ronald4ever:
How much is she bringing into the table? What's her contribution to the money you guys are sending home? I will never send equal monthly amount to my in-laws and my biological parents. That's never going to happen.

You made a very good point. I now begin to wander why I'll send equal money to my parents and my in-laws.

Where were my in-laws when my parents were spending their hard earned money to make me become somebody in life ?

70% goes to my parents while 30% goes to my in-law. That is what my dad does and I'll follow his footstep.

yagganess:
my wife's father is late and mother is alive. Both my parents are still alive.

we want to work out how much money to send to the parents each month and the problem is she wants to send the same amount both ways. My issue with that is if we send the same amount both ways then one side will need to split the amount between 2 people, yet the other side is one person.

I feel that to make it fair we need to to send by person rather than the side of family. This way each parent gets the same amount of money

what are your thoughts

Send per circumstance.

Surely, one side maybe more well off than the other.

The living couple might both be getting pension payments and the widow might be collecting rent from several houses for example.

One side might need it badly and the other side not really.

To make your wife happy if both family sides have roughly equal economic status, send per head.

As a man, as much as honesty is good, send extra to your parents at intervals. Your wife does not have to know. Since her knowing has created a disagreement over how much to send to whom now. A man needs such discretion sometimes.

I'm pretty sure if your wife had both parents alive, she won't make such a suggestion. Don't be surprised if she already sends money to her mum without you knowing. From my observation, most women do so.

Not trying to criticise your wife but just to let you know how most "darling wives" operate.

Hmm, Op, this sharing formulae spells doom oo, and please, let it not be the bane of your union with your wife, because I foresee problem in the nearest future. God forbid.

Take for instance, if at any given time a parent needs to solve an urgent need that requires fund, let say 20k, how do you handle such without creating problem and jealousy? Except you have to send to both families irrepesctive of needs and time of the month.

I will suggest you both handle the different families individually. You give to both families, same goes for her, even if she doesn't give to your parents, just do what you have to do and dont bite off more than you can chew.

I can never give same to both families, she is not the only child of her parents and I am not the only child of my parents. I will give based on situations, so just take charge of your home, and think about it carefully.

I am not married though. Looking forward to getting married someday.

Shalom.

wizzyrich:
You made a very good point. I now begin to wander why I'll send equal money to my parents and my in-laws.

Where were my in-laws when my parents were spending their hard earned money to make me become somebody in life ?

70% goes to my parents while 30% goes to my in-law. That is what my dad does and I'll follow his footstep.

Gbammest. Imagine the applesauce and effrontery of the wife. My parents who toiled day and night to see me through life and she dare demands I spend equal amount with hers who I never knew until I've established myself? What nonsense.

yagganess:
my wife's father is late and mother is alive. Both my parents are still alive.

we want to work out how much money to send to the parents each month and the problem is she wants to send the same amount both ways. My issue with that is if we send the same amount both ways then one side will need to split the amount between 2 people, yet the other side is one person.

I feel that to make it fair we need to to send by person rather than the side of family. This way each parent gets the same amount of money

what are your thoughts

I think it depends on their needs. Are both parents on the same economic level? There are too many factors at play. One can argue that your wife's mother needs more help since she is doing it all alone. Conversely, two people sharing the same amount that her mother gets monthly could be seen as absurd. I think two of you should review the economic situations of both parents and reach a reasonable agreement.
Eg. If your wife's mother is raising 6 kids but your parents have all grown offsprings, the economic needs of both parents are not the same.

Give more to who needs more assistance. Each one of you may elect to give more from your personal savings.

NB: This is why I hate marrying from third world countries. The marriage always come with third party liabilities.
\

Not bring man enough is the reason you are in this situation. The only reason you'll ever be in this arrangement with your wife is only if she's contributing to what you are both sending home. I'll send whatever I want to my parents and do what can for her folks and she send to her parents. I wouldn't mind. Settled

Happywoman:
No response yet ur are on front page?. Da hell

Now to d question u asked are u both keeping funds in a joint account?
Why must the right hand know wen and wat d left hand is giving out?
Why must either partners jointly decide who gets wat or not?
A little privacy won't be bad ? Cos in d long run humans will be humans . Jealousy and questions on equity and equal sharing will arise.( As it has already)
All these drama is avoidable and unnecessary.
Have tins done independently pls.

My two pence

I can now see why u are a happy woman and u will forever be happy.

Op, quick question. Do you both contribute jointly to the family purse? If you both do, then I'll suggest you give each side equal allowances.
However, if you feel the allowance for your parents isn't enough, always add to it from your personal account.
Your wife may be feeling cheated if you both contribute and then you give more money to your side.
But, if your wife isn't contributing significantly to the money being sent to you guys' parents then you can insist on a sharing formula that seems alright to you.

yagganess:
my wife's father is late and mother is alive. Both my parents are still alive.

we want to work out how much money to send to the parents each month and the problem is she wants to send the same amount both ways. My issue with that is if we send the same amount both ways then one side will need to split the amount between 2 people, yet the other side is one person.

I feel that to make it fair we need to to send by person rather than the side of family. This way each parent gets the same amount of money

what are your thoughts

In a marriage, both parents are supposed to be treated with equal respect. Either of the couple should see and rapport the parents as his or her's . Depending on plans and agreement before marriage, issue of immediate parents should not be extended to the third party just to make sure that things are balanced in a home. Remember, a time comes when the living parents have to go and meet their maker. Are they going to be replaced with another third party? No. At this time, you may need to stop sending things to the other family members who at this time are ever expecting to receive from you. When they could not, it could be misunderstood.
Make your partner to accept and handle your own parents as if they are his or her's. Also make him or her to know that you are now one and avoid division so that your marriage may stand the test of time.

Issues like this are taught during marriage classes. Are you people truly weded? If not meet plan and get it done. During the teachings, issues like this are properly solved.

everybody should send to their own parent

eyinjuege:
Op, quick question. Do you both contribute jointly to the family purse? If you both do, then I'll suggest you give each side equal allowances.
However, if you feel the allowance for your parents isn't enough, always add to it from your personal account.
Your wife may be feeling cheated if you both contribute and then you give more money to your side.
But, if your wife isn't contributing significantly to the money being sent to you guys' parents then you can insist on a sharing formula that seems alright to you.

OP looks so christian like and can't send extra cash to his own parents without informing the wife, that's total submission to a woman but sorry I dislike such men cos they end up like woman wrapper.

Some people just like to give thier own self headache






Send what you like to your own parents and let her handle her parents too





Where's the problem?




Must you do everything like co-operative?

Hmmmmmmm this your maths will only work if your wife is the only child. Don't your wife have brother's who can take care of their mother while you support any way you can. My brother concentrate on building your own family and save for your children future while you support families a y way you can. Or better still arrange some huge cash and give to your wife mother to be running a petty trade than thinking of how to be sending home money every month. I have 3 sisters who are all married and my mum is late their husband's don't contribute to my dad's wellbeing because he is our responsibilities and we take care of him. All this family mater self.

It is not fair that two people share what one person has alone. Why not all three have equal amount?

But then again, it s subject to what demands are more pressing. If your wife s parent has serious medical issues , for instance(God forbid though) for instance u might have to keep paying bills and spending more.

You guys are a team, you should always be on the same page about family issues.

My 2 cents.

I don't think that mathematics can work in this instance. There are too many variables involved besides some parents don't even need money

Where a parent is receiving a good pension, they own property's and receiving extra income in rent, and have no dependent children, then that parent cannot be compared to one who is still renting themselves, and has younger dependent children and other responsibilities.

@poster look at the individual circumstance of both sides of the family and both of you need to be flexible
however if its becoming an issue that you cant agree on, and you do both have separate purses then let each of you cater for their own parent and you both add extra to the others parents allowance during Xmas etc

Flexibility is one of the keys in marriage, cos you never know when you will want your partner to be flexible too.

The Parents to get the larger share or equal share should not be the problem. The 2 of you should sit down and itemize their respective needs and expenditure( e.g. the widow mother meant need more money due to health challenge or dependent relative) or if the parents( father/mother) are stronger / working or getting pension ) all that needs to be looked into.
Beside even if your wife gets her own money is still good the 2 of you discuss and agree on the amount to give your parents. From experience, we give my parents more money than my husband’s parents because they have other children that are helping and they are retirees hence, earn pension. Note, is not a matter of who earns more b/cos I earn nothing compare to my hubby…is a simply matter to sort out. Don’t be narrow minded about money been equal or but think of their expenditure and if your parents have more need let your wife understand that. There are various ways Satan meant want to raise it ugly head in a family. Be wise.

Consider the parents that have the most expenses. And also the parent who has support from other of their kids.

jideniceguy:


How's the camp fire night going hun, hope you had fun and how's the camp xperience too. I'm a servin Corp member too Batch B 15 though. Posted to the north too buh redeployed. lol. Camp was fun and I enjoyed ma stay while I was there. That camp fire thin was fun and I really enjoyed every bit of it and hope u enjoyin urs too..
BTW, I heard u pple are leaving camp this Wednesday, is that true?

Yeah, the closing ceremony is tomorrow.

LaRochelle:

Yeah, the closing ceremony is tomorrow.

Oh okay cool.. Thanks

This is an easy case. the breadwinner of your mother in law is late, right? But the breadwinner of your mother is alive. Your father can still do one or two things to get money cos he is a man. I advice that you only send equal amount of money only to your mother and your wife's mother. after all when you give a child money, the child will not spend it alone but give to the parent. Hope you understand what I meant? In other situation in the family where you need help the first person to take it to is God.

At least you have the money to send back home, you should be thanking God. For the past 3 weeks my younger sis and I have been living practically from hand to mouth. To show you how low I've sunk, my mum back home was actually the one who sent my sis and I the money we have been living on for the last couple of days.