Mindfulness:


Since you have asked three questions, you will also have to answer at least three questions.
And you will have to answer first.

Deal?

Uhmmm, DEAL!

But I don't even get what you're hiding in your birthplace and how long you've lived in Nigeria...honestly

It's not like I'm asking you to show your face, or tell me your full name and birth date.

crackhaus:

Nah, I said that most women would rather keep the peace than nag about not getting help with chores to their husbands - you then asked me if it's really most, and I decided to start the survey with you.

So would you rather keep the peace than nag him over chores?

It is difficult to answer the question without actually being in such a situation.
I am someone who loves peace and harmony but I can be very troublesome when I am tired / exhausted or hungry so maybe I would nag a lot if I didn't have the help I have and I have a lot of help but it is also possible that I would give up nagging due to frustration if it didn't have any effects.

crackhaus:

Uhmmm, DEAL!

But I don't even get what you're hiding in your birthplace and how long you've lived in Nigeria...honestly

It's not like I'm asking you to show your face, or tell me your full name and birth date.

I adhere to the policy of revealing as much about myself as I choose to and not because someone wants to know something but I am glad to use the opportunity to ask some questions about you.

1. Are you married?
2. Have you got kids?
3. How old are you?

shaybebaby:

Honey boo, imma answer this for you. When men start behaving like this, you have to blame their mama and their pops (the inception of such mentality, sorry hun but it's true).

Now, going by nairaland standards, you'll never find men who do such, do chores without being asked to. That's another lie. It's all about how you present yourself from the onset.

No one has actually made this statement here.
Where did you read it?

Like me for instance, I am not that kind of girl that enjoys cooking, I can do it but men, apart from cooKing for my little man, I can't be arsed.

My boo, cooks everyday..without fail. I do not demand it, he loves it (is a trained chef) so he does it voluntarily. He also does the dishes, laundry, hoovering with me. If my baby is home, he shoos me and says "play with your baby".

My ex was responsible for the grocery shopping ( I guess because he loves shopping, any kind of shopping, as long as it involved parting with dosh ) so he took over and I let him. One less thing to think about.

One thing these two men have in common? They were both raised by single mums. Make you wonder....

Ps how was the night out? Did my girl throw awesome shapes like MJ back in the day?

What does being raised by single moms have to do with your boo or your ex?
One is a trained chef, the other loves shopping.

Oh I remember, you're a single mom yourself...figures.

crackhaus:

No one has actually made this statement here.
Where did you read it?


What does being raised by single moms have to do with your boo or your ex?
One is a trained chef, the other loves shopping.

Oh I remember, you're a single mom yourself...figures.

You do understand the meaning of the word "inference", don't you?
It means you don't have to explicitly say the words, but it can be implied. Even contracts, the ones that stand up in court have implied terms which might not expressly be stated.

To answer your question about being raised by single parents, if you need it spelt out;
There are both more considerate of women in general, flexible about what they contribute without attaching any real importance to what is a "man's role" and which isn't. Things got/gets done on a needs and capability basis.
Both have a little bit more respect for their mom'said who they witnessed holding it down hence in general when faced with these so called traditional women roles, they respect the effort that anyone(be it male or female)who does it makes.

Ps. I am not a single mom. I am in a relationship so not single. I raise my son WITH his father so neither a lone parent.

shaybebaby:

You do understand the meaning of the word "inference", don't you?
It means you don't have to explicitly say the words, but it can be implied. Even contracts, the ones that stand up in court have implied terms which might not expressly be stated.

To answer your question about being raised by single parents, if you need it spelt out;
There are both more considerate of women in general, flexible about what they contribute without attaching any real importance to what is a "man's role" and which isn't. Things got/gets done on a needs and capability basis.
Both have a little bit more respect for their mom'said who they witnessed holding it down hence in general when faced with these so called traditional women roles, they respect the effort that anyone(be it male or female)who does it makes.

Ps. I am not a single mom. I am in a relationship so not single. I raise my son WITH his father so neither a lone parent.

Ohhh boi...

See, this thread so far has taken the tone of 'you can't force men to do chores, the ones who do it are doing it because they've already been doing it and are enjoying it'. - which is a perfect description for both your boo and your ex, so I'm not sure exactly what you're disagreeing with here.

It's expedient that you quote the line that made you infer that you inferred. Lol.

Okay you're not a single mom, just a divorced mom.

Mindfulness:


It is difficult to answer the question without actually being in such a situation.
I am someone who loves peace and harmony but I can be very troublesome when I am tired / exhausted or hungry so maybe I would nag a lot if I didn't have the help I have and I have a lot of help but it is also possible that I would give up nagging due to frustration if it didn't have any effects.

Okay, you would rather keep the peace.

Isn't this a shorter answer?

crackhaus:

Okay, you would rather keep the peace.

Isn't this a shorter answer?

The correct short version of my answer would be:

It could play out either way.

Mindfulness:



I adhere to the policy of revealing as much about myself as I choose to and not because someone wants to know something but I am glad to use the opportunity to ask some questions about you.

1. Are you married?
2. Have you got kids?
3. How old are you?

Trust only Mindfulness to take it to a whole 'nother level..

Like seriously, I'm supposed to answer number 3 when there are people I actually see on a day-to-day basis that don't know my age.. Funny woman.

The answer to number 1&2 is obvious, I don't speak of either here so why would you even be asking that.
Or do you think I'm hiding having a kid and/or being married?




****
The questions I asked you are not personal, I know the tribes of most family section regular posters as I do their history with Nigeria... but you? Nada! Nothing!

You don't talk about your ethnicity or any living experience in Nigeria. Don't you think this strange?

crackhaus:

Ohhh boi...

See, this thread so far has taken the tone of 'you can't force men to do chores, the ones who do it are doing it because they've already been doing it and are enjoying it'. - which is a perfect description for both your boo and your ex, so I'm not sure exactly what you're disagreeing with here.

It's expedient that you quote the line that made you infer that you inferred. Lol.

Okay you're not a single mom, just a divorced mom.

Bingo!
Will trawl through later and bring out relevant ones.

crackhaus:

Trust only Mindfulness to take it to a whole 'nother level..

Sure she does.

Like seriously, I'm supposed to answer number 3 when there are people I actually see on a day-to-day basis that don't know my age.. Funny woman.

Since you have skipped one question, I will skip one of the three too.

The answer to number 1&2 is obvious, I don't speak of either here so why would you even be asking that.
Or do you think I'm hiding having a kid and/or being married?

A simple yes or know would do.

****
The questions I asked you are not personal, I know the tribes of most family section regular posters as I do their history with Nigeria... but you? Nada! Nothing!

You don't talk about your ethnicity or any living experience in Nigeria. Don't you think this strange?

There is so much more I have not revealed about myself and there is nothing strange about it.
When one wants to comment on politics and economics every now and then, it is better to keep quiet about certain things so people do not get too carried away and stick to the topic instead of making it all about the person. I like to keep it objective.

I was born in Nigeria to a Nigerian and non-Nigerian parent and that's all you need to know.

Happy?

shaybebaby:
Bingo! Will trawl through later and bring out relevant ones.

So while you grabbed him by the head, he grabbed you by the boobs?

Vorpal:


So while you grabbed him by the head, he grabbed you by the boobs?

Why not? He is my partner afterall...what should he be grabbing instead, another girl's boobs?(besides, he wasn't grabbing it, his hands were placed just beneath).

crackhaus:

Glad you finally understood, you really can't force him.

Regarding the bold text though, that is where most women grossly overestimate their powers of persuasion.
Abi your persuasive skills pass how you sex him or how you cook his favourite food?

Clearly you don't know anything about how powerful I am as a woman.

I can get a man to do anything.

5minsmadness:

Let me start by apologising. My response is going to be brief, brittle and brisk.

You're a woman. I'm a man. These terms have social as well as biological and even psychological definitions. I cook, clean, wash, sew my own clothes when torn as well as change the flat tire and repair the gen. There is literally nothing in the kitchen that you can do that I can't (except maybe keep it a little tidier...lol) and maybe even a little better in some (I make pounded yam so smooth you'd think you'd died and gone to heaven when u taste it with my goat meat egusi soup).


However all those feminine chores stop when I get married. I want to make sure the woman I marry can be nurturing. I want to make sure she can take care of me and more especially my kids. Her primary role is to nurture. Mine is to protect. Simples. Most of the nurturing takes place in the kitchen i.e cooking, washing plates etc. Any woman that cooks and cleans for a man has already warmed her way into his heart (hence so much infidelity with even ugly housemaids... matter for anothe day).

Now, the woman can earn money for the house yes, but that still is not her primary duty. A family in which the woman is the breadwinner is a failed /dysfunctional family. It might be a temporary in certain cases but should be corrected as soon as possible.

Back to your question: the chores mentioned up there are chores for the female folk. It doesnt mean the men can't do it but it is expected for the women to do it. You don't expect us to have a family meeting and the men will go to the market and cook food. You don't expect to be home with your brother and he'll enter kitchen to cook when u r there. That's a social dysfunction. Just like no one expects u to go and put on the generator or push the car or clear the bush at the backyard when your brother is there. The social order has defined what is appropriate for the men and women to do.

And both sexes should take pride in doing thier duties.

Even in the western world men who constantly do the dishes are said to be hen-pecked. Sure he may help once in a while but it is not by force. In fact a man cooking or doing the dishes during or after a date is so appreciated in the west it is seen as being romantic.

What you r trying to question here is the social order of things. Well, go ahead. Nothing stops you. There has been relative peace in the world for so long people have time to question even the basest of things.



On a lighter note your Bros said u no go find man marry if u continue your Agbero ways... You don find the man so?

You see? He was right

apology not accepted as this is in no way brief.

I'm not even going to argue with you but you should just know that, because its expected it doesn't mean that's how it ought to be. I was expecting one of you to say that doing those chores shrinks your balls visibly , but since it doesn't, I see no reason why you shouldn't do chores for your woman while she watchs her shows on TV, you people are just unreasonably proud, mschew.


You and my brother dey craze.

That was then anyways, he knows I'm a very rare gem, I can't be trying to find man, I'm too awesome to.

5minsmadness:

Let me start by apologising. My response is going to be brief, brittle and brisk.

You're a woman. I'm a man. These terms have social as well as biological and even psychological definitions. I cook, clean, wash, sew my own clothes when torn as well as change the flat tire and repair the gen. There is literally nothing in the kitchen that you can do that I can't (except maybe keep it a little tidier...lol) and maybe even a little better in some (I make pounded yam so smooth you'd think you'd died and gone to heaven when u taste it with my goat meat egusi soup).


However all those feminine chores stop when I get married. I want to make sure the woman I marry can be nurturing. I want to make sure she can take care of me and more especially my kids. Her primary role is to nurture. Mine is to protect. Simples. Most of the nurturing takes place in the kitchen i.e cooking, washing plates etc. Any woman that cooks and cleans for a man has already warmed her way into his heart (hence so much infidelity with even ugly housemaids... matter for anothe day).

Now, the woman can earn money for the house yes, but that still is not her primary duty. A family in which the woman is the breadwinner is a failed /dysfunctional family. It might be a temporary in certain cases but should be corrected as soon as possible.

Back to your question: the chores mentioned up there are chores for the female folk. It doesnt mean the men can't do it but it is expected for the women to do it. You don't expect us to have a family meeting and the men will go to the market and cook food. You don't expect to be home with your brother and he'll enter kitchen to cook when u r there. That's a social dysfunction. Just like no one expects u to go and put on the generator or push the car or clear the bush at the backyard when your brother is there. The social order has defined what is appropriate for the men and women to do.

And both sexes should take pride in doing thier duties.

Even in the western world men who constantly do the dishes are said to be hen-pecked. Sure he may help once in a while but it is not by force. In fact a man cooking or doing the dishes during or after a date is so appreciated in the west it is seen as being romantic.

What you r trying to question here is the social order of things. Well, go ahead. Nothing stops you. There has been relative peace in the world for so long people have time to question even the basest of things.



On a lighter note your Bros said u no go find man marry if u continue your Agbero ways... You don find the man so?

You see? He was right

If unfortunately the wife takes up the role of providing, what happens to her primary role?

crackhaus:

Na wah oo, see me see u-turn GTA style ...

The thread is about women who don't have time and are probably tired from work, why didn't you just state that in the OP?

How on earth am I guessing what you typed, but supposed to assume what you did not type (untyped intent)...lol.


Again I ask,
Will the wife of a millionaire who also works and gets home late be asking her millionaire husband to cook and clean because she's tired, has no time, and contributes to finances?

@Bold:

You asked me a question when you said the bolded on another thread...

crackhaus:

I'm a little confused as to what your dislike for Telemundo or TV had to do with how well you could have dealt with the scenario mod.ath described.

Please try this again Buka.
I sincerely want to read a response you put some serious thought into before typing.

You must have a strange belief I will put serious thought in this reply.

bukatyne:


If unfortunately the wife takes up the role of providing, what happens to her primary role?

What do you mean what happens to her primary role?

Well,

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Bolade005:

What do you mean what happens to her primary role?

Well,

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

So a wife goes to work and comes back home to 'nurture' while the husband is at home?

bukatyne:


So a wife goes to work and comes back home to 'nurture' while the husband is at home?

A man with prospect is not expected to just sit at home. He's expected to be on the move looking for a way out of his joblessness.

If atall he sits at home, yes, the wife is still expected to do her primary role. If the man supports, fine and if he doesn't, well that's her cross to carry.

If she was doing her primary role when the man was the provider without complaint, then what stops her from continuing with the same role when the man becomes financially crippled?.

Bolade005:

A man with prospect is not expected to just sit at home. He's expected to be on the move looking for a way out of his joblessness.

If atall he sits at home, yes, the wife is still expected to do her primary role. If the man supports, fine and if he doesn't, well that's her cross to carry.

If she was doing her primary role when the man was the provider without complaint, then what stops her from continuing with the same role when the man becomes financially crippled?.

So the wife nurtures and provides while the husband does nothing?

What is his 'usefulness' at that point?

bukatyne:


So the wife nurtures and provides while the husband does nothing?

What is his 'usefulness' at that point?

He protects the family and I can mention a million things a jobless man still does for the family. His predicament doesn't stop him from doing other "manly" chores or roles expected of him.

My question to you is, if the woman was doing her natural/primary role when the man was the main provider then what stops her from continuing with the primary role when situation changes for the man? Why does she now expect the man to get his hands dirty just because he no longer brings the cash?

The scenario you presented is when you know a well-bred, well-mannered woman from an uncultured and poorly bred one. The kinda woman that will throw the man's joblessness in his face. Women like Tiwa Savage.

Bolade005:

He protects the family and I can mention a million things a jobless man still does for the family. His predicament doesn't stop him from doing other "manly" chores or roles expected of him.

My question to you is, if the woman was doing her natural/primary role when the man was the main provider then what stops her from continuing with the primary role when situation changes for the man? Why does she now expect the man to get his hands dirty just because he no longer brings the cash?

The scenario you presented is when you know a well-bred, well-mannered woman from an uncultured and poorly bred one. The kinda woman that will throw the man's joblessness in his face. Women like Tiwa Savage.

manly chores such as?

Nurturing himself and his wife is 'getting hands dirty'?

The issue is not the finance...

The issue is the time.

A couple with the roles thingy both go to work and the Wifey nurtures when they are back.... It is her role.

Unfortunately, hubby loses his job and is at home hunting for another one...

You still expect the wife to come back from work and nurture a man who was home all day?

bukatyne:


manly chores such as?

Nurturing himself and his wife is 'getting hands dirty'?

The issue is not the finance...

The issue is the time.

A couple with the roles thingy both go to work and the Wifey nurtures when they are back.... It is her role.

Unfortunately, hubby loses his job and is at home hunting for another one...

You still expect the wife to come back from work and nurture a man who was home all day?

What exactly do you expect him to do? Mop the floor, wash the plates shey?

Well, I'm not against any man that do these chores, what I'm against is the woman imposing such chores on a man. Its not going to happen. If he doesn't willingly do them, then that's the end of it. Why should he abdicate the woman of her primary role because he is home all day?

If she does her job so well, these things won't even pile up enough to be issue.

Will a woman like Caroline Danjuma expect Musa to do her job after clothing, housing and feeding her?. This whole chore thing becomes issue only when the man and the woman brings in almost the same thing to the table or the woman brings more. Y'all don't even have the gut to raise it when the man is the main provider in the home and you contribute zilch despite the fact that you work too.

sweetcocoa:
Clearly you don't know anything about how powerful I am as a woman.

I can get a man to do anything.

Certainly this has more to do with the type of man you can get to do anything, than on your perceived ability.

Mindfulness:


Sure she does.



Since you have skipped one question, I will skip one of the three too.



A simple yes or know would do.





There is so much more I have not revealed about myself and there is nothing strange about it.
When one wants to comment on politics and economics every now and then, it is better to keep quiet about certain things so people do not get too carried away and stick to the topic instead of making it all about the person. I like to keep it objective.

I was born in Nigeria to a Nigerian and non-Nigerian parent and that's all you need to know.

Happy?

Good to know.

Now the reason I asked is because a lot of the time, some of your comments give the impression that you're not quite familiar with the way Nigerians really live as opposed to what you read on the internet.

bukatyne:


@Bold:

You asked me a question when you said the bolded on another thread...



You must have a strange belief I will put serious thought in this reply.

Get over it Mrs sensitive.

crackhaus:

Good to know.

Now the reason I asked is because a lot of the time, some of your comments give the impression that you're not quite familiar with the way Nigerians really live as opposed to what you read on the internet.

Well, don't take all of my comments seriously. I am trolling sometimes.
However, I have spent more time in the diaspora than Nigeria so you are right to some extent.

bukatyne:


Woaw!

Can a woman decide not to collect since it is to her directly?

I have never seen any that refused it cos our mother's had already told us about it. What I know is that most young couples usually fall back to it. Some ladies use theirs to start a business or buy gold necklace with it, many use theirs to buy sewing machine. I don't think any lady will turn it down knowing fully well that the money will be given to her, cos its usually a large sum.

bukatyne:


manly chores such as?

Nurturing himself and his wife is 'getting hands dirty'?

The issue is not the finance...

The issue is the time.

A couple with the roles thingy both go to work and the Wifey nurtures when they are back.... It is her role.

Unfortunately, hubby loses his job and is at home hunting for another one...

You still expect the wife to come back from work and nurture a man who was home all day?

Lol, she's still not getting the point.

When the man was working, was she complaining about time?

Bolade005:

He protects the family and I can mention a million things a jobless man still does for the family. His predicament doesn't stop him from doing other "manly" chores or roles expected of him.

My question to you is, if the woman was doing her natural/primary role when the man was the main provider then what stops her from continuing with the primary role when situation changes for the man? Why does she now expect the man to get his hands dirty just because he no longer brings the cash?

The scenario you presented is when you know a well-bred, well-mannered woman from an uncultured and poorly bred one. The kinda woman that will throw the man's joblessness in his face. Women like Tiwa Savage.

[size=84pt]Na see finish[/size]
End of story!!!




God forbid that I or any reasonable man should ever depend on a woman/wife for anything in life...

This is just what you might be faced with:

So the wife nurtures and provides while the husband does nothing?

What is his 'usefulness' at that point?

crackhaus:


[size=84pt]Na see finish[/size]
End of story!!!




God forbid that I or any reasonable man should ever depend on a woman/wife for anything in life...

This is just what you might be faced with:

Big Amen o.

Na guy wey dem fit use in head dem dey find. Alpha-males stultifies them