“Babaaahhh baaahahh bahhhhhhh baaahhhhhhhhhh……………….”

The ringing into my ears was crazy! With sweat pouring in between my palms and my head pounding like it had taken over blood supply from my heart, I frantically sought for the nearest escape with sharp darting eyes. Remind me again, why the ground doesn’t just open up when we badly need it to? If only I could somehow become invisible even if just for a few seconds, how perfect it would be!

“Fine baby stop crying ehn... stop crying….. your daddy would soon come don’t worry……”

The desperation in my voice was crystal clear even as I tried so hard to ensure that my hold on the girl’s shoulders was not firm enough to hurt her. I looked at the smiling woman trying to loosen my hair - that she could even dare to smile was murderous. The hairdresser’s sister was so calm, in fact it seemed like only I was hearing the wailing and because the little girl stood by my side, it was directly into my ears - straight to my head.

The cute little source of my despair stared at me as if trying to understand this strange ‘aunty’ who did not find her wailing amusing. The look on her face was priceless as she remained completely calm watching me with investigative eyes as if trying to ‘diagnose’ my problem. Oh well, the silence was golden! I would have given that last 1000 naira note I had there with me just to make it continue, to prolong my sanity. But you know that thing they say about wishes being horses….. Just as I was about to smile in relief, the little girl (having completed her investigation into my eyes I guess) started a new round of wailing!

“baaaahhhhh baahhhhhhhh bahhhhhhhhh…… baaaahhhhhhh....!”

And it was all I could to do to shut my eyes to stop myself from screaming!

You are probably shaking your head in my behalf right now…. “and this one too would marry o….. Girls of nowadays they are no longer wife material….. And na woman o….. shebi u sef go born your own pikin….”

Yea right!

Pardon me if I refuse to sew my own wife material the same style you have sewn yours or if I simply don’t fit into the design you have for your idea of wife material.

Seated in that saloon, I was royally pissed. I mean, I love kids and we get along most often than not. So I wasn’t irritated by the little girl, it was her silly mother I had my grouse with. Her baby was tearing down my eardrums and the woman did absolutely nothing! I mean she was smiling! See, I had a very busy day yesterday, and going to the saloon was because I had to remove the weavon on my hair just so I could breathe. I needed the freshness of cool air to touch me in every sense. Now imagine my dismay getting there only to worsen my already pounding head.

So because I don't want to be labelled "non wife material", I'm supposed to seat there and smile through my vexation? I'm supposed to be okay with the noise threatening to blow my head just by virtue of being a female? I think this wife material palava is so over-hyped. You don't smile enough, someone says "she's not wife material", You smile too much, you are not fit to be wife.

"See you can't even bend your waist well, you are not wife material"."That small thing is paining you and you are shouting, is that how you would bear labour pains? you are not wife material". How can you put so much make-up on your face? you are not wife material." "Are you attempting to breathe in the presence of a man? you are most certainly not wife material!"

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think it is simply unfair (and in fact almost sinister – as in this scenario) to watch your baby disturb the peace of others. Excuses like “she’s a baby and all babies must disturb….. Everyone should understand that she’s just a child” should not colour your attitude towards a tantrum. Just like your baby has freedom of expression, I have freedom of sanity to protect too!

It is in that same mentality that nursing mothers advertise their breasts to the world in the name of breastfeeding after all “everyone can see I’m feeding a baby…..” Really? Madam please can you help us shield your breasts from our view and spare us the free pornography?

I am sure one person reading this is already saying in his/her mind, “wait till you have your own baby…..” Yes I know I just might be bias owing to the fact that I haven’t experienced it yet. But I really think its only sane to expect a mother to cater for her child’s tantrums especially in public. Not leaving the general public at the mercy of her little soldier. I think its a social misconduct. Please try to pacify the child, if its not working, madam can you please take her out from the gathering? Some people have come there for calm, to think, to plan, for meetings, for relaxation, haba let them too enjoy why they are there.

Imagine going to a cinema and instead of enjoying movie you paid for, you are counting seconds to escape from the tantrums of one of the women in the cinema hall. Believe me, all your wife material would immediately be traded for sale!

The rate at which I left that saloon, the hairdresser needs no ‘baba’ to tell her I won’t be returning anytime soon! "Aunty let me have your number na...." Not in your dreams! So that you can flood me with calls to come make my hair at your saloon and be subject to the ear-deafening experience yet again? No thanks ma! I had initially planned going there to braid today, but if I go, make I know why!

Try not to wince at me please; we are all wife material sewn in different designs. Don’t blame me if my style is different from yours.

Days like yesterday I might have to sell off some of the wife material to gain a few minutes of sanity! Are there times you are tempted to do same?

So u actually xpect us to read dis long crap

pls anyone who finally reads d op's post shld endeavor to enlighten me

Jazmiynne


Guess wat

dingbang:
Jazmiynne


Guess wat

Lolz I'm bad at guesses....

Tell me

Jazmiynne:


Lolz I'm bad at guesses....

Tell me

I read ur post till the end



I deserve free honey

dingbang:
I read ur post till the end :DD



I deserve free honey

Lolz hahahahahahaaa

Indeed you do....

I hereby grant you ticket for a free 1litre honey. However you get to pay 5000 for pickup/delivery to your chosen destination

Jazmiynne:


Lolz hahahahahahaaa

Indeed you do....

I hereby grant you ticket for a free 1litre honey. However you get to pay 5000 for pickup/delivery to your chosen destination

only 5000naira?

dingbang:
only 5000naira?

Only.... I'm kind like that

Jazmiynne:


Only.... I'm kind like that

something tells me u will be cute. .

dingbang:
something tells me u will be cute. .

Hehehhehehehheehhehehhee kindly send my warm regards to that 'something' for its generous appraisal

Jazmiynne:


Hehehhehehehheehhehehhee kindly send my warm regards to that 'something' for its generous appraisal

warm regards.... I always like mine hot... We can do sweet business since it involves honey... Ya know

dingbang:
warm regards.... I always like mine hot... We can do sweet business since it involves honey... Ya know

Get your mind off the gutters sir

Jazmiynne:




Get your mind off the gutters sir

urm what is she thinking.......

Wtf!! That whole book up there is you just ranting about a child at the hair salon crying /screaming and you couldn't take it. All that metaphor and smilies for what? Girl... you talk tooooooooo much. You are definitely not wife material.

I could picture your husband asking you 'what's for dinner, dear"

And you telling him about where you sourced the chicken and how the vegetables are organic and how much discount off you got on the rice. Oh and how the butchers wife looked....

All he wanted to hear was "Rice and chicken, dear"

Smh

too long. someone should please summarize it for a sister

Pinkdiamondz:
You are definitely not wife material.

Exactly! You very well got the point of the write-up. Thumbs up

Pinkdiamondz:
Wtf!! That whole book up there is you just ranting about a child at the hair salon crying /screaming and you couldn't take it. All that metaphor and smilies for what? Girl... you talk tooooooooo much. You are definitely not wife material.

I could picture your husband asking you 'what's for dinner, dear"

And you telling him about where you sourced the chicken and how the vegetables are organic and how much discount off you got on the rice. Oh and how the butchers wife looked....

All he wanted to hear was "Rice and chicken, dear"

Smh

she only complained about the inability of the mother to make her child keep calm.

I do not know what it is to go under the hair dryer but I presume it must be hot in there.

So do not blame the op.

there are other parameters to assess if a lady is a wife material or not.

uboma:







she only complained about the inability of the mother to make her child keep calm.

I do not know what it is to go under the hair dryer but I presume it must be hot in there.

So do not blame the op.

there are other parameters to assess if a lady is a wife material or not.

Come on! She wrote a 2000 word essay on a matter he could've explained and analysed in 250 words. She is not good wife material because she is wasteful

Pinkdiamondz:


Come on! She wrote a 2000 word essay on a matter he could've explained and analysed in 250 words. She is not good wife material because she is wasteful

Personally I think it is the subject of the thread that is misleading.

Jazmiynne will make a good wife, this I am sure.

uboma:




Personally I think it is the subject of the thread that is misleading.

Jazmiynne will make a good wife, this I am sure.

I don't think the subject is really misleading but "coded"...
Just for one to decode the message; the point is.

uboma:
Jazmiynne will make a good wife, this I am sure.

Awwwww such confidence... .... Thanks boss

ksstroud:


I don't think the subject is really misleading but "coded"...
Just for one to decode the message; the point is.

Edakun decode it for us na

Pinkdiamondz:


Come on! She wrote a 2000 word essay on a matter he could've explained and analysed in 250 words. She is not good wife material because she is wasteful

Hehehhehehehheehhehehhee I completely agree with you. The Op needs serious coaching and tutorials on being wife material

On the other hand, I'd say she's an intelligent fellow! Not many wife materials ladies can produce such word play in 2000 words (I still can't believe you counted ) from something you have adjudged to be fit for a 250 words essay.

You agree with me don't u?

ksstroud:

I don't think the subject is really misleading but "coded"... Just for one to decode the message; the point is.

Noted.

Jazmiynne:


Awwwww such confidence... .... Thanks boss

You are welcome Ma'am