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| A Bit Complicated: by paparazzi8: 5:29am On Dec 08, 2009 |
Hi I have a peculiar problem. Am 29 yr old professional, never been in a relationship and have just been bitten by the love bug, looking for some honest/mature advice here. About 6 months back, I met a guy at a wedding and we instantly hit it off-same likings, thoughts, nature & amazing compatability. We kept in touch through emails and chats, he came across very honest in his feelings and often regretted not having met me before as his past is full of broken relationships with cranky women, the last one being with a single mom having two kids. She had approached him when he was undergoing a break-up from his previous relationship, in the course of which, they became pretty close. Its been 5 years and now-he wants to move ahead with his life as he feels he has been in it only because of his sympathetic nature and has been financially helping her & her kids. Even now, she keeps tormenting him to come back to her and keeps stalking him(they both live in the same country). He has confessed his feelings for me and wants to spend his life with me-awfully honest about his present status and has asked me to give him some time to move on from his previous relationship. Reason of concern here is that his ex is suicidal and very clingy-she even called me couple of times to wade me off from this situation. But-I have kept my cool so far and have been supportive-cum-understanding from his perspective. This is another reason he wants me to be with him as he keeps confessing that he needs me in his life. However, his conscience doesn’t allow him to break off completely as of now from his ex. Am a bit confused here cause I truly love this guy-even though we have had only a long distance relationship and have been talking over the phone or the video chatting, I feel he is being honest in making an effort to make a change in his life & needs me to be around. However, I too want to be in a relationship and it makes me really jealous thinking he is so concerned for his ex. Also, am a bit worried thinking what if all his ex-girlfriends appear in future, will it not make me insecure and suicidal as well? I think am a mature woman but when it comes to this situation of love and relationships, am not very sure if am correct in my thinking. Please advise as my friends think I should just leave him and move on. Woman in love, Me |
| Re: A Bit Complicated: by OAM4J: 5:49am On Dec 08, 2009 |
Patience will be the keyword here. Give him some time to sort himself out 1st. |
| Re: A Bit Complicated: by djungle(m): 5:55am On Dec 08, 2009 |
OK, let us take this apart a bit. You love him but he has feelings for his ex. He has got to come to terms about those feelings. He has got to get closure before he can start building a lasting relationship with you. Otherwise you just might end up being his next ex. So, give him some space( like a month) to find closure. Reassure him that you will be waiting for him when he has found closure. |
| Re: A Bit Complicated: by kpolli(m): 8:32am On Dec 08, 2009 |
djungle: |
| Re: A Bit Complicated: by izeek(m): 8:53am On Dec 08, 2009 |
hi woman in love, read ur script and i will tell you that this scenes dont always play out the way we expect. good he being honest and all with you, but then can u handle all of this in future? i mean his being considerate about his ex's, do you think it would end when he moves sail with you? my believe is that he is still going to cling somehow to his past, and that could affect whatever u both have later. if your patience wont thin out fast, i say stay. if not, move on and find some1 else. |
| Re: A Bit Complicated: by henryhemon(m): 9:51am On Dec 08, 2009 |
@poster, Like they say you don't kill 2 birds with one stone,he either sorts himself out and stop being confused,tell him that. |
| Re: A Bit Complicated: by sweetcoint(f): 10:37am On Dec 08, 2009 |
^^^ sweet, pls talk to me |
| Re: A Bit Complicated: by paparazzi8: 12:43pm On Dec 08, 2009 |
@kpolli, sometimes people are too focused on career and same is the case with me. I have seen too many of my close friends breaking up & under going nervous breakdown etc that I have intentionally stayed away thus far. Now-I think I want to experience and try my luck. Its never too late I believe |
| Re: A Bit Complicated: by kpolli(m): 1:06pm On Dec 08, 2009 |
i used to be like that unti i noticed all my friends went thru the same pattern, then at the end of the day have something nice n thought to myself skip the bad things n just enjoy the nice ending then one of them told me it will never work, there r certain steps u must go thru, it cant be skipped, maybe thats wat ur going thru now |
| Re: A Bit Complicated: by paparazzi8: 12:56pm On Nov 23, 2010 |
Would you believe my luck?? Its almost a year after I posted this message. Well-I havent yet met this guy but his entire effort to get away from his suicidal ex has left more to wonder. Apparently, they had sympathy sex when she was undergoing counselling and now, she is 6 months pregnant. She had hidden it from him and now, she wants to keep the child and says she doesnt want him in her life. She even called me and asked for forgiveness, having taken such a rash decision when she knew he was moving away from her and didnt want her. Currently, he is undergoing counselling too as he doesnt want this child and says his ex had lied to him about using birth control pills. Also, I got to know that woman is still married to her previous husband and was in live-in relationship with this guy for 2 years. Am confused again. I feel I would be selfish if I had to move on, leaving him in this mess as he wants me to wait for him. That woman is so vicious-even if I end up marrying him, I know she will trouble us a lot. My mind says to help him as a friend, even after what all has happened. Please advise if am thinking right. |
| Re: A Bit Complicated: by Nobody: 1:05pm On Nov 23, 2010 |
paparazzi8: ROTFLMAO  I'm sorry, not to make light of your predicament but what the heck is 'sympathetic sex'  Does he lack the ability to use condom or withdraw?  Let the guy come out open and say why he's still in a relationship with that woman. I'm afraid you trust him a bit too much and he's taking you for a ride! I understand you need to trust him because of your feelings for him, but you have to wise my dear! A man who cannot say NO to a woman he doesn't want is not much of a man I'm afraid. Are you really willing to stick your neck out for such a guy? One month is acceptable . , Two months is understandable . . . Three months is paitence . . . six months is stretching it too far . . one year is just plain stooopid! And while you were being 'patinet' he was busy gettng her pregant! Stop selling yourself short woman, hence you end up getting your heart broken!  |
| Re: A Bit Complicated: by tkb417(m): 1:16pm On Nov 23, 2010 |
Its almost a year after I posted this message.. ure 29! u need real people not charlatans who who are bent on exploiting ur weaknesses Im sure hes seen ur frail nature and hence the reason he hasnt been able to sort out his mess 6 months after do away with him, he has an unborn child! Go out more, make friends more and if u have got the looks and figure, truss me, u'll find another bloke |
| Re: A Bit Complicated: by jaybee3(m): 1:22pm On Nov 23, 2010 |
@OP Please listen to the above advice. It's hard enough to be with a man without issues @TKB Seems Corky have finally infested us with his virus oh. truss me, no offieeeence |
| Re: A Bit Complicated: by tkb417(m): 1:44pm On Nov 23, 2010 |
jay bee:lolol. . . ive been infected Cork makes me laff daily i look forward to reading his rubbish daily hehe T |
| Re: A Bit Complicated: by Specialist900(m): 1:48pm On Nov 23, 2010 |
tkb417:she was 29, now 30. Woman you ain't growing younger. I think you really have to move on, this guy is not it at all. |
| Re: A Bit Complicated: by Ifedisky(m): 1:55pm On Nov 23, 2010 |
SMH at "sympathy sex". That must be a fate worse than death lol |
| Re: A Bit Complicated: by Specialist900(m): 3:43pm On Nov 23, 2010 |
Ifedisky:its a really pathetic case. |
| Re: A Bit Complicated: by Nobody: 9:40am On Nov 24, 2010 |
@poster the following statement should have been your alarm bells to ran the hell away from this guy: his past is full of broken relationships with cranky women what?! did you think he was just that unlucky?! |
| Re: A Bit Complicated: by freecocoa(f): 10:14am On Nov 24, 2010 |
Op if you stick wiv this dude,he's always gonna need time to sort himself out,its written all over him,which isn't an endearing feature(truss me)he's always gonna need to fix something like jack in the lost series. |
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