in need of a real guy.?



you stay in Lagos, and you r single , check my signature

I think say you be mama

Are you a gigolo?

[8/17, 20:03] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: When I go to a birthday party and the cake doesn't reach me.
Do you think I came because you're growing older?
[8/17, 20:14] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: Difference between America teaching you how to drive and Nigeria way
America: Move the steering slowly,press brake,move slowly
But
Nigeria: Nigerian driving instructor: "Oya Come, Come"
"Oya CUT YOUR HAND, CUT YOUR HAND"
"CUT IT FULL"....Idiot see trailer coming ooo..You'll just die like fowl
[8/17, 20:27] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: U Don't Need a car to Impress a Lautech Girl.. Just Wear a Starched Shirt and Hold a Car key!
[8/17, 20:32] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: When you're broke
Me: Madam, give me rice 50 Naira in a nylon. Madam: okay.. And what?
Me: And
TIE it.
[8/17, 20:53] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: Names of # Bread in # America:
*California brown loaf
*McDaniel's loaf
Names of #bread in #Nigeria :
*'What God have done for me, I can't not tell it all special
bread.
*'No one knows tomorrow special loaf'
*Mama Ejiro special bread
* #Obinna and #sons special bread.
*Papa chi's special loaf.
*God's time is the best bread.
*Amoba special loaf.
*Talk and do healing bread.
[8/17, 21:07] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: My mum was in the sitting room, I was outside. She called me
to help her bring her handbag from her room. I brought the
bag, and asked her where I should keep it. Mum said I should
keep it on her head. Brothers and sisters, as an obedient
child, I kept the bag on her head. The only thing I remember
after placing the bag on her head is that the earth became
void and without form. Everywhere was dark and it felt like
Genesis chapter 1:1-2 all over again! Abeg my people, what should I
do?
[8/17, 21:09] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: Friends if you get any friend or girlfriend wey dey bear ESTHER... wey u cum later see say she don bleach...... abeg feel free to call her ESTABLISH....
[8/17, 21:10] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: -Girls with small b©©bs shouldn't bath with Dettol and or other medicated soaps cause it may wipe them out thinking they are pimples.....
[8/17, 21:10] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: -When she has caught you cheating on her several times, and she no longer Trust you again
Babe: where are you?
Nigga: am in the toilet
Babe : Oya flush let me hear...
[8/17, 21:10] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: Old
-That awkward moment when you visit your rich uncle in Abuja and the wife serves you 2 slices of bread and egg with a little cup of tea........ And kids be like, "Uncle can you finish this?" You be like, "abi iku fe pa yin ni?" (Death want to kill u abi?). Me wey dey chop 40 slices with jug of tea!!
[8/17, 21:12] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: -Diz girls ehn.. Do u tink 30Billion will jus enta your acct....Gbam! like that.. Didn't u hear davido say I go Shook u Shuku shuku ..Receive sense jhor!
[8/17, 21:12] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: -Some #girls will be snoring like dragon while sleeping but when they wake up they will rush to social media and post: "Wow! can't believe i slept like a baby".Indeed, baby dragon
[8/17, 21:12] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: Fat Girls Are Usually Shy To Hang Their Panti3s Outside Because It Looks Like Raincoat..
[8/17, 21:13] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: -Dear Married Men, If you suspect money is always missing from your wallet whenever you are at home, just put a torn condom inside your wallet one day. The thief will confess immediately.
[8/17, 21:17] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: -My Neighbours Generator Has Been ON Since 5pm Yesterday evening and it is still now. Petrol is 145 naira per litre... please EFCC I have BLOWN MY WHISTLE O!
[8/17, 21:30] ‪+234 813 793 6816‬: *Whenever a foreigner asks me what ASUU means, I normally tell them it's an annual festival in Nigeria whereby students are not allowed to go to school.*
[8/18, 09:37] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: -God Is great.. When you take a girl to ATM she will start apologizing for things she hasn't Done."Honey am sorry for shouting at you next week
[8/18, 09:40] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: Dream owning a car and u'll wake up owning nothing, dream u found money and u'll wake up broke, but try to dream urinating somewhere and that's when u'll realise dreams do come true
[8/18, 09:41] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: -I hate when someone die' and some people say *oh my God, no be him suppose die oo! . . .My question is " ABEG WHO SUPPOSE DIE"
[8/18, 09:41] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: -Rich people go to private hospitals, they send their children to private schools, use private jet.....but thank God we all have private parts. #GodisGreat.
[8/18, 09:42] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: -If you want to know how strong a lady is . Try removing her pants when she knows it's dirty.
[8/18, 09:44] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: -You Don't Know Struggle, If You've Never Had A Phone Charger That Charges Only If You Bend It In A Certain Way.
[8/18, 09:45] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: -Ladies; It's a finished moment when that moment You Send Your Boyfriend A Selfie Without Make-Up And He Ask You .. "Who's That?"
Ahhh!Mogbe!!! My sister, you are finished!!!
[8/18, 09:59] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: Answers for MUMU QUESTIONS
1. Someone calls u at 2am and ask u are you
sleeping?
Ans: no! I'm picking beans.
2. When its raining & someone notice u going
out yet dey ask are you going out in this
rain?
Ans: no! In d next one.
3. U are making out with your girlfriend then
u start pulling her panties then she asks;
what r u trying to do?
Ans: i want to use it to do kataport.
4. They see u coming out of d bathrum
wet; yet dey ask did u jst had a bath?
Ans: no i fell into the WC
5. U r standing in front of d elevator on
d ground floor going 2 your office yet dey
ask r u going up??
Ans: no i'm waiting for my Office to cum
down and get me.
6. your boifrnd cums home with a bunch
of flowers & u still ask r those flowers?
Ans: no baby, they r carrots!
7. U r in d toilet nd lock the door nd sm1
knock asking z any1 there?
Ans: no! NA sh*t LOCK DOOR....
Mtsheeeeeeew!!
8. U r in a queue @ d cinema 2 buy
ticket, a frnd saw u nd askd; wot r u
doing here?
Ans: i'm here 2 pay my school fees.....
ODE!!
9. When dey c u lying down wit your eyes
closed nd dey still ask r u sleeping??
Ans: no, i'm practising to DIE....... MU MU
[8/18, 10:07] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: Its only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve a problem without using violence.
[8/18, 13:55] ‪+234 813 359 1871‬: Just because a mosquito bit you ,all you could do is kill..._Do yu ever think if its an orphan mosquito??_Or a motherless baby mosquito that desperately needs to feed??_Or a poor mosquito who has been ignored by the rich in the land of the mosquitoes??_Or a maid mosquito that has been chased away??_What if the mosquito caught its wife with its best friend and needed to get drunk??_Or mosquito that had a recent breakup and its heart broken...Do yu think of that??No...no..no Your small blood is more important... You only think about yourself...Wicked people

#Mosquito_right_activist
[8/18, 18:52] ‪+234 816 002 3571‬: I will Name My Daughter
*Not Interested*
So when these Bad Guys be like
Hi Babe, I am Freshkin
She will simply be like
Hi Freshkin, I am *Not Interested*

[8/18, 19:56] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: .Soon there will be scarcity of dark girls in 9ja... with the current trend in bleaching
[8/18, 19:58] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: .U love having sex with under-18 girls. Now, ur daughter's 16 yrs & u're ordering her 2 always stay indoors. U're deceiving urself..what a man sows he shall reap
[8/18, 20:02] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: The Problem with most Ugly People is that they expect Too much from the Camera
[8/18, 20:05] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: U re wondering why your mom's prayer ain't working? how will it work when She's praying for Oluchi Ugwu & u've changed ur
name 2 mhiz cutie
[8/18, 20:27] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: A village man saw a plane full of politicians crash near
his farm. When the police arrived, they
asked the village man, what happened?
.
Village man: They crashed near my farm and I
buried all of them.
One of the police men asked with shock; "are
you sure they were all dead"?.
Village mam: Some of them were screaming, "we are
still alive".
But I couldn't believe them.
You know, these politicians. They can lie
[8/18, 20:34] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: A bus conductor and his driver were both
arguing who was more brilliant.
DRIVER: U nor go school.
CONDUCTOR: Haba! I go school pass u.
DRIVER: Oya, wetin b 2 times 2?
CONDUCTOR: Ahan! Very easy! Dat one na 22
now.
DRIVER: Fool! Person tell u d answer for back
abi.
[8/18, 20:44] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: I Was sleeping in the church when the usher woke me up.
Immediately I Heard the priest saying "STAND UP"
I Stood up not knowing why!
Priest :- Thank you Jesus, Person Number One, Your name please, Me: Am Collins
Priest: Thanx you Collins , Any other person who will give us 1,000,000 for our project?
I Fainted
[8/18, 20:47] ‪+234 703 611 6081‬: ME: Hi cutie
HER: Hi
ME: I think You are cute
HER: Thank you
ME: can i go out with you on Friday ?
HER : What do you do for a living?..
ME: I analyse and invest in risky business opportunities that has
possibility of high returns..
HER : Wow, that's amazing.. so like stock exchange or Something
like that?.
ME: Bigger than that, I deal with international investment,
analyzing and investing in business opportunities around England,
Spain, Germany just to mention a few..
HER : *smiling* OK, that explains your good looks all through!..
If only she knew i was talking about Nairabet..
[8/18, 22:13] ‪+234 813 793 6816‬: *SEX* is my best *enemy*,
*BUT* the *BIBLE* Say's *love* your *ENEMY*

*am confused guys
[8/18, 22:13] ‪+234 813 793 6816‬: When two girls are fighting over you, my brother i advice you to watch the fight to the end. Then marry the loser because
*you can't afford to have Mike Tyson as a wife.
[8/18, 22:13] ‪+234 813 793 6816‬: A girl at a bus stop spotted a handsome man and without hesitation went to him and said
" you look cute.. I like you."....
The man out of shock simply placed his hand on her shoulder and said
"My dear, this love and infatuation are all nothing. You are too young to be behaving like this. Pls go home and study hard so that you can have a successful life."..
He then placed a piece of paper on her hand and said
" I have written some words of wisdom and bible verses for you. Read them before you go to sleep."
And then he walked away.
The girl went back to her hostel in shame and before she slept she opened up the paper and read thus:

"Are you blind? My wife was standing behind me. Any way, this is my number.
Call me anytime. ...........
By the way, I like you too!"Men are always Men !!!!!!!!!!!!!
[8/18, 22:13] ‪+234 813 793 6816‬: *FACT*

```The only four people a woman attentively listens to and obeys sincerely and does exactly as they say is a DOCTOR, the PASTOR, a TAILOR and PHOTOGRAPHER, otherwise if you're neither of the four, sit down and be strong...```
[8/19, 02:11] ‪+233 20 991 0478‬: A naked lady ran into an Igbo man's taxi. She told d driver where she was going. The lgbo man didn't start the car, but he was just staring at the girl over and over again. The lady saw him and said: What's your problem man? Haven't you seen a naked lady before?. The Igbo man replied: l am not looking at your unclothedness, I was just wondering where you kept the money you are going to pay me. IGBO kwenu!
To laugh alone n cca crase ooo, share the fun!!!
[8/19, 12:

mamakay533:
in need of a real guy.?



you stay in Lagos, and you r single , check my signature

What do u v to offer?

CONFESSION THAT SHOOK THE VERY CORE OF MY BEING*.... *_Please take time to read till the end_* It was a Sunday morning service and we were expecting to go through the routine service line ups. But we were in for a great change in our normal order of service. Right after the opening prayer, our Pastor introduced a very old man as the guest speaker for that morning. He didn't look familiar to any of us. There were no Praises, no Worship, no Testimonies, no Choir ministration to usher in the man of God. This old man climbed the pulpit as it were, and all eyes were fixed on him. The place was dead silent; you could have heard the drop of the tiniest of pins. It was as if a holy awe had descended to swallow all the noise in the Church auditorium. When he opened his mouth, he spoke these words: "I am just returning from the burial rites of one of my son's in the Lord". It wasn't what he said that made us more interested in what he had to tell us, but how he said it! It came from the depth of his soul. "Before he died...", the man continued, "he came to my office and made a Confession to me. He pleaded with me to share with any willing audience. I called your Pastor because the Holy Spirit spoke to me that there are many of you young people here who can pick one or two vital lessons from the death of my son in the Lord". The Silence became more louder! Everyone of us was arrested by the Holy Spirit to hear and heed to what the Lord had to say to us through this man. We just couldn't take our gaze, our hearts and minds off this unusual old man. "This was his confession", he broke the Silence finally. *(In the dead pastor's words).......* "It was one Sunday afternoon after church service, and I heard a knock on my door. I was relaxing in the office because we had just closed a very beautiful and powerful service. The Power of God had fallen like rain upon the Church-- miracles, Healings, Prophetic ministrations and deliverance, Holy Spirit Baptism and any kind of move of the Holy Spirit you could identify with. I should have headed straight to the house to rest because that's the signal I had in my spirit. Instead, I came to the office to recline in my chair. I asked the person to come in, and behold, there was this unusually beautiful and well-rounded fair lady before my face. I asked her to take the seat across my desk. She introduced herself as a new convert- she had just received Jesus Christ as her personal Savior and Lord. She started heaping accolades upon my head, claiming how powerful and anointed I was, and how tremendously her life has been impacted by the morning's message and ministrations. I was obviously happy that God had brought and won a new soul to Church. She then told me how very great a miracle it was that God brought her to Church that faithful Sunday because she had just received an amount of money equivalent to 50 million Ghana Cedis, and she wanted to pay her tithe. She needed guidelines regarding how to invest the money. Her purpose for coming was first of all to introduce herself as a new active member of the Church of God, and also to seek my advice regarding how to invest the money, and of course pay her tithe. She was hoping that I could recommend some faithful and honest business men in the Church she could partner with. This news was warmly received; my excitement knew no bounds. All of a sudden, unfinished and new projects of the Church started coming to mind- how we can use the tithe which was like 5 million Ghana Cedis to complete and start new projects. I was now merrier than before. Out of excitement, I told her to write her address down because I wanted to visit her personally so we could discuss this goodnews in greater details. She wrote down the address, and excused herself to leave. I didn't notice how seductive she was dressed until she stood to leave. All my adrenaline started running through my head to the tip of my trousers. I rebuked it but it made no difference. It seemed to me she noticed the effects her stature has had on me. I thought I even saw a smile on her face, but it didn't make no difference to me because I had her tithe on my mind. I became restless after she had left. I wanted to run after her, to embrace her from behind, and to also take my tithe of course. But my body was too tired to obey such sentiments. I headed straight home, and had an unusually long rest. When I woke up it was morning already. Since Mondays were my days of rest, I decided to give her a call first thing after I had taken my bath and breakfast. I followed through my plans of course. It seemed I was possessed; I couldn't get her and her money out of my system. I felt the spirit of Grace speaking to my heart to be careful but I rebuked that Voice, reasoning that as a Shepherd I must take care of the Lord's Flock, especially the new ones. She was obviously new, and I had to concentrate on building her to become a spiritual giant. She could even become a singer in the Choir. All these I reasoned within to shut out and to shut down the Voice of the Spirit of Grace. Before I realized I was with my phone dialing her digits. She was obviously expecting me by the sound of her voice on the other line. This was indeed a Divine confirmation that God wanted me to call her- so I reasoned within my heart to cloud the uneasiness I felt in my heart regarding this strange lady. Even the story of the strange woman in the book of Proverbs came to mind but I quickly brushed it aside with a different Scripture, saying that all of us are sinners, making all of us strange men and women before God. If God accepted us as we were, I had to obviously accept her as the Lord had done to me. All these steps of thoughts gave me a false peace in my heart. I put on my best dress and headed her address. I didn't inform any of the deacons and the elders of this great door the Lord was opening. I wanted to surprise them, testifying about the wonders of God. I had a prompting to call one of the women fellowship leaders to go with me but I quickly threw such suggestion outside the window. I needed to assure this new Sister that I personally cared for her life. I got to her place in no time. The sight which greeted me should have sent common sense in my mind to run for my life but I couldn't because I had my mind made up to have her become a committed member of the Church and the money of course. She was in a see-through blue attire, wearing this seductive smile on her face. My heart was by now beating faster than a 100m racer. I still had to chance to leave because I had not entered the room yet. But I found myself smiling broadly as I entered her room. She excused herself in order to bring me something soft to drink. It was when she was leaving my presence that I noticed that she had no underwear on. That alone should have sent me packing but I didn't because I had convinced myself that I needed to establish her as a member and of course, take my tithe of 5 million Ghana Cedis! As she was away, series of Scriptures started coming to my heart, as though a man were standing before me, reading these verses aloud. Scriptures of fleeing Temptations, Samson and Delilah, Tamar and Judah, Joseph and Portiphar's wife, Israel and the Moabite Women, came very alive to my heart. I didn't head to any of these warnings. That moment was supernaturally elongated because I felt the Recollection of the Scriptures had taken more than one hour. It all happened with 5 minutes. Afterwards, she came wearing that same seductive smile, and swinging her waist rhythmically to a song only she could hear. We exchanged the normal pleasantries. We even prayed; I spoke in tongues for some 10 minutes. She was saying resounding Amens to all the declarations and blessings. When I was through, she came to sit very close to me. I could see her breasts, and that adrenaline that rushed through my head to the tips of my trousers came all over, this time with such intensity that I thought I was under an electric shock. She pressed her chest against my arm, and before long we were kissing. There was no going back- eventually I slept with her or rather she slept with me. When we were through, she smiled a smile of Victory that shook me to the very core of my being. It's influence was more powerful than the pleasures I had experienced within those few moments back. I sheepishly smiled back at her. I couldn't recall what happened between that moment and the time I got home. My thoughts were clouded. I didn't have that fiery feeling I always had in my belly again- something tangible and indispensable had left me. I didn't know to weep or laugh. My thoughts were scattered. The pain I experienced within those dark moments were such deep and horrific that no level of pleasure could have offset such anguish and hopelessness. The day ended. I went to the office on Tuesday morning, and I received a video on my whatsapp. I downloaded it, and to the deepest shock of my life, I saw myself busily and hungrily having sex with a woman whose face had been edited from the video. My face was clear as crystal. Within very few minutes there was a knock on my door and without beckoning the person to come in, the knob turned and there stood before me lady of my nightmares. She was no longer the composed, affectionate, smiling lady I saw just a couple of days before. The lady that stood before me was fierce and had wickedness written all over her face. My heart nearly jumped out of my chest. She made herself comfortable in the chair opposite mine, and without being asked what her mission was, she spat these words *'You fool, I will show you pepper'.* She made good actions of her words. She demanded a cheque of 10 million Ghana Cedis from the tithes of the Church or else she would release the video on all social media platforms. She gave me two days to produce such money or else my end was as certain as the break of dawn. She stood to take her leave. I think I saw her face turned to be something demonic. She began laughing hysterically. When she was through, she looked straight into my eyes and said blatantly, *'Pastor Timothy, I AM TAKING YOU DOWN'.* And she walked out of the office." *(The Young man's voice is now over...the old Preacher continued).* "He came to see me a few days after. He couldn't cry, he couldn't pray, he couldn't say any proper words of confession. I tried praying with him but the Heavens over us were shut. Only a passage of Scripture stood in the Atmosphere: *Hebrews 10:26-31 (NKJV)* 26 For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, 27 but a certain fearful expectation of judgment, and fiery indignation which will devour the adversaries. 28 Anyone who has rejected Moses' law dies without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. 29 Of how much worse punishment, do you suppose, will he be thought worthy who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, counted the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified a common thing, and insulted the Spirit of grace? 30 For we know Him who said, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord. And again, "The Lord will judge His people." 31 It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.".... By now, everyone was sobbing. We were all lamenting over the story we just heard from this old Preacher. The young pastor committed suicide. He was anointed. He was powerful. The old man continued... "I came here because there are many of you who are still living in sin, seeking no help from its deliverance. The Enemy saw a weakness or two in him; lust for money and beautiful, well-rounded women. The Devil was more than glad to offer these because he knew he could eventually get hold of him The Spirit of Revelation whispered to my heart: _ the pastor didn't deal with the little Foxes in his life when he was under training._ He occasionally satisfied his lust by framing stories to get money; and watching pornographic materials The Spirit of Grace was on him, Teaching, Guiding, Rebuking, Correcting him.... yet he didn't listen. If he listened, he didn't apply Jesus' formula of dealing with weights and besetting sins: *If your right hand offends you, CUT IT OFF for it is far better to enter into life Maimed than to perish with your whole body intact*. *He played around sin.* *He cajoled sin.* *He treated sin lightly.* *He entertained that which had the capacity to destroy him, both in time and in eternity.* The first thing Sin takes care of in a person's life is the Glory of God. You lose your spiritual beauty and splendor once you live in sin. Listen to me, my dear young people: _You cannot use smartness of analysis and scriptural inductions to confuse God._ Forever His Word is firmly established. *Seriously consider the following Scriptures:* *Galatians 5:19-21; 1 John 3:8;* *Hebrews 4:6-7; 2 Peter 1:5-10".* He then prayed with all of us, making an Altar Call for who had wanted to receive Jesus Christ into their hearts, and those of us who needed to rededicate their lives to the Lord Jesus Christ. We didn't take an offering that Sunday... Friends didn't walk in groups... Everyone was engrossed in his or her thoughts, perhaps pondering on the sad story of the promising young man of God and also our own very conditions before the Lord. *_Every little thing you are doing in secret has the potential to bring unto you a public ridicule or applause the future._* *Grace is not a license to nonsense.* *Sin is a mocker- it's wages is still DEATH.* *_Anonymous_* Please,share or copy and paste. Save some souls today