These questions are really aimed at those who reside in western societies as I do not find this issue with the men back home! However, I urge you all to provide your opinions if  you have any to share.

Why are there so many emotionally unavailable men in the Black community?

Why do so many Black men find it hard to be consistent and communicate their desires to good Black women?

Why is it so hard for a man to be consistently respectful to good women?

So,  what is it about western society that has deemed Black men and Black women virtually impossible love matchs to make these days?  

That is impossible. You have been searching in the wrong place. I know a lot of guys on nairaland that would do justice to your emotion. That they are not advertising their availability does not mean they don't exist.

Please do your research over again. You would be further enlightened.

That is impossible. You have been searching in the wrong place. I know a lot of guys on nairaland that would do justice to your emotion. That they are not advertising their availability does not mean they don't exist.

Please do your research over again. You would be further enlightened.

Fatty27 I am not speaking about the men who frequent Nairaland! I speak from my own experience and those of friends. Emotionally unavailable men seem to be a common feature among Black men in Western societies. Emotionally stunted men who seem unable to express healthy loving interactions with good women, those who play mind games, thoes who seek to control women, thoes who are stuck in the past regarding past failed loves. Thoes who have difficulties in acknowledging a good women, it is these men I speak about, and there are plenty of them.

well there are lots of reason in what u said but that doesn't mean it is true, as fatty said maybe u a looking at the right place and probabaly u are seeing only those things u mind made up on seeing. may be  u should keep ur mind more and u will the better said of black men.

I get your point, butopia, and you’re very right.

I’m pretty sure that this issue worsens with each passing generation. Could it be inbred? perhaps. Could it be socially induced? most likely. Now, is it any surprise that close to 80% of African-American children are born out of wedlock?. That’s 8 in 10 blacks kids born out of marriage!

For one, poor job prospects among African-American men might help explain the seeming “incompatibility” problem, hence entrenched relationships is not seen as an option.

Again, the "love-vendor mentality" of rappers such as Nelly and 50 Cent, send a message to young black men that it's cool to be a thug, and a “player”, and that expressing your emotions or respecting women is unmanly.

@poster,
which location did you have that experience and which of the two group of men you mentioned would you prefered?

butopia:

Fatty27 I am not speaking about the men who frequent Nairaland! I speak from my own experience and those of friends. Emotionally unavailable men seem to be a common feature among Black men in Western societies. Emotionally stunted men who seem unable to express healthy loving interactions with good women, those who play mind games, thoes who seek to control women, thoes who are stuck in the past regarding past failed loves. Thoes who have difficulties in acknowledging a good women, it is these men I speak about, and there are plenty of them.

For every action, there is a reaction. There is no smoke without fire.

Your observations are correct and incidentally the majority of the reason are caused by the women folk.

Two clear reasons.

1. Majority of women/ladies in the UK are unable to submitt, and they are full of themselves, 'they are wise, modern, sophisticated,making money, feminist etc' those are the recipe for the disaster you mention in your thread. There can be no 2 masters in a ship/boat/ plane etc.

2. These women abuse their men folk,using police as a threat to their men folk, so the men as a result develop a 'harden heart' and become emotionally unavailable. There was a write up sent to me last week which say something like this,

' women are like internet virus, they enter your life , scan your pocket, transfer money, edit your mind, download their problems, delete your smile, hang you forever and tamper with your brain and goes into thin air' .

This refers to London women specifically and US as well and naija babes are also copying but not as successfull

There are a small but powerful and with big voice feminist women who destroy other relationship and stop new ones bloosoming because of their own experience which they themselves are the architect of that destruction of their said marriages/homes.

The specific advise I will give to the poster and her friends to find a good and God fearing church if they are christians and study RELATIONSHIP before they start to date and pray. I can guarrantee you GOd will send you your own DNA.

Western type of relationship will always end up in disaster for a black person. A lot of blackwomen once they are successful lose their head and stop respecting and valuing their partner or husband, funny enough this is even common among Nigeria imported ladies who see freedom as soon as they are qualfied in whatever their profession. Their Husabnd/partner then stop being compatible.

Until women look at themselves in the mirror and stop playing equality nonesense and be the vice captain of a potentially succesful homes or captain extraordinary of failed homes and generation.

I will not support or encourage any woman abuser but there are more men abuser in the UK among Nigerian women. Let me be on the record as saying. They are full of cheap crocodile cries. hypocrites I call them.

A word is enough for the wise.

vigasimple if you are female sorry about my say, u really hit the nail on the head, what this african bitches want is a sperm donor just like the white european women.

There is nothing about lack of emotions amongst black men in a western society but the matter of the fact is that most men or women in a western society or back in Nigeria are selfish. There is no love for anyone, no respect for anyone, no self control and many other things that lead to a good life.

Chaloo, take it back! MOST? That is overestimation!

Vagasimple was right in many ways. And l must add that men had made alot of concessions for women folks. Men are recognising the right of women but majority of women in the western world and minority ( though noise makers) in Africa want to "take all" from men. They want to get their right as well as transform men into women. That is unacceptable. That is why men shun them like plagues.

There is a line of demarcation on the role of men and women in the society. What most of the chauvinist females want is TOTAL CONTROL and mostly "sperm donors". Any man in their hand would never be emotionally attached to them. Little wonder why they are falling in and out of love at an alarming rates.

I believes a balance must be maintained if any relationship must succeed. It ought to be a win-win partnership and not a gaming resort where emotions are turned into basketball that must be dunked at will.

Like fatty had said, it depend on where you are searching.

Ola

I agree with what you said about give and take in a relationship but I dont agree with the line many men want to draw in the role for men and women. It is a free society. No one should expect women to stay at home and raise children. It is my opinion that most relationship dont work because people are selfish.

I don't know why everyone is making this a 'Western" men. I am currently trying to get over a man who fits your description perfectly, and guess what - he's VERY much a Naija man. I think emotional in-availability is about the man and his baggage. It has very little to do with the geography of where he comes from,

Well i think it's partly the woman's fault that this happens to them because when a woman is attracted to a man she see's and listen's with her emotions. A man could tell a woman that he is just trying to date and not have anything serious but a woman would be thinking 7 steps ahead of how she could possibly change that man's mind from just dating to having kids and a family. I know I know that a lot of time people mis represent them selves in a relationship but keep your ears and eyes open so that you can see and here what is actually going in your relationship

is there really something like " emotionally unavailable men"??

there is this chick trying to pin me down too, but she just doing the wrong way.

girl if you want to suceed, ask me

ricki:

there is this chick trying to pin me down too, but she just doing the wrong way.

girl if you want to suceed, ask me

h-u-h

@wed123, I like ur viewpoint.

What you girls are asking for is a sissy and one you can boss around and control. How the heck do you term a man as emotional? Emotional! Any emotional man that I know is an unserious man as far as I am concerned. Ahabic in personality. Men are men and leave them to their nature. I guess you need someone to tolerate, understand your mood swings as well as materialistic. This is the real world and not fantasy or wonderland.

I quiet agree with you

fatty27:
That is impossible. You have been searching in the wrong place. I know a lot of guys on nairaland that would do justice to your emotion. That they are not advertising their availability does not mean they don't exist.

Please do your research over again. You would be further enlightened.

Trauma.

Since most Black men in the US are born in wedlock, they're more likely to grow up in dysfunctional environments.

Ivvie:
What you girls are asking for is a sissy and one you can boss around and control. How the heck do you term a man as emotional? Emotional! Any emotional man that I know is an unserious man as far as I am concerned. Ahabic in personality. Men are men and leave them to their nature. I guess you need someone to tolerate, understand your mood swings as well as materialistic. This is the real world and not fantasy or wonderland.

You sound like an emotionally unavailable man.

Forming emotional connections is not weakness. In fact, it requires vulnerability which takes courage and strength.

Emotionally unavailable men think that they're tough. They are actually the weakest.