Abandon your spirit by the door
and let your fears swallow you whole.
Give the monsters what they want
before they eat all of your soul.




''We are family'' That was the first thing i heard as the family meeting started. The voice that spoke sounded almost happy as if the gathering was a kind of celebration. I looked at the face of the voice, my inside burning with venemous anger. There was tears in my eyes.

''We are family'' I repeated the sentence in my mind, again and again. ''We are family'' ''We are family'' I whispered very quietly, snickering, each word dropping out of my tongue like tiny monsters determined to choke me. My face contorted with a mixture of anger, pain, regret and the desire to just die.

I sat inbetween my mum and dad. I looked at my mum, her eyes were red, you could tell she had been crying, occassionally blowing off cartarrh from her nose with the end of her wrapper, the resulting noice less disgusting than the face of the voice who spoke first. They always say men don't cry but a second glance at my dad told me otherwise, he was sobbing, tears welled up in his eyes, too afraid to blink else the tears come pouring down, i look at my dad, shake my head and clutch my stomach.

In the middle of the room was a small table with a bottle of cheap wine. I wondered, who would want to drink wine in a meeting like this? Directly across me were two men sitting on white plastic chairs, lets call them Uncle 1 and Uncle 2. To my left, another two men,Uncle 3 and 4, well dressed than the first two, they were seated on the only comfortable chair in the room, standing behind them is a young man, 28 years old, the son of one of the men. I looked at him with anger, resisting the immense urge to haul the saliva i have gathered in my mouth at him.

Uncle one clears throat as if afraid to speak, he looks at dad, looks at me and began,

''well like he said, we are family, what has happened has happened and what we need to do now is to look for the way forward'' he stared at everybody in the room before sitting down.

''Yes, he is right'' Uncle 3 is speaking ''we are family and we all just have to protect the family name, we know what happened shouldn't have happened but everything is ordained by God to happen, the best thing is to forget the matter and move forward'' His voice was low, almost sweet even, makes me want to just snap that neck. I looked at myself and then stared at my mum, her crying had increased, her legs were shaking very rapidly like one with a flu. I hold her hand to comfort her but it didn't ease the pain. We were both broken.

''well, the only solution is to report the matter to the police and take the case to court'' My dad says, finally finding his voice.

''We would do no such thing'' Uncle 4 replied-the father of the young boy- with a bit of pride and total lack of shame, ''Remember'' he says ''Do not bite the hand that feeds you and vengeance is for God, by the way, do you realize what that would do to our family name?''

''Did you think of the family name when you and your son took turns raping me?'' I screamed, cutting him off and almost charging at him if not for the hand dad suddenly placed on my shoulder, pressing me to my seat. Mum is wailing now. Every mention of that word RAPE seem to want to drive her crazy.

Uncle 4 looks around then sits down. I stare at his son, (lets call him Charles) he averted my gaze and fidgets in his position. I sob, my sudden outburst drove the whole room into complete silence.

''we are family'' What kind of family rapes a 19 year old virgin lady and then tries to cover it up? I ask you, is there a way to ever recover from something like that? Being rapped and tossed between father and son like a sex gadget while your screams reverbrates round the wall hoping that somehow someone would magically materialize to save you, you've prayed to God, definitely an angel would come, but then that moment when your realize there is no one coming, you kick and scream and shout and bite, you scratch at the men, dipping your claw into their skin but nothing you do can stop them, the harder you try, the more they want to destroy your very essence.

At what point do you begin to give up? At what point do you stop struggling? I ask you, answer me! Is it after the first penetration, when the pain come tearing at you like you're being nailed to a cross or after the second and third and fourth penetration, or do you keep struggling and struggling until you are totally damaged? I was rapped by men who were meant to protect me. I hear their laugh every day and their moans and groans, i still feel their breath on my neck, and the sting of their slaps on my face, i hear my screams when i sleep, I remember how my dad looked at me with shame like it was my fault. Please, how am i supposed to cover that up?

Uncle 1 clears throat, ''everything that happened was a mistake, we are family and we can't let the family name be dragged into the mud. you are not the first lady to be raped and you won't be the last so lets not report this, we would settle this as family and would let the matter die''

I looked at my dad for support, nothing, he just shakes his head. I knew immediately there would be no reporting. Dad works in uncle 4's company, even though the pay is meagre, that is the only thing supporting us in the family. Uncle 4 had already indirecty threatened to sack him if he dared disobey the outcome of the meeting. My dad had no choice. I couldn't blame him. I had four siblings and mum is sick with HBP. I look at my mum. she looks into space as if in a trance, i squeeze her hand, she squeezes back and starts sobbing again.

''Ok, i would not report the case but on one condition'' Dad said.

''What condition?'' Uncle 4 replies, a sly grin now on his face. Dad looks at me before he spoke,

''You would pay for her education till she finishes her graduate programme considering she just got admission''

I want to protest but dad signaled to shut up.

''Well, that wasn't so hard, was it? I would pay for her school fees even if she wants to study in space as long she shuts up and leave the police out of this'' Uncle 4 says

They all burst out laughing, the terms were agreed, the meeting was favourable to everyone except me. Charles who have been quite all this while was smiling too. They shook hands and shouted the family name. Uncle 2 speaks an adage. I did not care to listen. It felt like i was removed from the room and only hearing them from a distance.

Charles walks up to me and stretched his hand for a hand shake. We were friends once but not anymore. I tense, looked straight into his eyes and hauled myself at him, we scrambled to the floor, almost falling over the bottle of wine on the table. I stamped my teeth on his neck and bite as hard as i could. I heard him scream but it was nothing compared to how i screamed, he's hurt and bleeding but it's nothing compared to my pain and the way i bled.

They pull us apart, everyone in shock. I open the bottle of wine and took one big long gulp, I slammed the bottle on the table and laughed.

''I'm coming for you''

My last words before i stormed out of the room, a damaged woman.



Abandon your spirit by the door
and let your fears swallow you whole.
Give the monsters what they want
before they eat all of your soul.

ftc

make i calm down read am nw

Abandon your spirit by the door and let your fears swallow you whole. Give the monsters what they want before they eat all of your soul.




I love this!!
mrsexplorers come and continue

nice one!

Sigh

Mum died that night. Beautiful mum, she literally cried herself to death. The doctor had said she should take enough rest and avoid over thinking or worrying too much but ever since the incident of my rape, it was like her sleep was stolen from her. She hardly slept and was always crying, her blood pressure had risen to an unprecedented high, the doctor mention terms like systolic and diastolic and about how she is getting close to 180.

I use to follow her to the hospital. I hate hospitals. To me hospital beds are like a grave before the grave and going to the hospital for any reason whatsoever just shows how close we all are to the open arms and wide grin of death. I can never shake off that feeling, not after the death of our first born.

So here we are at the hospital, sitting in an office reeking with the smell of drugs. I know the perfume of death, its the bottled smell of hospitals. The doctor is smiling at us, unaware of the fact that we've had to wait for close to 3 hours before we could see him, he sits and speaks some gibberish i do not care to understand, but i hear words like 'sleep', 'don't worry too much', 'eat well and take your drugs' and then he scribbles some drugs for us to buy in that stupid ugly handwriting typical of doctors.

I'm okay with those words, that's all i need. In every of these appointments, mum would hold my hands and smile at the doctor and me like everything is alright even though it just keeps getting worst and the cost of the drugs keep rising in geometric progressions. We've since stop buying drugs, moving gradually to unorthodox medications, but in all these, mum would smile, despite the fakeness in the smile, i still love seeing them.

She stopped smiling the day she heard i was raped and then died the day she knew i won't be getting justice. Beautiful mum. I was too tired to cry but the guilt tore at me, my stomach felt empty and i writhed on my bed. I killed my mum, i thought to myself. If i wasn't raped maybe she'd still be alive. I heard people wailing outside, neighbours, they are always so good at crying when someone dies, the ones that constantly fight with you would be the highest wailers at the funeral ceremony but when they heard i was rapped they looked at me scornfully.

By afternoon family members had gathered, news spread fast but there is nothing that spreads faster than bad news. Uncle 1 to 3 were present, each of them avoiding me like a plague, i don't blame them either, they knew what they had done but non of them dared stood against uncle 4. I am grateful uncle 4 is not here, i don't know what i would do to him. They tried to console my father, ''be a man'' they say, like men aint supposed to mourn the death of a love one. The news is yet to reach my siblings, they are with a relative and they are just too young to understand the language of death.

I cry.



The waking keeping came and went without much event, the funeral too. Everybody cried and talked about how my mum was so sweet and nice. With time, the pain from the death of my mum was becoming bearable. I still hear screams but i'm sure i'll live. Everyone seem to be forgetting what had happened, my dad even visits uncle 4 once in a while. I heard he paid for the funeral rites. ''We are family'' Maybe i can really begin to forget, little did i know my life was about to take another tragic turn, but this time i'was prepared.

This is good narration. MrsExplorer you are one gifted writer.

MidieMeliss:
This is good narration. MrsExplorer you are one gifted writer.

thank you,,, would be updating

Donpoker9:
Abandon your spirit by the door
and let your fears swallow you whole.
Give the monsters what they want
before they eat all of your soul.





I love this!!

mrsexplorers come and continue


nice one!

now you have to feed those monsters

splendid!! i.always.look.forward.to.ur.updates,

I was 19 years, seven months and 23 days old when i frist noticed it. It was mild at first then it started to get serious. Keep in my mind that i already began to think i could live a normal live, i mean they always say everything happens for a reason and no matter what live throws at you, you get right back up and try to find peace and happiness and love and joy.

Now i just think its bullshit, i think if live throws shit at you, you get up and throw a pit latrine at it. We can not all be happy but you can as well do a good job at making life miserable for those who made you unhappy.

So there i was, vomiting like i auditioned for fear factor. Falling sick every morning and noticing my breasts was sore. I tried using medications at first but when nothing changed and started vomiting randomly, i started to get scared. You know how they say some women can know when you are pregnant by just looking at you, well that shit is true. A neighbour walks up to me and in the fake look of concern neighbours always use, tells me i'm pregnant. I knew by the next day the news would have painted the walls of this neighbourhood.

I lived in denial for 2 weeks, 5 days and 16 hours before i decided to get a pregnancy test. All these while, crying each day and reliving that moment it all went crazy. When i eventually did get the test and confirmed i was indeed pregnant, it was like my heart went blank. It was like someone took my brain and wiped all the happy memories away leaving the really painfull ones. There was no way i would remain sane after this, i was definitly going crazy.

I think my dad must have known all along cos when i eventually told him, he didn't seem shock, he just looked at me and said, ''Prepare, you would be travelling to the village''

''for what'' i asked.

''No daughter of mine would give birth to a bastard son in my house'' he said.

''A bastard son? A bastard son? Your brother and his son did this to me and you have the guts to say a bastard son?'' I screamed and shouted and punched his chest.

When i looked up, i saw tears in his eyes.

''You would go to the village whether you like it or not and do you know what people would say'' a little forcefullness in his voice.

''I am not going anywhere'' i said before i ran out of the room.

I know how this story always ends. A teenager gets pregnant, family members takes her to the village, she gives birth in the village all the while made to feel worthless and a liabilty, comes back to Lagos and continue the worthless living, she faces rejection and then vents all the anger on the new born baby. Maybe this teenagers deserved it, maybe it was their fault they refused to use protection but what about me, i was raped, its not like those bastards took a pause to think ''wow, we are doing this really wonderful thing, lets just take a pause and add a condom to the mix incase things go awry''

No, that's not what they did. They rammed and rammed and now i have a tiny monster inside of me. A monster that's the result of everything wrong in our society.

As the days went by, everyone looked at me like i was digusting. I was getting used to that. I saw charles once, he was with some friends, they were going to the pool. Sweet charles, having fun while i'm getting burnt. How do i even tell him that i was pregnant, who would i even tell, the dad or the son.

I didn't know what i would do just yet but this was when all the craziness started. By this time i was already 5 months, 2 weeks and 4 days pregnant.

MrsExplorer:


now you have to feed those monsters

I thought my self a poet, until I met you. omg. I duff my hat.

you never disappoint.

following like never b4 .

Wow! I can almost feel the hatred like its mine.
Good job!

Aunty, please update story abeg. We still dey wait for you.
Personal Opinion: the fact you made us fix names for Uncle A-D put me off. Try to give every character a name and if possible a personality.
Very good storyline tho. The content is cray.

Let me comment before i read.....i enjoyed the 'client from hell....trust this will be a jolly ride

Jarizod let's read this.....i saw your mention on your diary, i've been following it & it's beautiful

Biko MrsExplorer, come and do justice to this piece o. more update o.

This was when it went really crazy.

I started to hear a voice. Every night, the voice would come to me and beg me to end it. It sounded very hollow, like one locked in a chamber. I couldn't sleep at night. The voice would scream and scream and i would hear it cry. The voice was sometimes feminine and sometimes masculine. I couldn't tell the difference but i knew i wasn't crazy.

When i couldn't get some sleep, i would try and speak to the voice hopefully it would hear me, maybe it did, maybe it didn't, the voice never replied me, all it said was ''end it'' ''end it''. First, it would beg then it would start to threaten me. I tried speaking to my dad about it but he didn't seem to understand. It was around this time i felt the first heartbeat of the baby in me. I don't know if it was just a coincidence or if this voice was somehow related to the baby in me. I really started to fear for my life.

My dad knew i was suffering, i made scratches on the walls with my fingers from lack of sleep and from trying to shut the voice out of my head, my fingers bled, my eyes became really dark and i acted like one out of this world. I've stopped eating and don't even have tears to cry anymore. As the days went by, i thought i might die so i started to write down what the voice was telling me....,


DAY 1: End it , end it , you know you have no choice, end it now!

DAY 2: I would make your life miserable, end it, end it.

DAY 3: please i'm begging you, end it. I want you to. Please i won't judge you. Please! Please!

DAY 4: If you don't end it, i would make everyone you love hate you, i would hate you for life, end it now, end it.



And so, just the same repetitive END IT. I didn't understand at first, end what? But as time went on i did.


Sometimes there would be nothing, i would not hear any voice but just when i fall asleep, i would hear a splitting scream that would jolt me from my bed, the scream would be so piercing that i literally ran around in my room and banged my head on the wall. This would shut the voice out for a while but after some minutes, the voice would start again.

Know that all this while my dad was beginning to avoid me and was sure i was getting crazy. i know i wasn't but it felt useless trying to explain to him when he could never understand. For 2 weeks, 4 days and 14 hours i didn't go outside, i folded up in my bed either trying to shut the voice or trying to prove to my dad that i wasn't crazy.

Then one night it all became clear. I was sleeping when i started to hear the cry of a baby, it was a sweet cry at first, but then it started to grow louder and louder and louder and as the cry increased i felt the neck of the baby snap, END ME, a voice said before the baby stopped crying. I knew immediately what i had to do, by this time i was 6months, 1 week and 6 days pregnant.


The decision was easy to make, what was hard was the tool to use. I knew i didn't have the resources to get a professional doctor but i knew i had to do it.

I was till contemplating how to do it when the voice started again. This time it was more loud than ever and my eyes and head hurt, i couldn't bear it anymore so i just did it.

As the voice kept screaming, i grabbed a metal coat hanger and untwisted it so that it became a long metal rod. I stood in the middle of the room totally naked, spread my legs apart and proceeded to insert the rod upwards into my vagina. I intend to reach the back of my uterus where the little monster is and puncture the hell out of it. Hopefully, this would induce an abortion.

I've read somewhere that if i can hit the back of the uterus with a sharp object, it could induce an abortion and this is what i intend to do.

I heard the voice again, ''Go on, End it, i know you can, end it''

I pushed the hanger in more forcefully till i was sure i was at the back of my uterus. but just when i thought everything was fine, i felt a sharp pain inside of me. I couldn't tell where it was coming from but it filled the whole of my body, it was like being shot with a million bullets. I kept trying, pushing the rod deeper, my thighs tightened and i held my breath, my eyes were closed and tears was pouring down.

When i couldn't bear the pain anymore i screamed and started to bring the rod out but as i did, i noticed i was bleeding, there was blood on my hands, blood on my thighs, blood on the floor, blood on the coat hanger and the pain was just too much. I tried bringing out the coat hanger but it was like trying to pull out your own teeth or breaking your own bone, each time i try to pull it out, the pain would increase and with each pain, i would scream really loudly.

There was blood everywhere, i gave up trying to pull the coat hanger out and just started screaming. I started to roll and turn on the floor in the pool of my own blood, i wished there was a gun nearby so i could just end the pain. A bullet to my head would be all i need. I screamed and screamed until i blacked out, the last thing i heard was from the voice, ''You failed''







When i opened my eyes, i was in a hospital. My dad was there, a doctor and two nurses. I felt like dissolving into the mattress. My inside hurt as if on fire and my heard was throbbing. I strained to see if i could hear the voice, Nothing, no voice. I heaved a sigh of relief.

''What did you think you were trying to do'' the doctor asked. ''You could have killed yourself''

I looked at my dad and directed my question at him, ''That would have been nice, don't you think?''

There was tears in his eyes but by now i was so used to seeing tears they no longer meant anything to me. He shook his head and looked away.

''You dare take your eyes off your daughter?'' i asked him.

''I am sorry'' he said. Again, that doesn't mean anything to me, i'm already damaged beyond repair.

''Well, the abortion you were trying to do failed and you delivered the baby prematurely, your baby would live but your uterus was severely damaged and you might not be able to get pregnant again'' the doctor said with a total lack of empathy. ''I'm sure you understood the risks before doing what you did''

I jumped out of my bed and tried to run out of the room, wailing in the process, one of the nurse was quick and tried to hold me down, i wrestled her to the ground and tried to kick the other one but as i tried, i began to feel dizzy and slumped on the floor, weak and broken.

The doctor helped me to the bed, ''If you continue this way, we might have to constrain you and keep you here longer than necessary'' he said.

I started to cry. ''Where is the baby'' I asked.

The doctor look at me and for the first time i saw true pity in his eyes,

''Your baby is in an oxygen chamber cum incubator and might remain so for a long time, he is premature and would have permanent medical problems due to the damage caused by the coat hanger''

I started crying and wailing till i dozed off. I wouldn't be in this position if not for the two men who thought it was more fun destroying a life than protecting it.

I vow to revenge and i have my plans drawn.

jammy12:
Aunty, please update story abeg. We still dey wait for you.
Personal Opinion: the fact you made us fix names for Uncle A-D put me off. Try to give every character a name and if possible a personality.
Very good storyline tho. The content is cray.

You are right, it is always a nice thing to build your characters but this is a very short story so i really didn't feel the need to build each one plus i was just scared for the names i would use cos of all these name checkers.

and i have so many other irrelevant reasons why i did not but you are right, i should have.

Thanks for dropping a comment and following. much appreciated

oooh God! your descriptive prowess is top notch, i almost felt the pain.

kudos!!

This is Phucking good....

I wish the voice urging her to "end it" isn't just her abused mind....if it could be some form of possession , that would be a delight. They say the weaker & more hapless the soul, the more fertile it is for the Lord of the Flies.

ride on...

MrsExplorer:


You are right, it is always a nice thing to build your characters but this is a very short story so i really didn't feel the need to build each one plus i was just scared for the names i would use cos of all these name checkers.

and i have so many other irrelevant reasons why i did not but you are right, i should have.

Thanks for dropping a comment and following. much appreciated

Wow, Thanks for considering my opinion, really

Loving Et..!

I just can't imagine the hanger and blood scene.

Mrsexplorers your description is wonderful.

Following

Just read the last post. You are far too good... Far far too good babe.

Countrygirl:
I just can't imagine the hanger and blood scene.


Mrsexplorers your description is wonderful.


Following

jammy12:
Just read the last post. You are far too good... Far far too good babe.

Countrygirl:
I just can't imagine the hanger and blood scene.


Mrsexplorers your description is wonderful.


Following

thank you guys, much appreciated

Op, pls update oo

Following

U gat a berra topic before dan naw.change it to d former one biko.dis one sounds so common.be d former is kind of coded.

skarlett:
If I must say, I like the former title 'Blood on the Cloth Hanger' to this one 'Story of a rape victim' because the former seems catchy while the latter looks generic. I mean we have so many rape victims and they all have their stories, what makes this rape victim different from others we've seen and all that.

Its just my opinion tho.

I am with you on this!