8 Ways to Know You're in a Healthy
Relationship

Some signs to look for

As anyone who has navigated the world of dating
well knows, romantic relationships can create some
of our greatest happiness and some of our deepest
heartache. They make us think, stress us out and
bless us abundantly.
Most of us desire to end up as part of a happy
couple one day. We want relationships that will last
and bring us real joy. And God wants that for us,
too. Therefore, it’s important for us to know what a
healthy, lasting relationship looks like. We may
need to assess the one we’re already in—or we may
want to know what to look for in the future.
Below are eight key traits of a healthy relationship
that can help create the foundation for long-term,
side-by-side growth and happiness as God
intended:

1. It Feels Stable

There is a sense of consistency to the right
relationship. This doesn’t mean it’s never hard, but
you shouldn’t feel like you’re riding a roller
coaster where amazingly happy moments are
followed by extremely awful ones.
Some people assume a relationship is good because
there are good times. But, just as good
relationships have hard times, even bad
relationships have some good times. The key is
recognizing how often the bad times come and how
severe they are.
There should also be a stability in your own thinking about the
relationship. It’s a problem if you feel like you’re wildly in love on
Monday, but on Wednesday, you feel ready to end it.

2. You Like Yourself in It

Like it or not, dating will change you. The more time you spend with
someone, the more you pick up their tendencies, speech patterns and
habits. Your partner’s personality will bring out different facets of
your own.
If you don’t like the person you become around your partner, that is
a huge red flag. On the contrary, some personalities will complement
yours and help you become a better version of yourself. This can be
challenging and hard, but in a way that feels good—like you are
growing more and more into who you want to be.
Also, in a healthy relationship, you should feel loved and respected.
While we are meant to find our self-worth in God, He also wired us
to feel good about ourselves when we are being affirmed and cared
for.

3. You Connect on the Deep Stuff

Small variations in habits, likes and personalities are usually not a
bad thing. However, as research has shown, there are some areas
couples really need to connect on in order to have a rich and lasting
relationship.
You and your partner have to be able to agree and dialogue about the
big stuff that affects your daily thinking and view of the world. This
includes faith, relationships with family and communication.
Many people get into and even stay in relationships because they fall
in love with surface stuff like affection and the fun they have
together. But these things can only take you so far. The best
relationships have depth to them, where the couple can practice faith
together and communicate meaningfully.

4. You Feel Close to God
When Adam and Eve sinned, their inclination was to hide from God.
We also tend to hide from God and others if we’re ashamed or we’re
doing something we know is wrong—even if we don’t want to face
it. How do you feel about praying for your relationship? Besides
making you feel guilt, an unhealthy relationship will likely distract
you and dampen your interest in God.
The right one, however, will help you feel closer to Him, be grateful
toward Him and even feel a greater desire for Him.

5. There’s a Mutuality
It can be easy to fall into a place of helping someone when they need
it, or relying on someone who feels like all we ever wanted. But it
isn’t healthy. It prevents us from growing or respecting ourselves,
and it doesn’t form a strong foundation for the future of the
relationship.
The healthiest relationships have a “give and take” to them where
both people help one another out relatively equally. There may be
times when one partner is struggling, but the dynamic over time
should be that of a mutual partnership, not a codependent
relationship where one person is the caretaker, and the other person
is leaning on them totally.

6. You Feel Safe
Obviously, physical safety is paramount in a relationship. But you
should also feel safe emotionally. You should feel comfortable
around someone; able to be yourself. You should be able to bring up
an issue if you’re upset and not worry that your significant other is
going to yell and storm off.
A relationship can only be successful if both people can
communicate honestly and feel safe express their hurt or fears. They
need to feel they will be supported, not judged.

7. God is First for Both of You

God made us for Himself first. There’s only so much satisfaction we
can get from another imperfect human being. The best relationships
are those where both people completely enjoy each other, yet also
recognize their personal relationships with God are immeasurably
more important. Only as we lean into Him will we have the resources
to grow and give to others.

8. Friends and Family Approve
Let’s face it: Sometimes we just don’t see what’s in front of us when
our emotions are involved—or sometimes we just don’t want to see
it. That’s where our friends and family come in. These loved ones
who know us pretty well, can often recognize if a relationship is
good or bad for us.
Of course, they don’t always agree. But be sure to listen if you have
a few friends and family members who voice concerns over red flags
in your relationship. They are concerned because they love you, so
be willing to ask for and heed their advice.

God’s Desires for Us

It’s good to keep in mind the kind of love God has in mind for us.
It’s special. It’s a mixture of a comfortable friend and a passionate
love (check out Song of Songs). It’s one that will reflect His care for
us, bring us closer to Him and to our potential.
Too often, we are tempted to settle for less than what He has
planned. Along with asking ourselves about the above signs, our best
tactic is to pray. Our thinking can only take us so far, but God can
reveal what’s really true about a situation, and if we invite Him to,
He can lead us to what is right. He loves us enough—and is powerful
enough—to bring the best relationships (romantic and otherwise)
into our lives.
#E.starkeyz