Hmmm...And I warned madam Onegai o.
U ppl now want to make her look and feel bad, abi?!

I admit she overdid it in some of her posts considering the Op is a young adult unrelated to her. I know she sounded like she was trying to dictate to the OP and control her life. But that's cos she was only trying to be like a strong mother. That's what our strict disciplinarian mothers/fathers did for us too. And today we are thanking them for setting us on the straight and narrow path.

Remember the bible verse -'Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he won't depart from it'

Abeg free Onegai jare...
The Op suppose happy say ppl don full ds her thread. Maybe at the end, something go drop. I pray o.

missjo:

I agree with all you saying,i was just looking at this adoption or abortion thing from another perspective.

I'm an optimist,and I believe people who make an attempt to move do not remain stagnant for very long. So let's say in two or three years from now,she becomes stable financially and psychologically, she would definitely regret giving up her child for adoption or terminating it before it gets to full term.
I hope you understand my perspective now.

Well that is life
Every decision has a consequence

Onegai:


You know what? All this is getting pretty annoying. Allow me to leave this young lady to you guys.

Jaybee3, thorpido and ifyalways, let us leave this matter, we have become monsters o. Abeg free this matter. To your tents o Israel And to think that I had called to say I was sleeping on mainland next week to go and see this babe.

Thorpido, getting rid of the tab is not about money, it's about her showing she's willing to do whatever it takes: let's start getting rid of all the things that are of the past. I'm not going to be an enabler to silly decisions and pet anybody till we see some progress. Get rid of the tab, beg her mum and then we start.

Sorry ma but why are you calling Jaybee3,ifyalways and Thorpido to leave the thread with you?
I am a tad bit confused.

I don't know why people are castigating Onegai. For me, I think, she has spoken well.

doveda:
I don't know why people are castigating Onegai. For me, I think, she has spoken well.

The Op needs tough love no doubt.She doesn't have a grip on herself.

doveda:
I don't know why people are castigating Onegai. For me, I think, she has spoken well.

she has really tried her best. tough love is what the op needs.

unfortunately, not everybody seems to agree.

I agree. She needs to see where she has erred. She will soon find herself another man and before you know it, she is pregnant again.

thorpido:
The Op needs tough love no doubt.She doesn't have a grip on herself.

Tough love is what she needs. If you give her money now, she will soon be back for more.

I don't even know how these ladies get pregnant sef.

Teespice:


she has really tried her best. tough love is what the op needs.

unfortunately, not everybody seems to agree.

Dyt:

I should do abracadabra to Abuja?
Send me flight money

There is train na...first class!
And more secured and adventurous.

I read this post from the first page till this very last one. I have this to say about it

I have this type of girl at home,infact she is my immediate younger sis(gave her just 1yr). We were sent to the university almost together,she met a level mate of hers who jointly defrauded my dad,collected house rent and school fees from my dad and both used to open a shop while they lived in the guys apartment and before we knew what was happening she was pregnant in her final year(2012),the guy was beating her blue and black and even when she had her baby my mum left Lagos to the east where she was schooling and had her baby to pay her hospital bill and to also take care of her.

Mum did omugwo(as we igbos call it) for 2weeks and left as she is a very busy person,she employed someone to come help her complete the omugwo,my sis insulted the woman every single day from not knowing how to bath her child well, to not washing clothes properly...the woman left maybe after 1month and I was asked to go tend to my younger sis and her baby since I was in the East at that time for my final clearance. I would wash her clothes and that of her baby,fetch water on my head,walk miles to charge our phones as the idiot she got pregnant for rented a house in the middle of a bush that had no electricity oh yes!!!

Fast forward to when I told my dad I was leaving there after 2weeks as I couldn't bear such hard living condition,Dad amidst all the shame he had to bear as we are from a very strict Christian background(deeper life) just said she should come back to Lagos. People insulted my parents that they didn't train her well bla bla bla.... My parents bore all that shame and said she should leave that girl and go back to school which she did.

My dear sweet niece became 1yr in 2013,my sis incured an extra year and had to go back to school again in 2014,we heard again that she was pregnant for the same guy,my parents went berserk with anger. My dad stopped sending her money in school(note:my dad trained the first 3 of us in the University same time and sends 4000naira every week to each of us as he is a business man and sends weekly and he makes profit) so she had no excuse to follow a boy not even a man sef(mtcheeeww).

The guy again started acting up,she was so hungry in school. My dad asked nobody to send her shingbai(no money at all) I had started serving at time and I was using my money to run a professional programme so I no kukuma get to give person wey no get sense(wr were given equal opportunity). My mum had to ask her to come back home,the day she did come home she was like a ghost, she had lost so much weight,her eyes were sunken,she came in October 2014 and by December 2014 she had the 2nd child a male baby(the first is a female). Infact my mum took the delivery, as she is a midwife and wanted to take care of her herself.

To the main story,my sis started her troubles,she would insult my mum at ever given opportunity and even call my mum as in my mama harlot!!! She blamed everybody for what happened to her. She was ready to fight my brother's who is older than by the way but are very much bigger than her. She hated her immediate younger bro so much as he was done with NYSC at that time and she was still at home. She insisted my mum buys SMA gold for her son,golden morn,peak 123 for her daughter,she wastes pampers as she uses them for both children like it isn't bought with money(at that time I decided to stop giving my mum money) my mum adviced her to give her children pap she insulted my mum that day eh and said Pap(ogi) is for povery stricken people and that she isn't poor(she person wey no get money o).

The boy went for youth service that 2014 and finished in 2015 and she hasn't been able to go for youth service as she is owing alot in school and my dad isn't ready to spend one extra dime on her education. So somehow she got a job in a school as read pol.science education and the owner of the school after her story had pity on her and said she would pay half of the school fees for her daughter while her son would be free.

She takes everyone in the house as an enemy,my mum dares not even talk to her about how to take care of her children,she doesn't talk to my brother's,I became her enemy too one day I tried advising her and she asked me not to ever touch her children. She does nothing in the house,as in she doesn't even sweep not to talk of cooking (mumsy had to get a girl to help out at home). As she started working,she doesn't even contribute anything in the house,she will put on the gas and it will just be wasting. When her children is hungry especially the first daughter she just shouts at her to go meet her grandparents abeg.

Fast forward to this year,immediately she heard I was getting married she started keeping malice with me and stopped greeting my husband. I was so happy to move out of the house eh,in my house you can't cough ad if you do she would say you are talking about her so my husband and I planned and wedded in a space of 2months. She had plant her ear on the room of my parents door to hear if they are talking about her,she has been caught doing that on several occasions.

My Parents prayer everyday is for her to leave the house as they don't have the mind to throw her out with her kids.

Dear Moji,which mother do you want to be happy to see her daughter misbehaving and from your previous post 2yrs ago you are supposed to go on your knees this very point and beg that woman for forgiveness....I have watched my mum cry for my sis and even laid a curse on her as it is very painful and frustrating to see your own child rebel against you.

I will tell you what I tell my sister, you need more than just financial help...You need both psychological and spiritual help too.

Sorry for boring you all with a long post. Moji I will call you later in the day.

Well said. Being following this thread quietly and I wnt fail to commend Onegai for her efforts towards the op's issue.
I'm sorry but I strongly believe th op needs tough love at this point if the desired results must be achieved. Im not surprised she fails to subject herself to her mothers discipline cos I strongly suspect her mother supported most of her choices and seeing the consequences now trying to correct the errors in her child but clearly at the wrong time.

The op needs beyond monetary help and I'll advise the likes of Onegai who can administer this tough love approach be around her for strict follow up. She may be an adult cos of her age but in other aspects she's clearly a child who needs a firm hand to guide her back on track. If she has not gotten kids involved it would have been a different ball game entirely.

Many thanks to Onegai, Thorpido and co who helped in bringing out the truth behind this entire issue.

misspicy:

[b]I have been on the sideline reading and monitoring this thread since the OP opened it,and I must commend your dedication and willingness to be of help to a total stranger,who is not even entitled to your sympathy or money,it is a rare show of tough love even if she was initially trying to shroud her real self just to get quick relief(money),it was you who sniffed her real person out and let the world realise that she needs more than money.

Every one here might condemn your approach but I won't because I have experienced first hand How effective 'tough love' is,most especially if the benefator is receptive.

I think over pampering is what took the OP to the point she is today,and the tough love her mother is trying to show her now is too late,Coz she is already an adult who has gotten used to receiving without sweating.
Many people think tough love is harsh,but it is also the best and effective especially in formative years.I would have loved to share some experiences but it will make this post too long and lose its relevance,which is "WELDONE MA'AM" do not let anybody make you look like you were too harsh, and don't stop what you want to do to for the OP (in your own way),that could be all she needs to be a better person in life.....

Continue impacting lives [/b]

@ jaygrl, thanks for that post. Some people need this kind of practical and supporting life experiences to understand the kind of person the op is and why certain reactions are being manifested here.

Loisemm:
Hmmm...And I warned madam Onegai o.
U ppl now want to make her look and feel bad, abi?!

I admit she overdid it in some of her posts considering the Op is a young adult unrelated to her. I know she sounded like she was trying to dictate to the OP and control her life. But that's cos she was only trying to be like a strong mother. That's what our strict disciplinarian mothers/fathers did for us too. And today we are thanking them for setting us on the straight and narrow path.

Remember the bible verse -'Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he won't depart from it'

Abeg free Onegai jare...
The Op suppose happy say ppl don full ds her thread. Maybe at the end, something go drop. I pray o.

Onegai has spoken her mind and she is right. I have a slightly different perspective but I respect hers 100%. Someone needs to wake this girl up. Sometimes compassion helps, other times you need to kick someone's azz.

Like Onegai said, those who feel the need to preach, better help the girl to raise these innocent kids. Talk is cheap.

moji26:
im sorry pls, I need to come in here, I dnt ve any nanny, there is no nanny with me, d old woman with me is d mother of my ex dat I'm pregnant for

What about drug related addiction as pointed out here?


Can you see now that your issue is causing issues on here.

You need to listen more and talk/complain less whenever you are being called wrt this matter on ground.

With your age and level of exposure, I'm sure you know how to settle with your mother, UNLESS you are punishing her intentionally for SOMETHING.

ayobase:


There is train na...first class!

And more secured and adventurous.

Lemme jor

.

TV01:
I also recall OPs other post about her misadventure in SA. And, I don’t actually consider this to be a charitable case. She has a place to stay, and a wider family who she is with, and who posses some means.

[b]But that’s me, I’m in no way seeking to inform what other people decide to do, or not do in this case. The reason I’m here is because of the, without mincing words, nauseating way some of you think you can take dictate to this woman just because you may render some assistance.

What gives you the right to control her fertility, mandate she gives her child up for adoption, or forcefully has an abortion. Who died and didn’t rise again and made any of you God? Can you even hear yourselves?

She should marry a “mature man” and relocate to Ibadan? Is this farce? And then when she acts out the destructive behaviours and the marriage is strained or potentially fails, you’ll prescribe the “7 day, 4 step program to winning back your wife”?

I mean a liability is one thing, but a loose canon, is something else entirely. Have you thought of lining up the “mature men” amongst your own kinfolk?

I guess the US coercing African countries to adopt “progressive gay-rights policies" via aid and diplomatic pressure, is a good thing then?
Who made you arbiters?

If a man or group of men sat down to make decisions around womens reproduction based on criteria they considered suitable, you’d all be up in arms, yet here you are, crowing over a woman in a mess, even if it's self-inflicted?

What objective criteria make you think you can mandate the measures you’ve forcefully presenting? Yet when we present no sex before marriage and intact biological homes, you rail against it and scream people are trying to impose their beliefs.

And you have all but judged her to nothingness. Yes she has, speaking delicately, been wayward and done things beyond the pale for most people, but that accords you no rights over her, or makes your anger righteous.

Neither does rendering assistance if you freely choose to do so. Be that financial or life mentoring. [/b] And Onegai, reading one or two of your post would actually suggest you may have an ulterior motive.


TV

If men were God...

Hmmmmmmmmm.........

Following

@Thorpido, can you also seek the mother's opinion of the baby daddies, for all we know, Moji26 could be lying about them especially the last one.

@Onegai, . Nothing new, it's the nld way.

ifyalways:
@Thorpido, can you also seek the mother's opinion of the baby daddies, for all we know, Moji26 could be lying about them especially the last one.

@Onegai, . Nothing new, it's the nld way.

I will ask her.

Let Tehn confirm first. Usually I won't even answer or reply on such a thread, but just because she is pregnant. Op, you need to know that you have acted very stupidly in your short life. You already have a toddler you can't feed. Instead of finding a job, you jump and spread legs for a man whose 4 wives have run away with their kids. And then you blame your mother for chasing you away! With this mumu sense how did you even get in SA? I am sure with a shady man and you got deported. Looks like you are the lazy type that thinks all she needs to do is spread legs for a man to feed. You better wake up and close your legs and pray to God you have not caught a deadly STD. You need to get checked up, that is why I even considered giving this page attention.

Onegai:


You know what? All this is getting pretty annoying. Allow me to leave this young lady to you guys.

Jaybee3, thorpido and ifyalways, let us leave this matter, we have become monsters o. Abeg free this matter. To your tents o Israel And to think that I had called to say I was sleeping on mainland next week to go and see this babe.

Thorpido, getting rid of the tab is not about money, it's about her showing she's willing to do whatever it takes: let's start getting rid of all the things that are of the past. I'm not going to be an enabler to silly decisions and pet anybody till we see some progress. Get rid of the tab, beg her mum and then we start.

Sorry to ask but what exactly is your problem with the tab... Do you know my internet enabled fone is something I can't do without, it keeps me sane, I read, interact and socialise with it...plz render your help if you want to, if not leave others to help her without demanding she sells her phone... You have been shouting sell the tab sell the tab... Can you do without the internet??

Internet is not a priority


Baby food vs Subscription

I know which one is more important

My simple point is nobody holy pass.(Excuse my French).
It is easy to be wise after an event. It is even easier to point sanctimonious fingers and talk down on others mistakes,but in reality we all have our short comings,only that some are more devastating to our life's than others. Some kids are very delicate,and no two persons/kids are the same.
We should all come off our high horses and see what we can do to practically help this poor confused girl called Moji. What has happened has happened and we can not turn back the hands of the watch on Father Times wrist.
I personally will find time to call this poor girl up and find time to trace her house to see what can be done to reconcile her with her mother and see how I can help her open an account in any bank near her vicinity.
I think that is the first practical way to take her off the road to perdition she is presently on. She has cried out for help. I believe those who want to help her should do so,while those who do not want to do so are also in their rights,but I plead we should stop talking down on her because she found/put herself in this position because nobody can predict tomorrow.

Thanks for sharing jaygirl.
I'm weak, just too weak.

Caveatemptor:
My simple point is nobody holy pass.(Excuse my French).
It is easy to be wise after an event. It is even easier to point sanctimonious fingers and talk down on others mistakes,but in reality we all have our short comings,only that some are more devastating to our life's than others. Some kids are very delicate,and no two persons/kids are the same.
We should all come off our high horses and see what we can do to practically help this poor confused girl called Moji. What has happened has happened and we can not turn back the hands of the watch on Father Times wrist.
I personally will find time to call this poor girl up and find time to trace her house to see what can be done to reconcile her with her mother and see how I can help her open an account in any bank near her vicinity.
I think that is the first practical way to take her off the road to perdition she is presently on. She has cried out for help. I believe those who want to help her should do so,while those who do not want to do so are also in their rights,but I plead we should stop talking down on her because she found/put herself in this position because nobody can predict tomorrow.

No body holy pass, but this girl will not change if she is not berated. Right now what is on her mind is how to feed herself. They never think of tomorrow, just right now. She can still go out tomorrow and make the same mistake. I know someone who had a madam that was going to send her to the university. She kept going around the area having sex for money as young as 15 to bleach and buy okrika. She got pregnant about 3 times and is now a young mother with no secondary school certificate, the man has run away and she works in a quack shop trying to survive. She's not even 20 but now looks 40. They won't learn at all till they hit the very bottom.

@Checkengine, Don't be too fast till you get to page 15.

thorpido:
Healthwise,she'll need to go to a clinic.She also needs to get roperly registered for ante-natal.

On the longer term,she needs a source of income.She needs to learn a skill that can bring in income for her or start a trade.

But she's learnt a skill that can bring her income already...

katchycouture:


Sorry to ask but what exactly is your problem with the tab... Do you know my internet enabled fone is something I can't do without, it keeps me sane, I read, interact and socialise with it...plz render your help if you want to, if not leave others to help her without demanding she sells her phone... You have been shouting sell the tab sell the tab... Can you do without the internet??

Leave onegai alone biko! If I have a hungry child I WILL SELL THE VERY CLOTH ON MY BACK TO FEED HER! HOW MUCH MORE A TAB THAT IS JUST A LUXURY TO HER? But since Mr thorpido has seen the phone and says it's rough selling it might not be an option, but be reminded that onegai made that suggestions before the condition of the phone was made known.

Coldfeet:
Leave onegai alone biko! If I have a hungry child I WILL SELL THE VERY CLOTH ON MY BACK TO FEED HER! HOW MUCH MORE A TAB THAT IS JUST A LUXURY TO HER? But since Mr thorpido has seen the phone and says it's rough selling it might not be an option, but be reminded that onegai made that suggestions before the condition of the phone was made known.

It didn't look like a suggestion to me though, she kept on hammering on selling the fone, how much wld she has sold d fone, how long wld d money last to feed herself and her child, wld selling the fone be enough to register her for antenatal, wld be pay delivery fee?? Look no one is a saint, I am surprised to see fellow ladies being the ones casting the stone, abeg help me ask them how many abortion most of them don do, all the contraceptives and all of that... My mother will say we are all thieves but only who is caught is stoned to death... The lady has made very very very silly mistakes but she is not the first neither will she be the last... Those God has put in their hearts to help shld plz do so... Even if her fone was brand new sef...