SpicyJosBabe:
This culture is the one reason why there can never be gender equality in Africa as long as it looks like the man paid for his wife or bought her with his money.

I have heard some men say things like, ''my wife must do whatever i say without objection because i paid her bride price'', ''my wife cannot be disinterested in sex whenever i am interested because i paid for it''. The woman cannot say anything because that is somehow the truth.
With words like this, i begin to wonder if marriage is another form of slavery in Africa.
This is what feminists should stand up against.

SpicyJosBabe:
The Europeans abolished Dowry and Bride price payment in the middle ages due to the destructive effects it had on their society and today things are better for them. Why must Africa/3rd world nations be different?
India is working towards the abolition of dowry payment because tens of millions of females have been killed at birth or in the womb over the decades by their own parents who are afraid of loosing their wealth by dowry payment for their daughter's future wedding.

ammyluv2002:
I don't agree with you

asuo27:
And after the Europeans abolished Dowry and Bride price payment, what then is on the table?...prenuptial agreement. Plz!, leave our culture for us, u want men to just take women home and start raising kids?.

They should make bride price uniform in all tribes which must be reduced to the barest minimum.

TrapQueen77:
About India... Tatz true... In India women are the one paying the dowry ...so when couples don't have enough wealth or living below middle class, mothers chose to abort their unborn baby if it's a girl.

SpicyJosBabe:


What do you mean by men just taking women home? Other cultural arrangements could be made which will center on blessings from the parents on both sides.
Bride price payment is a backward culture, it has no benefit of any sort. If u know one benefit, just mention one, so as to support your stance.

asuo27:
One benefit.
Check the mentality of men who didn't drop a penny on their wives head as bride price and check that of those who did.
Those who didn't don't value their women.

SpicyJosBabe:
This culture is the one reason why there can never be gender equality in Africa as long as it looks like the man paid for his wife or bought her with his money.

I have heard some men say things like, ''my wife must do whatever i say without objection because i paid her bride price'', ''my wife cannot be disinterested in sex whenever i am interested because i paid for it''. The woman cannot say anything because that is somehow the truth.
With words like this, i begin to wonder if marriage is another form of slavery in Africa.
This is what feminists should stand up against.

SpicyJosBabe:
things are better for them.

Suspectzero:


Maybe the women too should get some sense and

1) Have your own job and the means to sustain yourself

2) Know the kind of guy you are marrying before taking the plunge

Other women would of course be here defending the bride price because women love money being spent on them even though they claim to be independent. They really aren't Forever dependents is what most of them are.

missKiffy:
It's our culture, why should we abolish it

TrapQueen77:
About India... Tatz true... In India women are the one paying the dowry ...so when couples don't have enough wealth or living below middle class, mothers chose to abort their unborn baby if it's a girl.

efficiencie:
@spicyjosbabe, the act of paying the bride price is not the reason for men considering women a piece of commodity bought, so to say, in the market rather it is the attitudinal disposition of those men to social relationships generally, not just to marriage.

You cited the example of the West, but i assure you that there is no scarcity of men, in the West, who think their wives are not different from a piece of furniture. There are countless examples of men and women whose marriages are centered on the economics and not love or anything related to it. Most women marry for financial security and not necessarily due to the need for love, belonginess and partnership while most men marry to simply to add to their stock of possessions and when their 'marital stock', who in this case is their wife, becomes rusty and out-of-fashion they throw it in the trash can of life and seek another addition to their stock!

So even if bride prices were abolished, i assure you that rich narcissists will still see their wives as a commodity that is meant to be used, used thoroughly and later traded over a bottle of beer!

May i add that the bride price does not necessarily reflect the value of the woman being married rather it is a gift given to the father of the would-be wife to relinquish authority over the would-be wife in favor of the would-be husband and in addition the bride price has more spiritual connotations than physical and that is why it is easy to be blind to the rationale for the bride price!

So @Spicyjosbabe, you will be doing your would-be hubby a huge favor by getting pregnant for him and moving in with him to his apartment and by so doing helping him skip the hurdle of a bride price...but note that this does not guarantee he will subscribe to your obvious feminist tendencies...and it is highly likely he'll see you as another piece of equipment in the house that would soon be consigned to the junkyard...

My advice: if you must be a feminist...avoid getting married at all, with or without a bride price!

This is what feminists should stand up against.

SpicyJosBabe:


because of it's disadvantages, one of which is the fact which it makes it look like the woman is now a property of the man which he bought

efficiencie:
@spicyjosbabe, the act of paying the bride price is not the reason for men considering women a piece of commodity bought, so to say, in the market rather it is the attitudinal disposition of those men to social relationships generally, not just to marriage.

You cited the example of the West, but i assure you that there is no scarcity of men, in the West, who think their wives are not different from a piece of furniture. There are countless examples of men and women whose marriages are centered on the economics and not love or anything related to it. Most women marry for financial security and not necessarily due to the need for love, belonginess and partnership while most men marry to simply to add to their stock of possessions and when their 'marital stock', who in this case is their wife, becomes rusty and out-of-fashion they throw it in the trash can of life and seek another addition to their stock!

So even if bride prices were abolished, i assure you that rich narcissists will still see their wives as a commodity that is meant to be used, used thoroughly and later traded over a bottle of beer!

May i add that the bride price does not necessarily reflect the value of the woman being married rather it is a gift given to the father of the would-be wife to relinquish authority over the would-be wife in favor of the would-be husband and in addition the bride price has more spiritual connotations than physical and that is why it is easy to be blind to the rationale for the bride price!

So @Spicyjosbabe, you will be doing your would-be hubby a huge favor by getting pregnant for him and moving in with him to his apartment and by so doing helping him skip the hurdle of a bride price...but note that this does not guarantee he will subscribe to your obvious feminist tendencies...and it is highly likely he'll see you as another piece of equipment in the house that would soon be consigned to the junkyard...

My advice: if you must be a feminist...avoid getting married at all, with or without a bride price!

passionate88:
Nigerian feminists are just bunch of noise makers.

@spicyjosbabe if you believe that payment of bride price makes the man to disrespect the woman, then tell your parents and relatives not to demand for your own when you want to get married. Or better still refund to your husband if you're already married. As for me I feel this marriage of a thing in Nigeria is jus too overrated and it's becoming useless.

missKiffy:

It's only insecure men that see their wife as a property which he bought, for some their wife is their strength, their everything, they don't see them as a property, so we shouldn't say because of some insecure weakling we should abolish our culture

SpicyJosBabe:


You were making sense in the post initially, only for you to spoil everything.

@Bolded, the bride price does not reflect the value of the woman in the real sense of it but the minds of most ppl have been changed in that aspect, that is why it is very common to hear African men say words like ''for a woman whom i paid for'' always stressing on the money they spent for the marriage. What does that signify?
Imagine spending up to a million naira on bride price of a woman, after then you automatically have this feeling of a succesful purchase.

Just for the records, being a feminist is not synonymous with singleness, there are feminists who are succesfully married.
For the fact that i talked about the abolition of bride price payment does not mean that a wedding ceremony cannot be performed and other rites of the wedding performed without necessarily the financial extortion from the man. Only a crazy woman will just start cohabiting with a man and giving birth to children. Marriage union is not recognized anywhere without a legal or traditional occasion.
Before the law and all other international jurisdiction systems all over the world, a couple legally wedded by the court with a court wedding certificate is more recognized and legal than a couple with only pictures and memories of traditionally unnecesary and wasteful jamboree.

asuo27:
One benefit.
Check the mentality of men who didn't drop a penny on their wives head as bride price and check that of those who did.
Those who didn't don't value their women.

SpicyJosBabe:


You have a point my dear, but let me take you through a little history. Europeans had to abolish any form of payment over marriage because for the part of dowry payment, many parents started sending their daughters to convents to become nuns just to be able to escape dowry payment which they deemed as a source of financial extortion ¹ , but hey, that did not mean that there were no responsible families who could afford the dowry payment and carry out everything in a right way. That is just the difference between white people and black people. Anything they see as an impediment to the easiness of people's lives no matter how small the affected population is, they are quick to take actions, but africans will never as long as the culture favours a group of people. ²
Today white women are enjoying a higher status in their society and social equality, these were the kind of laws they fought for in the past that took them to where they are today. ³


I have come across a woman who was seriously maltreated in her marriage by her husband, she said that one reason why she finds it hard to take steps against him is because she usually remembers all that the man had to go through under her family just to pay her bride price, how he was extorted by her father and uncles to perform a very big ceremony, that she just cannot afford to jeorpadize all that or threaten her marriage. Just imagine, she felt bounded to stand up to her rights just because of that. ⁴

My mother told me that when she was getting married, her father told her never to come back to his house for any reason because he will chase her away as she now belongs to her husband as long as he performed all the rites (payment of bride price) to acquire her hand in marriage. Just imagine. Things like this are what make our women suffer endlessly and endure all manners of pain in marriage without any option. ⁵

this is the point i am trying to pass across.