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Is This Love Or Self Deceit? - Romance - Nairaland

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Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by Lifeisunfair: 11:08am On Oct 28, 2016
l have a boyfriend of 1yr +. l love him and he loves me too but he is not financially stable. l am educated and he just has ssce but l still dont mind. My problem is that he is in his late 30s while l have a year before mid 20. As am seeing him, he doesn't have the finance for marriage. He introduced me to his family and friends as his fiancee but nothing. l have tried dating other educated guys but l have no love for them. Someone l don't have any feelings for is on my neck for marriage. He believes love will come eventually and he is comfortable. l am not in a haste for marriage but considering my boyfriends age, l sometimes feel am wasting my time. He takes care of me in his own way but the bigger future looks uncertain. Please advice me and no bashing. Show love to a sister.
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by donbenedict(m): 11:13am On Oct 28, 2016
What's stopping u from marrying d broke guy? Money



What's stopping you from marrying the rich guy? Love









My dear, you are the most confused woman on earth!

5 Likes

Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by samincredible44(m): 11:15am On Oct 28, 2016
my sister u won't die if u sponsor d wedding.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by Lifeisunfair: 11:20am On Oct 28, 2016
samincredible44:
my sister u won't die if u sponsor d wedding.

lf l can, l would but am unemployed. Have gone for series of interviews but nothing yet. Even went for a security job after dropping both Msc and Bsc certificates aside but it didn't work out too.
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by gabinogem(m): 11:27am On Oct 28, 2016
Time answers everything. Be patient, it will be better for u to lose a bf than for u to lose a home.
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by donbenedict(m): 11:44am On Oct 28, 2016
Lifeisunfair:


lf l can, l would but am unemployed. Have gone for series of interviews but nothing yet. Even went for a security job after dropping both Msc and Bsc certificates aside but it didn't work out too.
so you think marriage is the way out?




Babe relax. Be patient.
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by ikp120(m): 11:44am On Oct 28, 2016
Relax... I like girls like you... You're not a gold digger like most girls... Going to school does not make you educated, it only gives you a certificate... Not going to school doesn't make you uneducated either, it only makes you "certificateless"... Why do we go to school?... To most people, it is to get what it takes to get a good job (that's good grades)... But there's what is called good grace... If your fiance has it, then hang on, oga at the top will soon pick up the call. But if he does not have it, you're on a long thing

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Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by Lifeisunfair: 12:00pm On Oct 28, 2016
donbenedict:
so you think marriage is the way out?



Babe relax. Be patient.
No no. l would have married if it is what l thought.
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by donbenedict(m): 12:36pm On Oct 28, 2016
Lifeisunfair:


No no. l would have married if it is what l thought.
ok relax please. You should use this period to make more friends. Where do u reside?
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by emmyrich222(m): 2:55pm On Oct 28, 2016
guys I need a guide am akinda fresh inhere
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by chigoizie7(m): 3:06pm On Oct 28, 2016
To me, the end justifies the means.

I am not saying that u can't still get a job with ur certificates.

I am not also saying that he can't still make it in life without a degree.

I mean, what is the difference between both of u? U ain't employed despite all ur education and certificates. To me, both of u are the same, so don't base anything on him not being a graduate or not. Non graduates are the ones ruling onitsha here. I mean, real loaded men.


2ndly, certificates are just papers.
The illiterate of the future is not those who can't read or write, it is those who can not change in the course of time, those who cannot unlearn what is not benefiting them, it is those who can not learn new things, it is those who can not re-learn.


Op, drop ur certificates aside, go learn a skill, tell ur bf to do same, it will take both of u 2yrs or so, u can be something for urselves.

Don't sit around waiting to get a 8-6 job and don't wait for ur bf to become a billionaire over night. The truth is, it might not be possible, I have seen people without job for 7yrs now and they are still hoping on jobs, while others took the bull by d horn and created job for themselves.



Blessing is from God.

With hard work, u can change ur finances, but I don't know how u can manage to live with someone u don't love or like or even understand all because of money which u have power and control over.


It's ur choice. I am not interested on who u marry, I am only concerned about ur perception of life. U must not get a 8-6job to survive.

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Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by Nobody: 3:30pm On Oct 28, 2016
chigoizie7:


The illiterate of the future is not those who can't read or write, it is those who can not change in the course of time, those who cannot unlearn what is not benefiting them, it is those who can not learn new things, it is those who can not re-learn.


My man! I love that quote, It's actually from Alvin Toffler, in the book "Future Shock"
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by Lifeisunfair: 3:41pm On Oct 28, 2016
donbenedict:
ok relax please. You should use this period to make more friends. Where do u reside?

l recently relocated to Lagos from the east in search of jobs
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by donbenedict(m): 3:50pm On Oct 28, 2016
Lifeisunfair:


l recently relocated to Lagos from the east in search of jobs
ok very good. Have u applied for Nigerian navy? DPR? These are the current jobs available now.. please don't have dis mindset dat u studied human resources dat means u will only apply for human resource jobs..


Be open to all and sundry. If u don't mind we can chat on bbm. cool
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by Lifeisunfair: 4:34pm On Oct 28, 2016
chigoizie7:
To me, the end justifies the means

Op, drop ur certificates aside, go learn a skill, tell ur bf to do same, it will take both of u 2yrs or so, u can be something for ursef




I know that and l have started making plans for it. But my boyfriend is a driver and doesn't want to change the status quo. He is unambitious and procrastinates a lot about doing something. When l talk, he listens and promises to do something but ends up continuing his driving job. Note: He is a personal driver to big ogas who pay a measly amount compared to his time and dedication.
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by Lifeisunfair: 4:38pm On Oct 28, 2016
donbenedict:
ok very good. Have u applied for Nigerian navy? DPR? These are the current jobs available now.. please don't have dis mindset dat u studied human resources dat means u will only apply for human resource jobs..


Be open to all and sundry. If u don't mind we can chat on bbm. cool


On it. Thanks but am not on bbm at the moment. l am not only applying for hrm jobs only. lf only you will see the subject of CVS sent to various companies....lol
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by chigoizie7(m): 6:13pm On Oct 28, 2016
Lifeisunfair:




I know that and l have started making plans for it. But my boyfriend is a driver and doesn't want to change the status quo. He is unambitious and procrastinates a lot about doing something. When l talk, he listens and promises to do something but ends up continuing his driving job. Note: He is a personal driver to big ogas who pay a measly amount compared to his time and dedication.

Now, I understand ur plight.

He is just too comfortable where he is.

He thinks he can gain something from those ogas later in life.

U have to talk to him with regards his ambitions.

And if he doesn't want to change, get a better life
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by Frankraj: 6:38pm On Oct 28, 2016
Stay with that your boyfriend .at least he has a job and one day he will be promoted and his salary will be increased . The most important thing in marriage is love

1 Like

Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by Frankraj: 6:40pm On Oct 28, 2016
Lifeisunfair:




I know that and l have started making plans for it. But my boyfriend is a driver and doesn't want to change the status quo. He is unambitious and procrastinates a lot about doing something. When l talk, he listens and promises to do something but ends up continuing his driving job. Note: He is a personal driver to big ogas who pay a measly amount compared to his time and dedication.

You are even lucky you have a boy friends that listens to you . Don't you know that rich men doesn't really listen to there wife not talk of giving her all the attention she desires . They can only give you money not love and attention
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by Lifeisunfair: 7:14pm On Oct 28, 2016
chigoizie7:


Now, I understand ur plight.

He is just too comfortable where he is.

He thinks he can gain something from those ogas later in life.

U have to talk to him with regards his ambitions.

And if he doesn't want to change, get a better life

l am happy you understand my plight. l just talked to him AGAIN!!! He listened and became moody as usual . l told him to remember that l love him and thats why l am bent on him doing something to improve his life. ln other to push him more, l reminded him about the guy who is serious about marriage and promised to help me secure a government job if l agree, He started throwing tantrums and told me to leave him and his miserable life and go and marry!!!
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by Lifeisunfair: 7:16pm On Oct 28, 2016
Frankraj:
Stay with that your boyfriend .at least he has a job and one day he will be promoted and his salary will be increased . The most important thing in marriage is love



Stay till when? He is 37 and am 24. Till he clocks 40?
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by lovelygurl(f): 7:21pm On Oct 28, 2016
Lifeisunfair:


l am happy you understand my plight. l just talked to him AGAIN!!! He listened and became moody as usual . l told him to remember that l love him and thats why l am bent on him doing something to improve his life. ln other to push him more, l reminded him about the guy who is serious about marriage and promised to help me secure a government job if l agree, He started throwing tantrums and told me to leave him and his miserable life and go and marry!!!


You should not have told him about the other guy. What are you trying to achieve with that. You are making things worse. How do you expect him to feel?
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by Lifeisunfair: 7:26pm On Oct 28, 2016
lovelygurl:



You should not have told him about the other guy. What are you trying to achieve with that. You are making things worse. How do you expect him to feel?

He knows about the other guy before now. l just wanted him to be serious.
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by Frankraj: 7:35pm On Oct 28, 2016
Lifeisunfair:




Stay till when? He is 37 and am 24. Till he clocks 40?

What I mean is marry him .
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by Lifeisunfair: 7:44pm On Oct 28, 2016
Frankraj:

What I mean is marry him .
l want to but he has no money for that. Nothing at all for now.
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by Frankraj: 8:00pm On Oct 28, 2016
Lifeisunfair:


l want to but he has no money for that. Nothing at all for now.


Hmmmm I don't belive you ,you said he is working and he earns salary . But if is the rich man you want then go and marry the rich man but when the problems starts don't complain
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by Lifeisunfair: 8:27pm On Oct 28, 2016
Frankraj:



Hmmmm I don't belive you ,you said he is working and he earns salary . But if is the rich man you want then go and marry the rich man but when the problems starts don't complain

He lost his job and just recently started another one few days back. Same personal driving job. The pay is small.
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by DLondonboiy: 8:43pm On Oct 28, 2016
Tell your boyfriend to do money ritual na....

Only him no go school...only him no get money...
Apart from the great sex he gives you...what else does he do? And what is this nonsense you people call love?

My friend look for one rich bobo and marry...with your msc, your rich bobo would connect you to his rich friends and in less than one month you have a job already...before you know it, your level don change!
The cows shouting gold digger would still remain in their poverty and continue shouting gold digger...

Law10: Avoid the unhappy and the unlucky..
Goodluck
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by Frankraj: 8:47pm On Oct 28, 2016
Lifeisunfair:


He lost his job and just recently started another one few days back. Same personal driving job. The pay is small.

How much is the pay
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by queencalipso(f): 8:51pm On Oct 28, 2016
Most comment here fail to see the bigger picture here, the future. There's nothing wrong in being with a broke guy who is ambitious, you don't look at the present picture of his brokenness but the future so long as you love him. The op guy is broke and worse still not ambitious. He's not eager nor willing to change his status quo, he's comfortable in his little world and like the op said, the future is not looking bright..

Well I won't ask you to leave him, but I will advise you not to marry bcz of money. Forget that " the love will come latter" in most cases it doesn't. Being with someone you have no feelings for can be very frustrating..

I will advice you focus less on the marriage and more on your self, on getting a job or business.
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by Nobody: 9:09pm On Oct 28, 2016
young lady i dn't knw wat 2 tel u bt y dn't u sit down and think deep abt it, y dn't u outline wat u want 4 ur future, ur family, ur unborn kids, y dn't thnk and outline d kind of man u wil be hapi 2 spend ur life with, b proud 2 show to and talk abt with ur family and friends. dn't make a kind of choice dat wen u luk at oda pipu's marriage 2moro, u begin 2 regret. MAKE A CHOICE WHILE YOU CAN. (in my opinion sha)
Re: Is This Love Or Self Deceit? by Nobody: 9:15pm On Oct 28, 2016
you were seriously reasoning with my spirit when you were typing, no wonder my first comment refused to load.
queencalipso:
Most comment here fail to see the bigger picture here, the future. There's nothing wrong in being with a broke guy who is ambitious, you don't look at the present picture of his brokenness but the future so long as you love him. The op guy is broke and worse still not ambitious. He's not eager nor willing to change his status quo, he's comfortable in his little world and like the op said, the future is not looking bright..

Well I won't ask you to leave him, but I will advise you not to marry bcz of money. Forget that " the love will come latter" in most cases it doesn't. Being with someone you have no feelings for can be very frustrating..

I will advice you focus less on the marriage and more on your self, on getting a job or business.

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