Hey guys, how una dey?
Before I proceed I’d like to issue a disclaimer: I like to tell my stories exactly as they happened so don’t blame me if you read something that offends you, and don’t get all preachy. Smoking is bad, alcohol is bad, drug abuse is also bad. Safeguard your health cos health is wealth. A man who is healthy has everything. I have since stopped indulging in all of the above. Reader’s discretion is adviced.

So I’ve done a lot of crazy things in my life, but what probably takes the cake was one fateful day when me and my guys (Okeke, Biggie and Tunji) decided to get high on a potent mixture of alcohol, SK, codeine, and rochie. As we were busy smoking, popping pills and getting high, Okeke received control number from him client. The maga don finally pay. Na so we start to dey jubilate o. Normal level na, the groove must enter gear 2. Na so we pack our self enter bus dey go OAU so as to withdraw the money. On the way I bought some Jedi fi'fa to step up because I don dey my dragon mode, smokingua continua.

Little did I know that devil was planning to use me and play suwe.

Now if you’re a stoner or a jaiye jaiye somebody you’ll know that each of these elements – alcohol, SK/weed, codeine, rochie – are bad by themselves (especially rochie) not to talk of when you mix it all together. You no go know when you and mad man go begin gist serious gisting for inside hot sun, you go just find yourself for there.

So as entered the bus going to that place where all the banks are in OAU, little did I realize that I was slowly fading away. I just plug earpiece for inside ear dey feel fresh. Everybody dey there respective Highness mode. We entered GTB and while Okeke went to withdraw his money so we can continue our jaiye jaiye, we all took our seats waiting in anticipation. I crossed my legs like a boss as I looked around, my eyes tinted like say I be Abacha bodyguard. Suddenly I felt a strong urge to smoke and then I remembered that I had bought some Jedi fi'fa on the way. I also had a lighter in my left pocket. So what was I waiting for?

Na so I shook hand comot one stick of Jedi, shook hand for the other pocket comot the lighter. Somewhere deep inside, far far away… the conscious part of me was screaming, ‘Nooooooooo, don’t do this! It’s not right. Stopeet!!!’

The highness/incredible hulk version of me was like, ‘Wetin you dey talk, abeg I wan smoke jare. Abi shey dem no dey smoke for bank ni?’

We argued back and forth within myself as I held the Jedi in one hand and the lighter in another, more faded than a jeans that had been worn for 5 years at a stretch. I tried to light the Jedi once but the lighter didn’t come on on first try. Well, to clear all doubt and assuage my conscience I decided to ask my fat friend Biggie if it was okay to smoke in the banking hall of Guarantee Trust Bank, OAU, Ile-Ife.

Don’t blame me my people. Wayward Pikin just wanted to smoke.

Na so I tap am, biggie turn face me with eyes wey tint pass the way eclipse dey take cover sun.

‘Biggie, abeg shey I fit smoke this Jedi fi'fa for here?’

‘You dey crase? How you go smoke for inside bank? E be like say you wan make dem show you for 9 ‘o clock news. You go sleep for inside cell. Idiot.’

At that moment, Okeke signaled to us on his way out. He had withdrawn the funds. Jaiye continues.

Na so my brain take format o, but I guess it didn’t format well enough because what happened next fit shock all of una but na me e shock pass.

Over to you guys, what’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

Xoxo,

Wayward Pikin.

.

I won't tell mine... It's explicit...

As we left the banking hall na so I light the Jedi fi'fa. No time. Next we decided to go to New Buka to eat some food because what’s the point of getting high without some chow to go with it? Na so we reach there o, we ordered for our food. As the girl served us and began to walk away, I stood up and called her back with all seriousness.

‘Yes? Do you need anything else?’

‘My dear, do you know that you have a BIG NYANSH?’ I said with so much emphasis, staring at her posterior as if I forgot something there.

My friends and the girl all looked at me in shock.

‘You said?’

‘I said, you have a BIG NYANSH,’ I turned to my sure padi Biggie, ‘Biggie can’t you see what I’m saying? Dear, your NYANSH is big please.’

I must have been talking loudly because the madam of the restaurant came over to our table, a woman I was later told is the mother of the girl with the BIG NYANSH.

‘Is there a problem?’ the woman enquired.

‘There is no problem madam. It’s just that I was saying that this girl has a BIG NYANSH.’

The woman looked at me in shock. Me wey dey my zobo mode. Biggie and the rest began to apologize to the woman on my behalf as the two females just stood there looking at me like a specimen in a biology laboratory.

‘Wayward Pikin e don do. You no know say na the girl mama be this wey you dey tell this rubbish?’

‘You mean am?’ I said in shock. I turned to the woman, ‘Madam I’m so sorry. But can’t you see what I’m saying? Just look at it. She has a BIG NYANSH.’

My friends looked at the women apologetically.

In the end, the women left us, we ate our food, paid and went on to have one of the most epic nights of our lives. When I woke up the next morning I was trying to piece together the events that happened the day before, na so my friends form round table for my head begin dey tell me all the atrocities wey I commit. To say I was shocked is saying the least. I rushed down to New Buka to that particular restaurant to see if I could apologize to the woman and her daughter for my uncouth behavior. I wanted to know if they would recognize me at first, so I acted like I was just there to buy food like a regular customer. On seeing me the daughter was all smiles and super excited, even gave me some extra meat. She was just laughing as she served me. As I was eating she went to call her mother and the woman started laughing as she sighted me. They both stared at me laughing while I sat uncomfortably in my chair smiling shyly like a virgin as I ate the food. Me that I was a lion yesterday. I paid, mumbled an apology and bounced. But I’m pretty sure that all these years later, I’m one customer that they can never forget lol.

The End.

Xoxo,

Wayward Pikin.

Seun lalasticlala what’s the craziest thing you guys have ever done?

TrapQueen77:



I won't tell mine... It's explicit...

Come on don't be stingy. Share with the rest of the class.

waywardpikin:


Come on don't be stingy. Share with the rest of the class.

Haahahah... Kids everywhere sha..mine needs parental advisory..

may be I didn't do much crazy things that's why its hard for me to remember any. I will tell yo all when I remember. keep your fingers crossed

TrapQueen77:



Haahahah... Kids everywhere sha..mine needs parental advisory..

Don't worry I'm the chairman of the Nairaland censor's board. You're covered.

SweetyZinta:
may be I didn't do much crazy things that's why its hard for me to remember any. I will tell yo all when I remember. keep your fingers crossed

No lele... remember that one man's crazy is another man's normal.

D craziest tine i have done... I tour my waec nd neco results











Tank GOD it was d photocopy

Another one.

I once met a girl and fvcked her the same day. How did it happen? It was a Friday evening and I was strolling down the road past a popular female hostel when I saw this tall ebony beauty wearing a shirt with the inscription ‘Omo-T' boldly written at the back. She was sitting outside all by herself, so I decided to join her. We spoke normally and you know naija girls nah, the conversation soon drifted to her stomach infrastructure because the next thing she told me is that she was hungry.

‘I’m hungry. I haven’t eaten since morning,’ she said. I looked at her, angry in my mind and wondering why all the girls I come across always behave like hungry lions. I wanted to blow her off but I decided to get creative instead.

‘You haven’t eaten? Ehya, and I was hoping we could go out and have some fun this evening. Maybe go to Diganga or Hotel d' treasure. You know it’s Friday.’

‘Really?’ she said excitedly. ‘I would like to go o.’

Na so I tanda form like say I dey check my pocket. I sighed in disappointment.

‘Can you believe it? I forgot my wallet at home. Shey you haven’t eaten na, let’s go to my house. I will tidy something for you then when you finish we can decide on where to go.’

It was just a gamble o. A shot in the dark. So you can imagine my surprise when she actually stood up and agreed to come with me.

Na so we reach house o, I rush cook am the normal indomie and egg (shout out to tosyne2much) and one bottle of lacasera to step down. I come on Spartacus for my flatscreen and switched on the AC (Uni girls can die for AC) so she go balance well well. Na so she balance begin dey chop o. The thing be like film for my eye.

Soon after it got pretty late so she said she wanted to start going. I told her that I had fetched water for her to take a shower so she can feel fresh and relaxed, and that I kept one cloth in the bathroom for her to wear that will look good on her. Na so she gree o.

I no sabi the kain jazz wey dey my mouth that particular day.

After the whole thing, time to sleep came. I tried touching her, those big black melons were too irresistible to ignore. As I dey try touch am I just dey hear stories that touch.

‘Stopeet!’

‘What’s wrong with you now?’

‘I don’t like what you’re doing please.’

‘This is just the first time na. At least next time.’

‘Is it because I followed you to your house?’

As e come be like say I don dey embarrass myself I just talk say make I respect myself begin sleep abeg. I turned my back to her and it wasn’t too long I started drifting off to sleep. I was halfway to dreamland when I noticed someone tapping me on my shoulders.

‘Are you sleeping already?’

Make I no sleep again? Shebi you talk say you no wan do? Women and drama sha, I thought to myself.

‘Sorry jare I don’t know when I fell asleep,’ I replied.

Next thing she knew I landed her one delicious kiss. This time she didn’t tell me any stories that touch because if she tells me any story for the gods na to face front sleep back. No time. Na so I wear raincoat, we don start to dey do kerewawa. Her kini was so tight and so hot, worth the indomie and egg I had expended on her.

As soon as I had climaxed, e no reach 30 seconds my JT was at attention again demanding for more soup like Oliver Twist. Na so I tap Omo-T again o. She looked at me with an expression of shock on her face that still makes me laugh till today.

‘Again??’ she queried, like someone who was tired of the whole damn thing.

I no even answer am. I just shukushukubambam and the ebony beauty collected it. Early mormor the next day she left, and I never spoke to her or picked any of her calls again, even though I did bump into her a few times after that.

Guy, you are too much, it takes courage to do all this...

many ooooooooooooo..............................i want to sleep now...............................................i will update u guys whan i wake up