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Must You 'Date' To Have A Good Marriage? - Romance - Nairaland

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Must You 'Date' To Have A Good Marriage? by vickyO(f): 6:00pm On Apr 25, 2016
Growing up, I got interested in God and books and this has helped shape my value and belief system.

I believe that to enjoy a good marriage, you do not need to date. My reasons are:

1) No two relationships are the same. The dynamics of one would always be different from the other. Boyfriend A's interest may lie in other things and his bad habits may be totally different from Boyfriend B's habit.

Thus, the need to have an experience so as to have a good marriage is unfounded.

2) Emotional baggage is worse than some health issues. Most women carry emotional baggage into their marriages with the mind that their husbands would help alleviate their troubled state. Some may have been battered by men, treated like trash, etc and this goes a long way in affecting a woman's esteem no matter how she raises her head high after such ordeals.

Thus, emotional baggage arising from relationships may be avoided if dating is not encouraged.

3) The years before you clock 25 exist to help you strengthen your core as an individual. So if you go around dating without taking time to be alone so you can work on yourself, you might have to settle for less at some point. Take your time to build yourself up and real men would love to make you theirs.

Thus, dating most times prevents you from developing yourself as a youth as it could get distracting. How do you plan to raise your kids and keep your home? You need to teach them values and principles (ones you stand for).

4) It results in pressure from both spouses. For example, if a guy had a girl who could go all the way sexually and his wife is a bit more reserved, issues arise. However, if both parties are newbies, they'd grow together, explore together and this would deepen their union.

Thus, putting off dating helps you when you get married because your spouse becomes your only ideal and this would help reaffirm your marriage.

5) Dating robs you of life processes. Note that kids who engage in romance early lose their childhood. They become interested in doing what adults do and have little interest in things they should be indulging in. Youths who date cut into the time they should spend on self development thereby becoming half baked parents.

Thus, life comes in stages and each stage must be lived out. Don't let dating rob you of any stage.


There is a saying in Law that to every general rule there are exceptions. Some people may have had it differently and to them I say good luck.

You might say how then do you find a spouse. Well, if you are a well rounded person with a reasonable network of good friends and a relationship with God, you'd find your spouse.

Edited:
After you have become independent and well rounded, you can then decide you want to get married. You then start the courtship process with the person you wish to get married to.

Lastly, these are my views, if you agree, comment, explaining it the way you understand and if you don't, do the same.

Life is a learning process, never disrupt it.

1 Like

Re: Must You 'Date' To Have A Good Marriage? by Nobody: 6:03pm On Apr 25, 2016
An exhilarating piece. Unfortunately, I can not contribute in anyway. I'm too young too privy to have a say in something like this.
Re: Must You 'Date' To Have A Good Marriage? by VoteDemiladgold: 6:10pm On Apr 25, 2016
It all depends on effective communication
Re: Must You 'Date' To Have A Good Marriage? by izonlucky01(m): 6:10pm On Apr 25, 2016
Dating before marriage is very crucial. Marriage is a lifetime relationship, so you need to study your partner through dating before embacking into marriage.

I don't believe in love at the first sight, so there is need for the both partners to grow their love through dating before embacking into marriage.

Let me drop my pen for now.
Re: Must You 'Date' To Have A Good Marriage? by izonlucky01(m): 6:14pm On Apr 25, 2016
Op this is 21st century. Dating is now neccesary before marriage. When a guy engage you he has not married you yet, so engagement can also means dating.
Re: Must You 'Date' To Have A Good Marriage? by vickyO(f): 6:24pm On Apr 25, 2016
izonlucky01:
Op this is 21st century. Dating is now neccesary before marriage. When a guy engage you he has not married you yet, so engagement can also means dating.
izonlucky01:
Dating before marriage is very crucial. Marriage is a lifetime relationship, so you need to study your partner through dating before embacking into marriage.

I don't believe in love at the first sight, so there is need for the both partners to grow their love through dating before embacking into marriage.

Let me drop my pen for now.

I understand you.

Dating is not the term to use for people who are ready to get married, courtship is more appropriate.

Youths of today have associated dating with hooking up and breaking up with numerous partners and that is what I'm referring to.
Re: Must You 'Date' To Have A Good Marriage? by vickyO(f): 6:27pm On Apr 25, 2016
MasterEmmanu3l:
An exhilarating piece. Unfortunately, I can not contribute in anyway. I'm too young too privy to have a say in something like this.
You're never too young to make contributions. I may be younger than you. wink
Re: Must You 'Date' To Have A Good Marriage? by Nobody: 6:42pm On Apr 25, 2016
vickyO:

You're never too young to make contributions. I may be younger than you. wink

I respectfully refuse to believe that.
Re: Must You 'Date' To Have A Good Marriage? by vickyO(f): 6:48pm On Apr 25, 2016
MasterEmmanu3l:


I respectfully refuse to believe that.

smiley cheesy
Let's not derail.

What do think about the post?
Re: Must You 'Date' To Have A Good Marriage? by izonlucky01(m): 6:50pm On Apr 25, 2016
vickyO:


I understand you.

Dating is not the term to use for people who are ready to get married, courtship is more appropriate.

Youths of today have associated dating with hooking up and breaking up with numerous partners and that is what I'm referring to.
Now I understand. But when you are dating a guy try to study him and know if he is ready to settle down.

If he is bringing you close to his family, just know he wants to settle down and try to use the opportunity by bringing yourself closer to his family by visiting them but if he is not just run for your life.
Re: Must You 'Date' To Have A Good Marriage? by vickyO(f): 6:53pm On Apr 25, 2016
izonlucky01:
Now I understand. But when you are dating a guy try to study him and know if he is ready to settle down.
If he is bringing you close to his family, just know he wants to settle down and try to use the opportunity by bringing yourself closer to his family by visiting them but if he is not just run for your life.
Thanks for the heads up.

VoteDemiladgold:
It all depends on effective communication

Effective communication? What do you mean?
Re: Must You 'Date' To Have A Good Marriage? by Nobody: 7:07pm On Apr 25, 2016
vickyO:


smiley cheesy
Let's not derail.

What do think about the post?

Well,I think dating is a process where the two people involve gets to know each other, become familiar with their flaws and in a way, help to fix it. It's more of a building step. A preparation for Marriage. Your view is based mostly on the negativity, it whispers "She recently had a bad relationship. Hence, one sided her thoughts"

I can't really say for sure why you think of dating like this but I can tell to focus on the positivity. ..embrace it. Cuz it does have more of a positive impact.
Re: Must You 'Date' To Have A Good Marriage? by halfricanadian(f): 7:07pm On Apr 25, 2016
No not really if u can endure d first 2 years in d marriage with smashing infidelity arguments fights nd all wild un healthy lifestyle den u can marry without dating av seen married at first sight who are still married
Re: Must You 'Date' To Have A Good Marriage? by halfricanadian(f): 7:08pm On Apr 25, 2016
No not really if u can endure d first 2 years in d marriage with smashing infidelity arguments fights nd all wild un healthy lifestyle den u can marry without dating av seen married at first sight who are still married.
Re: Must You 'Date' To Have A Good Marriage? by vickyO(f): 7:20pm On Apr 25, 2016
MasterEmmanu3l:


Well,I think dating is a process where the two people involve gets to know each other, become familiar with their flaws and in a way, help to fix it. It's more of a building step. A preparation for Marriage. Your view is based mostly on the negativity, it whispers "She recently had a bad relationship. Hence, one sided her thoughts"

I can't really say for sure why you think of dating like this but I can tell to focus on the positivity. ..embrace it. Cuz it does have more of a positive impact.

No, my thoughts aren't one sided because of a bad relationship.

Read my response here...
vickyO:

I understand you.
Dating is not the term to use for people who are ready to get married, courtship is more appropriate.
Youths of today have associated dating with hooking up and breaking up with numerous partners and that is what I'm referring to.
Re: Must You 'Date' To Have A Good Marriage? by Aremu01(m): 8:07pm On Apr 25, 2016
izonlucky01:
Dating before marriage is very crucial. Marriage is a lifetime relationship, so you need to study your partner through dating before embacking into marriage.

I don't believe in love at the first sight, so there is need for the both partners to grow their love through dating before embacking into marriage.

Let me drop my pen for now.

I think that's where courtship comes in
Re: Must You 'Date' To Have A Good Marriage? by Aremu01(m): 8:26pm On Apr 25, 2016
@op,I agree with you 100% Just that if you don't wanna date that means you are so sure God ll answer ur prayer concerning ur partner when time comes.
But the question is, how many of us can boast of being able to hear from God n knowing His mind concerning our future partner?
Go to dating n hookup section, u ll see men in dr 30s screaming for partners.... What if this one's have dated beforehand?

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