I'm married for just 8 months but already want out and happy.

I’m 33 years old. I’ve been married to my wife for 8 months now, and I’m already so unhappy that I’m considering leaving for good. Prior to getting
married, we dated for 1 year,


Over the past 8 months of our wedding, my wife? she’s become very lazy I don't know why. I would say she’s worked a total of 3 months during that time. Since I've known her, she's worked like 3 jobs, whenever she gets upset about something, she becomes very impatient and quits. I convinced her about going to school instead, and she did the same thing; she went for 2 weeks, got upset with her computer instructors, and dropped out, just 2 weeks, who get's upset with her lecturer and leaves school in this economy? I don't blame her because she doesn't feel the pinch of fee payment.


Another thing that worries me is that Whenever I’m home, which are the weekends, she sleeps on the couch till 11 to 12 noon, On some weekends, she either reads her large novels in bed or hangs out on the couch. I tried asking her why and She tells me she only does that when I’m home because I throw off her routine, but it’s hard to believe that when that’s all I see. To be fair, she does cook even though rather late most times, and cleans the house when she feels like it. On the other hand she has a huge list of tasks that have been waiting to get done for months. Unless I decide to do something myself, or help her out with a task, it won’t get done.


Myself, I’m a hard worker (workaholic). I got my work ethic from spending a year in the military that's long ago before this boko haram nonsense started. I work at a high paying but very stressful job. I value hard work, my father used to be very very hardworking, my mother as well, they worked so hard and gave us a good life, and I easily get upset when I don’t feel people around me are doing their fair share. Even before we got married, I was bitter that I had to go to work every day while she just gets to stay home and do whatever ( I have known her for sometime and we basically lived together for sometime before the wedding because her family members are not based here. Now that we’re married, the unwillingness to work hard just seems to be magnified since I now have to permanently pay her beauty bills, hair bills, fashion bills, shoe bills and every other other bills as well.

We talked about preparing to start having babies and raising a family here in Nigeria. We agreed on certain things, have been trying to make lifestyle changes, but I’m the only one that follows through. She’s gained weight since we started dating, she loves junk and fatty fried foods that only help her increase in size. Immediately after the wedding, I suggested that we start going to the gym together, but I’m the only one that works out regularly. She always finds excuses not to go, her registration card still looks as new as yesterday. If now that we are free she cannot find time to go work out, is it when babies start coming? I'm not the kind of guy that will come home from work stressed and wish to see a round fat wife opening the door for him. I like slim and fit and she knows it. She has gained over 12 kilograms since we started dating till now and doesn't seem really bothered about it.

I won't lie here, I have to bare my mind so that help can get to me. It’s reached the point where I’m just completely fed up with my wife. I’m sick of her being lazy all the time and not working or showing interest. After she left her last job and stopped attending the computer excel and power point classes, I asked for an updated CV and uptil this moment, she hasn;t given me her CV. as it just makes me feel resentful. I’m sick of her drinking a glass of wine every night before bedtime claiming it helps her sleep better, I’m sick of her not trying to get back in shape (Honestly, I’m not really physically attracted to her anymore). I don’t really want to have sex with her, and we only have sex once a month. I’m not even really sure if I love her at this point. And there is no other woman in the picture. I'm not the flirting type and cannot change now. I promised never to cheat on her and I won't but I can leave the marriage if it doesn't bring desired happiness and I feel it's better now that kids are not involved.

We’ve already tried church counseling together. We sit before the pastor and it's just the same one sided forum. I’ve explained the problems I’ve had with her, she acknowledges the problems, but then doesn’t do anything about them. I’m the only one that brings up issues each time we went to see the pastor or his wife. My wife doesn’t seem to have any issues with me, or at least won’t bring them up when I try to ask, so when we do discuss issues it seems like it’s just a one way conversation. I look like the fault finder before her. Now I don’t even feel that going to see our pastor is worthwhile because I don’t think she’s going to do anything about her issues. Within this period of living together as husband and wife, I’ve basically lost faith in her ability to follow through with anything.

My wife is not the same person I knew before we dated, and not the same person I fell in love with. I knew all these problems existed prior to getting married, but somehow thought that getting married would fix things up. I think I realized a few months before the wedding that it wasn’t going to help, but by that time we had booked everything and put down a bunch of deposits, sent Invites and I didn’t want to back out and disappoint so many people. I’m also concerned that I’m so down at this point that even if she does change, it’s

Source: http://www.wivestownhallconnection.com/2016/03/by-time-i-realized-we-had-booked-down.html

Woow

Wowzer!

Wowzest

U na no well . You're 'wowing' at a cry for help.
But honestly, what advice can be given here? I think the wife needs a reality shock. But I'm not sure what kind.

jashar:
U na no well . You're 'wowing' at a cry for help.
But honestly, what advice can give here? I think the wife needs a reality shock. But I'm not sure what kind.

I agree.

Perhaps temporary separation or cutting off all her benefits.

Give her money for food only or eat at work.

After a while, she go get sense.

I have no idea what to tell the fella. Absolutely no advice on what he can or should do.

But I have this to say to everyone else. DO NOT IGNORE THE SIGNS BEFORE MARRIAGE!!! People don't change their behaviour after marriage. They only fine tune them.

Fella saw the signs before and and chose to rationalise them away. Now he has to rationalise a solution for himself.

Friend you just have to live with what you have, its not going to get better until you decide to manage your problems, the honest mistake of ignoring the red flags before marriage has been done so what you have left is HOW TO LIVE WITH HER ISSUES.
work hard s you do, get a maid/steward to help you do somethings, if you can afford it, open a shop eg food stuff biz for her to keep her busy, then travel alot if your business allows that and clear your mind. if you leave this relationship, there is no guarantee the next one will be awesome.

The part about not telling you anything about your faults is so me! I can't put those things in mind. It's not like you are perfect, but your wife has accepted you in your imperfection and does not feel the need to keep a record of all the things wrong with you. It's just too much work keeping a record of someone's faults especially someone you care about.

Kpele is your name!I dunno how some ignorantly go ahead with marrying someone despite red flags.No miracle happens at the altar,what you see while dating, would even worsen after marriage.There is no point delaying the evil day,if there are issues you cant deal with, please take a walk!People will talk,your parents are sure going to be disappointed and embarrassed, but your happiness and peace of mind should come first.If not,Last last,na divorce go end am.