If you have the sinking feeling that your relationship is on the rocks, then it's time to reflect on your relationship and try to save it. To save it, you're going to need to work together to figure out the problem or problems you're having, as well as a solution to those problems. You're also going to need to work at loving each other again and reconnecting to what you felt in the past.

Part One of Four:
Figuring Out the Problem
Image titled Save a Relationship Step 1
1. Consider when things went wrong. If you are at a critical juncture, you can probably figure out when things started going off the rails, even just a little bit. Think about when the problem started, so you can figure out how to approach the discussion with your partner. You may easily pinpoint one major reason, such as you or your loved one was unfaithful, and that changed the dynamic of the relationship. More often, you may not be able to find one major reason, but rather, a series of reasons for why things aren't working out. A lot of little things can start to add up. For example, maybe he's spending too much time with his friends, or you never make time for each other. Alternatively, maybe you're both stressing at work. Maybe you're growing incompatible. If you've been together for a long time, it's possible that you've become different people over the course of the relationship. If you're unsure where to begin, consider taking a relationship quiz that can help you assess how healthy your relationship is.

2. Decide whether you should try to save it. Sometimes, a relationship can't be saved, especially if the other person isn't willing to put in any work. If only one of you wants to save it, that's not going to work out. Also, if your relationship is abusive in any way, either physically or emotionally, then you probably shouldn't try to save it.

3. Pick a good time to talk to your partner. You should pick a time when you have few distractions. Also, it should be in a private space, so that you won't be overheard. In addition, try to choose time when you both aren't overly emotional. You should try to have a calm, rational discussion, putting emotion to the side.

4. Talk with your partner. If your marriage or relationship is need of saving, it's likely that your partner already knows a problem exists. However, if you haven't talked about it, you need to start the discussion. It's best to do so when you are calm and level-headed, so that you can actually discuss rather than shout at each other. It's important to not just talk, but to listen and hear what your partner has to say about what's going on in your relationship. You can show you're listening by summarizing what your partner has to say to show you've understood what he or she has said. You can also ask questions that show you've heard what the person has said and that you want to know more. When you're bringing up the problem, focus on "I" statements rather than "you" statements. For example, you could say, "I'd really like to discuss what's been going on with our relationship," rather than "You're making our relationship a mess.

5. Come up with a list together. While discussing your relationship, work on a list together. Figure out what you both think the problems are in your relationship, and discuss how it started. It may be hard to have an open discussion, but it's important to get both of your points of view on where the relationship went wrong. In addition, you can use help from educational websites to help identify what's healthy about your relationship and what's not. For instance, a healthy relationship is one where you are both your own, independent people and you respect each other's personalities and boundaries. You are interested in what the other person is doing, and you encourage one another.
Unhealthy relationships, on the other hand, are where one or both of you is not happy with who the other person is, and you are pressured to change the person. You may also feel controlled or manipulated, or you may be the one doing the manipulating.

6. Focus on patterns. Rather than blaming each other, consider how patterns from each of you has led to problems. For instance, maybe you consistently forget to call home when you're going to be late, and your partner then gets upset when you don't show up. Consequently, you punish him or her the next time by not calling home, which is a cyclical pattern. When you bring it up, focus on how to solve the problem, such as "I will try to be better about calling home, if maybe you can forgive me the few times that I forget. Or maybe you can send me a text near the end of the day, so I will be more aware of what time it is.


Part Two of Four:
Figuring Out How to Deal with the Problem

1. Consider counseling. If you are at the point where you are trying to save your relationship, it's a good idea to call in professional help. A counselor can help you decipher what problems you have, especially if you can hardly stand to be in the same room together anymore.

2. Be honest with each other. Being honest is a kind of vulnerability, and by being honest with your partner, you show that you trust him or her. Try opening up about what you're thinking and feeling. When you're vulnerable, you're inviting your partner in and asking him or her to be equally as honest. However, it's important to continue using "I" statements to tell how you feel instead of blaming the other person. For example, when you're talking to your partner, you shouldn't say, "You never put me first." Rather, you should say, "I sometimes feel neglected in the relationship." That way, you're telling how you feel rather than pointing fingers.

3. Work collaboratively. Instead of each taking one side of an argument, it's important to work together. You should work together in your relationship, treating each other as teammates rather than enemies. However, you also need to work together when trying to solve problems. That means first agreeing on what the problem is. Once you agree on what the problem is, you also need to talk about what both you are concerned about underneath the surface. That is, you may both have an idea in mind of what winning looks like, but if you are both set on winning, no one will win in the end. Instead, discuss why you want the solution you do. You should also look for common ground in the problem and the solution. That is, if you're disagreeing about who should do what housework, at least you agree that the house needs more attention. That's a starting place.

4. Discuss solutions. This step may be the hardest part, coming up with solutions you both can live with. That means agreeing on what you think the main problems are in the marriage and coming up with ways you can both work to make it better. Basically, you need to compromise. Blaming each other isn't going to help, as you've both contributed to the situation you're in. Compromising means you need to talk about what you both need and want in the relationship. This step is important, because then you can decide where you can both stand your ground and where you can both give a little. Compromising means giving in where you feel you can.
It helps if these solutions are concrete. For instance, maybe you've decided one of your main problems is that you don't spend enough time connecting. The solution could be that you agree to go on one date a week, plus you will try to spend lunchtime together at least three times a week. Maybe you're problems are partially financial. Sit down and agree on a budget moving forward, one that compromises on what you both value. For instance, if you're a saver and want to penny pinch every dime while your partner enjoys extravagant vacations, compromise by going on a more modest vacation every year that is within your budget. Portion out the household chores. One small thing that can become huge is if one person feels he or she is doing all the work at home. Have an open discussion about a fair division of the work, and try making a schedule to determine who will do what when.

5. Learn to forgive. If you're going to move forward, you're going to have to forgive each other for the hurts you've caused. That doesn't mean completely forgetting what happened or even saying what happened was okay. It does mean that you need to acknowledge the hurt it caused you. You need to realize that the other person makes mistakes, and both of you learned from that mistake. Finally, you need to accept that it happened and move on. Most mistakes stem from needs that a person wants to be met. Realizing that can help you learn from what happened.

6. Figure out what will happen moving forward. Once you've identified the problems and solutions, you need to both formally commit to the solutions. The solutions need to be concrete and ones you can both live with.
If you find your solutions aren't working after a certain period of time, it's fine to revisit them and try something new.

7. Don't forget boundaries. Once you've made a plan about how to move forward, don't forget that you also need to set boundaries. Yes, you forgive each other for what's happened, but you can still put boundaries in place to keep the same mistakes from happening again. For instance, if one of you cheated after going to a certain club, it seems reasonable that that person should not return to that club. You could bring it up by saying, "Because of what's happened in the past, I don't feel comfortable with you going to the club. If you insist on going, that may be a deal breaker for me.".... To be continued...

OK noted!

Whch kyn intervention be this..



Money answereth all things

There's a lot of fish in the ocean. Relationship is like a plate, once it's broken, don't mend it ,u will only hurt urself..

Viewing thread TrapQueen77 and co.....


Girls and relationships thread are like "Sunday and Rice&Stew"










Happy Sunday ya'll

UndisputedBosom:
Viewing thread TrapQueen77 and co.....


Girls and relationships thread are like "Sunday and Rice&Stew"










Happy Sunday ya'll

as if you never view and commented. The worse u even mentioned me!

U can relate too thats why

TrapQueen77:
There's a lot of fish in the ocean. Relationship is like a plate, once it's broken, don't mend it ,u will only hurt urself..

you just throw it into the bin . Happy Sunday baby

Jay542:

you just throw it into the bin . Happy Sunday baby

oohh my Daddy is here. My Sunday is almost over actually. Juz hanging out with my friends . How u doing?

TrapQueen77:



oohh my Daddy is here. My Sunday is almost over actually. Juz hanging out with my friends . How u doing?

why almost over?? I'm good. Still on bed sha. My own Sunday have not even started

Stale!

Jay542:

why almost over?? I'm good. Still on bed sha. My own Sunday have not even started

Time check. ...it's almost 6pm already

TrapQueen77:




Time check. ...it's almost 6pm already

Time check. ...it's almost 11am already. Where do you stay?

Jay542:


Time check. ...it's almost 11am already. Where do you stay?

TrapQueen77:

lol. You'll not talk now oo

Try to be understanding and accept your partners flaws with love. Love conqueret all and the key to every solution in life, especially in relationships

Jay542:


lol. You'll not talk now oo

What do u want us to talk about Daddy ?

TrapQueen77:



What do u want us to talk about Daddy ?

whr do you stay?

Jay542:

whr do you stay?

outside Ng

TrapQueen77:


outside Ng

outside naija no dey get name shey? Talk joo

Jay542:

outside naija no dey get name shey? Talk joo

Naso Baba come to the exit door,, I'll show u where I am staying

Aiit o o

cindykaey:
OK noted!

thumbs up