To a love I couldn’t claim;
The words you said to me that night left me more speechless than I was the day I encountered armed robbers who placed a revolver on my belly button… “I can’t do it you again”. We never did it before but the message was clear.
One thing I have been sure about in my life is that God gave me a gift of persuasion which I like to think I haven’t perverted it yet and all my life I have taken pride in the fact that convincing people comes to me easily but most of my “charms” seem not to work so well with you.
I have given up on the possibility of changing your mind otherwise but will be the happiest if that miracle happens. But I want to make one last move to tell you this: everything I told you that night was true. I am a terrible liar and I know it that is why I usually don’t bother to even try. But everything I told you seemed like a lie to you but it wasn’t. there are things that I never wanted to mention to you but since it has come to this, I will tell you.
The day we went out on your birthday (2nd July 2014),…isn’t it questionable that I went right into another relationship the next day? (3rd July). After that moment, I dawned on me that maybe that is as much as you wanted us to be… friends. But it wasn’t so for me. It was more than that for me. We had a connection stronger than I have ever felt before and I know you did too. And when I started with her it dawned on me that I had missed something…but coming out wasn’t easy either.
I couldn’t bear talking to you consistently because I knew I was hurting you. So I felt the best was to keep a little distance…and I guess that was wrong too. Its been two years and I remember it vividly…remember the first day we met? At Paradise hostel junction to head to peace house. I remember my reaction that day…and your look too.
I wish time didn’t run out of me, I wish I could make you love me again and end up like I always envisioned…it should have been you and I regret a lot of things. I cant change the past and if I had a way to get you back again I would have done so. Asking you to act like the prodigal son’s father might seem much but…
Its been 3 hard nights ever since we had that chat…remember this Sunshine: I didn’t use you and you were never my option two. You have always had a spot in my life nothing can replace.
Its a lot to ask of you but even if you don’t reply this chat or give me a second chance, remember that everything I told you is the truth I have kept in me all this while. (even though I have made believing me quite difficult for you).
For a heart like yours, may God grant you someone who will never toil with it again. I wish you well…for your request to remain as friends, I wasn’t just a friend. When we were together we went to places even lovers can only imagine of been there. So my dear, I cant be what I wasn’t in the first place.
BYE.

my brother