Iefosa:


This is not a matter of been in dream land oga, this technique sure for me die, and mind you,: I'm married too, to a white girl. Their werrey pass we naija own, so I know what I'm saying bruh

listen my brother. I give no room to moral decadence

Man...in order not to continue abusing your life and your woman please separate from her maybe by sending her home like a yr or two but nothing more than that pls so that you too can adjust yourself as can also be at fault sometimes.

how many female support him to beat her. if beating will solve the problem ?...

this her attitude will never change, until you take one action. time will come she will understand after you take that action

nameerfhtennek:
It's more than 20minutes, I'm still unable to put words together to begin this story. I will try keep it simple and necessarily detailed so everyone will understand the true picture of what happened, why against my belief that writing personal experiences on social media is immature, I had to still write mine. Let's just say I'm not thinking right now, maybe I'm so upset but truth is, I need your advice.

I'm writing this thread seated at the back of a Hilux truck just outside our apartment. Yaa, that me in the picture. You see, today is EID and believe me I should be resting in the house since I'm not working today. Days like this only come by 6times in a whole year and more than anything, I would have loved resting than being out here.

It was yesterday evening, she called and said she her driver were headed to my office. She wanted to pick some stuffs around my office. Yaa, I forgot to say this is Saudi Arabia. If you know Saudi quite well, you will agree with me that a husband will definitely get exhausted running errands for his wife or the family. I was not in the mood for shopping but she wanted to shop. She got upset that I didn't want to accompany her shopping.

She did her shopping alone and returned few minutes before I closed from work. We headed home. Unknown to me, I forgot my internet router in my office because I was rushing to get home and continue with my FIFA 16.
Her internet service expired some days back so we were using mine.

While playing game, she walked into the seating room and demanded for my router. Mine, not hers. With her tone and facial expression demanding the router, I didn't respond because there was an indication that she was warming up for a quarrel. I wasn't just in the mood. The thing is, she is very skilled in extending her anger phases. That is one thing I can't understand till today. Believe me, it was not like this while we were dating. Sorry, I forgot to tell you I married my university girlfriend, she years my junior and the same department. Ya, I'm one of those guys that dated and planned for the future with their girls at the same time. God blessed that plan but at this point I don't understand everything that has been happening for the past one year plus since we got married. She repeatedly demanded that I handed over my router to her but I was quiet. Meanwhile, it occurred to me that I forgot the router in my office the minute she first asked about it. Truth is, I actually needed to use the internet that night for my online FIFA.

After several times of asking for the router and no response from me, she took the TV remote and switched off the TV. She walked straight to the kitchen and hid the remote. I approached her in the kitchen and told her I was not ready for any kinda quarrel. We have had enough for the past one year of getting married. I then told her I forgot the router in my office, I didn't have it. I guess she didn't believe me, she never did. She told me to leave her alone. I returned back to the seating room with my heart beating fast. I knew she wanted a serious quarrel that night. After some minutes, I returned to the kitchen and requested for the remote. Then I figured out she hid it in her pant. Pretending I was passing by, I swiftly went for the remote from under her short gown and grabbed it. She didn't expect I knew where she hid it. She followed me behind and ceased the game console, second indication she wanted me to react. I do have a problem with my temper just like every human, male or female. I have also learnt to deal with it by walking away at times I feel I was going to lose it. The same reason I'm outside at this time, 9:55 pm Saudi time. She knows I have fought hard to tame my temper issues but most times, she makes deliberate efforts to have me overreact to her nags and rants.

I watched her hide the console in her pant yet again. I shuddered in obvious fear because I knew what the woman wanted, a fight. Unable to deal with it,the intimidation and the shame, I went for the console and squeezed it out from her hand while she was trying to hold it tight. That was when the trouble then started. She wanted a buffer to help her spill everything she had nursed in her mind. "You are a violent person!! You can kill, idiot!! You were not shown love by your parents, that is why you will squeeze your wife's hand to collect the console. They allowed you to grow up in the street without parental guidance and love." Then it came....pwaaaaaaah!!! She spat on my face!!!!! God knows, I have never been spat at before, not by my parents, not by my siblings, not by anybody. " I agree I was not shown love by my parents but your Dad is a coward for running away from your mother without being there for you guys when he needed to play his roles as a father. That explains the reason you are like this", I said and walked back to the seating room.

I managed to play a few games which I lost mostly and then slept off around past 5am this morning. Around 3pm, I woke up and went to the office. Not like I had work but I needed to clear my head away from the house. If only there was alcohol in Saudi, I would have been somewhere in a hotel drinking away the shame. When I returned home by past 7pm, hungry and tired. I needed to continue my game but I could no longer find the game console and the TV remote. I asked for it and she ignored me. I managed to eat and then left the house to this truck.

You see, I love my wife more than anything, more than anyone. She is one person in the whole world I could go any length for. I love her, that was why I forgave her when she broke up with me after I left Nigeria for Saudi Arabia. She broke up with me few months after I came to Saudi and started dating another guy twice her age. She says she never expected I would come back to her after she left me but I did. I did because I saw a future with her, a future I imagined, believed in and worked towards its reality. Today we have gotten to a level where most people out there would want to be, our colleagues envy is because they believe we are privileged and blessed but what they don't know is that in the truth, I have no peace. This marriage has become my legacy and my curse.

I want to send her back to Nigeria in few days time and I hope I'm not making a mistake!!! Spitting on my face, nah nah....am so fed up!!!!

Guy, sorry about your situation. The first Year of marriage is actually the most challenging for most couple. Take it easy.

a wife beater is better dan a spit spatter.

Sincerely all your wife needs is attention, you love her fine, how often do you tell nd. Show her the love .please stop the game nd play with her. On behalf of myself,Btruth,mide i. Can't recall,Bnice and other peacemakers on nairaland Weare sorry dnt send her home. She is alone,lonely nd Hot.Shower her with attention.

Blow her mind and give her chronic negligence, shun her for a week or more, don't eat her food or sleep on the same bed, don't even talk to her at allllllll, fear go catch her that she's losing you, and just sit back and watch trying to get your attention. When you see she has really repented fcvk her silly like a mad man, do jungle justice on that kitty, if you have to take viagra or whatever drug just make sure you do this. Thank me later

Not trying to justify her actions but she needs your attention. It appears you love your FIFA 16 more dan her and she is jealous. Try and resolve the issue and spend more time with her.

@OP....We r in the same shoes...send me your contact..i have a word for you..treat as important

Ishilove:
This is so wrong and highly disrespectful. Is she a snake? Why is she spitting like a king cobra??

Please just don't send her back yet. Trash this out with her abeg. You are a MAN and need to wear the trousers of the house. Sit her down and warn her never to try that rubbish again.

You may also take her for a pregnancy test. I hear women are bitchy when preggies so it's possible that may be the reason why she is using you as spitting target.

This is insane

Ur comment is quite hilarious yet u made real sense. Ur advice is key

mizlovette:
I respect u, for d fact that u walked away without hitting her ur man. Am a lady and must confess that where am from women are taught to respect and pamper their men, how can a woman u married with ur money call u names and then spit on u? Oh dear send her home else she makes u do things u never imagined. Let her go home while u have ur peace of mind to concentrate on ur work else u loose ur job too. Let her go first then u can figure out if u still want her or not cos believe me that lady no longer loves u

Your last statement may not be true. They are only married for a year. Many couples pass through this phase of adjustment. He did well by walking away, as this has a way softening and reducing the anger and tension

femlex:
I have married for six years now, and just early this week myself and my wife were thinking about our first two years of marriage, hardly will a weekend pass without us having a quarrel, mostly she complains I do not assist her in the house especially in the weekends when I felt too that I should be resting.

Today we hardly quarrel, and she does almost all house chores.

In marriage, you have the forming, storming, norming, performing stage like in a team. At the first to third year, you are majorly part of the storming process and this is likely the things you come across.

Sending her back to Nigeria is not an option at all, how many will you send home?

For you to maintain your cool, it shows a lot of maturity and love from your side, but you self get fault for this matter. The way you are mentioning FIFA in your message shows you give the lady less attention than she expect. This could be part of what is burning her.

Be the man that you are, brace yourself, this will not be last.

Get inside, talk to her, make love to her, and manage this, and next that may be next week until you reach the norming stage.
God bless you.

Let me ask you question sir. During the first few years of you and your wife always quarreling, did she at least SOMETIMES realize her mistake and come back to you showing genuine remorse for her actions and apologize?? Please answer.
I'm definitely not in support of beating her, but I think the most disappointing thing here is her lack of remorse after such despicable act by her. She's even still looking for another fight after that, showing that, she's even ready to do more... that's just sad. I know he has his own faults too and maybe shouldn't ve ignored her in the first place (note that with the bad attitude & intent to quarrel with which she came asking, some might argue he was justified) or even drag the remote with her but that notwithstanding, she crossed a big line there.
Well, I don't know if I have the right advice to give him but something drastic needs to happen on both parties.
Please answer my question sir. Thanks

so sendin sum1 back to NIG is nw a way of pusnishin sum1? soo naija has gone dis bad? chai....
u no folo her go shoppin,u no reply wen she ask abt d internet gadget n u want her to b hpy?,,,,small tin de make women flare up...
bro hw kwanu u go de play fifa forget say u get wife for house?...
ur wife overreacted bt I envy ur temper,if na me??....Make I no talk!
ignore her for 16days n u wil see she wil beg! ...try it n tnk me leta!

chuksbogus2001:
I don't know how Saudi deals men beating women .let me tell u when we were small my mum used to be very arrogant and rude to my dad cos he is a quiet man not until my mums mother I mean her own mum told my dad to beat her .After my dad gave her a better beating peace ,love respect came to our house since 1984 till now my mum has never raise her voice against my dad. Am not advocating women battery but a times small spanking does the magic

Yes you just advocated women battery. Because your dad beat your mum now you're going to continue the trend. This is why fathers should be role models to their children. If your mother changed,believe me it wasn't due to the beating.

Nameerfhtennek,please do not listen to anybody asking you to beat or leave your wife. Truth is she messed up royally. You also said mean things to her. Any sincere person will tell you the first few years of marriage is a pain in the ass. Dating is very different from actually living together,pls don't have her go back. Talk to her,tell her about your hopes,fears and dreams for the marriage. And why all what happened must never happen again. There's nothing scary in what happened to you,if you talk to any married person they'll just laugh it off. Talk about it. Communicate better. I wish you all the best!

Iefosa:


Yeah, he should. He started the whole issue and the lady reacted in the best way she can, she just want him to know how bad she felt about it. So he should do the needful

You are a joker, someone spat on him and you say he should apologise to the person, yea right.

You are a very good man for not torching her and remaining calm please just remain cool and calm down. If you have not sent her packing before you read this please don't do. Please don't be annoyed follow my advice and you will never regret it.
So lets start from here!
All i can deduce from your story is that you DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME WITH YOUR WIFE, and you are not so sensitive to her emotional needs and that is the major reason she is always fighting you. From what you said I can deduce that most of your time at home what you use it for is to play FIFA online if you can play from say 12AM to around 5AM(from your story) before you sleep, I am sure this is not a one time occurrence but what you do from time to time. She needs you by her side when she is sleeping, but all you are doing is playing FIFA. Man wake up. Give her attention and communication that is one of the major thing women need. You are really failing from this.
And let me tell you when women hide things in their pants most of the time what they need is s*x, they want to feel that man around them, but you screwed up. You are there twisting her hand when she was expecting you to curdle her so she can feel you.... why will she not spit on you. My man you failed this simple feminine test.
You said you love her. please let it continue, you might not find another lady to love like her again.
what to do quickly.
Apologize to her though what she did is not good, tell her you will change i mean that you will be more sensitive to her emotional needs, tell her to list 3 things she wants you to do that you have not been doing and please do those things if you dont want more troubles.
Take her out today eat together, talk chat and laugh together and let everything come and end on the bed!!!
Mind you I am married for so many years and have counsel so many regarding marriages. If you dont mind I CAN EVEN CALL YOU if you drop a number we can discus from. Thanks and God bless you.

[quote author=Martinsedward post=49310134]I have been a friend to this website for some years now but I just want you to know that your post made me to fully registered into the website so I can have the opportunity to advice you.
I carefully read between the line your worries and trust me I've had something similar to your experience in the past so I totally imagine what you are going through. Forget about immature advice here online. Not until people experience bad marriage , they won't know how damaging it can be for career, emotion and your state of mind. You are lucky they don't sell alcohol where you are, when I was dealing with mine, I turned into a strong addict and started doing things I don't do before.
Here is my advice for you, you need to do the needful to avoid her by all means not by sending her back to Nigeria. I live in North America and it got to a point when my ex started acting up by disrespecting me . She did to the point that she stood to my face that I should touch her then see what's gonna happen to me. I immediately got her message that she is setting me up to jail so I avoided that. I left home and rented a basement , after few months , she came back to her senses by realizing the important of husband in a home. With all due respect ladies, you need to be humble in marriage and that's the key.
Your happiness is the key and better avoid her now before she will send you to an early grave. Vacate the house for her now and make yourself happy again. Mine wouldn't even cook for me for months despite she doesn't work and I took care of all bills in the house .

Okikiki:
@OP
nameerfhtennek:

I must start by congratulating your maturity and calmness in handling this matter up to this point.

However, some facts garnered from the story (your side of the coin) suggests :
1.Your woman never had absolute trust on you hence she broke up with you and entered another relationship

2. You have been having issues with her for a year now which suggests built up aggression which has not been fully resolved.

3.Both of you are yet to understand yourselves which is impacting on your compatibility.

4.I see a situation where none of you listens to each other's needs culminating into latent anger. Any minute provocation revives the same anger and trouble breeds from there.

MY ADVISE :

1. You need to address the trust issue in your marriage. Does your wife have absolute confidence that you are always there for her? You are the head of your home, you would set the tone of what your home should be and vigorously pursue an all inclusive policy.
The lack of trust made her to doubt the veracity of your explanation about forgetting the internet gadget in your office.

2. Find out your wife's pains. It is not all about you. She might be struggling alone, without you noticing her pains. Open up for her to empty herself in you. Then she would have the inner peace which would translate to yours as well.

3. Do not send her packing at all. Bring her closer and forgive her with a very stern warning that she won't be so lucky next time such occurs. Build a bond with her.
No marriage is perfect, it's a whole lot of work from both of you to make it succeed.
However you are the head, walking into the life of another woman might not be the best option for you because you wouldn't know the content of the next woman's character.

Putting all together, he who is forgiven more loves more, as declared by the Greatest Teacher Himself.

It is well.

Read this:
http://www.richardpaulevans.com/index.php/2015/02/09/saved-marriage/

I had like to see the face behind this sobriquet , op I am yet to all read all pages of this thread but this is one sacred advise you must listen to .

Let me add mine .....

Any decision you take currently now that you are upset is very wrong and would hunt you forever , whatever comes to your mind after returning back to your non turgid state is the right move .

kayzat:




I will like to start by praising your maturity in handling the issue well at the boiling point. What she did is very is very condemnable and uncalled for.

But then if the truth must be said I will tell it here . You also need to work on how you relate with your woman . I suspect that woman is tired of the marriage already because you don't seem to create enough time for her hence the reason why she always target the TV , remote control or the console .

You work more than 51 weeks out of 52 weeks in a year , from work straight to your FIFA game and you expect her to be happy and sane ?

Your wife is not happy in the relationship because you are not giving her enough attention especially in a foreign land far away from her friends and family. And next time your wife is angry or in beast mode, don't try taunt or make her angry the more .

You should've answered her immediately that you forgot your router instead of keeping quiet ,
You shouldn't have tried to forcefully retrieve the remote control or the console from her prison yard when you can actually do that by being a bit more mature . Just a little play . some touchings here and there would have done the magic here.


And please don't send her back to Nigeria unless you are not interested in her again. sending her will back to Nigeria will create further gaps between you guys and she may even end up finding solace in the arms of another man.

Try to settle with your wife . give her very stern warning never to try such despicable act with you again, you guys should communicate more and more and be open minded with each other .


May God give both of you more wisdom , patience, knowledge and understanding to make your marriage work. Amin.

Op, listen to this guy. He has said what needs to be said.

sending her back home is not solution to the problem now OK
just seek for devine intervention from God den speak right language she will understand to her. pls don't beat her.may the lord see u through

The cause of this problem i believe is your attachment to your video game. Your wife needs your attention and she's definitely not getting any. She's frustrated by this and she's taking it out on you. You're consumed by video game addiction such that you ignored her repeatedly when she asked for the internet router. Bruv, reduce your game time or better still switch off the damn console for a month and sort out your marriage. You can thank me later!

Iefosa:
This issue is a minor one, but can really mature to stage of causing serious damages:

You're a married man, bros you don't ignore a woman's want or should I say feeling, no matter how silly it might be, just give her the attention, then you will enjoy and do whatever you do in peace. Assuming you went shopping with her, she for even cook better food give you ontop that fifa self. Follow dey shout Goal even when computer score you .

See bros, just go back to her, apologise, let her know that you're sorry for not going shopping with her, that it was not good of you, that nothing can come between you two not even that game self, let her know you paid deaf ear to her feelings, but you have realised now, you're very sorry, it wouldn't happen again. You go see she go just bust cry, then you kiss her, then yanch am, after everything. Tell her say that spit wey she spit for your face you dey forbid am, make she nor ever try am again, she will promise and promise, she wouldn't do it again really.

Biko don't send her home oh, Nigeria this time ehn NA wrong timing, sort things out with your wife brother, e nor easy.

well said bro.

sllay:


Dyslexic beaver! It's "intensely", not "intesely".

You need psychiatric evaluation for standing up for a brute who advocates violence against women. May all the females in your lineage date and marry guys like him so they'd be brutalized. I hope you'd stand up for those men too 'cause if you don't you're the world's biggest hypocrite.


SirWere - Knight of the order of mad men.

Seems like you specialize in ranting.


With your rancorous words and overbearing manner, your words do not pass anything across except an odious "feminist" who would rather blame the man for everything and find excuses for women; no matter how implausible they are.



I understand the need for you to lash out. You have been INdoctrinated to believe the man is responsible for all violence; that men are brutes always. No doubt you've watched "movies" and concluded that the Man is always at fault. You're probably the type that advocates for women to be treated as equal creatures, yet when they Bleep up you run back to the excuse "They're woman naa....".


Keep drowning in effulgent pool of pseudo-equality whilst shouting the vapid slogans you indoctrinate yourself with.



E no concern me.
























And P.S: My sister would NEVER do something like that. She's well trained; something (no offense OP) the OP's wife doesn't seem to be.








PPS : It's Sir Were. I embrace madness. You don't give it to me.

And let me say am sorry for what happened.

Please,remember that all she had now is YOU..Again,that region brought the worse in me out,I used to think I have all figured out until...I dated my husband for 5 years,we never quarrel for 5 minutes until I got to that region...I became a shadow of myself..bitter and all.

Let her mix with non Arabs..you might need to change your house to where experts lived more so she get to relate with some women that can understand her more.And yes,what she did was wrong but remember two wrongs don't make a right.

I bet when she starts having kids,you will be the one begging for her attention.. Lol

God will help you and give you wisdom to deal with it.

Don't touch her, u can send her back nd Pls Dnt make t a suprise and u will see dat she will change make her understand u r sendn her cos she's Nt givin peace n d house. Ma husband get angry easily but wit dat he had never pinch Nt to talk of beatin m.

You guys need counselling and very fast too before this marriage becomes unsalvageable

I see a very disrespectful & uncouth woman and I see a man who is on the tether of exploding and doing something stuppidd if care is not taken.

Then I see 2 people who don't know how to deal with small issues before they escalate into big ones & 2 people who lack communication skills.

I guess its easy for me to say all this because ive been married for some time, but in truth before you get to a stage of peace you both have to sacrifice; and that sacrifice includes your time, effort, and doing things that you wouldn't normally do and stop doing things that you normally would like to do. Most importantly you have to both respect each other & Both hands have to wash each other to be clean and one hand cannot do it all.

This all started when she wanted to go shopping and you were unable to tell her in a way that she wouldn't feel bad. Outcomes usually depend on how you put things across. Gra gra and bone face mostly doesn't work and when you pet a woman, she is more amiable to whatever you are proposing.
The problem though which I do understand is that some women are just to harsh, such that even if the man wants to pet and be pleasant, he is unable to do so.
Women also need attention. Very important. Your playing computer games when your wife had nothing to do wasn't the right thing bearing in mind you had forgotten her router.
You are a married man now and in a place away from home which is probably lonely, so you need to create quality time for your wife.

So back to my opening statement which is you guys need to see a marriage counsellor. . .fast!
First of all you both need to be taught to be careful what you say to each other in anger, because when the anger subsides, the words are always there.
Many marriages have broken down or are irreparable by words that have been spoken to each other in the heat of the moment.

I wouldn't advise sending her back to Nigeria.
Bro Bellong, Bro Thorpido & Bro TV01

How do you forgive someone who has shown no repentance and hasn't asked for forgiveness? Even God doesn't do that. For a woman, spitting on your husband is a clear sign you hold him to no regard whatsoever! Can you ever try that to someone else? Much less your husband... How would you feel if someone spat on you? Some women Sha! Bros pls send her home. Let her go and figure out what is important to her.

I don't knw wat to say in this case sha...but spitting on someone is an abomination. my grandpa told me they only spit on people who commit abominable offence. or those who have been condemned to death.

I don't really think that woman loves you, I will advice you to what will only give u inner peace