Throughout the history of mankind, love has always found ways to connect people ‘from a distance’. From the famous story of the queen of Sheba and King Solomon through to the less popular story of Charles Babbage and Augusta Lovelace, long distance relationship has been a beautiful part of human history and has driven some of the most important inventions of our kind.

The advent of the internet was thought of by many to be the ‘magical bean’ that would fix the problems of ‘loving over miles and oceans’ and make long distance relationships work. Surprisingly, more and more of such relationships are crumbling at a rate that has never been witnessed before. Could it be that long distance relationships require more than just connectivity? This EB Exclusive investigates what keeps love affairs alight especially when they are over international borders.

LESSONS FROM HISTORY
In 2014 I read the story of an American couple, Peter and Helen Stoppi who got married in 1947 and remain married till death did them apart in the year 2000. Their relationship was born 5 years before their marriage in 1942 and became a long distance relationship just after a month of meeting until 1946 when Peter returned home from Europe where he was serving as a soldier.

A much recent example is the story of the Irish author Maeve Binchy, and a British writer Gordon Snell who fell in love in 1971 and dated solely through a long distance relationship until they got married in 1977. They remained married until death snatched Maeve Bichy in 2012.

These examples and a myriad of other examples show us that productive long distance relationships with happy endings were possible even when the only technology they had to keep in touch was the post office. The problem today is therefore not the ‘distance’ nor is it the ‘technology to keep us connected’ but our attitudes towards the distance.

PRACTICAL SUGGESTION…
Here are the practical tips we can adopt from these case studies to maintain our long distance relationships and keep the flames of love burning bright till we unite with our loved ones:

1. COMMUNICATION MUST BE EFFECTIVE:

If love is to foster from a distance, communication has to be open and frequent. Your partner will have to hear more since he/she cannot read your body language and most of the other communication we do implicitly. As such, communication has to be clear, open and expressive.

2. THE FARTHER, THE STRICTER:

The farther you are from your partner, the stricter you should be with yourself as regards to your interaction with the opposite sex. Hold yourself to a high moral standard and don’t listen to the ‘do you know what (s)he is doing over there’ crap that your friends will likely throw at you.

3. LET THE END BE CLEAR AND NEAR:

Peter and Helen knew they will be together once the war is over. Maeve and Gordon knew the will be together once a transfer is approved for one of them. All long distance relationships need to define a clear time when the couples plan on being together. Also plan and work towards intermittent visits as these are ‘the ties that bind’.

4. INTERDEPENDENCE IS GOLD:

Learning to be a self-dependent person will never be more valuable than in a long distance relationship as it is necessary you learnt to take care of yourself financially and otherwise while sharing your life.

5. INTIMACY IS IN THE MIND:

It is normal to desire to intimately connect once in a while but when your partner is miles away, you feel cheated and tempted to stray. It is at these moments that it is important to remember that intimacy is in the mind. How many times did you get in the sack with someone still don’t feel intimate afterwards?

6. PORN KILLS LOVE:

Need I explain this one. Using porn to fill in the sexual void of a long distance relationship will only lead to more porn and more unrealistic expectation from your partner when next you visit. This will only strain the relationship further

7. STARVE JEALOUS TENDENCIES:

Remember when you act jealous just to get attention? That could be some serious fun right? However, in a long distance relationship where the physical closeness is limited, it may carry devastating potentials. Starve jealous tendencies and make your dissatisfaction clear in a matured, non-provocative way.

In conclusion, Love has worked over distances and it will continue to work if you will put in the extra work and care and guard your heart with your head. The fact is love is always worth the inconveniences in the end.

Tell us about your long distance experiences in the comment section below. We love interaction!

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