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Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? - Family (5) - Nairaland

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Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by jornie(m): 11:49am On May 26, 2016
C

6 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Aitee1: 11:50am On May 26, 2016
berrystunn:
Only apply when the guy is poor

Too much money, no body will talk....


You're right, there's nothing as powerful on planet earth as money!!!

2 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Ojochegbe1(m): 11:50am On May 26, 2016
when it come to IGBOS, give it them. There are the most tribal when it comes to marriage, trust me dear there will frustrate ur life. I am a witness........

2 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by riadrims(f): 11:53am On May 26, 2016
sammied:


you are as tribalistic as her parents,if you can spew this in a public forum.
Her parents may be illiterates hence their narrowed views,what's your excuse?




You're a green snake tribal idiot... my fiancee is igbo and we're presently going through the same issues. my Yoruba parents and siblings have accepted her with overwhelming love.... yet her tribalistic igbo parents have not done the same by accepting me....very shortsighted igbo folks....

Putting her under undue pressure, treating their own daughter as though she's a commodity... thank God she's madly inlove with me and I have been the best man she will ever dream of... she has stood her ground, it's either us or nobody else for her...

so we should throw away 2 years of our life together cos her igbo parents cannot get over their myopic tribalistic views? in this 21st century...

in choosing who to marry.... You all should know that as important as your parents are, they're simply your past not ur future, your intend hubby or wifey is your future and you have the choice either to get Stucked with the past or move on with your future....

It's a pity in this part of the world that bad things that has been long abolished in other countries is still been celebrated here....
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by sugah: 11:53am On May 26, 2016
Jaygrl:
Hi legalspices,I am an Igbo girl married to a very very wonderful yoruba guy. We dated for 5years+ before tying the knot. I would give you advice as a Sister,I will never have gone into this marriage without both parents blessing. People tell you shebi it is the guy you are getting married to not his parents/his people but that is a big lie. You are married to every single member of his family. His mum or dad shouldn't even hear of it that he offended me,they are so protective of me like I am their daughter and that is the way it should be. Love is not enough,when he misbehaves it is his family that will talk to him and he will listen.

NB: I don't speak yoruba at all,I hear a little.

I stand with this poster. Do not marry him if his parents do not accept you.
My parents are a very rare kind of Anambra parents, they accepted my husband like their own son not minding he is yoruba and his family did same with me.

3 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by macjireh: 11:54am On May 26, 2016
legalspices:
Hello fellow NLs, am at a cross road here....I have been dating this Igbo guy for over 5yrs now, am Yoruba tho but we both didn't see it as a barrier what matters to us is the love and connection between us.....he is well known by my family and accepted too but the problem is his parents...his brothers and sisters are indifferent about it...but his parents frowns against any of them marrying outside Igbo...his kid sis is over 30 and still single cos of this issue.


Wont I be treated like an outcast?? My kids?? Whose MIL or FIL doesn't show up for their son's wedding?? She won't show up for my 'omugwo'??

A part of me thinks I can handle the situation, but then another part is asking me to move on.

Words of advice pls....I really love this guy


CHAI,,,,LOVE EEEEYYYYY,,,,WHO SEND LOVE DS KIND MSG NOW
BABE I ADVISE U RUN FOR UR LIFE. U MAY END UP BEING MISERABLE IN DAT MARRIAGE LATER. THEY CAN EVEN MAKE U BARREN SPIRITUALLY. LOVE IS A WICKED TIN FYI.....ITS A PITY U GUYS ALLOWED 5YRS WASTED.
HOW COME FOR 5YRS U DIDN'T KNOW D MIND OF D PARENTS. I ACTUALLY BLAME U 4NOT OPENING UR EYES ALL DS WHILE. SORRY DON'T GO AHEAD, MARRIAGE IS A VERY COMPLICATED MATTER......
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Nobody: 11:54am On May 26, 2016
Hello, love is a beautiful thing. But sometimes, due to several factors,such as the economy, finances, family, love can vanish. What only sustains it is your root, your foundation. To have a great foundation or solid root, it is important to have both families, including extended family support your relationship. Now, as contrast to Yoruba kinship tradition, Igbo kinship tradition is very strong, and while unlike the Yoruba- father making decisions as to whom his daughter or son will marry is final. This is not so in the Igbo tradition. You find out that even the extended families are important in the decision making process as regarding marriage.

As some of your friends have said earlier in the forum, marriage is more than love. Everything needs to be right for marriage to last and stay long. Once you have seen his folks are acting cold towards your relationship, the best thing you can do, although painful, is to break up with him and move on.

Also from experience, igbo females or males can easily succumb to pressure to marry from their tribe, unless they have parents who are educated; very well exposed; and have lived in other places for a long time other than their states( not to forget the cordial relationships they have enjoyed with other tribes), you can be more certain that such relationship will lead to something fruitful.
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by blessedqueen(f): 11:54am On May 26, 2016
Nature129:
OP, you should quietly move on

I don't blame our dear Igbo parents though - they can never forget what "Nigerians" did to them during the Biafran war. Sadly, they are even passing the hate down on us the younger generation.

Had it not been that the Igbos are being "forced" to stay with Nigeria, I don't think we would have been answering Nigerians today because, obviously, most of our parents in the east don't like it.

Yes, they remember the immeasurable losses ( human beings, properties, wrecked lives, etc) they suffered during the war, and they tell us every day...smh

OP, move on or stay back and fight a losing battle


Guy forget all dese talks am not Yoruba but happily married to a Yoruba man and if dere is anoda world i will marry him over n over again I dnt know wen u all will get it dat it is not abt d tribe but d person imagine deir daughter is 30 still at home cux of tribal issues I pray she wnt get old at home.....op pls if dey r bin adamant move on dat is y sum girls dnt put deir eggs in one baaket.

2 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by deflover(m): 11:56am On May 26, 2016
Yoruba gals wey thier yansh no dey stay for marriage... don't blame his folks . your tribe has been known as adulterers so the fear.

5 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Nobody: 11:56am On May 26, 2016
legalspices:

He is being a committed,obedient first son and first born of the FAM, laying good examples cry
nne u just mentioned the main koko. 1st child marriage in igbo land is very crucial. . if the guys family are his finacial pillar, run for ya life unless otherwise. and pls dont take any advice from an igbo lady married to a yorouba cos thats a diffrent matter entirely

6 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Olabestonic001(m): 11:57am On May 26, 2016
Jaygrl:
Hi legalspices,I am an Igbo girl married to a very very wonderful yoruba guy. We dated for 5years+ before tying the knot. I would give you advice as a Sister,I will never have gone into this marriage without both parents blessing. People tell you shebi it is the guy you are getting married to not his parents/his people but that is a big lie. You are married to every single member of his family. His mum or dad shouldn't even hear of it that he offended me,they are so protective of me like I am their daughter and that is the way it should be. Love is not enough,when he misbehaves it is his family that will talk to him and he will listen.

NB: I don't speak yoruba at all,I hear a little.


I think its far easier for an Igbo lady to marry Yoruba men and be loved than for an Igbo man to marry a Yoruba lady. The issue is due to how women are seen in Igbo culture. In Igbo culture, women's stake is minimal in the broader scope and hence, if you can meet the wedding requirements, you can take their daughter. But for you to take get marry to their son, its extremely difficult. They mostly don't treat their own tribeswoman (that married their son), so how much more you.
I know cases of family members who are married to Igbo guys and I can say the families are hell and treat women like poo and I have cases of Igbo women who are married to Yoruba man and its like magic. Maybe, Igbo families excesses on their son than their daughters.
I'm marrying an Igbo lady and its like magic.

3 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by uncjay(m): 11:58am On May 26, 2016
my sister, i'm sorry i've not been in such a situation or not to talk of been a cansellor, but i'd say it better you move on and face another direction than thinking of settling with someone whose people are never in support of the whole marriage ish. At the end of the day he might break your heart. Save yourself the trouble u might not be able to handle it. this is igbo we are talking about, they usually stand by their words and decision. Pls move on. No one is better than the other.
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Intrepid01(m): 11:58am On May 26, 2016
IkpuMmadu:


Igbo prick sweet Na....taste and see



Oga go and sit down, I tot you should appear more matured than this with the number of years u v bn married.

It is evident you are just using this thread to throw shades....we can see beyond the surface.

And who are the people throwing themselves at Igbo boys...u r so delutional.

are you that backward that you don't see ladies shouting and crying over Yoruba guys bn bad but lovable on twitter and everywhere.

Check the statistics and you'll see that more Igbo girls are married to Yoruba guys than the other way.

Go to the real world...Yoruba guys just like any guy from other tribe are the most sort after. Infact some people were attacking Igbo girls of staeling Yoruba guys from them.

Go sit ur ass down and get real. The fact that she has falling in love for an Igbo guy does not make the Ibo guy more than ordinary, afterall they say love no know bounds.

It is this delusional and self acclaimed height that has put you guys where u r in the scheme of things in Nigeria. Abeg go sit down joor...get over yourself

11 Likes 1 Share

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by shizzle11(m): 11:58am On May 26, 2016
femmefetale:
[s]My igbo brothers are the most tribalistic folks in the world, especially Anambra men. The Imos are more flexible, the Abians too.

@op, please leave that guy because he will not marry you.If he is an Anambra guy, better run because he will NEVER marry you o, except by the spirit of God and his angels. As an igbo gurl sef, I already have huge restrictions as to where not to marry from.


If you are an foreigner dating an Anambra man, better remove marriage from ya head except of course your in laws to be a dead![/s]
You are a consumate retardd!
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by richyblink1(m): 12:00pm On May 26, 2016
colli247:
Let's stop encouraging tribalism and encourage one another to resist it gently till it's corrected nice one

Thanks
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Nobody: 12:00pm On May 26, 2016
shizzle11:
You are a consumate retardd!

4 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Xano(m): 12:04pm On May 26, 2016
Interesting readings from some individuals.

Some posts here were written out of either anger, bigotry, negative past experiences or hate towards other ethnic groups.

Some wrote its not done in other countries. Some wrote its 21st century. This is wrong.

It is good to search and study.
Japan(in constitution), South Korea, Indonesia, China, Israel, Pakistan(honour killing), Turkey(honour killing), India(honour killing), Israel, Hawaii, among others; they have strong reservations of inter-ethnic marriage. It is not peculiar to tribes in Nigeria.

You people should mind what you cultivate, because your families to come would bear the fruits of the seeds you plant.
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Oyizza(f): 12:04pm On May 26, 2016
Parental blessing is very important when u getting married. know that u nt only marrying d guy, but his family. I know 5 years is a long tym but what if God is hardening d hearts of his parents 4 a reason? Pray abt it and follow God's direction no matter what. Better safe than sorry.

2 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by tomzman: 12:05pm On May 26, 2016
OP, if I am to advise you based on what you posted up there and the responses you gave to some people you quoted, I would say don't marry that guy. Yes, 5 years no be beans but what likely lies ahead if you go on to marry him, I'm afraid 5 years won't be enough to handle it. You see, it takes a very strong-willed man to change his parent's stance when it comes to the issue of marriage and from what you typed up there, your man doesn't seem like one. Love is not enough in marriage, that's the truth. Move on now if you don't want a marriage you would endure.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by agesron(f): 12:05pm On May 26, 2016
thorpido:
What's your man's position in all this?He has to be strong and supportive and know what he wants.
If both of you are determined to make it work,then take it to the Lord Who knows the end of all things.

U r right.
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Nobody: 12:06pm On May 26, 2016
[quote autahor=IkpuMmadu post=45978306]

To you am a tribalist and that is not a bad thing
But to me I am a realist and that is an awesome thing



Everyday here in Nairaland people will complain igbo this igbo that ...it's becoming shameful
They will complain that Igbo won't marry them , therw parents won't let them marry them.

This is sickening and despicable


How many times have you seen an Igbo man or woman cry that the other tribe won't let them marry them




This is such a shameful thing...people throwing their selves on igbo....igbo are just human and this whining should stop [/quote]dont bother urself with dese hypocrites.they remeber 'one nigeria' and 'we are all humans' wen it comes to marriage.they are all disgusting and retiring tribalists

3 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Felincous(m): 12:07pm On May 26, 2016
IkpuMmadu:


Oga what is meaningless


Let us start encouraging people marrying their likes ...it's not a nive thing disobeying parents just to marry

We will all be parents someday so why will you advise somebody to disobey

And why should a lady throw herself on a man that his family doesn't want her...there should be dignity

Why can't the lady simply walk away and let the man sort this thing out of he really wants


This is shameful a lady comes to public forum to lament about Igbo man not marrying her...for Christ sake sue can find men in her tribe or is her tribal men not marriage material


This is shameful ..and for a lady f
A man should be the one doinghe chasing .....
Now i c d way u reason, so choosing someone I want to marry is disobeying my parents because they are not in suppt of it? if the marital challnges come are they d one dat wil face it? U bera not allow d blanket of tribalism block ur sense of reasoning. Rememba u re alwys on ur own
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by shizzle11(m): 12:07pm On May 26, 2016
femmefetale:


I know you very well! I'm still that old biitch Lynpetra, be careful!
Little wonder! still biitching as always with silly comments.
So u still neva get sense? cheesy
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by sammied(m): 12:08pm On May 26, 2016
shizzle11:
You are a consumate retardd!


and you're simply a slowpoke, a useless tribal idiots... rubbish...
so he should refrain from saying the obvious truths?
may ur day be cut short as you quote me....

2 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Nobody: 12:09pm On May 26, 2016
dragonking2:
In the past Igbos were not too tribalistic but now Igbos are very tribalistic. Its a big shame embarassed embarassed
move over

1 Like

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by E20BILLION(m): 12:09pm On May 26, 2016
legalspices:
Hello fellow NLs, am at a cross road here....I have been dating this Igbo guy for over 5yrs now, am Yoruba tho but we both didn't see it as a barrier what matters to us is the love and connection between us.....he is well known by my family and accepted too but the problem is his parents...his brothers and sisters are indifferent about it...but his parents frowns against any of them marrying outside Igbo...his kid sis is over 30 and still single cos of this issue.


Wont I be treated like an outcast?? My kids?? Whose MIL or FIL doesn't show up for their son's wedding?? She won't show up for my 'omugwo'??

A part of me thinks I can handle the situation, but then another part is asking me to move on.

Words of advice pls....I really love this guy


My dear, pls and pls, stay away from Igbos regardless of what you feel for the Igbo man. They ll treat you like a piece of shit/an outcast.

Pls i beg of you again, let that 5years slip by, your future happiness matters a lot.

Find another tribe to marry from...

Igbo should be the last tribe to marry from as Yoruba lady.

They are extremely tribalistic

10 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by abbey621(m): 12:10pm On May 26, 2016
If you had to come on Nairaland and ask then you've already lost 50% of the war! Love is a war, it's either you fight or quit. It's also important to know who or what you are fighting for! You 've dated the guy for 5 years so you should know his behaviors and the type of relationship he has with his parents. If he's the type to succumb to everything and does not have a voice of his own then don't expect him to fight for you, it is better you move on! On the other hand, if he's the oldest child and very influential to his family then there's hope. If there's one thing I've learned about African families and their dynamics, it is the fact that money speaks loudly, it has a way of making the unacceptable more acceptable. All in all, you should know your man way more than any of us!!!!

1 Like

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by jornie(m): 12:11pm On May 26, 2016
V

6 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by pjecly: 12:13pm On May 26, 2016
My warmth advice on this thread is fot you to iron out the issue b4 marriage because you might not be able to handle the situation once it gets out of hand.
forget about d LOVE pls.
thread it with advice and consultations
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Nobody: 12:14pm On May 26, 2016
shizzle11:
Little wonder! still biitching as always with silly comments.
So u still neva get sense? cheesy

I go just ignore you.The crase wey dey worry you this morning, I still dey find the cure.
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by richyblink1(m): 12:15pm On May 26, 2016
IkpuMmadu:


Oga what is meaningless


Let us start encouraging people marrying their likes ...it's not a nive thing disobeying parents just to marry

We will all be parents someday so why will you advise somebody to disobey

And why should a lady throw herself on a man that his family doesn't want her...there should be dignity

Why can't the lady simply walk away and let the man sort this thing out of he really wants


This is shameful a lady comes to public forum to lament about Igbo man not marrying her...for Christ sake sue can find men in her tribe or is her tribal men not marriage material


This is shameful ..and for a lady for that matter ...we know husbands are scarce but there should be dignity NAA


A man should be the one doing the chasing .....

Brotherly, yeah it's true we will all be father's sooner than later. But a son (man) calmly and boldly telling/ making his people know where his heart and genuine feeling lies, isn't an act of disobedience if you ask me. It's simply obeying and following your heart to make a decision that will either make you unhappy for the rest of your life, or make you a better man in the future.

Parents should learn to guide their children in decision making and not to control and force them to do their bidding
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by ebydon: 12:17pm On May 26, 2016
I am Igbo and my wife is not. All the aforementioned are nothing and won't count if the man knows his onions and stood his ground. It will only matter if your destiny as a man is tied to the village where you obeys all the cultural demands the villagers throw at you.

Oga, you make it seem like marrying an Igbo man is world war 3. The point you listed there are all meaningless if the man have balls and stand his grounds.

I am igbo while my better half is Akwa Ibom. Yet the sky isn't cracking . The man in question should be able to talk to this parents and make them understand where his happiness lies.

Let's stop encouraging tribalism and encourage one another to resist it gently till it's corrected [/quote]

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