TheSeeker:

I just made a speculation that it may be the reason for him stepping aside but that may not be what exactly transpired. How do you know for sure he doesn't want to be with her? I think it's too early to start judging his decision because it seems to me like it's what everyone is doing about this issue.

It's not all the time that a man is ready for a relationship and a man's readiness for a relationship depends on the kind of woman he's getting down with. For instance, if I want to get into a relationship with a girl and she's having emotional trauma as at then, do you expect me to be ready if I don't have the patience to handle her outbursts as a result of her trauma? Of course I won't be ready because I won't be patient enough to handle her, and I don't want to look like a bad man. Do you know if she's demonstrated acts that made him think he needs to work on some of his traits and behaviors? It's prejudice to say the guy was never interested in her or whatnot because if he does get with her, we'll be the first to criticize him that he started a relationship he wasn't ready for bla bla bla

TheSeeker:


On another note, he may have found out he can't meet up with her requirements hence, the need for him to work on his personality and be a better man and at the same time not wanting to ruin the personality he had already created. If you ask me, I'll tell you he did the best thing. Isn't it norm that you know more about someone before you fall in a relationship with them? He did, found out it couldn't work and did the best thing by telling her. It's as simple as that and I don't see any selfishness there. You think that's what he was trying to do??  Hmm, I dunno, it just seems too hollywood for me, 'figuring myself out', well the last time I heard that, it involved the guy going partying and having several one night stands because he was no longer 'leading me on and was now free to be free and be himself' lol. . Not saying this guy is going to do the same, but I think humans are pretty selfish in love, if we want something we go get it, and guys being predators are really good at this.

Khemmi:

Wel,i wud say he led me on cos he kept comunicating n even when i wanted to stop,he begged me n said he was so fond of me.he got me a perfume of $74.everythng showed,bt he prolly found out dat his feelings were getting too strong.he said he wantd to be sure of himslf,dat he wasnt ready4a relatnshp.we were jst friends,but i saw d green light n he said he was interesd in me.maybe at dat time,he dint knw he wasnt ready,until his feelings bcame almost uncontrollable n den we ad to stop comunicating so he cud let it die. i knw am wat he wants,bt gues d timing is nt right.he mite av other reasons,though,i cant read his mind and i really dnt want to try,cos av moved on,there's always a beta person.thanks

Khemmi:

@seeker,he led me on INTENTIONALLY.there were times he asked if the feeling was mutual,when i said no,he was deeply hurt.what u av to undastand is dat he didnt hide his feelings,he told me he had them,bt didnt ask me out directly.so it was intentional.gues it was getting too serious and he realized he wasnt ready.it wasnt very easy for him to stop comunicating,bt he probably had to.

Khemmi:

@seeker,hw can u be sure,if your nt him.i was d one in d picture,so i knw exactly wat went on.am no kid,so i shuld knw when a guy likes me and if it shows.we were really close.it was obvious he had feelings 4me,i didnt need him2 say it,though he did indirectly.your a guy,so u shld knw these things.wen do u tel a gal u cherish her n dat u wud neva want her hurt or unhappy,wen does a gal bcom d first person u talk2in d mornin,n last at nite.wen does she bcom sumone u jst cal cos u wantd2hear her voice,wen do u tel a gal u want2 cum spend d weekend wit her,wen do u ask her out on a dinner date,whr your suposd2 be d cook,y wud u be hurt,show it n say it whn she says your feelings r not returned?y wud u want2speak2her every nw n den?y wud u tel your ex abt her,y wud almost evryone u work wit knw d gal your always on d phone wit?y wud u wish2stroke her hair n paint her nails.y wud u care if she had her manicure n pedicure on,wat haistyl she ad on,n wat clothes she as on?y wud u say a prayer4 her weneva u said one 4 urself?, y wud u feel insecure wheneva she's on a date?, y wud d woman u want2spend d rest of your life wit be pretty,intelgent,enterprising,homely, ?

TheSeeker:

I recognize with the guy from experience as well. There was this girl I was having friendship with. She was very nice, a very intelligent woman any man would be proud to have. At the outset, the feeling was mutual that we would end up being in a relationship. I was looking forward to that, so was she. Somewhere along the line, I saw a few things about her that I couldn't cope with. It stood as at then and still does now that I don't and won't change a woman to my kind of woman. She definitely has to be my kind of woman already or at least somewhat close. Then, these things that ruled her out of my kind of woman were stuffs I didn't know how she'd feel about them. It took me some time before I could tell her but I eventually did. This guy may not have had the courage to tell her (if that was the case), but also, I understand what you mean exactly.

I think I might be being harsh on the guy, and you may be giving him too much credit, careful before you assume that he's as good as you. After all you never know a person's intentions. I don't think it's his fault he lost interest in her, but being adults we have to be careful when we decide to participate in the game of love. Also as an adult we are aware when someone's interested in us, especially when you spend a lot of time with them, maybe flirting or 'communicating' with them. I will not blame anyone for deciding that they dislike what they've seen in a person, and they have decided not to pursue that person anymore, but come on now, we can't pretend that we don't expect to disappoint the other person. What I am trying to say is that, we know the consequences for our actions, even in a friendship, imagine having a best friend who tells you all their secrets, and vice versa, and you are very close, and trust each other, however, something happens to you in your life, and from that point, you suddenly stop calling your friend and stop telling them anything about your life. Do you think the other friend has any right to feel betrayed or led on?

Yes? Well it's like that, it might be a genuine reason, but he can't lie that he led her on, equally the girl you liked, would have been shocked if you decided to stop calling her and showing her attention altogether.

Yes the guy didn't actually do something but sometimes it's what you don't do that makes the difference.

Looking at it closely, don't you think the guy could have slept with her if all he wanted to leave her for another girl in that process? He doesn't sound like a user to me or he'd have slept with her and made her feel worse than she already does now. What I see here is she has looked forward[b] too much [/b]for the relationship to happen and now she's disappointed it's didn't work out; she likes him, that's for sure, but the guy doesn't sound ready to me and he's honest about it. There are issues laying somewhere around there and that's where his decision had revolved around. I agree too that he may have led her on but unintentionally is what I choose to go with.

I don't think he is a user totally either, but there are signs of a little bit of selfishness, but we are all humans, we have to be selfish at times otherwise we may never get what we truly want. He wanted out.

Khemmi:

There's dis guy,we got really close n feelings started developing.we were both nt seein anyone.n den all of a sudden,he stopped comunicatin an d wen i askd wat went wrong,he said he was having so much feelings n he wasnt ready 4 anoda reltnshp,cos we were getting really close n he cud foretell we were goin2 head in dt direction.we dnt talk anymore,he said he needed time to work on himslf.