smooooooth:

in 4 years u've had 3 kids, welldone, so if your wife wasnt slowing things down u wld prolly have 10 by now, abeg mister man put your manliness in check and put the effort of having regular intimacy in working hard to provide food for the kids. and pray those ladies out there dnt add to the count already on ground. nonsense!!!!!!

Guys, some of the issues u re raising here, I have already answered. She wants 5 or more children. I needed only ONE or TWO. So, b/4 we comment, let us understand the background. Some pple also misquoted me saying that I am asking for s.ex 4 times a day, which I never said. I responded to it severally.

shilling:

Didn't go through all the replies, but I'm hoping someone has told this man to go get tested . . . don't want him spreading anything to his poor innocent wife.

who said anything abt the wife being innocent?

ol'boi you go wound o, but you know what, I'l recommend you telling her only adjust the details a little like you dont sit her down and make her listen to the father of hers kids gropping anoda female,
just let her know you desire her so much, refusal is breaking you up inside
pele good luck

@ poster.

Se'x is good but over se'x is bad. u want ur wife to change? are u ready to change also? to my mind what u need to do is to find a middle ground with ur wife on se'x related issues.

u have told urself a lot of lies, the type drunkers n smokers tell themselves that hold them down in distorying habits. u need to adjust ur mind set towards se'x n how ur wife respond to it. this will help u up ur wife's acts n down ur own acts to a middle ground comfortable for u n ur wife.

my own case i feel my wife is over sex than me but as much as I am cool about it, i found out that she cannot stand multiple climax, so when i get down with her I must give her one to last her atleast a week.

guy u r the man work out something. star from what u have now to what u want to have but be considrate of her needs if u want her to consider urs.

How could you put the entire family in such a risk for your selfish gain? Did you love, cherish and paid the bride price of your wife?

Pls stop the cheating and relate with your wife on this issue. Such escapades are too risky in this age. LEARN MAN.

Cheating can never be the solution to your problem. By your own admission you love your wife, but I doubt that it is true love. If it were you'd remember that marriage is for better for worse, for when she feels and sex and when she doesn't. What you shoulda done was to have had a heart to heart with her as to how you seriously needed to be intimate, bearing in mind also that after child birth some women go through unbelievable trauma. Communication is the key. No sane woman would want her husband cheating on her, she probably would have done her best to satisfy you.

Don't transfer your guilt over to your wife, phaggot. Tell her you don't deserve her and end the relationship, then proceed to feel miserable with a guilty conscience for the rest of your life.

The evils of allowing married women to work!
"She works, comes back tired and stressed out" how could she now be in the right physical or emotional frame to mate? She is making money for the family so allow her have some rest, you cant eat your 'akara' and have it back.

Hello

i honestly can feel you and i empathise with you, even though i am a woman, but i am going through the same trends in my marriage; mine is worse because i never slept with anyman in my life till i was 26 years old and that was a year to my marriage and it was this my same husband that disvirgined me, so i was never a sex - sex person and just like ur case; one year or less into our marriage the issues started my hubby started sleeping with girls; in my own case i quickly noticed because we were very close and i saw those signs and i also discovered majorly from his phone and calls, so i started asking him; but note that before this times he always called me to tell me about the fact that he wasnt getting it as much as he would have loved to and something sex related issues(i am ok with once a week, i could try and adjust to two or maybe three, but he insists on everynight; no matter how tired he is after work not minding the fact that he comes home late everyday; or if he cant have it everynight; every other night will do)

anyway not to bore you; he confessed to me once or twice and initially it shocked me becos i knew he truly loved me, but let me tell you that i have not trusted him again since then, but his confession jottled me and made me to sit up and i made up my mind to give it to him however he wants it and whenever even if he doesnt ask for it; i know i have to make the move (i am doing this just to keep my marriage and to give him little or no excuse to cheat) and i think recently things are better much better and one funny thing is that i am beggining to see it as part of me and not just getting used to it but also enjoying it more than before; we also have two kids


i gave u my own background for you to be able to decide whether to tell your wife or not; ask yourself whether she has the liver to bear it and from what u know about her would telling her make her decide to change? my hubbys confession disspointed me and reduced my trust but i never allowed it to show in my relations with him; i only used it to teach my self to always give an allowance in relating with ppl; it is the ppl that u love the most that hurt u the most

another thing is that cheating on her will not solve the problem; u will be creating another problem or many other problems by doing that; in short i would tell you that busybody's advice is worth millions simulate the crying situation and do say what she advised u to say and do; watch your wife after that and if after a while she still does not change

you can decide to bring in people she respects to talk to her and i mean people you can trust; let them help you to talk to her and counsel her; for her to know the danger she is exposing her marriage to


i believe all this will work with prayers and much show of love from your angle, pamper her and let her fall in love with you again, realise that you dont have any choice other than to make your marriage work i mean no alternative, if you realise that u will do all u can to make the only solution work which is ur marriage

i commend you greatly because i can see ur passion and desire to change and make things work, judging from ur consistency and all your post; i should also tell you that you have got to work on ur urges; life is not all about sex, you have the responsibility to control ur actions and passion; that is the hall mark of maturity control ur urges and they will not control you. the problem you refuse to deal with today will deal with you tomorrow; i know u dont want to catch HIV or have illegal children do u? they are not worth the satisfaction that comes from having illegal sex


i sincerely wish u the best; get closer to God and divert ur attention to things u like doing maybe singing, playing musical instruments, sports and athletics or web design or something new that will keep u occupied and will serve as a stress reliever to you.take kia

I HOPE U READ THIS PLS DO LET ME KNOW IF U FIND IT HELPFUL! PLS THANKS

funkysamy:

Hello

i honestly can feel you and i empathise with you, even though i am a woman, but i am going through the same trends in my marriage; mine is worse because i never slept with anyman in my life till i was 26 years old and that was a year to my marriage and it was this my same husband that disvirgined me, so i was never a sex - sex person and just like your case; one year or less into our marriage the issues started my hubby started sleeping with girls; in my own case i quickly noticed because we were very close and i saw those signs and i also discovered majorly from his phone and calls, so i started asking him; but note that before this times he always called me to tell me about the fact that he wasnt getting it as much as he would have loved to and something sex related issues(i am ok with once a week, i could try and adjust to two or maybe three, but he insists on everynight; no matter how tired he is after work not minding the fact that he comes home late everyday; or if he cant have it everynight; every other night will do)

anyway not to bore you; he confessed to me once or twice and initially it shocked me becos i knew he truly loved me, but let me tell you that i have not trusted him again since then, but his confession jottled me and made me to sit up and i made up my mind to give it to him however he wants it and whenever even if he doesnt ask for it; i know i have to make the move (i am doing this just to keep my marriage and to give him little or no excuse to cheat) and i think recently things are better much better and one funny thing is that i am beggining to see it as part of me and not just getting used to it but also enjoying it more than before; we also have two kids


i gave u my own background for you to be able to decide whether to tell your wife or not; ask yourself whether she has the liver to bear it and from what u know about her would telling her make her decide to change? my hubbys confession disspointed me and reduced my trust but i never allowed it to show in my relations with him; i only used it to teach my self to always give an allowance in relating with ppl; it is the ppl that u love the most that hurt u the most

another thing is that cheating on her will not solve the problem; u will be creating another problem or many other problems by doing that; in short i would tell you that busybody's advice is worth millions simulate the crying situation and do say what she advised u to say and do; watch your wife after that and if after a while she still does not change

you can decide to bring in people she respects to talk to her and i mean people you can trust; let them help you to talk to her and counsel her; for her to know the danger she is exposing her marriage to


i believe all this will work with prayers and much show of love from your angle, pamper her and let her fall in love with you again, realise that you dont have any choice other than to make your marriage work i mean no alternative, if you realise that u will do all u can to make the only solution work which is your marriage

i commend you greatly because i can see your passion and desire to change and make things work, judging from your consistency and all your post; i should also tell you that you have got to work on your urges; life is not all about sex, you have the responsibility to control your actions and passion; that is the hall mark of maturity control your urges and they will not control you. the problem you refuse to deal with today will deal with you tomorrow; i know u dont want to catch HIV or have illegal children do u? they are not worth the satisfaction that comes from having illegal sex


i sincerely wish u the best; get closer to God and divert your attention to things u like doing maybe singing, playing musical instruments, sports and athletics or web design or something new that will keep u occupied and will serve as a stress reliever to you.take kia

I HOPE U READ THIS PLS DO LET ME KNOW IF U FIND IT HELPFUL! PLS THANKS

@ Funky, I find your post helpful. Thanks.

If you are quitting the affairs you are having at the moment you can decide not telling her now, secondly you have to imagine what happens to your marriage after opening up to her.

posted by Ayodele123 0n « #64 on: February 21, 2010, 03:31 PM » 
I want to encourage you to learn from my experience.
i have been married for 12 years and have a daughter aged 11.
My wife has a very low desire for intimacy and intimacy occurs once in 2 weeks that is 25 times in 365 days for the past 12 years and the situation has not changed till date and there is no hope that it will change now that am 45 and she is 42.
And there are periods that no intimacy occur for as long as 8-12 weeks at a stretch because she is not feeling like it.
It was 5 yrs into the marriage that i began to have extra affairs to fill the gap as you did.
I quit those flings 2 years ago and have fully adjusted to my wife's one intimacy round in 2 week routine.And if it does not fall on the day(s) she ovulates,then there is no chance for conception and this probably explains why we still have a child in 12 years.
I wish i could have it like twice a week but what can i do than to adjust.
though its painful despite the adjustment,its my marriage and my cross to bear.
But despite the pain,i am happy with her and we have a cordial relationship
So you are obviously luckier than me. its different strokes for different folks in marriage.

While hoping that the poster( who seems to be a nice and intelligent gentleman) has finally put this problem behind him as the thread is almost a year old, I still want to comment my observation here.

      The problem of the poster of this thread and that of Ayodele are almost the same and it all boils down to the attitude and perhaps the feelings/hormonal changes/societal influences on the women in these marriages. As long as there is no change in these women this problem will never go away just like in the case of Ayodele who has even resigned to his fate and accepted it as a cross. I think that if great effort is made to enlighten, counsel, admonish these women that they will definitely realize their mistakes and in cases where it is a medical problem, medical treatment can help out. The man should do his best( in injecting back romance back into the nitty gritties of domestic life that goes with having children around) as Ndeewonu has followed some good advice here and if that fails, go extra miles to employ the help of doctors, marriage counsellors and even wiser and more mature women(1 or 2) that can come in and advise these women. A schoolmate of mine whose marriage was about crashing as a result of her carelessness turned over a new leaf after a mature woman in her street talked sense into her.
        I am not supporting that the extramarital affairs these men were pushed into should be confessed to their wives but if they were given enough instances of such happenings in marriages during the counselling and wise advise-giving sessions they will understand the risks they have been exposing their marriage to just like every woman that reads these kinds of threads can take wisdom from such. Most of the times, the problems some wives have are basically lack of some bits & pieces of knowledge and experiences of others. I am sure that if they are aware of these temptations these men are wallowing in, they will be more open to satisfying their men. It's not fair on goodly men like Ndeewonu and Ayo to be going thru these really, Ayo is such a darling that even when he wanted more children he meekly accepted the poor cross and is bearing with just a child, this is a very serious issue that should not be accepted as a cross like that. It's one life we have got to live, if one is able to keep body and finally gets married, that person deserves utmost sexual satisfaction in marriage, temptations like these should be fought hard out of the way with all available resources. It seems to me that these resources have not been exhausted in these cases and some parties are packing up the tents and accepting it. I believe it can be solved with God's help too.
        In addition, while we all socialize and get more knowledge from this beautiful forum, the internet and other mediums let the wives be encouraged to come and interact in places like this too, education shouldn't end when schooling ended. Reading 10 good quality and educative threads in Nairaland can enlighten housewives.

Oh! we even have a smarter lady in the house(in the quotation below) who learned from experience and knowledge, which is part of solving this kind of problem. I mean pampering her, begging her, giving her treats, shedding frustrated tears before her are good but if that doesn't move her other measures like impacting knowledge, counsellling, medical help may do.

posted by funkysamy
Hello
i honestly can feel you and i empathise with you, even though i am a woman, but i am going through the same trends in my marriage; mine is worse because i never slept with anyman in my life till i was 26 years old and that was a year to my marriage and it was this my same husband that disvirgined me, so i was never a sex - sex person and just like your case; one year or less into our marriage the issues started my hubby started sleeping with girls; in my own case i quickly noticed because we were very close and i saw those signs and i also discovered majorly from his phone and calls, so i started asking him; but note that before this times he always called me to tell me about the fact that he wasnt getting it as much as he would have loved to and something sex related issues(i am ok with once a week, i could try and adjust to two or maybe three, but he insists on everynight; no matter how tired he is after work not minding the fact that he comes home late everyday; or if he cant have it everynight; every other night will do)
anyway not to bore you; he confessed to me once or twice and initially it shocked me becos i knew he truly loved me, but let me tell you that i have not trusted him again since then, but his confession jottled me and made me to sit up and i made up my mind to give it to him however he wants it and whenever even if he doesnt ask for it; i know i have to make the move (i am doing this just to keep my marriage and to give him little or no excuse to cheat) and i think recently things are better much better and one funny thing is that i am beggining to see it as part of me and not just getting used to it but also enjoying it more than before; we also have two kids

Dont try that oh! Hmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice to know that this thread is still on.

Honestly, things are changing gradually. I have learnt a lot from wonderful guys here who gave me wonderful advice. I thank everybody for their concern. Of particular mention are ivynwa & funkysamy, who both (among others who wrote earlier) understood my innocence & gave their magic advice. I appreciate u guys. like I always mentioned in this post, I have not been a bad guy. I therefore promise to be nice and good to my family.

God is still in control.

wow. nice thread, read tru it all.goo 2 know that u r ok with ur wife now.
so@ poster, did u confess?, how did she take it?

@Poster

Don't batter yourself. You are not guilty of anything. To understand what you're going through in your marriage, visit this website below :

www.womensinfidelity.com

Everything you need to know about your wife's current behavior is explained there by a WOMAN!

harakiri:

@Poster

Don't batter yourself. You are not guilty of anything. To understand what you're going through in your marriage, visit this website below :

www.womensinfidelity.com

Everything you need to know about your wife's current behavior is explained there by a WOMAN!

What has that website got to do with this thread? A man cheats and u blame it on the woman? Bloody sexist!!!