able to be yourself and that your partner would accept most of your faults. However, unless you are one of those rare very small number of faults people and your partner is the same, chances are if you are in the spend lots of time together group, you cannot get away from chipping away at your SO's patience. As a result, you'd tend to have arguments.

Another thing is that humans take the good or the expected for granted and we get upset with bad or unexpected. When the microphone works at an event, we don't thank or appreciate the sound people. When the mic acts up, then we're like, wtf is up with those idiots? Or we don't always think to show our appreciation for someone holding the door for us. But the day the door slams in our faces, either accidentally or on purpose, we blow up.

Additionally, as human, we have longer memories of things that hurt us. Its how we condition reflexes from birth. Tell a child not to play with matches, you have a slim chance of the kid paying attention. Have the child burn themselves, you can be sure unless they are pyromaniacs or masochistic, they will have learned the lesson. I'm betting that people here (on this forum) memories of their worst spankings as kids (for those who are no longer kids) is more vivid that most memories of nice happy times.

So, we tend to remember the arguments more in a relationship, especially in the heat of another one. At those times, couples are at their weakest because what's foremost in mind is typically no the good parts of your SO. However, it cannot be escaped and for those couples who want to make things work and truely love each other, its an opportunity to blow off steam and can raise issues for calm discussion afterwards.

I think u need God in every relationship. and 4 your marriage to work, u also need to understand your spouse very well. You must also learn to say sorry even when u don't mean it. and u must learn to appreciate your spouse, because u never know he might be gone the next day.
Those things i've mentioned have really helped me in my marrigae. I'm not the kind of person dt says sorry to guys especially, but i've learnt to say 'm sorry in marriage and it has really cooled tensions. But above all, u must love your spouse, because everyone makes mistakes, and u won't see a reason to apologise to your spouse if there's no love.
below are some tips that makes my marriages work as a lady:

RESPECT: Let your man know he's the head of the home, no matter what u contribute. never make decisions without seeking his opinions. iT is scriptural, it is also an african tradition. Never let Over-civilisation or illiteracy in the name of i'm a "graduate"deprieve u from keeping your home. The fact dt your boyfriend tolerated your insolence and disrespects while courting does not mean he will tolerate that in marriage because i know most men do not.
PRAYER: Pray for your spouse every day As he goes about he's daily activity. Learn to thank God for making your man a better husband.
Understand: There are times when he just wants to reflect over certain things in life as a man. give him the chance to do so and please do not think he's thinking of some other girls. Trust your man and do not listen to rumour mongers. take corrections
LOVE and HONOUR your spouse.
Do these things as a lady, and your marriage will last a lifetime in love

i have never regretted marrying my husband. We have our own shares of quarrels but we make up before dusk so that we can look into each other's eyes the next morning and from the depts of our hearts say "I love You'.

This is an interesting thread. Having being married for 26-years so far and making love with the same woman for 27-years, I believe I have something to offer. The secret to lasting and enjoyable marriage is PRAYER. There will be disagreements, some loud some quiet, even to the point of having the children involved. But, the resolution is to know that the disagreement is about personal issues and not about the union. Feelings have to be separated and understood that they are just feelings and those do change. Love does not change.

In addtion, Love is long-suffering, literally, there will be "suffering" in love, but if put in proper perspective and understanding, then Love endures all. Love your wife/husband for who he/she is and not who you want the person to be. If you cannot do that, then marraige will suffer. Trust, inspite of. Put jealous in its proper place, we are only jealous for/over the people that we love. Learn to laugh, even in the midst of argument and disagreement. Don't sleep over disagreements/fights, rather resolve to end all fights the same day. By all means, do not share your marital problems with anyone, especially friends. Enjoy each other's company. Don't let work or friends get in the way of having a date with each other. No matter how long you have been married, still go out on a date once a week. Lastly, but not the least, Enjoy Sex, that is the glue, don't deny each other the enjoyment of sex, and don't you this as a tool.

amsky:

Almondjoy why we no go reach there?? we don reach am pass i tell you.

Marriage is a[b] very very very big puzzle[/b].Everyone just has to learn to solve it in his/her own way. There are times when i feel like packing up and running back to my parents, There are times when you ask yourself'' what on earth am i doing in this man's house?''

On the other hand,there are times when you feel you cannot survive without him.

Na wa for marriage o. Like people have written here, patience,tolerance and prayer are the ingredients to a happy marriage. We must get there.

joshjosh:


@ amsky and AJ. hope you guys are well? i trust you will get there. just keep being there. they say the best thing to do is report for duty daily. i am about to start my duty just 4 months away. it looks like the month is dragging now. AJ are you responsible for this?

@amsky how is your hubby and shapey?

have a blessed day