Hy nairalanders,

I'm 22,a penultimate student of one of the federal universities in Nigeria.My elder brother,30,lives in Abeokuta, Nigeria. He wants to get married this year but I don't think he's matured yet financially. He gained admission into a college of technology, Osun state,that was in 2009,finished his OND program in 2012..since we were kids,we've been funded by a single mother following the demise of out father.My mother has done everything a good mother could do for her wards;we lacked nothing.My brother has been working for the past four years,yet nothing to show for his efforts.He still demands money from our mother when the need arises,yet, he hardly sends me money whenever I demand.I know he is financially broke,he's not being pretentious.My mom even sent him 100K last year just to help him settle down but the situation seems bad.But,I still believe It won't last forever..Now,He's demanding some money from my mum for his wedding.This thought makes me petulant,poignant and frustrated at the same time. our mum is actually not in support and she has reiterated the she won't give him.Now,my brother thinks I poisoned my mum's heart against him but I'm not bulged.My question is:should we back off judging from the fact that he's financially broke and has no stable job for sustainable income or should we support hoping things will get better?

cc:lalasticlala,seun.

No matter how people try to downplay the importance of money, it is indeed paramount.

You were right to point out these issues as he might still come back as a married man to ask your mom for money (probably at all times), thereby putting his wife as an added responsibility on your mom.

Bottom line, if he and his wife are ready to take care of themselves, and your mum (every now and then), they can do whatever they like. But if not, there's no harm in waiting a little longer.

Another question is; Are you sure the reason why he's not bringing out any money is because he's saving for his own life?

.Now,He's demanding some money from my mum for his wedding..




Financial stability before Marriage.

Twaci:
No matter how people try to downplay the importance of money, it is indeed paramount.

You are right to point out these issues as he might still come back as a married man to ask your mom for money (probably at all times), thereby putting his wife as an added responsibility on your mom.

Bottom line, if he and his wife are ready to take care of themselves, and your mum (every now and then), they can do whatever they like. But if not, there's no harm in waiting a little longer.

Another question is; Are you sure the reason why he's not bringing out any money is because he's saving for his own life?

Thank you.And to your question,I'm pretty sure he doesn't have enough for himself.I don't believe he's even saving much because if he were,he wouldn't demand 100k from our mum.

If the advice given to you to help or not help changes the situation then you did poison your mother's mind


Anyway it's up to you guys, people will come here for and against it but they really won't know what it's like exactly, it's like a third party giving advise in a relationship when they really don't understand the love and understanding in the relationship, that's why you guys have to settle this your own way. I agree ur brother has to man up and take responsibilities but what if he is actually doing the best he can and is just lucky enough to find a woman that loves him enough to want to marry him now even with his poor financial status? I can ask a million questions but the ball is really in your court and you have the things to make a decision. I hope you make the right one.

MrEgghead:
Thank you.And to your question,I'm pretty sure he doesn't have enough for himself.I don't believe he's even saving much because if he were,he wouldn't demand 100k from our mum.

100k?!

Nah! That's not right at all!

Pls support him if as your brother you are sure he is responsible..let him have a church wedding where he won't be spending much,. @ least. In fact, even if he isn't responsible, Marriage can still be the cure. Let him marry biko! He is 30! If you say u nt going to help him now, he probably will never get enough to finance his wedding by himself.

You don't even know if God has packaged his blessings in form of a wife and a child for him.

Mum shouldn't worry about the fact that she still funds him in virtually every major project he carries out...He is no fool, he also feels bad about this. Things are just still rough for him.

And you, Mr student..i am sure deep within, you are not on his side cos he has not been of help(financially) to you and he is shortening your ration from your mum's side. Take it easy,

I am no prophet but I can swear things will get better for him when he gets married. Screen munch this post and get back to me a year or 2 after his wedding.

midolian:
Pls support him if as your brother you are sure he is responsible..let him have a church wedding where he won't be spending much,. @ least.

Mum shouldn't worry about the fact that she still funds him in virtually every major project he carries out...He is no fool, he also feels bad about this. Things are just still rough for him.

And you, Mr student..i am sure deep within, you are not on his side cos he has not been of help(financially) to you and he is shortening your ration from your mum's side. Take it easy,

I am no prophet but I can swear things will get better for him when he gets married. Screen munch this post and get back to me a year or 2 after his wedding.

Thank you. I just feel for him.but demanding money from one's parent for the sake of marriage is weird to me.

What I think is that you are probably over-possessive of your mom and trying to shade her from your brother. Except you want to tell us your elder brother womanizes, gambles, drinks or do drugs with the little he has. Your brother still needs all the love and cooperation he can get from all of you.

If he is assured within himself that he truly needs a wife, you and ur mum should offer him the necessary assistance.

What he probably needs is a wife to jerk him off to face the realities of life. With a hungry and nagging wife by his side, "body go tell am" . He know too well he can't forever depends on his mother.

Your brother is acting like an overfed spoilt child that depends on his mum for everything. You guys should resist and fight against him getting married unless you are ready to provide money to feed him and his wife.

All the same, the future is uncertain, he might tomorrow become financially buoyant but financial stability in marriage is of paramount importance.

If he wants to get married, let him go to the registry and do so.
He just needs two witnesses and his bride. He can decide to do a more elaborate ceremony when he can afford to.
Just remind him that expenses double after getting married so he should be prepared for that.
He is an adult after all and we all have to live with our choices in life

Catalin:
Your brother is acting like an overfed spoilt child that depends on his mum for everything. You guys should resist and fight against him getting married unless you are ready to provide money to feed him and his wife.

All the same, the future is uncertain, he might tomorrow become financially buoyant but financial stability in marriage is of paramount importance.

Thanks.

eyinjuege:
If he wants to get married, let him go to the registry and do so.
He just needs two witnesses and his bride. He can decide to do a more elaborate ceremony when he can afford to.
Just remind him that expenses double after getting married so he should be prepared for that.
He is an adult after all and we all have to live with our choices in life

I don't think he'll buy this idea but anyways,thanks.

@ 30 he can't manage his finance? Why the rush to marry?Well your mum should sponsor the wedding if she's willing to keep providing help for his family

Since he's showing signs that he can't make solid financial descisions on his own that make sense. I advise your mother to step back now. Otherwise she would be paying for his house rent, children's school fees and even maternity care. In such a situation he should not be marrying a woman who wants a wedding he cannot afford! That alone is a big and bad sign of what is to come in the future. He is not realistic and does things above his means.
Except your mother wants to be broke in old age, she can keep indulging him. Soon he would kill her to finally have access to her money when she cannot meet up with his increasing demands.

The scenario would be different though if your mother is contributing a portion of the expenses and not a significant part of it.