This article was first posted on theStylebugblog.
I recently saw a movie titled "The War Room", a very good movie, if I do say so myself. The movie was all about talking to God about our marital travails rather than nagging and complaining about our spouse. Teaching us the importance of talking to God in prayer first instead of trying to fix it our own way. My favourite part though was the bit about an elder woman who kept a wall of remembrance (an idea from the wall of remembrance built and filled with names of fallen comrades so that their family members and loved ones can remember them and their service to the country) to stay grateful for all the things God had done for her and when we think about this deeply, this should be applicable in human relationships.
I'm aware that been petty is peculiar to the women folk and as an honorary member of the complaints and nagging committee, I have long come to terms with the fact that a woman in Lagos is no better at dishing out the cold hard cuisine of judgement and labeling than a woman in Abuja will (lol). On a serious note tho, that is the default response of women to issues.
I cringe now when I think about ladies who never give their boyfriends a break, who would rather complain about all the little things he did wrong rather than appreciate all the amazing things he has done right.
A friend once complained about how her boyfriend fails to pick her up daily after work as she sees other colleagues enjoy a ride back home with whoever they were seeing. I was bemused, as the boyfriend in question works at a firm in Victoria Island while her office is at Ikotun and I really wondered if she had an ounce of pity for the poor guy, the traffic issues he had to face in Lagos and of course the distance he had to cover daily just to satisfy this selfish new whim of hers. Then she continued with her complaints saying “Deji is not even romantic, he says I’m inconsiderate and that I have I been complaining about that one little thing he hasn’t been able to do right and how I forget all the other countless things he does for me.”
That was when I realized the importance of the Wall of Remembrance the elder woman in the movie spoke about, it serves as a reminder of the good things other people have done for you. I know the idea sounds cheesy to say the least but serves as reminder of good deeds and good days.
You get to appreciate the thoughtfulness of your spouse when he stopped by on his way from work to get you take-outs for dinner so you don’t have to cook, days when he makes you breakfast just because he thinks you should rest.
Instead of whining and complaining about your spouse’s inability to get you the finer things in life or take you to luxury hotels like Four Points by Sheraton or Oriental Hotel like your friends, appreciate his efforts even when all he can afford to spare is just enough for a budget hotel in town.
This serves as a reminder of your spouse’s strength whenever they go out of course. It reminds you to temper justice with mercy even when they err and all you can think of is digging out past mistakes just to make a point. Even when it’s killing you to be in the right and you feel the strong need to appoint yourself Jury and Judge, it reminds you of all the sweet things the other person has done which pales in comparison to the crime.
You can create cute sticky notes with thoughtful things the other person has done on your vanity mirrors or keep a go-to journal that reminds you of all the things you should be thankful for.
Always remember this “Never let the things you want, make you forget the things you have”.

Mehn,nice one,respect.

No body is ungrateful to anybody

I am totally grateful see once u help me i am indebted to u

I am owing u any help wen u need it

Dis touched my heart nice write up

Bt there are sometimes u flee for ur life

No use of a dead nd gone soul

I appreciate bt sometimes u leave wen u begining to feel worthless
now i feel bad i av a puff puff heart sha