I want to encourage you to learn from my experience.
i have been married for 12 years and have a daughter aged 11.
My wife has a very low sex drive and intimacy occurs once in 2 weeks that is 25 times in 365 days for the past 12 years and the situation has not changed till date and there is no hope that it will change now that am 45 and she is 42.
And there are periods that no intimacy occur for as long as 8-12 weeks at a stretch because she is not feeling like it.
It was 5 yrs into the marriage that i began to have extra affairs to fill the gap as you did.
I quit those flings 2 years ago and have fully adjusted to my wife's one intimacy round in 2 week routine.And if it does not fall on the day(s) she ovulates,then there is no chance for conception and this probably explains why we still have a child in 12 years.
I wish i could have it like twice a week but what can i do than to adjust.
though its painful despite the adjustment,its my marriage and my cross to bear.
But despite the pain,i am happy with her and we have a cordial relationship
So you are obviously luckier than me. its different strokes for different folks in marriage.
Pls take it easy.learn self control in sex and consider her health to be able to live and care for your children.

My brother,

U have given me one of the best encouragements on this thread, I must say. I appreciate you & your patience. I feel for you too concerning what u explained. But I'm happy u rightly said it is your cross to bear. U re one in a million husbands. God will bless u for that. Your advice touched me so much. I knw i'll be out to give younger pple such advice in future. God will still work miracles in your marriage, I believe.

Concerning this misconception on the number of times for s.ex, noted below, I have thrown more light on it before, but have to touch it again:

ayodele123:

I suggest that you do not tell her cos it may break your marriage if she cannot absorb it calmly.
i had extra marital affairs in the past because my wife had a low desire for intimacy. when i repented of it and turned away from it, i did tell her and she was calm about it but it did not improve her sexuality anyway, so i was back to square one.
But i had a clear conscience before God and before her.It may not work that way in your situation.

Now that you are guilty of the flings, stop it immediately.Confess to God and ask for His forgiveness.He will forgive you but you must not go back to commit adultery again.If you do,It will condemn your eternity to Hell if Jesus comes to find you in that state.

[b]2ndly, you need to learn self-control.You are highly sexually active as many men are but it seems to me that 3-4 intimacy rounds per day is too highly outrageous.That will be about 90 intimacy rounds in a month.Haba!
Are you both engines rather than flesh? Dont you have a job?[/b]You have to learn to adjust otherwise you will both look like 70 yrs old when you are 50.Though there is no standard number, i believe that twice weekly is OK.
But how do you expect a woman with 3 kids in 4 years to still have the energy and the drive for 3 intimacy rounds daily.Do you want to send her to an early grave?

Then talk to her and try to reach a compromise about how often and when to have intimacy but dont over do it.Excessive intimacy is injurious to health in the long run.
Take it easy o!

On d highlighted, I never said I do or want it 3-4 a day. I said I prefer 3-4 times A WEEK. Check my previous responses on this thread.



I'll 4rever remain gr8ful. God bless a million times. I now know that there are still honourable men. Really u ve made my day. You have. You have. I'm happy. Thanks, & thanks & thanks.

@ Poster I think your wife is no longer comfortable with her body anymore now that she's had three babies. While she may have enjoyed you touching her bosoms too, after three babies she doesnt look at her bosom and think sexy. She may still be the sexiest thing alive in your eyes even after the babies, the problem is if she doesnt think that way herself you'll continue to hit a brick wall.

If you think I may be right, please try and help her find ways to fall in love with her body all over again, please dont ask me how, I know nothing, just get creative and hopefully things will change,

texazzpete:

You haven't exactly been giving mature, 5-star advice here, have you?
Helping him in a mature, decent way is also helping him save his marriage. He's already struggling with guilt, why does piling on more guilt seem like an intelligent idea to you?

sorry noone will ever convince me a cheater deserves forgivness, ever. he made his bed, now he has to sleep in it (pardon the pun). he knew exactly what was going to happen before the very first girl and didnt care, now when it is about to blow up in his face he wants an easy out. guilt is the only thing he is going to get- he deservs it

Ndeewonu:



It's ok. I'm not fighting u in any way. your advice is good. You only have a wrong impression about me, and that's what makes me feel bad. Truly, my wife knew b/4 I met her that I was nt a womaniser. For years into our marriage, I never tried anything like that until l8ly. I dont expect u 2 believe me. Often, I have no cause to tell lies here; I'm nt a teenager 4 gudness sake. What u shld know is that a person who used to eat 3-square meals a day, & suddenly starts eating 2 or one a WEEK, has cause to be sad, angry and feel dejected.

U may nt understand, u re a lady. Most men will appreciate wht I'm saying. That, nt withstanding, I hv made considerable improvements, based on what pple like u have recommended. I still hurt inside. It's hurting b/c u see ladies jumping on u daily (u dont want), yet sombody dt is bona fide partner for u is not coming forth any longer. That's hell! That's worse than hell.

Let me stop here. Wish I cld talk 2 u or smbody else, to knw hw it's really like. Mail me if u can.
I'm nt seeking pity anything, like u think.

you think women dont go through the same thing?  women don thave intimacy drives above thier husbands?  women dont have dozens of men hitting on them daily?  get off it.  this isnt a women dont get it cr@p.  this is a personal choice you made, it is noone faust but yours for your decision.  if you think for one min you can sit there and say "its my wifes fault for not giving it up" then you better be ok with your wife having multiple partners when your not in the mood.  it goes both ways.  marriage isnt about se/x but love.  they are two completely diff concepts.   i dont give a flying fu/ck if you havent gotten it for 12 days or 12 years.  if you love your wife and honor your marriage you cant do what you did.  you had plenty of opertunities to seek help (talking to your wife as an equal, seeing a counselor, helping with chores, taking your wife out for a romantic weekend with someone else watching the kids, or any number of other ideas) yet instead you chose the easy path with the hoochies. the only way your wife can forgive this is if you tell her.  if she finds out on her own (or already knows) she is far far more likly to leave you.  i just hope for your sake she isnt spitful

agathamari:

you think women dont go through the same thing? women don thave intimacy drives above thier husbands? women dont have dozens of men hitting on them daily? get off it. this isnt a women dont get it cr@p. this is a personal choice you made, it is noone faust but yours for your decision. if you think for one min you can sit there and say "its my wifes fault for not giving it up" then you better be ok with your wife having multiple partners when your not in the mood. it goes both ways. marriage isnt about se/x but love. they are two completely diff concepts. i dont give a flying fu/ck if you havent gotten it for 12 days or 12 years. if you love your wife and honor your marriage you cant do what you did. you had plenty of opertunities to seek help (talking to your wife as an equal, seeing a counselor, helping with chores, taking your wife out for a romantic weekend with someone else watching the kids, or any number of other ideas) yet instead you chose the easy path with the hoochies. the only way your wife can forgive this is if you tell her. if she finds out on her own (or already knows) she is far far more likly to leave you. i just hope for your sake she isnt spitful

Ouch! @ poster sorry to burst your bubble but agathamari is correct, as hush as she/he may come across. This is what I call calling a spade a spade. Again poster why are you turning this into a gender issue, is it because you want to hear people say its ok to cheat because you are a man?

Attack, attack, attack, mixed with invectives and curses. Na wao!


Guys (not ladies this time), can my problem be b/c I DO NOT Drink (Alcohol) & DO NOT Smoke (cigarette)?

I'm thinking about hanging out late after work, drinking alcohol with buddies, coming home late and quietly going to bed. She knows I dont do that. Mayb, it will help matters. Pls, ladies, I'm NOT asking you now.

.

Ndeewonu:

Attack, attack, attack, mixed with invectives and curses. Na wao!


Guys (not ladies this time), can my problem be b/c I DO NOT Drink (Alcohol) & DO NOT Smoke (cigarette)?

I'm thinking about hanging out late after work, drinking alcohol with buddies, coming home late and quietly going to bed. She knows I dont do that. Mayb, it will help matters. Pls, ladies, I'm NOT asking you now.

@poster ooooo please listen. Yo are not under attack here. If you read agathamari's post you will realise that there is so much to learn from. These women are merely trying to share light in how women feel about these things. You can decide to be positive or defensive. However it takes a certain level of maturity to understand what women are saying here. This is an opportunity for you to learn my brother take it. Ofcourse they dont have to say only what you want to hear, and I am afraid not all men will agree with you.

I for one am aware that you want to be a better man, and maybe that is who you are and you cant understand the situation you finding yourself in hence you started the thread.

what exactly do u want us to say.

Ndeewonu:

Attack, attack, attack, mixed with invectives and curses. Na wao!
Guys (not ladies this time), can my problem be b/c I DO NOT Drink (Alcohol) & DO NOT Smoke (cigarette)?
I'm thinking about hanging out late after work, drinking alcohol with buddies, coming home late and quietly going to bed. She knows I dont do that. Mayb, it will help matters. Pls, ladies, I'm NOT asking you now.

i've lost all my patience with you so ill tell you what you want to hear. your wife is not a human being but a piece of property, a piece of property bound by a 4,000 year old document that states she is your lifelong sex slave object. if she does not spread her legs as you see fit when you see fit you have every right to use and other property woman as you see fit. your wife is also your maid, cook, and baby making machine. you have no responsibility to spend time with her, comfort her or show her any form of companionship, instead you should spend your life in the brothels and bars bringing home any disease you contract, becoming an alcoholic in the mean time. you should also smoke at home because what is a little second hand smoke (cancer) on top of STD's. after all she is only a piece of property. you heard what you wanted, satisfied now?

I dont know it is just me or other people feel this way but AGATHAMARI, you have said your piece with many more words than one, forget the fact that your posts are spiteful, i just wonder what joy you derive from laying down thousands of words -u might as well trace his IP and go tell his wife!

Back to the topic, the confession thing is defintely not going to work out at least for now. I may not be knowledgable about these things but you definitely have to practice self-control (nothing is impossible).

you also have to be ingenious, she can make you 'happy' without you humpin her head off, you also have to chill a little more with guys or do something to take your mind off like going to the gym in the evenings, a new physique may even help, arrange family outings too, anything to fill in the gap in non-hurtful way

agathamari:

i've lost all my patience with you so ill tell you what you want to hear. your wife is not a human being but a piece of property, a piece of property bound by a 4,000 year old document that states she is your lifelong intimacy slave object. if she does not spread her legs as you see fit when you see fit you have every right to use and other property woman as you see fit. your wife is also your maid, cook, and baby making machine. you have no responsibility to spend time with her, comfort her or show her any form of companionship, instead you should spend your life in the brothels and bars bringing home any disease you contract, becoming an alcoholic in the mean time. you should also smoke at home because what is a little second hand smoke (cancer) on top of STD's. after all she is only a piece of property. you heard what you wanted, satisfied now?

AgathaMAD. . .or whatever accursed or pathetic name you bear. . .YOU MUST be specially adept at FOO.LISHNESS seeing the uselessness and insensitivity of your post! To start with, it is not what you say alone that matters, HOW you say it is VERY important! Now, before you or anyone think you are being DOWN-TO-EARTH, truth is you ARE really SILLY, UNCOUTH, LACKING IN HOME TRAINING and having NO SENSE or GOOD JUDGMENT! I don't care how old you are BUT can you even give any advice to YOUR OWN BLOOD this way (your kids, younger ones) and they won't tell you to go fuc.k yourself? In fact, you must be about 10 or less for your brain is so empty and my 5 year old niece is way smarter than you will ever be, even at 50!

Advice if you will but don't come here thumping your useless chest and smelly nose at everyone who don't give a smelling rat's ass about what you think! Obviously, you think people are here to hear your "god" opinion while you have no idea you will NEVER get any man to live in the same house with you for even 1 month until you grow old and DIE with this opprobrious attitude! Get a life big mouth and use your sense! If there was a way to bitch-slap your ass over the internet, you will be in the mortuary now gathering mould and dust! What an arrogant, hypocritical low-life scumbag!

omg. this is such a sad situation. Ndeewonu, my heart goes out to you you seem like a caring husband although I definitely DO NOT support your cheating on her.

I think you should eventually tell your wife (and she probably already knows it but doesn't want to bring it up).
but before then, try this advice.

take one day out from work (maybe her bday, mother's day, you are just feeling caring, or whatever excuse u want to use). go to the kitchen and make breakfast for her. help her with housework, take her out for lunch or dinner. go shopping with her and buy her a nice dress or something, play music and dance with her etc, play with the kids together. and then at night see if she still isn't in the mood.

of course u can't do this everyday, but try it once and see the result. then come back maybe i can suggest something else.

@ poster

i painfully understand what u mean the difference is me and my husband have been married for 8mos and have no kids yet intimacy is not on the menu unless i initiate it we have sex maybe twice or three times a month and we both are fairly young i am 23 and he is 25. we fight a lot and he has been distant emotionally i know we have problems yet i can't help but desire my husband still and love him to pieces. thanks nl blessed and plaese pray for us. by
Gods grace we can make it through this

sweetpeach:

@ poster

i painfully understand what u mean the difference is me and my husband have been married for 8mos and have no kids yet intimacy is not on the menu unless i initiate it we have intimacy maybe twice or three times a month and we both are fairly young i am 23 and he is 25. we fight a lot and he has been distant emotionally i know we have problems yet i can't help but desire my husband still and love him to pieces. thanks nl blessed and plaese pray for us. by
Gods grace we can make it through this

amen. i love your attitude. continue to overwhelm him with love.

CyberG:

AgathaMAD. . .or whatever accursed or pathetic name you bear. . .YOU MUST be specially adept at FOO.LISHNESS seeing the uselessness and insensitivity of your post! To start with, it is not what you say alone that matters, HOW you say it is VERY important! Now, before you or anyone think you are being DOWN-TO-EARTH, truth is you ARE really SILLY, UNCOUTH, LACKING IN HOME TRAINING and having NO SENSE or GOOD JUDGMENT! I don't care how old you are BUT can you even give any advice to YOUR OWN BLOOD this way (your kids, younger ones) and they won't tell you to go fuc.k yourself? In fact, you must be about 10 or less for your brain is so empty and my 5 year old niece is way smarter than you will ever be, even at 50!

Advice if you will but don't come here thumping your useless chest and smelly nose at everyone who don't give a smelling rat's backside about what you think! Obviously, you think people are here to hear your "god" opinion while you have no idea you will NEVER get any man to live in the same house with you for even 1 month until you grow old and DIE with this opprobrious attitude! Get a life big mouth and use your sense! If there was a way to naughty woman-slap your backside over the internet, you will be in the mortuary now gathering mould and dust! What an arrogant, hypocritical low-life scumbag!

God this is the world I live in? Men go out and cheat and all they get is a smack on the backhand, the understanding, sympathy and all the pretty words us women still have for them. Women, go out and cheat and see what happens, you will be showered with all the nustiest words that any dictionary care to define.
In my world there's no excuse for a cheating man, no nice words and no understanding especially where my life and health are compromised, not to mention my pride and dignity. Hell you might as well kill me with your two hands, than to do me like that its plain coward behaviour.

Agathamari I am with you on this one (girl you got carried away, easy now). There's is no excuse for a cheating man or women unless ofcourse if you are married to a monkey and you think its okay to sleep around on it.

Anybody who dares treat me like a monkey I'll get Agathamari to sort you out, straight up.

Hmm! I feel relieved.

Guys, thank u. I felt bad after Agathamari's remarks of invectives & curses. I even offered her a one-on-one talk for her to really understand what I m going thru, but instead she turned hostile. I still have to write this undercover so as not to betray the anonymity. There are certain things I would say here, and the element of secrecy would be lost. Even my wife knows I'm not a womaniser. She knows what I was before I met her; she knows about everything - the promises, the honesty, the fidelity - she knows.  


@CyberG

AgathaMAD. . .or whatever accursed or pathetic name you bear. . .YOU MUST be specially adept at FOO.LISHNESS seeing the uselessness and insensitivity of your post! To start with, it is not what you say alone that matters, HOW you say it is VERY important! Now, before you or anyone think you are being DOWN-TO-EARTH, truth is you ARE really SILLY, UNCOUTH, LACKING IN HOME TRAINING and having NO SENSE or GOOD JUDGMENT! I don't care how old you are BUT can you even give any advice to YOUR OWN BLOOD this way (your kids, younger ones) and they won't tell you to go fuc.k yourself? In fact, you must be about 10 or less for your brain is so empty and my 5 year old niece is way smarter than you will ever be, even at 50!

Advice if you will but don't come here thumping your useless chest and smelly nose at everyone who don't give a smelling rat's backside about what you think! Obviously, you think people are here to hear your "god" opinion while you have no idea you will NEVER get any man to live in the same house with you for even 1 month until you grow old and DIE with this opprobrious attitude! Get a life big mouth and use your sense! If there was a way to naughty woman-slap your backside over the internet, you will  be in the mortuary now gathering mould and dust! What an arrogant, hypocritical low-life scumbag!

Two wrongs never make a right. U re a wonderful guy; but I think u attacked her too brutally. She over-reacted and I ignored her. I thank u specially for caring. I only don't knw if you re married. In the heat of the anger, u forgot to put down your personal advice.

@SA Lady, I just saw your post. I've heard u too.


BTW, I thank all of u guys. Ur advice have been wonderful. I was beginning to think I have this uncanny appetite for sex at well over 30yrs. I am doing a lot of things some of u guys recommended, ,

I still don't understand how some ppl can have s-ex 4 times in a week and hope to sustain that even after 3 kids! Bros do you normally assists your wife in any way at all? Or are you expecting her to still have s,ex with you even after spending most of her time looking after these children. Also i believe if one is very engaged especially working hard i don't know how you could have the time for that amount of s-ex every week!

tunnytox:

I still don't understand how some ppl can have s-ex 4 times in a week and hope to sustain that even after 3 kids! Bros do you normally assists your wife in any way at all? Or are you expecting her to still have s,ex with you even after spending most of her time looking after these children. Also i believe if one is very engaged especially working hard i don't know how you could have the time for that amount of s-ex every week!

This is a lesson to those who think having great s.ex. before marriage is a gurantee for a wonderful marriage!

Personally, I think this poster is a joke. He has clearly refused to take responsibility for his actions. When he was taking those vows, he was making an escape route at the back of his mind! Pathetic!

He was celibate for 12 days and thinks he should be given a crown! I hate guys who are rules by s.ex . . Nom much of a man if you ask me . .

CyberG:

AgathaMAD. . .or whatever accursed or pathetic name you bear. . .YOU MUST be specially adept at FOO.LISHNESS seeing the uselessness and insensitivity of your post! To start with, it is not what you say alone that matters, HOW you say it is VERY important! Now, before you or anyone think you are being DOWN-TO-EARTH, truth is you ARE really SILLY, UNCOUTH, LACKING IN HOME TRAINING and having NO SENSE or GOOD JUDGMENT! I don't care how old you are BUT can you even give any advice to YOUR OWN BLOOD this way (your kids, younger ones) and they won't tell you to go fuc.k yourself? In fact, you must be about 10 or less for your brain is so empty and my 5 year old niece is way smarter than you will ever be, even at 50!

Advice if you will but don't come here thumping your useless chest and smelly nose at everyone who don't give a smelling rat's backside about what you think! Obviously, you think people are here to hear your "god" opinion while you have no idea you will NEVER get any man to live in the same house with you for even 1 month until you grow old and DIE with this opprobrious attitude! Get a life big mouth and use your sense! If there was a way to naughty woman-slap your backside over the internet, you will be in the mortuary now gathering mould and dust! What an arrogant, hypocritical low-life scumbag!

home training? aparently im a puupy as well as a bit/ch i see. im not going to sugar coat what i say whether you like it or not and there is no reason i should have to. as to how i speak to my own family and friends, bluntly and because of such i am ususly one of the first they come to for advice. as for my husband, he loves the fact i speak my mind as opposed to some meek "village girl" with a "be neither seen nor heard" mentality. you sit here and come in on the end of a conversation and start barading me with insults and call me the spawn of saton (on another thread) and have the audacity to call me "untrained". sorry dear look in the mirror

Ujujoan:

This is a lesson to those who think having great s.ex. before marriage is a gurantee for a wonderful marriage!

Personally, I think this poster is a joke. He has clearly refused to take responsibility for his actions. When he was taking those vows, he was making an escape route at the back of his mind! Pathetic!

He was celibate for 12 days and thinks he should be given a crown! I hate guys who are rules by s.ex . . Nom much of a man if you ask me . .

u have a serious problem, no joke!

Just my opinion:

@poster
have you given thanks to god for your situation. its a bad one but yours is better than someone somewhere.
to me you have no problem when you see people with real problem.

well people are entitled to their opinion; some can cast a thousand stones while some will give a little help. but my fore dads will say,"if a matter results at same point any time it comes up then there need for an appraisal".

we can keep up the circular motions but if it wont get us any solution then its a waste of time n effort.

nairaland is more like a town-hall arena. so lets get it rolling.

think about couples with no intimacy because either the guy cant get erect or the girl is stone frigid.
think about couple with a little intimacy because either the guy cant keep it till she comes or the girl is sour at her joint.
2nd scenario, the guy can suspend that the girl get exhausted n about to faint, even dry up to the point she aches.
think about couples that have got an understanding, "to your tents o Israel" kind of stuff., which we call "OYO" today.ie both couples are catching fun outside the marriage.
then think about a couple that is having a heaven on earth environment in their marriage. this take a lot of energy n time plus wisdom to achieve.

to me all problems got a solution somewhere. if you are ready to pray n think. maybe research it, then its not a problem.

only if you can get your wife to be sincere with you or to a counselor, once the root of the problem is gotten then its bingo. think again, you may be the problem. check the kind of thoughts you harbor or she harbors.

maybe she may need to tune up herself n you tune down yourself to achieve harmony in intimacy. you may need to device new approach or rather rekindle your sense of surprise. you may need to go on a rediscovery trip n when you are through may need what a call "tender heart despoil" to awake her to what she is missing.

do ask yourself, her loss of interest may be out of fear she may get pregnant again. boy you have a lot of work to do unless you have decided to take the lazy man's way n trade blame.

this issue is universal n people that are "blunt " should pray it never comes there way; like my mama used to tell me.

I AM WAITING FOR REPLYS, THANKS

@switosman
God bless u a million times.

There's somthing pple do NOT understand. The way you present advice matters. You have said all that Ujujoan amd Agathamari have tried to vomit in a much subtle and concerned way, and yet you have gone the extra mile of administering that soothing balm. I dont know who you are, but I tell u, that's d kind of advice I give people in need.

While I add that most of the questions you raised have been answered, may I still clarify that I only wanted one child, she wanted the others (let me not go into details); I also mentioned in subsequent responses that we have a retinue of househelps and relatives helping out with chores, yet I assist when occasion demands. What do you think? Using the same children I felt are secondary in marriage (yes, I think marriage is a union of two pple who have a common interest) as an excuse for tiredness may not b proper. After all, there are many couples without children who are living very happily.

You have spoken well. In my place, they say "A good piece of advice does not require any response." The only thing I can say is that often, ladies tend to get emotional about issues like that they blatantly unleash their free license of tongue on pple & situations they do NOT understand. Some of the invectives traded were not necessary.

I'm most gr8ful to u.

tunnytox:

I still don't understand how some ppl can have s-ex 4 times in a week and hope to sustain that even after 3 kids! Bros do you normally assists your wife in any way at all? Or are you expecting her to still have s,ex with you even after spending most of her time looking after these children. Also i believe if one is very engaged especially working hard i don't know how you could have the time for that amount of s-ex every week!

My brother, I work - hard too. When we just started, we used to hace s.ex 2 to 3 or more daily at times. That kind of programmed the system. When the kids started coming, I obviously expected a drop, to (say) 3 or 4 times a week. From 21x a week to 4 times a week, is it NOT enough concession? Can one say one is not considerate ennough here? 

Also going back to the work issue. A lot of se.x goes on in the work place, so i have heard. I mean in the office, around the office and during working hours anywhere. I know of married men (and also women) who sleep with at least a colleague (or boss/juniors) a day, get home treat their wives (who will obviously not be in the mood or have headache) as a queen, respect her opinion to s.ex as she dictates, yet get back to work the next day to continue their escapades. And this is what I hate.

@All
Tnx H2O2, Tnx Lamii, tnx sweetpeach, again CyberG tnx, Basildon1, Ayo123, texazzpete & many others on this very page; 

And the llikes of Ujujoan, SA Lady & my girlfriend AGATHAM, no love lost. I appreciate your opinion. It's a free word with freedom of speech (what I call free license of tongue). But try and make your point in a more friendly way. For goodness sake, u may even b my sisters out there! Well, I still like to retain the element of anonimity.

It has been gr8 advice tho - whether pour with emotional outbursts or with cannonical admonition. We all learn everyday. I'm not & will not be an encyclopoedia of knwldge.

I still love my wife and am afraid to tell her what happened. I remember Tiger Woods; i remember John Terry. I know she might nt want to file a divorce, but I sure knw she would go thro a lot of emotional trauma & psychological breakdown & incarceration. THe truth is that if someone had told me 5 years ago (even 3 years ago) that I would cheat on my wife, I would nt have believed it. That tells u d stuff I m made of, and d kind of man I am.

Anywa, Keep the lines open.

Ndeewonu:

And the llikes of Ujujoan, SA Lady & my girlfriend AGATHAM, no love lost. I appreciate your opinion. It's a free word with freedom of speech (what I call free license of tongue). But try and make your point in a more friendly way. For goodness sake, u may even b my sisters out there! Well, I still like to retain the element of anonimity.

It has been gr8 advice tho - whether pour with emotional outbursts or with cannonical admonition. We all learn everyday. I'm not & will not be an encyclopoedia of knwldge.

I still love my wife and am afraid to tell her what happened. I remember Tiger Woods; i remember John Terry. I know she might nt want to file a divorce, but I sure knw she would go thro a lot of emotional trauma & psychological breakdown & incarceration. THe truth is that if someone had told me 5 years ago (even 3 years ago) that I would cheat on my wife, I would nt have believed it. That tells u d stuff I m made of, and d kind of man I am.

Anywa, Keep the lines open.

If you truly love your wife, then you'd do right by her and tell her. But then you want to take the cowards way out and use the 'tiger woods of this world as an excuse! Like I said earlier, pathetic!

And for the records, if you were my brother, I'd be so ashamed of you right now

in 4 years u've had 3 kids, welldone, so if your wife wasnt slowing things down u wld prolly have 10 by now, abeg mister man put ur dick in check and put the effort of having regular sex in working hard to provide food for the kids. and pray those ladies out there dnt add to the count already on ground. nonsense!!!!!!

.

^^ I'm sorry, but I'm finding it very difficult to summon up any form of pity for this man or any other man in his shoes for that matter.

It's sad that like you said, what he did is what most men will do, and not even feel guilty about it. That does it make it any less wrong or excuse this poster for feeling sorry about his 'escapades' . .

But I think it's very unfair to blame the woman in any way. If he felt deprived in any way, he should have talked to her first before taking matters into his hands. Did he ever do that and she ignored his concerns

Maybe she assumed he would understand with her seeing what she's passing through with the babies and all that. And of course she has every reason to cos he never told her otherwise. Probably because he was enjoying the 'escapades'!

He married her and swore to love her before man and God. You don't have to remind him that!

@ poster

you know the truth , be true to yourself

Didn't go through all the replies, but I'm hoping someone has told this man to go get tested . . . don't want him spreading anything to his poor innocent wife.

smooooooth:

in 4 years u've had 3 kids, welldone, so if your wife wasnt slowing things down u wld prolly have 10 by now, abeg mister man put your manliness in check and put the effort of having regular intimacy in working hard to provide food for the kids. and pray those ladies out there dnt add to the count already on ground. nonsense!!!!!!

Free the man small ands stop blaming him, she wanted it that way na