Last 2 months my mother inlaw came to lagos to visit us for the first time in our marriage ( got married last year ). According to my hubby he said his mother was not feeling well and would want to treat her in lagos. I accepted and was excited to host my mother inlaw.

When she came since june I had been trying my best to please her, but she keeps complaining of how her son abondoned her in the village and that it was her daughters in the village that insisted she came over to stay with her son here in lagoS. Whenever she is talking I ignore these Statements, but since I'm a house wife with a 9 months old baby, whenever my hubby goes to work and I and my motherinlaw are in the sitting room she starts with her complains.

Its now been 3 months she came, the doctor has confirmed her perfectly fine. Now she is asking her son to get a shade where she can start her business. According to her she was going to ask her frnd to send her fufu goods thru transport from benin to lagos. When she said this I asked my husband and he said his mother can stay as long as possible but she will not do bizness here, so I kept quite.

One eveningly the PHCN seized the light and I had tot to the sitting room I asked my mother inlaw why she didn'kt carry her since she was also in the sittingroom at the time she told me to my face that "I am not your housegirl".

Just yesterday while I was talking about asking my my mum to bring my little niece to come stay with us, so that she can be staying with us, so that she can be helping me carry my baby while I do other house chores. My mother inlaw started shouting at me saying she does not want to see any of my family members in her son's house , that she does not want to see any one in this house that she is here and look at me I have just giving birth to just 1 child and I am saying I want someone to to stay with etc.

When my hubby got back and I told wat his mother said he started shouting supporting his mother . I am hurt and don't knw wot to do since my hubby supports his mother in everything.

This woman! You too complain!! Ah ah! All your threads na so so complain. My MIL did this, my husband did that. Even brother in-law sef isn't spared.

You must be a very problematic somebody.

Clear throat. I've not seen anything bad in your mother's inlaw action so far. Maybe you're the type that don't like husband's family.

Accept your mother Inlaw as your biological mother as you will have no course to worry/complain again.

Try prayer and know if it ll work on you.

Also find confidence in your hubby and Inlaws.

Family is all, work on that

Op ignore your hussby and mother in law, they are talking trash do what you want to do and stop complaining, it's your house too. No offense, your hussby is a momma's boy he doesn't have the balls to make his own decisions, he's always putting his mother's decision before his own, why did he get married to you then? He should go and marry his mother. Rubbish!

Op didn't you see your hussby was a momma's boy before you married him, if you did.... Then why are you complaining? you have no right to complain if you fully knew how your hussby was before you married him

simple.... try to talk to your husband...if he refuses to listen start looking for work .....when a man sees that you can live without him... his brain will reset, amnt really a fan of being a stay at home mum... the idea of work is so that you can breathe alil.... some mils are not nice and some sons dont know how to takia of situations between their mothers and wives

in all be calm and dont get rude or insultive.... God help you

Madam, with all due respect, you might be the one creating most of the problem here!

Are you working?

Into business?

Why maid at this early stage, just a baby?(Since ur hubby relative dey house, make ur own too come join abi?)

Did you factor the maid's expences(feeding, clothing, education etc) into ur hubby finances?

Why do ladies enjoy bringing extra luggage to their matrimonial home? Its either sister, brother, cousin, friend etc but when the man's relative comes in trouble starts!

My mother came to my place sometime in 2014 and also tried the shop stuff(I understand this old peeps can hardly stay one place) but I turned it down without mincing words(that's the son's job and not yours)

Build good relationship between you and your mother in law if you want to enjoy your marriage! Make her one of your best friends!!

This is my 11th year in marriage and I can tell you if not my Mum and sisters whom my wife relates seriously well with, we would have parted ways years ago(for the benefit of those saying momma's boy, I was one! Being an only son and last in a family of three) Now you see, being in control of your home or not have nothing to do with being Mama's boy!!!


I'm not saying ur MIL is a saint here!
Don't engage her in debates or argue with her rather complain to ur hubby about her excesses. Remember never use offensive language when talking to him about his mother!


ABOVE ALL, PRAYERS!!!

baddestchic:
simple.... try to talk to your husband...if he refuses to listen start looking for work .....when a man sees that you can live without him... his brain will reset, amnt really a fan of being a stay at home mum... the idea of work is so that you can breathe alil.... some mils are not nice and some sons dont know how to takia of situations between their mothers and wives

in all be calm and dont get rude or insultive.... God help you

Op listen to this advice

For the sake of your home in the future,you better start adjusting to ur mil.you cant just get a maid now that your child is still young and you havent even lived with uncle for up to 3yrs!yes 3yrs will do well for you.if you are in good relationship with your mil you shouldnt be having troubles with that lil kid who also belongs to ur mil.pls work things out this way untill you able to work and make more money to support your home

What do you do?



I mean why do you need someone to carry your baby?



From your write up he does not support his mum all the time na(judging from his refusal to allow the mum start the business)


Please take things easy!

OEmiohe:
Last 2 months my mother inlaw came to lagos to visit us for the first time in our marriage ( got married last year ). According to my hubby he said his mother was not feeling well and would want to treat her in lagos. I accepted and was excited to host my mother inlaw.

When she came since june I had been trying my best to please her, but she keeps complaining of how her son abondoned her in the village and that it was her daughters in the village that insisted she came over to stay with her son here in lagoS. Whenever she is talking I ignore these Statements, but since I'm a house wife with a 9 months old baby, whenever my hubby goes to work and I and my motherinlaw are in the sitting room she starts with her complains.

Its now been 3 months she came, the doctor has confirmed her perfectly fine. Now she is asking her son to get a shade where she can start her business. According to her she was going to ask her frnd to send her fufu goods thru transport from benin to lagos. When she said this I asked my husband and he said his mother can stay as long as possible but she will not do bizness here, so I kept quite.

One eveningly the PHCN seized the light and I had tot to the sitting room I asked my mother inlaw why she didn'kt carry her since she was also in the sittingroom at the time she told me to my face that "I am not your housegirl".

Just yesterday while I was talking about asking my my mum to bring my little niece to come stay with us, so that she can be staying with us, so that she can be helping me carry my baby while I do other house chores. My mother inlaw started shouting at me saying she does not want to see any of my family members in her son's house , that she does not want to see any one in this house that she is here and look at me I have just giving birth to just 1 child and I am saying I want someone to to stay with etc.

When my hubby got back and I told wat his mother said he started shouting supporting his mother . I am hurt and don't knw wot to do since my hubby supports his mother in everything.

You complain to much..you shld have married your fellow tribe to avoid all this
Mecheww

OP, it seems your husband does not regard you as an equal partner in your marriage. My advice is for you to ignore your MIL's attitude. Obviously she is wrong to interfere but Nigerian marriage is more like slavery so you have to take nonsense for now

Get a job and start contributing to the house. Then invite your niece over and if your MIl complains tell her that you are the one feeding your niece not her.

It's even better you allow how do the business if not she will keep interfering in your affairs, unfortunately

Pidggin:
OP, it seems your husband does not regard you as an equal partner in your marriage . My advice is for you to ignore your MIL's attitude. Obviously she is wrong to interfere but Nigerian marriage is more like slavery so you have to take nonsense for now

Get a job and start contributing to the house. Then invite your niece over and if your MIl complains tell her that you are the one feeding your niece not her.

It's even better you allow how do the business if not she will keep interfering in your affairs, unfortunately

Rubbish!!!
The hubby should mistreat his mum, just to prove they equal?

johnson232:

Rubbish!!!
The hubby should mistreat his mum, just to prove they equal?

The husband needs to view his wife as a partner not a maid. She should have a say in their marriage

Madam nairaland is not for you to seek marital advice. See a counselor biko.

madridguy:
Clear throat. I've not seen anything bad in your mother's inlaw action so far. Maybe you're the type that don't like husband's family.

Accept your mother Inlaw as your biological mother as you will have no course to worry/complain again.

Never advice a woman to take her MIL as her biological mother, it leads to some sort of disrespect and over familiarity. They can be close and not over familiar

My advice is for you to stop complaining about your Mil to her son. If you continue, he will look at you as someone that has nothing good to say about her and that you can't stand her. Look at it as your Mil is here for a long time so start getting used to that.

Pause on getting your niece so that the dust will die down then after a bit bring up the issue with your husband. Bring it from the point of view that you want to help your niece with her education.

Why will ask your mother in law why she didn't carry the baby? You obviously lack manners .

byvan03:
Why will ask your mother in law why she didn't carry the baby? You obviously lack manners .

I ga adi.



Imagine. I do not support your husband talking down at you infront of his mum. But you sound disrespectful and troublesome. Work on yourself first. Every other thing would sorrt itself out.



But wait oh.... How come the mama did not remeember to come to lagos until her son got married? Both of you are actually two troublesome and jobless people. Let the both of you start business. She sells food stuff while you sell something else. That way you both will be too busy to chck who look me bad eye and who no greet me

Your mother-in-law obviously wants to start living with your guys permanently. All those talk of how she doesn't want anyone in her son's house (as if its not your house too) and how her son abandoned her in the village shows that she regards you as an outsider who is benefiting from her son and she doesn't like it.

I wonder why some women don't marry their children if they can't stand to see another woman marry him. She's clearly troublesome. You have to get a job. Don't let him hold you back. Get something doing and then get help to take care of your baby while you work or trade or whatever. But the clear solution is that you need to be independent. That's one of the reasons why she is that attitude towards you. In her opinion you're feeding from her son and that makes you a low life. Else why would she think she has an opinion on who comes to live in the house when she's a visitor too.

don't get involved in petty exchange with her. When she starts complaining about how she lives in the village, turn up the TV or walk away. If you know your husband will back her up when she does something, then stop complaining to him. Handle things yourself. And don't give her face or room to start petty quibbles with you.

veave:



I ga adi.



Imagine. I do not support your husband talking down at you infront of his mum. But you sound disrespectful and troublesome. Work on yourself first. Every other thing would sorrt itself out.



But wait oh.... How come the mama did not remeember to come to lagos until her son got married? Both of you are actually two troublesome and jobless people. Let the both of you start business. She sells food stuff while you sell something else. That way you both will be too busy to chck who look me bad eye and who no greet me

@highlighted that's Nigerian marriage for you. A man will be single for 30yrs-40yrs and all his relatives will be happy wherever they are. Until he gets married. Then something comes over them. They want to come and live with him. Brother, sister, mother etc. just in a bid to make the wife uncomfortable

veave:



I ga adi.



Imagine. I do not support your husband talking down at you infront of his mum. But you sound disrespectful and troublesome. Work on yourself first. Every other thing would sorrt itself out.



But wait oh.... How come the mama did not remeember to come to lagos until her son got married? Both of you are actually two troublesome and jobless people. Let the both of you start business. She sells food stuff while you sell something else. That way you both will be too busy to chck who look me bad eye and who no greet me

I tell you, really they need to get busy. They spend too much time checking each other out. She won't bring up the issue of a live in after the light incident if she isn't deliberately troublesome. Her husband obviously noticed the role she is playing in the whole awkward situation.


She is letting mama know that she isn't happy to have her around and mama is also determined to prove a point. Nothing good will come out of knocking horns.

Some women sha

You expect your husband to forcefully eject her mama back to Benin?
Only a m.ad man will do that to his mother (all things being equal).

@seahawk thank you for your advice. I appreciate. God bless you

Women and wahala.You so much hate to see you MIL around your home,have it in mind you will become MIL tomorrow too.

There is nothing g wrong in a mother visiting her son and his wife in the city, especially for treatment.
But to hang on and think of starting a petty trade is abnormal.
As your husband does not support it, she will go back with time when she is fed up with city life. Most of them do get fed up.

As for asking for a house help, unless you work and are very busy, I think it is too early to want a house help after one child.
Devote your time to your child and family for now.

Unless your mother-in-law volunteers to help, do not ask/bother her.
She sounds aggrieved and is still letting off steam.

Since getting in the good books of MILs has been established as a recipe for an enjoyable marriage, please court her favour.
Any time she complains about her neglect, validate her concerns but make reasonable excuses for your husband....
Viz how her son loves her and talks about her, but things had been a bit difficult for him, etc.

Lastly, be slow to report your MIL to your husband.
While your husband engage your MIL in conversations: marriage in their time, cooking, child discipline, etc.
I sense she is also bored. Let her do the talking mostly.

If you were my sister, this is exactly what I will tell you.

@OP: Maybe if you spend less time Nairalanding and creating ninety-two topics most of which are to complain about you husband, his family, your marriage, etc...and focus on getting a real job, then perhaps more than half of your fantasy problems will be solved.

madridguy:
Clear throat. I've not seen anything bad in your mother's inlaw action so far. Maybe you're the type that don't like husband's family.

Accept your mother Inlaw as your biological mother as you will have no course to worry/complain again.

My thoughts exactly