Someone mentioned something up there about women not forgetting past hurts easily. Its true. Especially, if her man did not apologise or make it up to her. U treated her very badly in the early days. Did u ever apologise and stop the insults/mistreatments?
What u are getting now is the garbage u put in earlier. Its up to u to try and make amends. I hope you hv talked with her about this and have also encouraged her to empty her heart to you. Has she become more loving and receptive towards you after this and after giving her some time to take the new u in? I hope u hv tried sincerely first. About the tight trousers, was she not wearing them when u married her? Did u say u did not like them then? U can still tell her kindly to stop wearing them now.
Most good women respond in kind to love and sincere kindness from their men. I hope urs is included.

zanyzara:

From your write up,your wife is nursing a resentment. it might be something you have done or still doing,until the air is cleared you will still get that silent treatment.
Have you ever in all sincerity asked how your wife wants to be made love to? Pre-intimacy is not all about kissing and pressing boobs. To some women just lying in bed and talking about funny things that happened during your time apart is a signal,lying tucked in your man's arms and getting nuzzled is build up for some,what is your wife's weak point...oops forgotten "she's the one you just married not love". All I read is your own frustrations.
How did you treat her during pregnancy? No back rubs?you left her to her "wahala", after all she got pregnant so you could marry her. Apparently the harsh treatment she was subjected to while undergoing the "test before marriage" continued all through pregnancy. Women are very sensitive, forget the exterior gragra, how you treat them stays in the subconscious and for your wife to persistently demand you dorn condom means there is an underlying fear which is definitely telling on your Sex life.
Gone are the days women are condemned to wearing skirt and blouse simply because she's got kids. If the tight jeans is worn appropriately please let her be.
The children looking like orphans shows how interested you are in them,you cannot expect happy kids in a home where Mum and dad are unhappy. The sad thing is you are preparing the stage for another set of unhappy future marriage(not cursing the kids but the foundation you are laying for them is getting crooked).
I know you said you have tried communicating with madam but did you talk to her inner person or the usual "I'm tired of this relationship ", "is this how other marriage look like" approach?
For her to stay when you mistreated her initially means there was a glimpse of love on her part. Maybe you actually continued the mistreatment even when you guys got married. No woman wants to be treated with contempt!No woman wants to be treated with scorn! We want to know we still beautiful after 3 kids,to be told you are still sexy by our man....
If after getting married to you hoping you will come to love her eventually you still pushed her away then this is exactly how you will be treated. Your wife has decided not to live for you again. She's only trying to make you see she can survive without you but for her not to grant divorce means she is just bluffing.
Reach out if you still want though from your write up I sincerely doubt you do want that marriage again. For the sake of your kids approach the court.
Goodluck!

Despite being a very conventional person, i doubt if any man despite his religious beliefs and personal values will approve of the following:-

(1) Having his Wife telling on him (to his family).
(2) Getting her Aunt to call and give instructions on what to do in his home in favour of the Wife.
(3) Call back a Nanny to resume work after the husband had previously sacked her over the phone.
(4) Call to inform her parents what happens in her home.
(5) Refuse her husband sex for months despite pleas for same and obvious pressing need (Conji).
(6) Refuse to bear any more kids on the ground that she needs promotion at work.
(7) Refuse to be kissed in the mouth during pre-intimacy.
( Refuse all forms of admonition or heed corrections that can improve her person.
(9) Bring a man to the house in the absence of her husband who is in town on the ground that she's showing him wares for sale.
(10) Constantly using her phone to ping, whatsapp (With God knows who) and browse the internet From dawn till dusk (7 days a week).
(11) Not revealing her payslip figure to her husband, same person who got her the job.

The list is endless, I could go on and on.........

I'm definitely not playing saint, I've definitely been involved in a few inappropriate behaviors that i'm not proud of but for a woman to show signs of revenge or retaliation to her husband she may be leading her marriage for the rocks.

Sadly to think this is what awaits me in marriage, OP if you read Dead bedroom on reddit you will be scared of getting married, this even happen to husbands who are nice and thoughtful, I need women retire sex earlier , I read something like this in the redpills article. The flip side is they can only gain interest when it's with either someone interesting or someone they find appealing. Am not really encouraged to get married with things I see even around me not just nairaland , I thought being single was misery enough apparently being married to a "roommate" is another misery, might as well be single, actually you are single. Make the best of it, it won't last long.

Hi everyone. Op several times I have come to your post and avoided commenting. But right now after several opinions I have gone thru on this thread I have to input my own little opinion. Firstly, most of us making negative comments about d woman in question have not really been fair. You know what, have we heard her own side of the story. If op can invite her here isn't it better. Although am not on support of u posting all ur marital issues on nairaland even if we don't know you.
Some of your comments here show that u don't love your wife. You complain about her telling on you to your family and her aunt, but u equally come here and post about her refusing you sex,about her being treated badly until she got pregnant. Am 70 percent sure that this treatment continued even after pregnancy.
You talked about her calling back a nanny that was sacked..... from your post it is obvious your wife works right. what provision did you make for your children being taken care of when you both are away at work. What was the reason you sacked her.
You only came back here in July since April to say you guys are still on the issue. Are u being sincere on this matter. It's either u guys made up and just recently started having issues that's d reason for the break or you really do have mistresses. Cos from what I see on this thread coming from u, it seems u are someone that can't keep away from sex for too long.
Your approach to sex might be d rush in rush out type. A man is different very different from a woman when it comes to sex. Men are moved by what they see, why women have a more complicated method of getting aroused.
When last did u take her out without d kids, when last did u buy her stuffs?
Am sure if u buy her what you u want her to wear, she would wear them. Or don't you guys think so.

I can actually see also you are a saint from your numerous boasting about needing a mistress, getting another wife etc. I surely don't envy your wife. From your talk about having several strings of girlfriends and her being d one who chose to stay, it's obvious that your wife has been d one who was in love. I blame her for one thing and that is d fact that she stayed while u maltreated her.
I could go on and on, but for d sake of peace, go on and check yourself. Search deeply in your heart and ask how well you have treated her. I wouldn't appreciate my husband coming to nairaland to talk about our home and I guess most of us here won't like it. Even Op if his wife does that.
I hope u take this piece.
Ps, she is wrong to have brought in a man to the house but my dear, if she sure was trying something else with d man it won't be in the house where she knows u will be home anytime and on d issue of payslip not all organisations give workers their payslip and it's only when they request and it takes time.
About your conji,are u sure it's not when u have pressing needs for it that you only try to be nice

maleekadeola:
Hi everyone. Op several times I have come to your post and avoided commenting. But right now after several opinions I have gone thru on this thread I have to input my own little opinion. Firstly, most of us making negative comments about d woman in question have not really been fair. You know what, have we heard her own side of the story. If op can invite her here isn't it better. Although am not on support of u posting all ur marital issues on nairaland even if we don't know you.
Some of your comments here show that u don't love your wife. You complain about her telling on you to your family and her aunt, but u equally come here and post about her refusing you sex,about her being treated badly until she got pregnant. Am 70 percent sure that this treatment continued even after pregnancy.
You talked about her calling back a nanny that was sacked..... from your post it is obvious your wife works right. what provision did you make for your children being taken care of when you both are away at work. What was the reason you sacked her.
You only came back here in July since April to say you guys are still on the issue. Are u being sincere on this matter. It's either u guys made up and just recently started having issues that's d reason for the break or you really do have mistresses. Cos from what I see on this thread coming from u, it seems u are someone that can't keep away from sex for too long.
Your approach to sex might be d rush in rush out type. A man is different very different from a woman when it comes to sex. Men are moved by what they see, why women have a more complicated method of getting aroused.
When last did u take her out without d kids, when last did u buy her stuffs?
Am sure if u buy her what you u want her to wear, she would wear them. Or don't you guys think so.

I can actually see also you are a saint from your numerous boasting about needing a mistress, getting another wife etc. I surely don't envy your wife. From your talk about having several strings of girlfriends and her being d one who chose to stay, it's obvious that your wife has been d one who was in love. I blame her for one thing and that is d fact that she stayed while u maltreated her.
I could go on and on, but for d sake of peace, go on and check yourself. Search deeply in your heart and ask how well you have treated her. I wouldn't appreciate my husband coming to nairaland to talk about our home and I guess most of us here won't like it. Even Op if his wife does that.
I hope u take this piece.
Ps, she is wrong to have brought in a man to the house but my dear, if she sure was trying something else with d man it won't be in the house where she knows u will be home anytime and on d issue of payslip not all organisations give workers their payslip and it's only when they request and it takes time.
About your conji,are u sure it's not when u have pressing needs for it that you only try to be nice

May the good lord bless you

maleekadeola:
You know what, have we heard her own side of the story. If op can invite her here isn't it better. Although am not on support of u posting all ur marital issues on nairaland even if we don't know you.
Some of your comments here show that u don't love your wife. You complain about her telling on you to your family and her aunt, but u equally come here and post about her refusing you sex,about her being treated badly until she got pregnant. Am 70 percent sure that this treatment continued even after pregnancy.
You talked about her calling back a nanny that was sacked..... from your post it is obvious your wife works right. what provision did you make for your children being taken care of when you both are away at work. What was the reason you sacked her.
You only came back here in July since April to say you guys are still on the issue. Are u being sincere on this matter. It's either u guys made up and just recently started having issues that's d reason for the break or you really do have mistresses. Cos from what I see on this thread coming from u, it seems u are someone that can't keep away from sex for too long.

I think i know you.
The fact that you've just registered this moniker for the sake of this thread...beats my imagination.
Telling you nairalanders is so fair cos you don't know me, bringing her on here defeats the purpose of my being faceless....although i have and she's commented a few times.
It's my only marriage and all the experience i have of it is what i've shared on here (Better than involving family or talking to a shrink).
Sometimes, i wonder if i've done the right thing or if i've overreacted at some point.
Then i come on here to share my experience and see who is surprised and who isn't. Yet, some nairalanders say why discuss marital issues on nairaland but same thread has reached 7,000 views.
However, i'll stop here so i won't keep disappointing you or dragging my name in the mud or my Wife's.
But you know what, i think other people can learn from this piece.
I won't take it down, i'll just leave!

Smhart1:

May the good lord bless you

You're entitled to your opinion.

A lot of problems we have in marriages nowadays are communication problems. Sometimes a partner does not know that what he or she is doing has such a detrimental effect in the other partner. The other partner may fume and vex over such actions from thier better half for months or even years, not knowing that the culprit is not aware they are so hurt by it.


I am all for either husband or wife/sister of wife/friend of wife or both to flare up at this point, however be careful with your words. Express your anger, but dont use destructive words. Let it all out so your partner knows that her actions were bad enough to keep you awake at night. What a woman may see as trival, a man may see as the ultimate betrayal, and vice versa. Tell yourselves how you really feel and for once let the other person listen and take it as a big deal. Healing can commence from there.



Cc ananaba000, maleekadeola.