I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? - Romance - Nairaland
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? (8305 Views)
Urgent Help!! My Fiancee Is Now Addicted To Something Else. I Feel Very Sad / Dear Single Women, This Is Why You Attract Married/Unavailable Men / Emotionally Unavailable Men! (2) (3) (4)
| I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by demistress: 1:27am On Jul 11, 2009 |
My two lovers have logged off the internet. One is a married man, he wanted to go and have sex with his wife. The other one is engaged to be married in a few months. He was mad at me cos i made reference to his fiancee that he didn't like. I am left to my bed and computer. This is the story of my life. In the past couple of years I seem to have become addicted to painful relationships that leave me empty. I always had good self esteem. I never gave married men a second thought. But I am now caught in a web which instead of taking a bold stand against, I have allowed myself to continue to wallow in. How did I get here? The particulars of my case are not necessary. I just want to detox because I've had enough. I have slept with the married man and I want to stop. The engaged guy seems to be chasing me but he has made it clear to me that he absolutely adores his fiancee and that's what I questioned that left him livid and walked out on me online. I need to break free from this. Anybody who can talk some sense to me please help me here. I'm usually a very confident woman but my self confidence is gradually disappearing. I am no longer focussed on my work like before, i am doubting my faith and even questioning God. Everything I believed and stood for is becoming blurred. I have taken out time to get reinvigorated even in my faith, but I find myself falling back into the same pattern with these two men. I am just fed up. |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by manmustwac(m): 1:44am On Jul 11, 2009 |
Well if your attracted to unavailble me add me to the list am available now for a short time only |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by Beaf: 2:49am On Jul 11, 2009 |
My heart goes out to you. Life needs balance. I don't know what your current circumstances are, but its clear that that something is forcing you out of synch with your inner self. Why do you use the Internet so much? What about friends and family? I hope you don't mind, but do you have brothers and whats your relationship with your dad like? You should really go out a bit more and form human to human relationships. |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by TheSeeker(m): 3:02am On Jul 11, 2009 |
Another puzzle on NL! How can you possibly be entangled with two men who definitely have their women? How are you proposing to make them yours even when they have demonstrated to you they can't leave their women for you? You said you are an intelligent woman in your topic, but how intelligent has this situation projected you? I'd say it didn't. Why can't you just walk away from them and have another man who's probably single and take it slow with him? You said you have good self esteem but I don't see any oozing from you -- if not, are you insinuating that you can't find someone else better than these men who have been taken? You need to get out a little bit more and experience a human to human relationship because it seems the online dating scene is not panning out to be better for you. When you do meet a single man you like try not to be too desperate. Take it easy on yourself and there's nothing absolutely wrong with you. The problem you have is testing new waters and that's exactly what you're to do to get out of this mess because the relationships you have with these two men is militating against your pride as well as your self esteem 1 Like |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by Nobody: 3:04am On Jul 11, 2009 |
@ Poster, you're already on the right track, so just have faith and persevere. I guess you have to ask yourself what you're afraid of? once you answer that question you'll also answer why you stick to men who are simply using you. I believe you need to know and believe that you have something to offer, and please learn to love yourself more. No one can abuse you more than you can abuse yourself. |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by goodass(m): 3:57am On Jul 11, 2009 |
@ OP u r on d ryt track, at least by recognizing u aint turning out 2b who u desire. a prob known is 1/2-solved so they say. herez ma take 1. u gotta define who u r n wat u stand for w/o wch abuse n misuse is inevitable o 2. wareva led u in2 d present situ u find ursef must b tackled. just face it head-on. ansa d 'y'? is it revenge of betrayal? u lettin off past hurt? or u think no single guy gud enof 4u, none of dem has got wat ds marryd men av? age issues? messd up in tym past (u nt d 1st)? wat r u running away frm? quit chasing d shadows, face ur ghosts n deal wt dem. u dnt surrender leadership 2 circumstances around u. ur lyf is stil urs n u can stil com ryt bcoming d@ Amazon uve alwyz wantd 2b! 3. u gt d will power 2 change, fyn. u may nid 2 get ursef som1 to whom u hold ursef accountable. d jny to recovery n re-dscovery aint easy bt itz possible, n u'll nid a hand to hold u wen u wanna falter. u'll b true to ursef n be open 2ds person. dscuss ur fears, frailities n ur strengths. report ursef 2ds person until such a tym u knw things r ok. rmbr dat song 'Lean On Me'? 4. n wen d faltering tots come rushing, wareva uve gt from #1 above say it loud, i mean loud not whispering o, LOUD wt all firmness. tel ursef who u r n wia u headin for! go succeed! 1 Like |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by Nobody: 4:06am On Jul 11, 2009 |
well first you have to tell us a little more about how it got that way. if you knew well in advance that these guys were unavailable and still continue to pursue or get to know them then the problem is entirely yours and you have to sit down and accept that no matter how good a man is, if he is taken, there is absolutely nothing you can do that will change that. sleeping with a man thinking that he will leave his wife/spouse for you is completely the wrong approach. he doesnt have a relationship with you, he only shags you once in a while so how could you ever think that you are as good as his wife? do you think that sex is the only thing that keeps them together? no matter how good your sex is, it will never be a reason to leave his wife. also maybe if you ever put yourself in the other womans shoe then you wouldnt dare to do what you did. if you didnt know that these guys were taken and was tricked into believing it then you should have first stopped the phoney relationship the day you discovered it and moved on with your life. there is no level of "i was so in love" to stay in such relationship because, although you think they might leave their spouse/fiance for you some day, then rarely do. you have to understand fully what you are in these relationships. you are a side toto, someone to run to to get some cheap thrill and someone that is there for sexual gratification and nothing else. you are like a plague, you will rarely be seen together in public and as much as i hate to say it, sometimes they dont even like you (only the sex is enjoyable). ask yourself this question, what is it about you that attracts unavailable men but keeps the good ones away? if you were truly a "keeper" (men would know what i am talking about) then you would be in your own relationship right now, worrying about the right thing instead of this. |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by Feelitx(m): 7:34am On Jul 11, 2009 |
How old are you? Why have you decided to turn yourself to a lavatory for this men who you have mentioned have comitted partners? Are this the kind of men you meet or this has been the outcome of clear cut choices you have made? I really don't understand the issues here. I also have a problem with people who bring in God in self inflicted problems. You need to redefine your life and what you want to stand for.I still think we are a sum total of the choices we have made in life. I am still at a loss at how we can possibly help you out here. If you have lost self confidence,doubted your faith,please don't question God over this matter. |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by daduke2k(m): 8:40am On Jul 11, 2009 |
No disrespect meant, get a vacation , travel out ,mingle wit people. Dere are many places 2 meet new friends 4get d past and face d present,4get d internet,hav more faith in God ,and try nt 2 lose ur JOB. |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by dotuntayo: 8:53am On Jul 11, 2009 |
Hi my sister, I share your burden. Can you contact me online through this address: dotunakinlabi@yahoo.com let's talk. thanks. |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by na2day2(m): 10:01am On Jul 11, 2009 |
demistress: let me guess, the biological clock is ticking very fast now and reality has finally hit u, right? dont worry all hope is not lost, i hear u can google a husband now, try it and come back to share ur testimony with us  |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by kingbobnet: 10:04am On Jul 11, 2009 |
Hello demistress. I if need someone that will love you more and more i'm the one |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by earthrealm(m): 10:55am On Jul 11, 2009 |
kingbobnet: @ling bobnet, u be big FOOL oh person wey u hvnt seen, n do not here, u r now claiming 2 love  2poster, take a vacation////[if tis possible, if u be nigeroan, na there wahala dey], get closer 2 ur maker, build ur self esteem., try reading good books that will help u do that |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by Dammyray(m): 11:04am On Jul 11, 2009 |
i think you should try as much as possible to ignore those guys by any means , haha its sounds mad people you no cant go too far with you, try to go out and miss up with new peps there are a lot of singles nd responsible guy out there looking for 1 |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by philip0906(m): 12:00pm On Jul 11, 2009 |
I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men?nd u r an intelligent woman?  |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by sweetpie23: 12:02pm On Jul 11, 2009 |
if you were really intelligent, you would fall in love with the right guys. |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by pinkylady1(f): 12:33pm On Jul 11, 2009 |
poster u need to retrace your step back to God by confessing your sins to God and asking him to help you, cos you can not overcome this temptation alone. the fact remains that we humans do things that we definately know are wrong but the power of the flesh sometimes overcome our moral senses, that is why we need God's to help us subdue and overcome the power of the flesh. poster i hope this help you in retracing your steps back to God cos if you depend on your ability you might not be able to stop what you are doing to your self. |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by na2day2(m): 8:57pm On Jul 11, 2009 |
philip0906: it is called an oxymoron and boy, she sure knows how to apply it @ poster to be honest, i feel ur pain and confusion, we all make terrible mistakes in life, but u really need to cut off all ties with those dudes bcuz they dont have ur interest at heart at all. my recommendation is evaluate where u and and take that evaluation to God and asked sincerely for a fix and he will give u the true strength to overcome that temptation bcuz his grace is abundantly available 4 every1 that ask. FYI: there is still a guy out there 4 u, be still and let God lead u to him.  |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by Fiona0007: 9:25pm On Jul 11, 2009 |
@demistress If you are really fed up, why don't you tell your men you need a break. And try not to make any contact with them for at least a month and see how you can see yourself then. Wish you the best. |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by demistress: 9:34pm On Jul 11, 2009 |
i want to thank u all 4 responding. putting this post out here has given me clarity and has given me the resolve to retrace my steps. I'm not someone who has ever had self esteem issues, in fact my friends used to say i have an overdose of it. But the past two years have been difficult because of a traumatic breakup i experienced and when i saw my ex recently it sent me on a downward spiral. I'm happy about the response from the guys in particular. I have a couple of people i am talking to now who are giving me encouragement. They are not online relationships. They are people I know and see but because of the nature of work and travel, we tend to communicate on line when we are apart. I have already initiated the the break up process cos in reality, i have so much to lose. 1 Like |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by Nobody: 9:38pm On Jul 11, 2009 |
demistress: As usual . . . everyone can just walk up and "question" God anyhow . . . thank God for grace. Questioning God about what? Did he force you to go sleep with a married man? What faith are you "doubting"? You dont seem to have one. I'm not surprised though, we now live in an era where sin and "faith" have become compatible. Oh how our churches have become the denizen of the confused. Lets even assume both men are single . . . you're them cheating emotionally and physically but somehow its all God's fault? |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by demistress: 10:04pm On Jul 11, 2009 |
@davidylan, when i say i question my faith and all, i question myself for what I am doing knowing what i have stood for all these years. I know what I am doing is wrong and I am already taking steps to be on track again. God is not at fault here. I am human and fallible and I know his grace is available but I don't want to take that grace for granted. |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by na2day2(m): 10:29pm On Jul 11, 2009 |
demistress: iight girl, get back on ur feet, we r rooting 4 u.  FYI: be very weary of men that suddenly get close to u in the name of "they understand what u are going through" |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by mamagee3(f): 11:20pm On Jul 11, 2009 |
How intelligent are you? |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by Nobody: 11:23pm On Jul 11, 2009 |
sweetpie23:  |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by Vonny: 6:45pm On Jul 12, 2009 |
Demistress, You are attracted to what you are; thus, you are just as emotionally unavailable as the men you are attracted to. Like you said "I seem to have become addicted to painful relationships that leave me empty", Your emptiness is emotional unavailability. You are not ready to love until this void is filled by you. Moreover, it cannot be filled through relationships with other men (available or not). Look in the mirror, look deep within, find the source of your emptiness and slowly work your way into understanding and loving who you are as an individual and as a woman. Take sometime to yourself, DO NOT CONTACT any of the unavailable men that you have been dealing with (they'll probably try to contact you more regularly than usual because you are unavailable, but be strong and resist the urge to respond--the key is to STOP/AVOID SEEKING VALIDATION THROUGH THESE MEN---they have NOTHING to offer you, but CRUMBS of their LOVE/ LUST).Remember my dear, if you have a bad relationship with yourself, you'll have bad relationships with others. Good luck. |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by spoilt(f): 6:53pm On Jul 12, 2009 |
The agony of a mistress.Only getting leftover time. Why put yourself in such situations? Why oh why?!! There are a thousand available guys out there. Why waste your precious self on men who are already taken? |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by Nobody: 6:54pm On Jul 12, 2009 |
Two lovers? You're not yet in pain. . . .think of how those women would feel when they learn that their fiance/husband is cheating on them with a tramp. I don't know how some of you women think. If you even do. Oh no, I'm not being harsh, I haven't even started yet. hiss |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by TheSeeker(m): 7:23pm On Jul 12, 2009 |
spoilt: What does precious mean in your book? A lady's preciousness lies in how she feels about herself -- now that's precious. People might tell you how precious you are but your actions and self opinion speak otherwise. The latter is what her opinion tells us. She's disfavored and I am so sorry for her. When a lady's self esteem starts to depreciate in her own opinions portrayed by her actions, she starts to have problem and she is NO LONGER PRECIOUS! Leave precious out of this because she isn't' that. |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by Nobody: 7:32pm On Jul 12, 2009 |
TheSeeker:Thank you. This is even beyond self-esteem or self-worth. How and why would you: 1. Date a married man 2. Date a man who's engaged, ready to start a new life with his woman 3. Have two lovers 4. Date a cheater |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by No2Atheism(m): 7:41pm On Jul 12, 2009 |
FL Gators: I wonder o, some woman are just funny. - There are single guys out there that you can date yet u go for engaged and married ones, does that not mean that you are asking for trouble. How you are u sef, @poster, or don't you ever want to get married or is it just about sex and money . |
| Re: I Am An Intelligent Woman, Why Am I Addicted To Unavailable Men? by TheSeeker(m): 7:56pm On Jul 12, 2009 |
FL Gators: No2Atheism: You are missing the point. She has looked down on herself. Someone used to tell me that the greatest problem for anyone is to deceive themselves. You can combat any abuse coming from anyone but when you are waging war against yourself, who fights for you? Who helps her see her values when she thinks she doesn't have any left? How will a man accept and respect her when she already thinks she's nothing? She has to work on her values but I don't think she sees that as the solution right now. |
My Son Caught Me Right In The Act! / "Look At My Body, You Can't Have It" - Lady / My Experience With A 20 Years Old Single Mom
(Go Up)
| Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 74 |