This here is for the ladies who for whatever reason want to dabble in the exciting, relatively risky and daring world of unconstitutional sex and amorous affection (It’s unconstitutional to the extent to which it contravenes the established rules of the relationship she finds herself viz; wife, girlfriend, mistress, runsgirl and the like). I’m using the word “cheating” because even call girls have boyfriends they claim to love, so while being humped by that chap, it’s been chalked up as cheating on his behalf by the powers that be.

Now, I had written an article prior to this one on the rules the menfolk have to adhere to if they want to come out of the cheating game unscathed (https://www.nairaland.com/2721564/cardinal-rules-follow-must-cheat) and as controversial as this present article may seem, I don’t believe men have the sole prerogative to the benefits (if any) inherent in engaging in infidelity of any kind.

This article is not addressed to the pious and sanctimonious in heart (though they will definitely benefit as 'Sister Mary' and 'Deaconess Grace' who just happen to be engaged to 'Brother Justin' and married to 'Rev. Peter' respectively may be as licentious and promiscuous in heart as they come given that both brothers are more concerned with engaging God in the heavenlies than living up to their conjugal obligations) hence good ‘ole Christian and Muslim folks can also watch out for the signs.

Having said this, this article is as pragmatic as they come. It tells it like it is. I have already stated this in detail in the other article hence no need rehashing it all over again. As usual suggestions, comments, criticisms, fresh-outlook and the like are welcome. Let us join hands in fostering happiness, peace of mind, self-expression and contentment within folks in our clime (how cheating on your partner brings about happiness in someone beats me, but, as paradoxical as it may seem it does happen to certain folks . Quite a crazy world we live in eh?)
I broke it down to two sections. One for the ladies of easy virtue and the other for the ilk of married, engaged or ‘in a serious relationship’. So without further ado, let’s get it on.

RUNSGAL 101 (Dedicated to those in it for the money and possibly the thrill of more sex. Ever heard of Nymphs?[/b])

[b]1.DO NOT EVER FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM: Remember you’re in this for the money and possibly sex only. No matter how handsome, caring and doting he is do not for the life of you fall in love with him. Never minding the fact that you can no longer charge him for your services with a straight face, the potential relationship will NEVER work out (exception? Yes, 0.00000…0009% of the time!)
2. ALWAYS COLLECT YOUR MONEY BEFORE SERVICE: This is self-explanatory. If you must go against this, collect at least 60% of the money before service. In the likelihood that he doesn’t have any cash with him and you know this to be honestly true as he blew everything on you and your friends in the club, you may give him a rain check but notify your favourite male thugs about this development so that in the event he reneges on his bargain you can call them up to exact justice as some cool customers may come with the argument that he spent over 100k on you and yours in the club “so what’s your problem”. Your problem is “pay me my money for a job well done, I’ve got responsibilities too”! Case closed. If he is a regular and you of course trust him, you can skip all these.

2.STAY AWAY FROM GROUPIES: I cannot emphasize this enough. Apart from the anatomical harm four intoxicated, drugged and well hung guys can inflict on you (I’m sure the initiated get my drift) there’s the risk of your not seeing the light of day anymore. Do not let your greed get the best of you as you may just end up in the pix board of nairaland with a picture of your dead body minus certain vital parts. If you MUST do this, again alert your male thugs with details of venue and a call code that certifies all is well. Can’t explain this here as it’s kind of complicated but simple actually.

3.NEVER TRUST A FELLOW RUNSGAL: Not with your life, favourite customer, money or whatever because she’s just like you-greedy as Bleep! (Pardon my Swahili)

4.EXPLAIN THE RULES OF ENGAGEMENT: What you can do and not do. If you don’t do anal, MouthAction, role games etc. let him know before money exchanges hands. If you adhere to a strict protection policy, same thing applies. This helps in keeping things in perspective.

5.DON’T STEAL FROM HIM: The average runsgirl is a pilferer, a risidivist (rivalled only by our politicians in this regard) and a klepto. You might have been getting away with it but, there will come a day that you won’t. Don’t allow that day of reckoning come. How? Stop stealing his money, perfume, jewelry and whatnot!

6.DON’T THREATEN OR BLACKMAIL HIM IN ANY WAY: While you may get away with this with some chicken-livered customer, some will practically devour you! They are the sharks, they have too much too lose if you start running your mouth. Hell, you just might end up tossed over third mainland bridge subsequent to being brutally molested (let’s just say it’s one for the road!). Be wise.

7.SHAG HIM LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW: Anything worth doing is worth doing well ( yeah, that’s right, the maxim is amoral). Nothing blows a fully functional man’s mind up better than good sex! Be he a religious teacher, an intellectual, philosopher etc. The nature of the sex doesn’t come into play here. It might be bi-sexual, hetero-sexual, homosexual etc. If you can satisfy all his fantasies even the most depraved (subject to the rules of engagement of course), you’ve got a lifetime wealth pipeline!

8.DO NOT “BEG” HIM FOR ADDITIONAL MONEY OUTSIDE THE AGREED PAYMENT: No matter how beautiful, urbane, elite, sexually skillful you may be, you’d lose any respect he has for you (that’s right, there are folks who respect you despite your blowing him and his friend’s dad within a week) prior to your opening your gullet to ask him for this (he sees you in all your glorious or should I say sly and calculating glory when you do this and the sight is not all too flattering).

9.AS MUCH AS YOU CAN AVOID THE USE OF DRUGS PRIOR TO RESUMPTION OF DUTY: Try as much as you can to be as sober as you can be prior to servicing him. You need all your wits about you to do a good job (granted, certain drugs may really bring out the vixen in you but it’s up to you to perform a cost benefit analysis in this regard). He may be drunk as a skunk but that shouldn’t be your case. You’re involved in a risky business.

You need to be aware of your environment at all times. If you must drink, don’t go past your “guage” thus getting plastered. If you must use drugs, same thing applies. Do not EVER succumb to trying a new drug at his suggestion. It may be the last thing you ever do. Stick to the tried and true. Experiment outside office hours and not on the job.

10.LEAVE SOMETHING FOR HE THAT YOU CALL YOUR ‘BOYFRIEND’: Do remember to leave something for your man. Maybe your ass? How else do you make him feel special if you’ve given your all anatomically in the course of duty (even certain pornstars obey this rule, and you definitely as skilful as you know who…).

More updates coming in real time as they occur.

OTHERS 101 (Wives, Girlfriends, Lovers, Experimenters)

1.DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM: As a wife who’s cheating for whatever reason save not being in love with your husband, falling in love with the object of your desire is extremely dangerous. You’d get caught at the drop of a hat as women on the average can’t mask their feelings. For the girlfriend same thing applies. For the nymph and/or experimenter, falling in love with him can make the whole experience boring thus negating the reason you got into it in the first instance.

2.NEVER LET HIM KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE: These gigolos and so called fine boys can be desperate especially when you have some money to throw around. They can consciously decide to wreck your marriage or relationship (wives and girlfriends) or pester your life (experimenters). Never let them trace your residence.

3.ALWAYS BE ÏN CHARGE”OF THE RELATIONSHIP: For those not in love, he has to know that this is strictly a physical relationship. He is a sex-toy period! He isn’t a shoulder to cry on. His job is to shag away your sorrows (if such a thing is possible) and you reward him for it. It is very important that you establish this from the outset.

This isn’t no Telemundo bullcrap! For those that are in love, it gets more complicated as all things that have to do with love is. He can manipulate you via your feelings. You must rise above this weakness and take an objective stance in the relationship. You must threaten him with the dark spectre of another man in the wings waiting to snatch you up. With this, even if he is in love (which is hardly so as most men won’t fall in love with a married woman easily, that’s right don’t be deceived) he knows he has to check himself.

4.ALWAYS INITIATE YOUR RENDEZVOUS VIA A ‘CLEAN SLATE’ : All meeting arrangements must be arranged via voice calls through a sim card that has no permanent home in any of your cell phones. You insert it in a cell just for the purpose of initiating the call (that call may well change your life for the better…or worse!)

5.NEVER INITIATE THIS WHOLE ESCAPADE AT THE BEHEST OF A SO CALLED BEST-FRIEND: This applies especially to the married folk. The business is risky enough without a friend of yours hanging the sword of Damocles over your head courtesy of her being in the know. This is one operation that you do on your lonesome. When you do make up your mind to cheat on your man, go at it alone.

Do not let in anyone on your secret, anyone. Knowing the jealous nature of women (it’s ingrained in their DNA, hence it’s exactly no fault of theirs but fellas note this as jealousy happen to be one of the most destructive emotion that can be whipped up by the human psyche) you do not want a friend you now fall out with to have such a compromising info about your extra-marital or relationship affairs. She’ll use it against you, trust me, she will (and she’ll be all smug, smirking and smiling while doing it!)

6.YOUR VENUE AND TIMING SHOULD BE WITHOUT REPROACH: Meet your partner in crime on innocuous days and times. A Sunday during church hours is a beautiful one (sacrilege I hear you say! Well, you decided to have a conjugal dance with the Devil you might as well do it right). Same thing applies to couples of other faiths.

If you work save you’re the CEO leaving work for a fling is a sure recipe for getting fired and if you’re a full time housewife your movements may begin to be suspicious to a discerning spouse whose incertitude with regards to your logistics can inform his wanting to know more-that’s the beginning of the end. With regards to the venue, stay away from his house and guest-houses or hotels that stand out. Hunt down a non- descript rest-house in a reclusive area. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a seedy one. They are all over Lagos. You need to see the most mind boggling locations you see some hotels (makes you wonder what the owner(s) were thinking when they chose that particular location).

7.DO NOT FOR THE LIFE OF YOU ENTERTAIN HIS CALLS: He must not call at any time of the day nor day of the year! NEVER! Break this rule at your own risk. Men are very quick to catch on when you are taking a compromising call (women think they are smart at this, Newsflash! men are smarter in figuring out when you’re just shooting the breeze with a friend on the phone or when you’re plotting to have him kidnapped by your cohorts).

8.NEVER DISCUSS YOUR FINANCES OR FAMILY ISSUES WITH HIM AND DON’T LEND AN EAR TO HIS: You might be humping a potential murderer, kidnapper, blackmailer etc. Be an enigma. If you’re in love with him do keep your family issues to yourself as that is not his business considering he’s not a stakeholder in your family affairs. You may start a new page with him where you discuss issues that have to do with both of you ONLY.

9.SHOULD YOU OR HE LOSE INTEREST IN THE TRYST KILL IT IMMEDIATELY: Do not hold on to him if he or you should lose interest in the arrangement. Move on to the next. It’s extremely important you stay in perspective and in control in this highly risky game.

10.IF YOU DON’T INTEND TO ELOPE WITH HIM, PULL THE PLUG AFTER A MAXIMUM OF 365 DAYS: This is self-explanatory. For the married folks if you do not intend to leave your current partner for him let him go after a year at the best. This enables you to take stock of the present predicament. The condition (s) that predicated it may have changed and it is always best not to get stuck on a single chap (for the experimenters- as then it’s no longer exciting, you need a larger sample size remember?). Furthermore, the less time you spend on the relationship the less likelihood of your being hooked. Always let your head rule your heart in this situation you’ve gotten yourself into.

11.WHEN YOU TERMINATE THE TRYST SIMPLY DROP OUT OF SIGHT: Don’t call explaining why it has to end blab la bla. Just stop calling. Period. Throw away the sim (it’s free anyway). Just simply vanish! (This applies to both married folks and the experimenters).

12.BE KNOWLEDGEABLE ABOUT YOUR MAN’S SEXUAL TIMETABLE: Having been with your man for a while you should on the average have an idea of his sexual frequency. Abstain from being serviced by your partner in crime on days you know he (your man) may be feeling like letting some seeds go as your response and/or performance may be lacklustre owing to your having been vigorously sexually engaged by your lover (that’s why you got him in the first place; to be shagged out of your mind!) subsequent to your man reaching out to you for sex.

When this happens intermittently, he may let it pass but when it becomes a habit then you’re about to be busted! For the experimenters and/or nymphs this may not apply as you just can’t seem to get enough of sex in the first place so the more the better. He can fire down!

This would suffice for now. As usual there will be updates in the light of new revelations.

An update

11. IF YOU'RE MARRIED WITH A KID OR TWO, TAKE SUCH ALONG WITH YOU TO THE RENDEZVOUS. Of course, you'd make arrangement to have the child looked after at a venue that is not the venue where the operation takes place. If you got more than a kid, swap kids when going on this rendezvous. Also remember that the child should be of a tender age (for your own protection...if your child is precocious, don't carry him/her along).

A child provides a certain air of legitimacy with regards to your shenanigans. It is highly recommended though to avoid cheating altogether when you got brood at home. Something about the innocent eyes of a child staring at you when you're done with your act of sin, they seem to know the truth.

An update

13. YOU MAY WANT TO CONSIDER OPENING UP THE BACK DOOR. For the career runsgal, this is a huge product positioning and differentiation technique. Your competitors all have a vagina just like you and some can come up with mind-blowing ways on how to use it (far better than you what with all their squirting and stuff as opposed to you that just knows the missionary thingy or a thing or two). Again, giving head is not a very powerful bargaining chip save you're extremely good at it (and if you must know it's an art, it goes beyond taking a dick into your mouth. Pardon my Swahili).

So, what do you do to get those high net worth clients? Yeah, you guessed right...Anal sex! Quite a lot of females shy away from it while a lot of males want it (don't be deceived, they do!). So be a specialist, be the best anal serving runsgal out there and as soon as the word get's out, you're made! You fellow gals may hate on you, but don't bother about that at least, you don't ask them for assistance when you're trying to take a dump do you? A caveat though...don't just rush into it, prepare your ass slowly and do take all the necessary health and safety precautions.