joespiceman:
this has been the best comedy section in nairaland. guy you too much

Thanks bro, you have my respect. This joke is dedicated to you...

That awkward moment when the 5
Star hotel attendant tells you a bottle of
coke is #1500. You'll start explaining
and describing coke like
"I mean coke... Not the alcoholic one oo. The mineral type.. I mean the normal coke that looks like Pepsi.... The one Coca-
Cola produces"

okikiosibodu:

Thanks bro, you have my respect. This joke is dedicated to you...

That awkward moment when the 5
Star hotel attendant tells you a bottle of
coke is #1500. You'll start explaining
and describing coke like
"I mean coke... Not the alcoholic one oo. The mineral type.. I mean the normal coke that looks like Pepsi.... The one Coca-
Cola produces"

lol

okikiosibodu:

Thanks bro, you have my respect. This joke is dedicated to you...

That awkward moment when the 5
Star hotel attendant tells you a bottle of
coke is #1500. You'll start explaining
and describing coke like
"I mean coke... Not the alcoholic one oo. The mineral type.. I mean the normal coke that looks like Pepsi.... The one Coca-
Cola produces"

� lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUUGOnDyzuM

.

On a lighter mood

I dreamt that I went to the Bank and I came out of the bank with 2 bundles of money each which consist of 30 thousand each,making 60k, when I woke up I saw the same exact amount of money beside me I quickly went to the market and bought all my needs I have been having in mind, when I came back from the market , my dad , said to me hope u saw ur school fees beside u when u woke up this morning .........

Aiye ooo！


Moti gba penalty lo throwing

I pity those girls who build their love on Korean movies.... Hope U know Chukwudi is different from Lee mee hoo? �

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3EDobReFD8

Onitsha babes are very funny, you will meet them in a taxi. You pay taxi fare for them and buy them Yoghurt then exchange numbers, And you will watch them save your name as TAXI YOGHURT.

If a # Yoruba_Guy , takes u Home to meet his # Parents and on getting there they Tap, him to come inside with them while you are waiting alone in the Living Room... # Aunty_mi , just forget it, you have lost a Husband...

Hahaha.... Orisirisi.... I just saw Aboki doing Conductor at Obalende He dey shout "Obuualeyyyndey obuualeyyyndeh"

I have decided to be the DJ on my Weddingday. I dn't trust children of nowadays,dem fit play one corner & fall my Cake

The hardest realization to accept in this Life is that you never Finish with the people you Started with

My mum finally joined whatsapp LAST LAST and this
Afternoon she started complaining to me.
She said, “chai this whatsapp registration dey chop money o.”
“Mummy I no understand… how?” I asked.
She sighed and said: “Since wey I tell
your brother to register me on whatsapp, na so-so money I dey spend.”
I was confused, I didn’t understand what my mum was talking about. But after a while I got a clue and then asked: “Oh ok,
Mummy na MB dey chop your money?”
She raised eye brows and said: “Ah, which one be MB nah? I
hope say I no go pay for that one o, because I don pay 8k for
chatting permit, 7k for friend request fee, 3k for posting fee, 6k for profile picture permit and this evening again, your brother don talk say whatsapp say make
I bring 5k for international whatsapp passport., I don tire! Na so una dey spend money for this thing?”
Me i come say she go need whatsapp Verification Number (WVN) and that one is 20k only!!! .
I cannot come and miss out!
Who wicked pass...
Me or my brother.??

The hardest realization to accept in this Life is that you never Finish with the people you Started with

Nice one nice one bro u just made me laff like an idiot

Just b'cos of a Fine Usher_Girl , u dropped all ur Money in the Ofering_Tray ... Now u are looking for Lift...

Nicklaus619:
Nice one nice one bro u just made me laff like an idiot

Obrigado. Thanks for the encouragement. I wee dedicate a joke to you soon

At the ATM after waiting for
2hours on the Queue, and finally is
ur turn den u realised u r holding ur
Voter's Card...The Witches in ur village will just
whisper in ur Ear...
#Its_Our_Work_ooo_soft _work

okikiosibodu:

Obrigado. Thanks for the encouragement. I wee dedicate a joke to you soon

Nice one bro keep it up

Dedicated to Nicklaus619
My mom entered my room and saw me asleep. She held my head,slapped me and said to me"your last seen on whatsapp was 1minute ago,stand up and go and buy me bread

okikiosibodu:
Dedicated to Nicklaus619
My mom entered my room and saw me asleep. She held my head,slapped me and said to me"your last seen on whatsapp was 1minute ago,stand up and go and buy me bread

Lols she don dey time u since

Ur Mum or sister Will beg You To assist Unhooking Her "Bra", You'll Be Doing Like Snail ,
But When it's "Bae", You suddenly becomes Fast And Furious part 8
Bros, Just tell me why ur hell fire will not have a suya stand??

You are renting a 1 room and you come here on Facebook and post stuff like; "Having breakfast in bed" like you have a choice...

*WHY AFRICAN COUPLES ARE NOT ROMANTIC*

Many marriages are just for sleeping and waking up, raising kids and ageing together till death comes.

* Many couples hardly kiss and they only hug each other when they receive good news.

* The husband only puts food in his wife's mouth only when she is terminally ill and cant feed herself.

* If you see a man opening car door for his wife means the door is faulty.

* The only thing that makes an african man touch his wife's neck is when she complains of fever. He wont touch it again till the next fever.

* The only time he can carry his wife on his arms is when she is in labour.

* if you see them seated outside at night, dont think they are romantic. They are only waiting for the smell of insecticide to vanish.

* Many wives buy gifts for their husbands only when they are hospitalized.

* The only time they race together is when there is danger and everyone is running.

* The only time they go for evening stroll is when they want to go and lay a complain to the parents of the person that beat their child or got their daughter pregnant.

* The only time they bath together is when both are late for work.

* the only time a wife looks closely to her husband's eyes is when he complains of dirt in his eyes.

Unfortunately, Africans feel that any romantic man is being controlled by his wife.

They will begin to spread rumours around like: "chai, see as his'wife don carry juju cage am".
Africans change begins with you ooo.....
I Don Talk my own o
Enter 2018 anew

I saw a keke earlier today with an inscription "trust no lady". I have a feeling that, the guy once had a Range Rover

Nigerians be like, I want to buy Tin Tomatoes, the Sachet one

What's witchcraft
Witchcraft is wen u follow ur friend to buy phone and u saw iphone8,and u pick it to admire it,suddenly somebody hit u from behind and d phone fall on the ground ,u will just hear.......the tin go scrrrrr papapapa scree papapa and the pup pup pup pup

_FUNNY BUT TRUE !!!_
*1*. Remember Further Maths (aka _Additional Mathematics_)
They warned you that it'd be tough so you committed to listening attentively from the very beginning...
*2*. ...things started very well. 2a+8a = 10a. Easy beans. You are happy. This thing is not so hard. You are following it. Very happy.
*3*. Then slowly, you don't see any number again, just letters fighting Jackie Chan on the board; Sin 0/Cos 0 = A/Bx find *x*.... ahan. You vexed!
*4*. You went back to your note, & started thinking, "at what point did I miss it? Why did the teacher eliminate numbers? Why is *"x"* important?"
*5*. You say ok, may be it is just this part. Then the teacher goes, find *x* if α%*¤< + & @%β^ = &^^# *x*.
You ask the teacher, _"please give us a clue Sir"_
*6*. In your head, you are thinking, "how can you tell me to find *x* when I can't even find all the things surrounding *x*?"
*7*. At that point, you start to dream about your blessed and assured *"F"* in WAEC. To avoid it, you look for a friend to explain better to you.
*8*. This time, you didn't even look for the girl you were tripping for to come teach you because this time...u really want to learn
*9*. You remember your parents, the school fees and the "F" you were already dreaming about. You didn't fool yourself. You looked for your guy.
*10*. You even bought that expensive Further Maths text book. That one where after page one, everything else is written in tongues.
*11*. You bought rechargeable lamp. Called your mum to bring more provisions because "I now read at night and I get hungry"
*12*. You mean business. You want to know how ordinary numbers suddenly changed to Chinese language before your eyes.
*13*. You friend is even kind. He started with BODMAS. He makes you understand nothing in Further Maths is beyond BODMAS. You are happy. Easy.
*14*. After two hours of learning, you got everything. Your friend should be a teacher you thought. He teaches better. Wow! You feel really good!
*15*. Back in the hostel alone, you picked two easy "problems," did wuru wuru to the answer. You checked the back for answer. Yay! You gorrit!
*16*. Back in class, the teacher is not even writing letters that you know again, he has gone Greek on you. Tetha, Beta, Alpha...argh!
*17*. As if that wasn't evil enough, he combines them, "tan _tetha_" "cos _tetha_" and he draws one snake that look like _*S*_ like this.......!!!
*18*. That was the point the *"F"* in your dream became flesh and formed tears on your face. You must call mummy. You know that.
*19*. Then something in you said, don't call her. She will think you are an _*Olodo*_ if you don't do "Science class". So you didn't bother.
*20*. You simply just gave yourself brain. Ran faster than _light_ to see what was happening in *Art Class*
*21*. They were teaching them _"the Macpherson constitution"_ and what made the _"Clifford constitution"_ different.
*22*. Then they spoke about the _"Motion for Independence"_ and the _"1979 constitution."_ You felt at home.
*23*. Next day, you take the Further Maths text books and all the big books like it, over to CMS. *Sell them all !!!*
LOLzzz !
*24*. This is a true life story of real people who were really brilliant but had no business in "Science Class" but *"had"* to be there... just to form _Alagbará_
*25*. Society insists; smart people are in Science Class. The others join Art Class. This is tragic and really this ought to stop soon!
*26*. There are no dumb people. You are smart at what you thrive at and most of us thrive at something...
*27*. That I can't thrive at what you thrive at doesn't make me dumb. Usain Bolt will outrun LeBron James on the track. But in B'Ball ? ..James wins !
*28*. To this day, some of you still judge yourself based on what your friends are achieving. Please, judge yourself against yourself alone!
*30*. Don't make your life like football leagues where you check on the results of others to feel better.
*Have a blessed day*