TAKE THE TIME TO READ THIS IT'S REALLY HELPFUL

Life Partner

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a
life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of
close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in
their approach to finding Mr/Ms Right! If you ask most couples who are
engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I
believe this is the number 1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life
partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound not
politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting
married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other
ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again:
You can't build lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot
more.


Here are five questions you must ask yourself if
you're serious about
finding and keeping a life partner.


QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life
purpose? Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married
for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you
plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You
need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a
common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow
together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing
apart. To make marriage work, you need to know what you want out of
life, bottom line-and marry someone who wants the same thing

QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my
feelings and thoughts with this person? This question goes to the
core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can
communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is
trust - i.e. trust that I won't get" punished" or hurt for expressing my honest
thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive
person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and
feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally
safe with the person you plan to be with.


QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch? A mensch
is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here
are some suggestions.
Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
Are they serious about improving themselves?
A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone
who is always striving to be good and do the right
thing. "So ask about your significant other:

What do they do with their time?
Is this person materialistic?
Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top
priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of
people in the world:
People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who
are dedicated to seeking comfort.

Someone whose goal in life is to be
comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing
the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.


QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other
people? The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is
the ability to give.
By giving, we mean the ability to give another person
pleasure.
Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are
they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed?

To measure this, think about the following:
How do they treat people whom they do not have to be
nice to, such as a waiters, bus boy, taxi driver, etc.
How do they treat parents and siblings?
Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you can
not expect who can't do nearly as much for them!

Do they gossip and speak badly about others?
Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves
others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly will eventually
treat you poorly as well.


QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping
to change about this person after we're married? Too many people make the
mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve"
them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can
probably expect someone to change after marriage, for the worse!" If you
cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready
to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and
treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less
with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are
dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.
Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on
your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't
do your homework.


ANOTHER PERSPECTIVE, There are some people in your
life that need to be loved from a distance. It's amazing what you can
accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining,
negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the
relationships around you.

Pay attention. Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain
people do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you? The more you seek quality,
respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you, the easier it
will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who
should be moved to the balcony of your life.


An African proverb states, "Before you get married,
keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye." Before you get
involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation,
immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you
blind to warning signs.
Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you
can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that
important.


Once you decide to commit to someone, over time their
flaws, vulnerabilities, pet-peeves and differences will
become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow
and evolve, you've got to learn how to close one eye and not let every little
thing bother you.
You and your mate have many different expectations,
emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses and strengths. You are two
unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life
together. Neither one of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other?
Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise
with each other, or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to
the relationship?
Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past
mistrust, past pain?


You can't take someone to the altar to alter them.
You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop
self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life" you won't find yourself
making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your
pain.


Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness and
selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and
lasting relationship.
Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a
relationship.


WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:

01. TRUST

02. COMMUNICATION

03. INTIMACY

04. A SENSE OF HUMOUR

05. SHARING TASKS

06. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN

07. DAILY EXCHANGES (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a
call, a touch, a
note)

08. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS

09. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING
INSECURE

10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND
ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT


If these qualities are missing, the relationship will
erode, as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty and pain will
replace the passion.

Plant seeds of righteousness and you will be sure to
reap that which is organic and truly edified by God.

In this dispensation of high divorce rate, one could really use a post like this!!! One of the best articles on love I have read in a while!!! Got me really thinking. This is old but so deserves frontpage.

Cc:
Ishilove
Farano
Rocktation
Lalasticlala
Seun