CONVICTION or CONFUSION

Still in the spirit of celebrating the only woman I never changed her name from BELOVED on my phone for ages. Though it’s been long I have time to compose new thing, I have been doing copy and paste for a while but I think there are needs for me to share my own personal view of things.
The above topic is all about RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE. At times I look at the level of things in Christendom and I asked myself over and over again if we have not been brainwashed. The word conviction is what we are always after and later end up been confused. Let me see if I can start with the word conviction itself.
Dictionary says conviction is a firmly held belief or opinion on something. To me, conviction is yje assurance of something you are into and how liable it might work.

I don’t want to go too canal and don’t want to bee to spiritual but God will help me to balance it out rightly.
Now, talking about conviction in relationship/marriage. Don’t let us mix things together. Our God is not author of confusion remember (1Cor. 14:33). Since the time of Adam that he blamed God for giving him Eve when he never even truly ask for an helpmeet (Gen. 3:12), God has been very careful when it comes to choosing a life partner, so that you won’t blame Him for your ordeal when challenges arise, that is why He says: He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD (Prov. 18:22) not he who I give a wife to or he who ask me for a wife. So, it is the duty of a man to look for a wife not God.
I know many will feel like, does it mean God must not be involved in relationships/marriage? NO. God must be involved. Infact, he must be the foundation of the relationship/marriage but always have it at the back of your mind that relationship/marriage is just 20% of God, 30% of you and 50% of whom you are dealing with, I mean your spouse.

Don’t let me bore you, read the next episode at your convenient time but remember we are still celebrating a virtuous woman.

CONVICTION or CONFUSION (Episode 2)

ROLE OF GOD
You are still wondering why God is Just 20% right? Ok, let me try to explain if I won’t bore you. Kindly answer these questions please. Will God come and live in your house for you? Will he hold down the hand of your spouse when he becomes angry and wants to lay hands on you? Will God cook your food when your wife is not around? Will God teach your spouse the next move you wish on bed? NO…

God’s role is to ascertain that your spouse is genuinely born again. I can go to church a million times a day, pray and fast a thousand times a day and God will still not know me as his son/daughter. He knows His people and His people knows Him (John 10:14) and He will not give his own to a stranger (John 10:5) which is the devil.

This aspect is what many of us are not always convince that now needs the intervention of God and assistance of a sound and seasoned man of God to discern in case we are making mistakes. Have you ask yourself what normally happens when you have a revelation and conviction of brother A and also of brother B? It is still same God. But immediately God’s part is been done, it is left for you to decide on the rest.
You are the one to know if you see future with him/her, if you share the same dream, if your genotype/blood group will not be a barrier. If you truly LOVE him/her. Love is the ultimate thing here. Infact, that aspect you don’t like, if you love him/her love will cover it up (1Pet.4: because nobody is perfect.

Let us brainstorm a little. Does it mean that if God is involve, there won’t be challenges? See, I have seen a marriage God told the two parties they are meant to be and after few years, they end up parting because they marry under the influence of God not of love. That is when a man will be telling the wife, I wouldn’t have marry you if not that God says and they will be living under the bondage of God says not accepting things because of love.
Many Christian homes are nothing to write home about today, they come to church truly, attend functions together in the same attire and do all sort of things together but when they get inside their closet, they are cat and rat.

See, am not moved by your high level of Holy Ghost filled you might be if there is no love.
Don’t let me bore you, read the next episode at your convenient time but remember we are still celebrating a virtuous woman.

CONVICTION or CONFUSION (Episode 3)

YOUR ROLE
Yea! I said your role is just 30% right? Yes, I mean it. The 30% is for you to work on yourself. Your education, your charisma, you outward look (No wonder pastors dey marry fine babe these days), your vision, your aspiration and your desire. Your type of food is also important, mode of eating and even sleep. All is not just been ‘he/she must love me for who I am’. Taaah! For where?

Dear brothers and sister, check yourself. Let me give you a gist. I hung out with a lady on the 27th of December, 2016 and while catching our fun, a lady came and said ‘Can I join you for a photo shoot please?’ Will she has asked for that IF maybe something was wrong with our outfits. Let me open up sef. Me as a guy, I do have ladies as toasters. I remember a lady that confesses how she was dying to just move close to me as a friend owing to the way I talk, walk, carry myself and deal with issues at my WOFBI course with winner’s chapel in bonny. Wish she have been dying if I am just a casual guy. Bro, tell your neighbor… SHIFT!

YOUR SPOUSE
Yes, I said the remaining 50% is about your spouse. Yes, I know why I said so. First of all, have this at the back of your mind that you can NEVER understand your spouse to the last letter so soon. Psychologist says ‘it takes 3 – 4 years before you can know someone better (not best remember) and couples that stays close to that in relationship/courtship are less prone to divorce’. That is why I will NEVER support all these 3-6months courtship and then go into wedding.

You have two works to do even before telling a guy YES or proposing to a lady.
1. You need to know and understand your partner, never expect your spouse to understand you, you should be the one to understand him/her. The work includes knowing his/her weakness/strength. Likes/dislikes, food type, sleep, body/mouth odour (if there is any), future ambition, spirituality, blood group and genotype, temperament, movement and lot more. Now wait! Will God be the one to come and do all that for you? Many lazy Christians will just sit down in the church, kabashing in tongues and expecting a perfect will of God who will just suit their taste and purpose as if they are perfect too. NO! Go out and see things yourself. Understand him/her before accepting or proposing.

2. You have to now work on the area the brother or sister is not meeting up. See, get this straight. Church is not a home for saints but hospital for sinners/broken hearted/the lost souls/mending point, call it a name. So, don’t just think there are ready made spouse anywhere, you have to work on them. At times self, you buy ready-made clothe be it gown or whatsoever in the market at even expensive price and you still take it to mushroom tailor to work on it for you. That is the typical example of what I am talking about. Your going to market to buy what you like is choosing a partner while either enlarging or slim fitting is molding him/her to your taste and the tailor is either your pastor or mentor or marriage counselor who may even end up telling you to condemn a cloth (spouse) if peradventure is not good enough for you owing to one reason or the other or encourage you to move one with him/her. If your tailor condemns a clothe and you insist, you alone will have to dance to the tune of its consequences’ because for every decision in life, there is always a consequence.
Don’t let me bore you, read the next episode at your convenient time but remember we are still celebrating a virtuous woman.

CONVICTION or CONFUSION (Episode 4)
Now, if your spouse is ready to now accept not been perfect and allow remolding, then you are with the right person. Proverbs 12: 1 says ‘Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid’. If your spouse now accept to be molded, then the two of you can now work together on agreement and design your future (Amos 3:3) but if he/she sees himself/herself being perfect, lease I dey beg you, pick race
Areas you have to work on are just what you don’t find comfortable in the life of the brother/sister. If you practically or tactically rejects that your spouse, do you know what the future holds for you with the next person? He/she might even hide his/her bad side and its when you get home you discover marriage is truly a black market.

Trust me, I never plan to even write today but I don’t know what pushes me and I even have to abandoned my own personal work just to make up this write up but I want to strongly believe it is meant for you that took time to read this my trash but remember out of nonsense, there is always an atom of sense.
Don’t let me bore you, read the next episode at your convenient time but remember we are still celebrating a virtuous woman.

CONCLUSION
Now for our dear ladies, let me now give you a little eye opener and I may be using the book of Proverbs much now, especially chapter 31 from verse 10.
Sister, you are the one that have major role to play if your relationship will work. Many ladies always put the work load on man and any moment you do so, eeyah….. it’s a sorry case. Let me start by giving you instances from book of Genesis 2:24 and Eph. 5:31 (That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh). This means it’s a man that will come to inconvenience you. A man is the guest (No wonder some men in Africa settings marries more than one wife) and you are the host. If you have a special guest that visits you, if the guest misbehaves or act in a way you don’t like, you will have to endure. The same thing applicable in marriage, man is a special guest in your life. Okay, you still doubt me right? Why it is that it’s the bride’s families that host the groom family? Why not other way round? A woman that cannot endure is likened to a foolish woman in the book of Prov. 14:1. A woman that does not take nonsense that does not submit to her own husband nor respects him. Eph. 5:22; 1Pet. 3:1-6. A woman looking for a perfect man is a FOOL

WHO IS A WISE WOMAN? A wise woman is found in the book of Proverb 31, 10 – 31. To avoid lengthy note as I wish to round off here. I will just pick few verses.
Prov. 31:10 says ‘Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above ruby’. A virtuous/wise woman is a woman that is not after material things. That does not weigh a man but what he has physically but spiritually and focuses for future. A woman that does not sell her dignity in quest for love.
11-12: Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value; She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life: Not the one that cannot stand by her word. She is convincing today and tomorrow she is confused. Her husband cannot predict her next line of action or boast of her.
13-19 &24&27: She finds wool and flax and busily spins it, She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar, She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants, She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard, She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks, She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night, In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers: She is hard working and not just tying wrapper every day, awaiting a man to go out to work and look for money for them to feed, She doesn’t even waits for maids to wake up and do the house chores. She works too. Ladies… Get busy!
20: She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy: She is a giver like Tabitha in the book of Acts 9:36-42. She is not a miser or greedy fellow. She extends hands of love and friendship to her husband family and not to her own family alone. Infact, her husband friend loves to visit their home regularly because they know she will always be prepared and open to them.
21-22 & 26: When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet, she makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple: She protects and respects her household. She doesn’t use foul languages or abusive words. She is very careful with her choice of words and secures the home. She knows herself to be the body and her husband to be the head. She even protects her husband and speak kindly of him everywhere she is.
23 & 25: Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land, She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come: Because of her ways of life and attitude to people, her husband is respected.
28- 29: Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her, "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Her household are always happy and always proud of her. They are ready to show her off everywhere they go because she is a blessing unto them. Proverbs 11:16. Do you even notice it’s not everybody on your friendlist that celebrates his/her mother year in year out? Do you now know the reason? Wish we can celebrate you too.

Now to we guys. Not only the woman that have burden to carry. We also have too. We also have to check and understand our spouse but our major work is found in the book of Eph. 5:25: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. WE are to just love them in totality, with their weakness and give them all without reserving for others or sharing with others
Let me stop there for now.

Please try to be convinced once and for all, so as not to be confused. Even if God speaks, it’s either YES or NO or WAIT but while waiting, don’t waste other peoples time.

I love you all.

T