If you must speed on the expressway this Christmas season, here are some hymns to sing along or play in a high volume as you drive along: (convert this into kilometres if necessary)

At 45 mph sing: "God will take care of me"

at 55 mph sing: "Guide me, O Thou Great Jehovah"

at 65 mph sing: "Nearer my God to Thee"

at 75 mph sing: "Nearer still nearer"

at 85 mph sing "This world is not my home"

at 95 mph sing: "Lord, 'am coming home"

at 100 mph sing: "Precious memories"

"What am I supposed to do with this?" moaned a driver as the police handed him a speeding ticket. "Keep it," the policeman retorted. "When you collect four of them you get a bicycle."

Very funny posts. Olaadegbu, how you dey?

Image123:

Very funny posts. Olaadegbu, how you dey?

I dey o, in festive mood I hope you drive safely.

"The wheel was man's greatest invention . . . until he got behind it" -- Bill Ireland

@Olaadegbu
I drive at least safe enough to sing 'I'm coming home' lol

Image123:

@Olaadegbu
I drive at least safe enough to sing 'I'm coming home' lol

I beg slow down and sing another song. My song is sometimes between "Nearer my God to thee" and "Nearer still nearer" if you know what I mean.

While on a long car journey, a couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. The wife unfortunately forgot her sunglasses on the table, but didn't need them until they were back on the expressway (Highway). By then, they had to drive to the next junction before they could turn around.

The husband whinged, moaned, murmured and complained how forgetful women are, this he did all the way back to the restaurant.

When they finally arrived, as the wife stepped out of the car to look for her sunglasses, the husband said, "While you're in there, you may as well get my hat, too"

Lets go for 'God will take care of me' this festive season.

Image123:

Lets go for 'God will take care of me' this festive season.

Yes. But we can still sing "Guide me, O Thou Great Jehovah"

Hymns for Different Occupations during this festive season:

Dentist: "Crown Him with many crowns"

Contractors: "The church's one foundation"

Obstetricians: "Come, labour on"

Golfers: "There is a green hill far away"

Politicians: "Standing on the promises"

Librarians: "Let all mortal flesh keep silence"

Lawyers: "In the hour of trial"

Dry Cleaners: "O for a faith that will not shrink"

Credit Card Users: "A charge to keep have I"

Census Takers: "All people that on earth do well"

Taxation Officers: "We give thee but thine own"

Traffic Engineers: "Where cross the crowded ways of life"

-- J. John and Mark Stibbe

SeanT21:

Hahah~~Interesting jokes.

Actually, serious jokes. What song will you sing while driving?

SeanT21:

It definitely wont be "lord, am comming home" cause it sounds like I am about to die any moment. I will take "Nearer my God to Thee". Anything to be nearer to God.

That means you have to do 65 mph on average speed, safe enough

A couple drove several kilometres down a road, not saying a word.  An earlier conversation had led to a big argument, neither wanted to concede their position.  As they passed a farm of cows and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked his wife, 

"Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws"

-- J. John and Mark Stibbe

A conversation between a boastful American tourist (who did not drive, can't drive and would'nt drive) and a taxi driver.

A bluffing Yankee was being shown the sights of London by a taxi driver on a Christmas holiday.

"What is that structure over there?"  asked the American.

"That's the Tower of London, sir," replied the cab driver.

"Did you know, we can put up buildings like that in two weeks," drawled the New Yorker.

A little while later he said, "And what's that building we're passing right now?"

"That's Buckingham Palace, sir, where the Queen lives."

"Is that so?"  said the yankee.  "Do you know back in New York we could put a structure like that up within a week?"

A few minutes later they were passing Westminster Abbey.  The American asked again,

"Hey cabbie, what's that building over there?"

"I'm afraid I don't know, sir," replied the cab (taxi) driver.

"It wasn't there this morning"

-- J. John and Mark Stibbe

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One wonders what hymn the wise men sang on their journey to Bethlehem since it took them many months to reach their destination.  On their way they must have conversed, so let's see what would be the the top 7 things they said:

The top 7 things overheard on the Wise men's journey to Bethlehem:

7.  "Man, I'm starting to get a rush from this frankincense!"
6.  "You guys ever eat camel meat? I hear it tastes like goat."
5.  "You know, I used to go school with a girl called Beth Lehem."
4.  "What kind of name is Balthazar anyhow? Phoenician?"
3.  "Hey, does any of you know why MYRRH is spelt with a Y instead of a U?"
2.  "Okay, whose camel just spat?"

And the No. 1 thing overheard on the Wise Men's journey to Bethlehem was:

1.  "All this staring at a star while riding a camel is making me woozy."

-- J. John and Mark Stibbe

This present age seems more concerned about speed than direction.

Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.

[img width=500 height=500]http://www.answersingenesis.org/assets/images/media/cartoons/after-eden/20001218.gif[/img]

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,

"What are you charged with?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.

"That's no offence," said the judge. 

"How early were you doing the shopping?"

"Before the store opened," answered the defendant.    

-- J. John and Mark Stibbe

More Than Christmas

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Christmas puppy

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Retooning the Nativity

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God With Us - Matthew 1:23

Most religions, even some forms of Christianity, are about man trying to get to God, that somehow through his own efforts man might be elevated to where God is. But God knew that we could never get to Him on our own, so He came down to us, in the person of Jesus

christ in you the hope of glory is what is now

Jesus is Watching You

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying:

"Jesus is watching you".

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself to take a Christmas break after the next big score, then flicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard:

"Jesus is watching you."

Totally rattled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you just say that?"

He hissed at the parrot.

"Yes,"

the parrot confessed, then squawked,

"I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed.

"Warn me, huh? Who do you think you are any way?"

"Moses,"

Replied the bird.

"Moses?"

the burglar laughed.

"What kind of silly people would name a parrot 'Moses'?"

The bird promptly answered:

"The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler 'Jesus'! 

What did Adam say to Eve at Christmas?

OLAADEGBU:

Jesus is Watching You

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to
place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying:

"Jesus is watching you".

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his touchlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head,
promised himself to take a Christmas break after the next big score, then flicked the light back on and began searching more valuables. Just as he
pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard:

"Jesus is watching you."

Totally rattled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his touchlight beam came to rest
on a parrot.

"Did you just say that?"

He hissed at the parrot.

"Yes,"

the parrot confessed, then squawked,

"I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed.

"Warn me, huh? Who do you think you are any way?"

"Moses,"

Replied the bird.

"Moses?"

the burglar laughed.

"What kind of silly people would name a parrot 'Moses'?"

The bird promptly answered:

"The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler 'Jesus'!

LOLLYmas