I would simply agree with others here that u ignored d warning/danger signs when u were dating. Once u began to notice those signs wz when u ought to have investigated. (Talking frm xperience). If u force urself on a woman, she can easily see dat & will surely tk u for granted. I do nt agree with d fact dat most girls/women cheat coz their man doesn't care much. Som girls accept 2 date u without breaking up with their current guy.(dey think dey ar so smart & of course, dey will outsmart any guy who loves too much & thereby ignore warning signs thinking she will improve). Som just broke up & want to fill d vacuum of loneliness & pain & just accept u nt coz dey love u. Once dey c someone else who fits their "specification", beta, u begin to c those signs u mentioned earlier.
Anyway d deed has bn done, so let's stop flogging a dead horse. U will have to pardon her-dat is vry difficult I I understand. Bt I think if she's truly remorseful, she should b scared to ever cheat on u again. If u were still dating & nt yet married, would hav said "dismiss her ASAP". As for trusting her ever again, I reserve my comment.

It's hard for me to believe that this story is real.

But in case it is, OP, you need to divorce this woman like yesterday.

Do you per chance wash her undies too like I see on OrisunTV?

God bless you. I still can't figure out why some people get married for the wrong reasons.

Some years ago, my friends told me they don't find anything wrong in marrying an Ex olosho...it might be sweet at the beginning but imagine been at work, then you get sick and decided to go home earlier, you called your wife and she ain't picking and once you got home you met a Nepa official or your mechanic in d compound with your wife, what would be your first instinct?

professorfal:
You saw it coming but were blinded by that crap you call love.

Ol@ boy,
You're between a rock and a hard place.

It appears you had little experience with girls before marriage. You probably never experienced the true love of a lady previously.

Ab initio, she was not in love with you at all.

You probably gave her something she needed (like attention, economic assistance, etc) or she just wanted you as insurance/side dude.
Many girls do this routinely. They keep one or several insurance dudes.

The same friend that came to beg you must have begged the main guy before but he refused. Then it became imperative to get you back. Still she was too proud to come in person.

Fact is that she's a very untrustworthy person. Like an unrepentant thief who only regrets disobeying the 11th commandment (don't be caught).
If the main guy, her preferred hubby that never was, were to give her more attention & desire her, she'd bang him. That is if she hasn't o.

She has made such a big fool of you bro.

If you both have kids already, you really have no options at all. If not, as bad as divorce might be, you can free her to follow the guy she truly wants. If any kids, paternity test ASAP.

Do you want to be in a marriage of perpetual mistrust for the next decades? If you can take that, go ahead bro. But do not expect her to change genuinely. She'll secretly loathe you for being so sneaky and finding out. Her promise of change is just to avoid the societal stigma of a marriage broken within a few years. She liked your mumu status, not this "wise" one..

That concealment of her true feelings can build up her ill will to a dangerous level. Being cornered make people dangerous. Beware.

ademola2017:
Hi Nairalanders,

I am in a state of dilemma as my marriage is shaking.



What will you guys advice?

They always warn you guys, yet you won't listen. After you will come and be giving us your problems. So what exactly did you see in her? hips, fine face, nice shape? And whim, she is your wife....Oya enjoy what you bargained for.

Splinz:


Since she's remorseful and willing to change, please, e jo, mbok, forgive and forget.

We're all humans after all. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

Let me try to be civil with you. Are you reqlly understanding what you re seeing? This is a clear case of a proud and manipulative spouse. She is only begging because she cannot afford to lose that title of "Mrs" and not because she really feels ir understands the pain with the husband.

Many of the girls commenting here are or were also guilty of it. Guys dont take their words serious. They are just talking and dont even understand themselves. Infact, 95% of the time, don't take anything girls say serious.

Splinz:


Since she's remorseful and willing to change, please, e jo, mbok, forgive and forget.

We're all humans after all. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

a leopard never changes its spots.

be warned.

ademola2017:
Hi Nairalanders,

I am in a state of dilemma as my marriage is shaking.

Before we got married, my wife treated me like a piece of shit and never gave me any regards or attention. Any little quarrel would be blown out of proportion and wouldn't talk to me for days. I did the calling always and each time I ask her why she doesn't call, she would say I should get used to it. There was a day when a baseless quarrel occurred, she accused me falsely and we didn't talk for more than two months. I stayed single and was already moving on until her friend came begging on her behalf. I wondered why she didn't come herself but all the same I accepted her back. She changed like she was doing me favor but I still persisted because I loved her genuinely.

Fast forward, we got married and I was hoping for a good future with her. As usual I was very open to her and discussed every issues with her. At a point, I found out the marriage was one sided. I gave more but got little or nothing from her. I never burden her with house chores or cooking at all. We sat always to talk about her attitude but she would say things are fine while I will be grieving and having sleepless nights. She will wake up in the middle of the night to check my phone to know if i was cheating. I swear I have never cheated on my wife... She knows my password and never hid anything from her.
As we went on in the marriage, her behavior became worse and couldn't condone it again. She never saw anything wrong with her attitude and would say her apologizes are expensive.

I decided to do a background check on her and found out she double dated all through when we started dating and gave the guy more attention for 2years of our relationship. When things went bad between them, she fell back to me and unknown to me, I accepted her back. She and her ex were still in good communication till the night I confronted her. She would rather confide in her ex than confide in me (Now husband) Now, I feel so hurt, betrayed and used and can’t trust her again.

She has been very apologetic and says she is ready to change. So if had not found out about her double ways, I will still be condoning her insolent ways. I am seriously finding it hard in my heart to forgive her. Even if I do, I can never ever forget because I do not trust her again.

What will you guys advice?

U have enter one chance bro. If no issue, back out forget the marriage. If there is, do nt add more, keep mute and be watchful. No love at the beginning no love to the end. While keeping mute and be ur self things will take shape. She will surely back off herself.

Chaiiiiiiii... Bro, you've been played... How do I even start this counseling?

How old is the marriage?

The lady used u as extra tyre while dating her, so I will expect u to have thought her a bad lesson by bursting whole she was on the express road I.e when d other guests disappointed her. U can't get anything better from her now. She's smattering and deceptive

giles14:
a leopard never changes its spots.

be warned.

In our judgment of others, we must first of all put ourselves in their shoes.

Lets use you as an example. If you were a thief, rapist, cheat, etc, does it mean that you can never repent from these things? Does it mean your fake is forever sealed?

"A leopard never changes its skin" is in half, nothing but fallacy!

raphemmanuel:
Mr poster this your story is an eye opener to me.
I have a girlfriend whose character is almost like that of your woman, if she apologize for being wrong today, tomorrow she will do the same thing and even apologize again.

Girls ehh, na only God go save we men.

But thank God she is just a girlfriend, if she refuse to change, I will just let her go for my own good.

u are lucky yours apologizes. how about mine who finds it difficult to say "sorry". infact,she plays the "victim card" and manipulates the whole scenario to make herself look like she did nothing. I was already planning marriage with but my mind wasnt at rest. I had to call the whole plans off.

Benignasweety:
Am heavy and expecting

so sorry ma'am.

Pieromania:
Bro u forced urself into an unwanted union,the signs were there bt u blindedly ignored it.She never loved u bt only using u to while away time,unfortunately for her the guy she loved jilted her and she used u as an option.Mature and experience ppl should knw whn they are wanted and loved bt in ur own case u sheepishly allowed urself to be fooled.
I dnt waste time dumping women at every slightest suspicion and provocation,if she doesn't treat me the way i do for her i dump them and move on.
Sori bro,u married the wrong person

True talk!

professorfal:
You saw it coming but were blinded by that crap you call love.

Exactly my thoughts.
@OP, you are a good man. Henceforth, let her EARN your trust. I can't advise you to divorce her.

luminouz:

QUEEN OF THE SAVAGE!!!!

When issues are hot, fools smile

ademola2017, it's time to move on, cut your losses and separate so you can focus your energy on more useful ventures. You're the rebound guy, it will never change, women genuinely love only one person and in this case it's not you.

Splinz:


Since she's remorseful and willing to change, please, e jo, mbok, forgive and forget.

We're all humans after all. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

She is always remorseful when caught. Its normal. Nothing will change after she is forgiven this time.

I will advice u to sit down and ask ur self some deep questions:
1. Do I still love her?
2. if she continue in dis way will I be able to condole her?
3. Do I still want to associate with her despite her indecent behavior?.
My bro, if ur answer to all dis question is NO, I will advice u call for separation not divorce because if care is not taken u might end up doing something u will regret truout ur life time (either u killed her or she killed u with her ways of life).

Thanks

Benignasweety:
What if itz a man doing d opposite to his wife and she has just a child, watz ur advice? Am going tru somethinh very similar and it hurts...

Sorry dearie. Didnt u notice the signs before marriage abi love blind u like OP too?

oga boss, she wuld do it over again. just let r go, she is not worth it.

The way guys got married this days na wa, you have been dating someone for more than 2yrs and you realized that the affair is one sided and you still go ahead and do the wedding hoping she will change...my brother marriage is not a rehab center or counseling period...always be with those who cherish you

testimonyobaoyin:
Honestly if you ask me i will say give her the chance to prove herself forgive her see how it goes.You knw y? cus i ones confide in my ex too and my husband finds out i appologize and since then we are good. So call ur wife sit her down settle it,Comminication is very essential in any marriage.
Check yourself hope u are not the reason why she is seeking for comfort in another man's arm

Was ur husband the reason u were confiding and seeking comfort in another mans arms?

If she apologises forgive her and move on. Just watch her with an Eagle eye. Also tell her not to communicate with her ex again.

ademola2017:
Hi Nairalanders,

I am in a state of dilemma as my marriage is shaking.

Before we got married, my wife treated me like a piece of shit and never gave me any regards or attention. Any little quarrel would be blown out of proportion and wouldn't talk to me for days. I did the calling always and each time I ask her why she doesn't call, she would say I should get used to it. There was a day when a baseless quarrel occurred, she accused me falsely and we didn't talk for more than two months. I stayed single and was already moving on until her friend came begging on her behalf. I wondered why she didn't come herself but all the same I accepted her back. She changed like she was doing me favor but I still persisted because I loved her genuinely.

Fast forward, we got married and I was hoping for a good future with her. As usual I was very open to her and discussed every issues with her. At a point, I found out the marriage was one sided. I gave more but got little or nothing from her. I never burden her with house chores or cooking at all. We sat always to talk about her attitude but she would say things are fine while I will be grieving and having sleepless nights. She will wake up in the middle of the night to check my phone to know if i was cheating. I swear I have never cheated on my wife... She knows my password and never hid anything from her.
As we went on in the marriage, her behavior became worse and couldn't condone it again. She never saw anything wrong with her attitude and would say her apologizes are expensive.

I decided to do a background check on her and found out she double dated all through when we started dating and gave the guy more attention for 2years of our relationship. When things went bad between them, she fell back to me and unknown to me, I accepted her back. She and her ex were still in good communication till the night I confronted her. She would rather confide in her ex than confide in me (Now husband) Now, I feel so hurt, betrayed and used and can’t trust her again.

She has been very apologetic and says she is ready to change. So if had not found out about her double ways, I will still be condoning her insolent ways. I am seriously finding it hard in my heart to forgive her. Even if I do, I can never ever forget because I do not trust her again.

What will you guys advice?

Forgive her, but be more principled and start not taking anything for granted again: fire for fire maybe the best option sometimes.

For your information, women are the most hypocritical set of people God created: they will be telling you they need a caring man, but when they meet the caring man who does their 'manipulative bidding' always, they will be disrespecting him and even call him mumu.

If you like reading, I will like you to go online and download a book called 'manipulated man' by Esther. From this book, you will no doubt know how women's brains work and the knowledge you will get will help a lot.

Remember, until a man becomes a 'problem' to be overcome by his wife, he has not become an Alpha Male.

Benignasweety:
currently going tru something like this but d opposite... God help me cuz I see myself divorcing soon...

Checked you out on FB, but you guys looked happy together...


Na wa oooooo, this truly proves that "There's more to everything than meets the eyes"... It is well

robotix:



Do you have any child from the marriage? If no, I would say END that marriage for your own good. Most woman don't appreciate your type except you do the opposite.

Being good to women is alien to them.

@Olubee22, can you see what I was saying? Now tell me where this brother went wrong?

Exactly what I was about to say, if you guys don't have kids yet kindly and please kick her the hell out of your house. Fvckin olosho wey dey form orente.

The worst thing any man can ever do in life is to accept an arrogant woman who thinks she's doing you a favor by being with you. Once I notice any slight arrogance of any sort, I kick you out immediately - And I've done it a few times. I'm not in a hurry to settle down with a woman who thinks she's a prize.

If there are no kids yet, it's not too late to walk out. Nothing will change, trust me.

Benignasweety:
currently going tru something like this but d opposite... God help me cuz I see myself divorcing soon...

Keep praying and seeking practical ways to getting a solution but don't rule out that option, at some point you will need to take a decision on what's best for YOU. Hope you guys don't have kids yet. Kids make things like this complicated.

SmellingAnus:
You are already married to her so you better forgive her and move on

But many girls are guilty of this stuff...

Guys too should learn how to treat their girls with much love and respect, who knows it may reduce some of these tendencies in them...

Just because u want to sound nice to NL ladies
Read the nonsense u typed
Guys need to learn to treat thier girls with much love and respect
Are u DAT stupid
Where did he say he doesn't
Anyway u dey find babe for NL so I am not surprise how u will sell ur soul to achieve likes
Coming from a man
I smh
So its the dude's fault you mean

sayittome:

Exactly my thought too. However, i think he needs like six months (may be more or less) to reflect, pray, plan, get counselling from well-informed pple and strategise. And i suggest your wife should go away for those period. The essence is for her to appreciate the seriousness of her wrong ways and repent of them and appreciate you as her husband.
Dont be desperate and dont go begging for her.
People change, sometimes, when they know what is at stake. So you need to be sure that she has really changed.
The six months is long but it serves as a discipline to her and a test of her repentance, faithfullness and loyalty to you.
If she is a changed person (and a wise woman too) she and her family should come begging.
But dont accept her just like that. You should give conditions for accepting her. Moreso, i reckon she needs counselling too. She needs to undertand the value of a family and the dignity/holiness/blessedness of its purpose.
Essentially, you need to take back control of your marriage, and, the time is NOW.
Try not to be emotional now but let your actions be based on grand rational sense.
Also be guilded by God's words which discourages divorce.
Taking back control of you marriage is possible but i reckon you need expert counselling to succeed.
Anyway, dont hesitate to contact me if you need more advice. Obviously you do need more as this piece is insufficient and will require clarification. GOD BLESS YOU.

Nice advice... I do not subscribe to divorce in this situation, it's not irredeemable..

Thank.