Maaamaaa:
I will try my best not be biased about our story and if you have any questions to ask please do.

I met him last year December precisely and we both work in the same office, we became best of friends but he was in a relationship (distant) and I was single.
We were really close because we both were new in town with no family around and then I fell in love with him and opened up about my feelings to him but he said he was in a relationship.

I was hurt but I held my head up and moved on. I started mingling with other male colleagues and then he became jealous and so I confronted him about it (still loved him) and u also told him to choose between us and he said he wants me. His decision was based on the fact that the other lady was far away, he thought she was promiscuous and she is an OND holder etc (I got to find out about this later).

We moved in together because of financial stress and talked about getting married next year... Late June this year I found out he had not broken up with the other lady, confronted him about it and he settled the issue.

I got pregnant July and he asked for an abortion, I insisted on keeping the baby with or without marriage.. He finally accepted to marry me and proceeded to tell my parents(he later said I forced him to that). He accused me of so many things and called me different names.

He traveled to his hometown and informed his parents about it all and met with the lady. On his return, he said the lady gives him peace and if I lose this pregnancy he will go back with her and that he loves her but he is just getting married to me because he respects my family and do not want to bring shame to me at work.

I cried, prayed and endured it all. Two weeks ago his family came for the introduction and the wedding has been fixed for December but I'm not happy.

I'm a shadow of myself, he feels disgusted by my presence and I can't say anything without him getting angry. I used to nag and quarrel a lot but I've stopped, even when I'm angry I just walk away.

He does not care about me and this pregnancy and if I tell him I'm sick or tired or anything, he will just say that I'm not the first to get pregnant and that it's when I push the baby he will take responsibility.

I have tried my best and I'm confused, last night I called him peacefully to ask him what I'm doing wrong but he said I'm disturbing him. I used to call his parents and my parents to intervene but he said I should stop that and I have stopped.

Please what can I do to save our relationship, it's not easy for me . this is not the man I fell in love with help me and please I need your advice because I am ready to do anything.

I want my child to have a normal family.

Ujoan:


What if it's a girl and looks like her mother? ?

Dyt:



Now I believe that story of birthing twice
I think I remember you well enough

Mimzyy:
It's not you that I actually pity, it's the innocent one on the way. I wish u well. Ori Okere koko lawo...

Maaamaaa:


I'm at uyo.

Thank you so much

Maaamaaa:
I heard they do not give maternity leave to women that are not married where I work.

Maaamaaa:


Thank you Ma. He can't move out because he has no where to go and he is broke. It's a two bedroom apartment and we have separate rooms.

Should I stop cooking? For both of us

Maaamaaa:
Thank you everybody for your sincere opinion. I believe I will move on with my child alone.

Please how do I overcome the shame at work because I can't quit now, I need the money.

Maaamaaa:


Thank you Ma. He can't move out because he has no where to go and he is broke. It's a two bedroom apartment and we have separate rooms.

Should I stop cooking? For both of us

Maaamaaa:
I have decided to have one final discussion with him.

I know some of you want me to hold on but I believe my sanity is my priority.

If he decides to keep the home I'll stay but if he truly does not want to marry me, I'll move on with my life and my baby.

I'll raise money and get a new apartment but I won't quit my job.

Thank you all for your words.

ifyalways:

Well, you can plead with him to move out seeing as you now disgust him. If he ever loved you and is humane enough, he should do that atleast for you but if he refuses, tough luck, try to co-exist as a room mate with him and please NEVER give him the cookie jar again.

Maaamaaa:


I also heard there is no maternity leave for women that are not married where I work.

Maaamaaa:
Thank you all for your words.

I don't want to call off the engagement because he says I don't understand his personality, he is not romantic and I want a fairy-tale romance and he can't do that.

My mother says my pregnancy hormone is making me overreact.

My dad says out state of finance is affecting us.

His parents say I should tolerate him.

I still do love him and I can't explain why, He is not a bad person but I feel he does not love me. I do not want to anyone to get married to me out of pity and that's why I was asking for a solution.

He assist with the chores at home and bills. He does not keep late nights and he is always at home with me but he just wants to be alone always and I feel like he is irritated by me.


He says I demand too much attention from him.

I actually want to plan the wedding together but he is like he does not care and I should do the planning while he will look for the money...

He is 32years and I'm 23years.

Maaamaaa:


Thank you because this is indeed the hard truth.

MizMyColi:


What Shame Ma?

Is it that of what people will say?
Or will your company sack you because you didn't do marriage yet and you're pregnant?

If it is that of what people will say and how they will view you, I admit it is not easy but you have to hold your head high come what may.

You need to be strong. No matter the shame you feel, do not let it show. It is when they see you are ashamed that they will try to hurt you more, but if you form badoo/ode shi, they can only try.

Hope you don't have a close pal that knows all your secrets at work?
If you do, now would be the best time to cut off by limiting what you say. And if you must talk, apply wisdom.

Let the Child you are carrying be one of the focal points of your joy.

Stay away from people who remind you of the past and try to dump their negative energies on you.

Mistakes have been made, lessons learned (I believe).

Now, Move ON.

Maaamaaa:
Thank you everybody for your sincere opinion. I believe I will move on with my child alone.

Please how do I overcome the shame at work because I can't quit now, I need the money.

lurdkriss:
Dats not fair, the fact remains that ur pregnant,whether ur married or not should be non of their business, does it make any difference if a pregnant woman is married or not? Abi pregnant woman wey never marry dey carry her own belle for back?

Doesn't make no sense to me

I'm really sorry bout ur situation,im sure ur gonna be fine,d guy doesn't love u so I won't advice u to go ahead with d marriage cus wat he is showing u now is small compared to wat u will see when he finally gets married to u.

Ppl shld learn to take responsibility for their actions.

Mayflowa:


You don't know men. These are presumption. A man will go for any girl, just any girl whether poor or rich, beautiful or ugly if the lady show him interest. How many men can resist a woman? you know why? Getting woo by a woman doesn't happen to us everyday even compliment is hard to get from a lady. So we are beguiled anytime we hear such. Why do you think young girls fall quickly for scope? They are easy prey until they become use to boys' deception.

Another secret, many men develop cold finger whenever they are going into marriage. Some are even at the blink of calling it off while the bride goes on shopping spree oblivious of the fight going on on her fiance mind. Why? Men don't want to be taken. They keep assuming there is a better person out there. Men are chief crier over lost girlfriend and if given the chance, they soon realized the other girl is worse than who they with.

we are prisoner of our mind but time wear all of these and we soon grow to love our spouse. So this guy will come around if she knows how to neglect him but take care of his things and food.The guy nor get level. him wey never fit pay rent dey talk how he wan to marry anoda girl!

Maaamaaa:
I will try my best not be biased about our story and if you have any questions to ask please do.

I met him last year December precisely and we both work in the same office, we became best of friends but he was in a relationship (distant) and I was single.
We were really close because we both were new in town with no family around and then I fell in love with him and opened up about my feelings to him but he said he was in a relationship.

I was hurt but I held my head up and moved on. I started mingling with other male colleagues and then he became jealous and so I confronted him about it (still loved him) and u also told him to choose between us and he said he wants me. His decision was based on the fact that the other lady was far away, he thought she was promiscuous and she is an OND holder etc (I got to find out about this later).

We moved in together because of financial stress and talked about getting married next year... Late June this year I found out he had not broken up with the other lady, confronted him about it and he settled the issue.

I got pregnant July and he asked for an abortion, I insisted on keeping the baby with or without marriage.. He finally accepted to marry me and proceeded to tell my parents(he later said I forced him to that). He accused me of so many things and called me different names.

He traveled to his hometown and informed his parents about it all and met with the lady. On his return, he said the lady gives him peace and if I lose this pregnancy he will go back with her and that he loves her but he is just getting married to me because he respects my family and do not want to bring shame to me at work.

I cried, prayed and endured it all. Two weeks ago his family came for the introduction and the wedding has been fixed for December but I'm not happy.

I'm a shadow of myself, he feels disgusted by my presence and I can't say anything without him getting angry. I used to nag and quarrel a lot but I've stopped, even when I'm angry I just walk away.

He does not care about me and this pregnancy and if I tell him I'm sick or tired or anything, he will just say that I'm not the first to get pregnant and that it's when I push the baby he will take responsibility.

I have tried my best and I'm confused, last night I called him peacefully to ask him what I'm doing wrong but he said I'm disturbing him. I used to call his parents and my parents to intervene but he said I should stop that and I have stopped.

Please what can I do to save our relationship, it's not easy for me . this is not the man I fell in love with help me and please I need your advice because I am ready to do anything.

I want my child to have a normal family.