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Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? - Family (4) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? (31894 Views)

When Inlaws Don't Want To Leave. / Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. / Is This The Right Time To Call The Inlaws? (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by bobbybrown007: 11:40pm On Feb 06, 2017
grafixdon:


All these kids giving stupidd advice. She should leave the place to where if I may ask? Are you married?
ask them oooo

1 Like

Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by chloride6: 11:51pm On Feb 06, 2017
tripoli007:


This is common with Yoruba people ,they hardly move out of there parents house ,they just stay there and continue to reproduce ..

Hush

1 Like

Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by seguno2: 11:53pm On Feb 06, 2017
mhigs:
God forbid bad thing

In this Buhari APC recession, it may not really be a bad thing oh.
Everyone has to manage until the old man returns from his treatment in London.
Maybe oyinbo people will also reset his brain.

grafixdon:
All these kids giving stupidd advice. She should leave the place to where if I may ask? Are you married?

Abi oh.
In this recession, where is the money?
Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by esthadewunmi(f): 12:10am On Feb 07, 2017
Please go and get them apartment this is Nigeria hone of change not India undecided undecided

3 Likes

Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by XaintJoel20: 12:36am On Feb 07, 2017
babythug:
Unfortunately you didn't highlight the issues so I'd advice based on what I can imagine my cause issues.
You need to change and forget whatever prior biases you may have. Let all past wrongs be Immediately forgotten.

Avoid all potential quarrel triggers keep to the areas allocated to you. Even if you don't have a tv in your allocated space or room sit there and pray or read a book. Don't litter the house with your belongings as much as possible

Pick a chore and do it regularly without being forced. For eg sweeping the living room or doing dishes after all meals

Even if once a week cook a meal and serve everyone

But gifts and contribute your quota to the general upkeep Of the house even if just a few cups of rice or beans buy and drop in the general kitchen.

Study them and avoid things they don't like. Be a good guest keep the place as tidy as you can


Did you type this from your husband's house
I am indirectly asking if you are married??

1 Like

Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by bibijay123(f): 12:36am On Feb 07, 2017
searchng4love:
You don't have a home yet.... And your husband is selfish .... So he gets to enjoy the comfort of his parents home and yours too at the same time.... I put it to you that there's no family tradition anywhere... And if you force it .... Your life is at stake... You mean you don't have a kitchen... No personal living room.... No privacy in an entire house with your spouse and on top of that your in-laws get to send you on errands at will.... Babe wake up and smell the coffee.... You are living a scam... Am sure you know.
Menh I love this... I don't get some men tho. They never want to grow up, he lived in that house since he was a child and if left to him his grandchildren will also be raised in that house. Wake up please Op, may God help you. For how long will she keep managing the situation?

3 Likes

Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by Baba4dgals: 1:56am On Feb 07, 2017
Vry bad 🙄
Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by derato: 2:51am On Feb 07, 2017
one who live with his parent is a boy not a man,it's better to stay in a one room than living in a family house,just bear it deres nothing u can do except u guys pack from dere....

4 Likes

Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by derato: 2:54am On Feb 07, 2017
seguno2:


In this Buhari APC recession, it may not really be a bad thing oh.
Everyone has to manage until the old man returns from his treatment in London.
Maybe oyinbo people will also reset his brain.



Abi oh.
In this recession, where is the money?
then let her stop complaining n bear it.marriage isn't a bed of roses,dats part of it..
Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by Jobabori(m): 3:19am On Feb 07, 2017
tripoli007:


I know it is .. But yorubas see it as a normal thing,they don't believe in there kids going out to rent a house when they have a house ,they rather give them a portion of the house
Do not generalized. One man food is another man's poison.
Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by Nobody: 4:55am On Feb 07, 2017
Eeya. Some traditions are just stupid and I don't even allow myself get bullied into them. It is really essential couples talk to each other before getting married so they understand where they stand on issues. For.tgose women thinking marriage is the end, my sisters, marriage is just the beginning. E never finish. E just day start.
I can't even imagine. staying with my parents after i graduated almost drove me crazy, not to talk of in laws. You will have to persevere my dear and try to actually start saving. There are some lands you get to pay 1k a day for I think i have seen flyers being shared around about them. Ask agents. I think you feel you can't earn better,but you can. Just try to keep yourself busy with productive things, respect your in laws, keep your moves to yourself, pray well, plan well. No money is too small to set aside. You can even start ajo (cooperative)...all those small small money wey you dey see comot for oga trouser, e no too small o. Learning to cope with a situation you can change is not the best. there is nothing more beautiful than a woman having a place she can call her home

1 Like

Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by dyabman(m): 5:37am On Feb 07, 2017
Na Lekki the man wan build house , so the money never complete grin
Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by shyling(f): 5:56am On Feb 07, 2017
KingGBsky:


Believe me you just wrote a whole lot of nonsense!
Because one is married and living in the family house then he is not married?
COME ON GET SENSE!
Momma's boy spotted. Guy get your own life...Let your wife be independent don't turn her into a general domestic help...If you're not ready don't marry...

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by shyling(f): 5:58am On Feb 07, 2017
Harinholar:
Just try to love every member of that family.... Tho am not in your shoes I don't knw how tough the war is....But love covers everything in life...d more u love dem the less dey offend you...And besides make your husband your best friend @diz moment,give time for discussion and above all PRAY about it and God wll help you.....
You're very wicked..So you want her to become a basket case smiling at every body? A footmat for general purpose? You guys don't have mercy.... Well I don't blame the guy it's the lady I am angry with for subscribing to such an ungodly arrangement in the name of marriage

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by shyling(f): 6:00am On Feb 07, 2017
derato:
then let her stop complaining n bear it.marriage isn't a bed of roses,dats part of it..
Marriage is tough work without adding any outsiders to the mix... right now she ain't married...She can still walk away with her sanity intact.. Meanwhile marriage is overrated
Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by shyling(f): 6:06am On Feb 07, 2017
Tazmode:
Well, patience is key but don't take nonsense from anyone. There are lines that should never be crossed

You should be optimistic about your desire to have a better life, that's the fuel that drives you to your destination
That babyboy will never rise to her defense. He's too scared to confront life as a man. Don't be surprised if decisions about their lives are taken by the in-laws and the boy just informs this woman... Gbam! Mummy says... Daddy said..... It's finished.

1 Like

Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by shyling(f): 6:09am On Feb 07, 2017
Lizzyangel:

is anybody in the house feeling or have felt the same way am feeling? right now i am going crazy. i have been living with them(father,mother,and siblings inlaw) for past 4yrs and things get worse……many things i cant type happens on daily basis. which i cannot type all…it is killing my self esteem…someone should advice me on what to do.as my hubby was not allowed to leave without building his own house been the.only son and family custom

please i need advice on what to do from experienced and matured minds.
Something tells me that you are not properly married... Kilode?! Fact is that your arrangement is very unhealthy
Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by Nobody: 6:24am On Feb 07, 2017
i thought over it again……i concluded on still coping as i have been doing so for past 4years…

i will just have to take direct entry form and get my degree, i believe and hope that, before i get through, things would have been changed.

Nairaland is a place to be and i thank you all for all the quotes, I'm proud to be part of this forum.


THANK YOU ALL!

1 Like

Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by donodion(m): 6:38am On Feb 07, 2017
Sisi

So you can't convince your own husband for you both to find a room apartment to rent and start your own family? Or even an elder in your church to counsel and advise you and your man?.
It is wrong when a man is not man enough to have his own place,to shelter himself and his wife.Even if its just a room for both of you to start your lives as a couple.
There's no such tradition or culture.They were just been economical with the truth and real reason.

2 Likes

Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by onome2013: 6:44am On Feb 07, 2017
Sickness that can't be cured must be endured.,but if you haven't gotten a child for him yet , pack out to your parents house so that he will wake up to do his duties as the husband
Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by taurustm(m): 6:49am On Feb 07, 2017
Inasmuch you’re willing to stay with your husband, you should also be willing enough to calm your self-esteem in all manner of levels. Do not be weak, be strong in all areas. Being a teacher doesn't mean you can do things even greater that building a house. God will hell you Inasmuch you're willing to do.
Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by dokyOloye: 7:01am On Feb 07, 2017
Benita27:
Oga, thank God for the relationship your wife, mum and sisters have.

It's still not advisable to move to a family house as a married man.
Madam,we live in Abuja,she just went to d east to deliver and will be back this weekend, cos her mum who should've taken care of her after delivery lives outside Nigeria and my own mum took that up,though she couldn't come here due to her busy work schedule .
Thanks for Ur 'advice '.
Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by Samadict(f): 7:22am On Feb 07, 2017
4years!!!! And you're still alive? You have survived this long. Stay low, keep to the room that's yours. Do not at anytime act like you know all. Let them do their things their ways. Then PRAY!!!!!!!! I want to believe you didn't know about this tradition before marriage. In-laws are always in-laws not your people so stop living with them without caution. They talk as if you are one of them but if you let that get into your head and you act as if mother-in-law is your mum or sister-in-law is your sister, you'll only give them things to use against you. Be invisible despite living in the house. Do your chores, clean the place and stay away.

4 Likes

Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by Omojudy: 7:33am On Feb 07, 2017
babythug:
Unfortunately you didn't highlight the issues so I'd advice based on what I can imagine my cause issues.
You need to change and forget whatever prior biases you may have. Let all past wrongs be Immediately forgotten.

Avoid all potential quarrel triggers keep to the areas allocated to you. Even if you don't have a tv in your allocated space or room sit there and pray or read a book. Don't litter the house with your belongings as much as possible

Pick a chore and do it regularly without being forced. For eg sweeping the living room or doing dishes after all meals

Even if once a week cook a meal and serve everyone

But gifts and contribute your quota to the general upkeep Of the house even if just a few cups of rice or beans buy and drop in the general kitchen.

Study them and avoid things they don't like. Be a good guest keep the place as tidy as you can
I for accept everything you wrote only that when my MIL came over to our room and parlour self contain for 3months, her quarrell was that I don't play with her but only read and read. Then it was how dare I give her Lipton thou we were all drinking Lipton. Then d day we were held out late, it was we didn't keep food for her though the whole kitchen was at her disposal and food remained in the pot. Oh then dstv expired one night, she curse me tire. Wow, you never understand why they quarrel.
Needless to say, education and career of the MIL is a great determining factor. Educated and busy MILs have less time for confrontations.

2 Likes

Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by carlvon: 8:31am On Feb 07, 2017
Lizzyangel:

is anybody in the house feeling or have felt the same way am feeling? right now i am going crazy. i have been living with them(father,mother,and siblings inlaw) for past 4yrs and things get worse……many things i cant type happens on daily basis. which i cannot type all…it is killing my self esteem…someone should advice me on what to do.as my hubby was not allowed to leave without building his own house been the.only son and family custom

please i need advice on what to do from experienced and matured minds.
This is a very serious and difficult situation, therefore you must be very careful not to make a mistake.make sure you do nothing that will warrant a crack in your marriage. Most people advising you negatively on this platform are single and know nothing about marriage. They think getting married and staying married is rosy all through but forget that trying times will always come and this might be yours. Remember that nothing is permanent. In this your trying times always ensure you stay close and pray together with your husband.
Find time and travel to see your parents.
When your away, it will give you time and space to reflect on your marriage and determine how you want it to be and practical steps to achieve it.
Pray always and fast about it.
Am sure you don't want a broken marriage, so thread cautiously.
Nothing is permanent in this life, you will have your freedom one day.
Don't take any rash action now just be patient and prayerful.
Read good motivational and inspirational books if your the type.
Watch good gospel messages on TV or your phone.
God will bless you and your husband will adore you one day.
Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by Preshdfresh(f): 8:36am On Feb 07, 2017
I kw u hv kwn dia characters and I suggest u follow dem by dat...Also b a prayerful woman coz God can turn dem arund jux for u..

Buy dis movie and watch...the name is war room,it wil guild u on how to tackle d issue...

Gudluck!!!

2 Likes

Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by Memories12411: 9:37am On Feb 07, 2017
What was the initial arrangements? Didn't you discuss your home and house before the wedding?
Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by TheGreatIYANU: 9:47am On Feb 07, 2017
Lizzyangel:

is anybody in the house feeling or have felt the same way am feeling? right now i am going crazy. i have been living with them(father,mother,and siblings inlaw) for past 4yrs and things get worse……many things i cant type happens on daily basis. which i cannot type all…it is killing my self esteem…someone should advice me on what to do.as my hubby was not allowed to leave without building his own house been the.only son and family custom

please i need advice on what to do from experienced and matured minds.

FIRSTLY, remove your picture from your profile. This is Nairaland - millions of Nigerians here. Someone who knows you may see this post and report to your husband or worse still, his family.

As regards your issue, have you sat your husband down and in the most gentle way told him about your challenge? Explain to him that you feel picked on or bullied. He should be able to take his stand and talk to his family about it. If they are good, they will stop. If not, start pushing for a relocation.

LASTLY, I never judge a case until I hear both sides. You also need to check yourself and see what you are doing (or not doing) that is making your in-laws antagonistic. Ask them if possible, what you need to change to get on their happy side. Start doing it.
Also take charge of the house. As the first and only Daughter-in-law, take charge. Become a sister to your elder -siblings-in-law and a mother to the juniors.
Take charge of the kitchen. Ask of their welfare. Show genuine care.
Their contempt would soon be turned to respect.

Bless.

1 Like

Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by MGeey(f): 9:49am On Feb 07, 2017
Lizzyangel:

is anybody in the house feeling or have felt the same way am feeling? right now i am going crazy. i have been living with them(father,mother,and siblings inlaw) for past 4yrs and things get worse……many things i cant type happens on daily basis. which i cannot type all…it is killing my self esteem…someone should advice me on what to do.as my hubby was not allowed to leave without building his own house been the.only son and family custom

please i need advice on what to do from experienced and matured minds.

2 Likes

Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by jauthentic: 10:17am On Feb 07, 2017
Please, try to seat your husband down and discuss issues with him, if you are Christian, involve your Pastor, let him provide a place for his own family, he is not a man if he lives under it's parents. You need your own privacy, cook your own food for him and your own matrimonial room, pray for financial favour & divine maturity. If you don't have options just bear with your husband and do all it takes to be a good wife, wake early, do cleaning and get along with his family, very soon God will open a new door that will take you & yours to the next level, just be patient & have faith in GOD. JT
Re: Living Under Same Roof With Inlaws……how Does It Look Like? by Nobody: 10:35am On Feb 07, 2017
Samadict:
In-laws are always in-laws not your people so stop living with them without caution. They talk as if you are one of them but if you let that get into your head and you act as if mother-in-law is your mum or sister-in-law is your sister, you'll only give them things to use against you.
see, I won't lie, you are very correct with that, one should just keep praying for grace

1 Like

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