me and my husband were about to sign the contracts on our new home.  he has been very agressive with me lately for very small things.  He has been criticising me a lot too and as I discussed before he always wants anal sex and knows it kills me to do it.  Apart from this everything had been running smoothly.  For the last two weeks straigth i have tried to talkto him but he completely ignores me and tell me i dont even have a job (I was made redundant from my job about a month ago) I am willing to work and have a law degree etc. He uses this to be little me.  Then, last night he told me that I no longer have the authority to question him and that I will be now treated like a nigerian lady as I cannot make any financial contribution.  I saw a demon in his face.  He then said that he will do as he likes and that I have to respect him 100per cent and the only way I could question him was if I was coming in half half with him! is this the norm?

I have no money at all he normally gives me 40 euro a week towards the foodstuffs and all along I was paying the childcare costs alone.  He didnt want me to pick up welfare in case it would effect his naturalisation file so i have five euro in my pocket til wednesday.  He changed his shift to the early one today so he could go out drinking tonight and expect me to sit there waiting for him.  He goes no where with me and wont go to any of my family gatherings.  I looked at myself in the mirror and screamed crying thinking what will happen, we are about to have a new home.  he then said he was going to a BnB, i said ok well I can pack your things for you and he said great, do that.  I packed all his things for him and he took them and walked away.  Its over. I'm very sad but am I wrong.  i cannot overcome this, my nerves cannot deal with this. So I decided instead of being treated like a chattel that I would go alone for the first time in six years.

Thank God that your nightmares are over, pick yourself up, dust yourself up and start all over again.

I wish you a new happy life.

But I hope I wasn't wrong.  Thanks for the encouraging words. 

did i do the right thing?

Hmmm what could have gone wrong? Is there any clue as to the cause of his change in behaviour toward you?

it started when i asked about the behavour of a certain familoy member of his he shouted at me for asking and when I asked what she was saying in pidgin he gor even worse. Its seems as though it flared up over me having a problem with a particular family member of his (his brothers wife) we dont get along and anything I see I tell him about it jsut to get at her. I guessed it all went to far and sadly broke us up. Also, its the attitude of him about me not being able to fin work, there is not one singe job here in ireland everyday Im lazy etc etc. To put the icing on the cake are suppsed to sign the contracts for our house on Monday beatuful house in both our names. Problem was he randomly attacked me last night and said that when we move there, because I am not working and therefore not able to contribute 50 50 that he is going to treat me how he would treat a nigerian lady! he then told me never to question his whereabouts or the divorce cert is ready. he said I must tolerate anything from him and when he wont define tolerate I got really scared man.

he goes for weeks ignoring me just b'cos he is in bad form. I might as well be sitting here on me own. I have noticed lately that he never even  finihes the conversation he is having with me he just hangs up. (I see his friends do that on their wives aswell just a cultural thing maybe)

I have not had any suspicions of him cheating cos he was always here with me if he wasnt in work he was always here with me and his phone is always on and he always picks calls.  Now he will roam around and meet another foregner and it will be the same old story again. I know there are girls at his school who will be with him. Nothing I can do now,  he was obviously very unhappy so let him find a happy life.

Wonder were he went though I guess a BnB

I can also telll you that when he drinks he gets very very Hot so, let it be

Sorry for these turn around. Firstly, it is not cultural thing. Africans traditionally take care of their wives.

You man has an issue. It may be that you are once richer than him and had used that position to make him submisive to you. Or that you have done so many things wrong in the past, when you are working, that he had swore to revenge.

All in all, you also clashed with the family and didnt get on well with them. That, may have encouraged the family affected to poison his mind against you (provided he is a nice man before now).

Think about it and let see if you can point out the real cause.

Finally, did you bring him over to Ireland or you both met there?

Its only an in law as in his brothers wife and it has always been an issues that she caused.  No we met in Ireland and married in Nigeria we have been married six years and im broken hearted. I mean we were about to sign the last document on the house.

I just hope and pray he will return to me, I doubt it though if he is gone with all his things that I packed!

I get on well with all his other family members apart from this curse of a person.

I dont know perhaps he just realised he didnt want me anymore.

The contracts are due to be signed on mon at 2.00

I was never richer than him as i had been studying the last few years and worked the last three.

Do you think he will be back?

not going to ring him as it will ruin it.

me and my husband were about to sign the contracts on our new home. he has been very agressive with me lately for very small things. He has been criticising me a lot too and as I discussed before he always wants anal sex and knows it kills me to do it. Apart from this everything had been running smoothly. For the last two weeks straigth i have tried to talkto him but he completely ignores me and tell me i dont even have a job (I was made redundant from my job about a month ago) I am willing to work and have a law degree etc. He uses this to be little me. Then, last night he told me that I no longer have the authority to question him and that I will be now treated like a nigerian lady as I cannot make any financial contribution. I saw a demon in his face. He then said that he will do as he likes and that I have to respect him 100per cent and the only way I could question him was if I was coming in half half with him! is this the norm?

I have no money at all he normally gives me 40 euro a week towards the foodstuffs and all along I was paying the childcare costs alone. He didnt want me to pick up welfare in case it would effect his naturalisation file so i have five euro in my pocket til wednesday. He changed his shift to the early one today so he could go out drinking tonight and expect me to sit there waiting for him. He goes no where with me and wont go to any of my family gatherings. I looked at myself in the mirror and screamed crying thinking what will happen, we are about to have a new home. he then said he was going to a BnB, i said ok well I can pack your things for you and he said great, do that. I packed all his things for him and he took them and walked away. Its over. I'm very sad but am I wrong. i cannot overcome this, my nerves cannot deal with this. So I decided instead of being treated like a chattel that I would go alone for the first time in six years.

Leilah
I am very very very very sorry that this happened to you. I have been reading some of your posts for a while now and it always sounds heart breaking. I really wish you the best in all that you do and happiness.

By the way, you should consider going to work in England or even trying to come to the united states.

By the way, oziomatv, you are back. I have not heard from you for a loooooooong time.

the way and time some people reappear and disappear on this forum leaves little to the imagination.

Horniness no go kill una.




@ topic

its possible your husband knows of your activities on NL or has been told stories of what you're posting here.

I can also tell you that when he drinks he gets very very Hot

you mean at the bar or at home?

and if you didnt want him to leave then why did you help him pack his bags? I dont get that part.

Don't let him walk all over you like that. He doesn't have the right to treat you worse than a domestic pet because you don't have a job right now. You need to put your foot down and say enough is enough. You can do better than that. I understand you have kids but you kids need you to be alive for them. They cant have you dying of HBP because of your rude and irresponsible husband.

Question, is this the same husband you have been having problems with all these years? Get it together lady, you have to believe that you deserve better than that.

wow this dude is on the extreme side of tough.

He didnt want me to pick up welfare in case it would effect his naturalisation file so i have five euro in my pocket til wednesday

so I'm assuming he now has his naturalization file?



btw, I hope you havent been seeing anyone here on NL? It seems rather strange the way you suddenly decided to let your husband go after previously refusing to listen to anyone telling you to do the same.

and after all the anal sex too- what was the point of agreeing to it at the end of the day.

yeah his naturalisation application was approved two weeks ago. I always agreed to do that thing as it made him happy, I always respected him. but for him to tell me he will treat me like a nigerian woman and that i shouldnt ask any q's thats what really really frightened me.

I dont know, I just looked at myself and looked deep into my eyes i have many many friends and family who are here comforting me. i asked myself some serious q's. Why would a man want to physically and mentally hurt his wife. Dunno, funnier again, I dont know where he is. But hey im not having panick attacks anymore.

Leilah:

yeah his naturalisation application was approved two weeks ago.  I always agreed to do that thing as it made him happy, I always respected him.  but for him to tell me he will treat me like a nigerian woman and that i shouldnt ask any q's thats what really really frightened me.

I dont know, I just looked at myself and looked deep into my eyes i have many many friends and family who are here comforting me.  i asked myself some serious q's. Why would a man want to physically and mentally hurt his wife. Dunno, funnier again, I dont know where he is. But hey im not having panick attacks anymore.

lol that means you became surplus to requirements 2 weeks ago.

Time to put you on the transfer list.

yeah it may be indeed the case. All of a sudden he started to treat me like absolute shit about two weeks ago.  I never even thought of it.  But thank God I am okay and have not got a child for him.

We will see, I reckon he is gone, fair enough, 

let it be. happy I have plenty of friends and family.

he was the one who wanted to buy a house with me.

Thanks all for the advice.

@davidif,

I have studied course after course, ireland is very very bad right now. I think it would take some time to gather to funds to move away again. but, like that, ya never know.

Leilah:

me and my husband were about to sign the contracts on our new home.  he has been very agressive with me lately for very small things.  He has been criticising me a lot too and as I discussed before he always wants anal sex and knows it kills me to do it.  Apart from this everything had been running smoothly.  For the last two weeks straigth i have tried to talkto him but he completely ignores me and tell me i dont even have a job (I was made redundant from my job about a month ago) I am willing to work and have a law degree etc. He uses this to be little me.  Then, last night he told me that I no longer have the authority to question him and that I will be now treated like a nigerian lady as I cannot make any financial contribution.  I saw a demon in his face.  He then said that he will do as he likes and that I have to respect him 100per cent and the only way I could question him was if I was coming in half half with him! is this the norm?

I have no money at all he normally gives me 40 euro a week towards the foodstuffs and all along I was paying the childcare costs alone.  He didnt want me to pick up welfare in case it would effect his naturalisation file so i have five euro in my pocket til wednesday.  He changed his shift to the early one today so he could go out drinking tonight and expect me to sit there waiting for him.  He goes no where with me and wont go to any of my family gatherings.  I looked at myself in the mirror and screamed crying thinking what will happen, we are about to have a new home.  he then said he was going to a BnB, i said ok well I can pack your things for you and he said great, do that.  I packed all his things for him and he took them and walked away.  Its over. I'm very sad but am I wrong.  i cannot overcome this, my nerves cannot deal with this. So I decided instead of being treated like a chattel that I would go alone for the first time in six years.

Your husband should be tied to a post and flogged publicly. . . .

Blimey. . . . .Whats the meaning of he can do what he likes cos you don't contribute financially?
Men are becoming Sissies these days.
Who mistreats a wife because of something as simple as financial contribution?
Dang. . . . .This is depressing!!!!

Leilah, sorry to hear of ur break up, you should contact de social & apply for lone parents, or fis, the job situation here is crazy at the min. Try looking on find a job.ie, hope it all works out for you.

Hey are ya back in ireland Carol

Yeah  i had to go down there the other day carol and I had to tell the truth.  I was in tears. They gave me two forms one for one parent family payment and the other fr rent supplement, they said I an get 290 altogether and get help with the rent.

I have an appt with the landlord on Tues to sign the forms. Thankfully he is willing, in that way in wont be homeless.  My mother is sending down some money for me tomorro as I literally have nothing as my jobseekers benefit its not available til wednesday and i lost my job nearly a month ago.

My heart is broke, but when my husband was here i actually had much much less and if i ever asked him for anything he would tell me I was idle and shoudl get a job. 

I have registered wit many recruitment agencies and my husband is aware of that ( I have to send him a copy of everything) so, I just want to get a life on myown.  I'll never forget the good times, but in the long run, its just not worth it. Imagine everyday I would be told that I REFUSE to work! even though he gets a copy of all my job applications.

I put it to him that his brothers wife doesnt have to work at all and has plenty of money in which she boasts of, and is always planning more children (b'cos she is in a serious naija marriage)

perhaps she has the qualities I shoudl have, but my nerves and my personality cant cope with all this so, I unfortunately have no choice. I am terrified of him at this stage.

Hey Leliah, I live in Ireland. A marriage is 50/50 leliah, it dont matter if you worked or not he shud be supporting you. Dont compare your self to anyone, why are you terrified of him? Keep your chin up & never let anyone put you down. This is my email address if you want, carolcopeland2008@yahoo.co.uk. You will be fine you will find things tough at the minute but you will get through it.

Thank God, its over

I dont know- something seems fishy about the whole story.

Not to mention oziomatv who suddenly resurfaced after lying underground for so long.

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it should be one.

Una fit make person fear marriage sha.

Welll I have not gotten any phone calls. I am not upset either. This is quite a joyful event of anything. i thought I ws going to be a nervous wreck but I am not. I dont care what he is doing so let it be. dont miss him one bit.

Isn't about time you end this horrible marriage of yours; I don't even think I'd still consider it marriage

mohawkchic you have hit it on the nail. I cant put up and shup up.  so the only option for me is OUT

Yeah you are also right Amaka, is a nigeran lady supposed to put up with this

Its like youare a mind reader mohawk, see I never though in all these six years tats I would be subjected to his 'behaviour'

MrCrackles:

After sixteen posts you already know her marriage is horrible?
Wonderful!

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that this crap isn't marriage. Hell her recent posts is filled with woes of her marriage