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7 Ways To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse - Family - Nairaland

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7 Ways To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse by OLAADEGBU(m): 3:36pm On Apr 26, 2017
7 Ways to Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse
By Dr. Joshua Straub

7 ways to protect

A few months ago, I spoke at an event on the principles of emotional safety, where a representative from the National Organization of Victim's Assistance (NOVA) happened to be in attendance. Since then, we've been working together on a few projects and becoming good friends.

The mission of NOVA is to champion dignity and compassion for those harmed by crime or crisis. They work quite frequently on behalf of abuse victims.

One evening, my friend and I were carpooling back to our hotel from an event and I asked him a personal question.

"As a dad," I began, "how can I best protect my kids from sexual abuse?"

Here are seven answers he gave me.

1. Have surprises but don't keep secrets. We don't keep secrets in our house. We only have surprises. Think about it, secrets are never told. Surprises are always revealed. If I take our kids to get their mommy a birthday present, we're not keeping it a secret from her; we're getting her a surprise that will be revealed on her birthday.

Most child predators tell children that the acts are to be kept a secret between the two of them. If secrets are not allowed in your family, it's unlikely for your child to buy in to someone asking them to keep something secret.

2. Over 90% of perpetrators are people we love and trust. Aunts. Uncles. Stepmoms. Stepdads. Grandparents. Moms. Dads. Coaches. Teachers. Pastors. Family friends. Be vigilant of who your children are spending time with—or who wants to spend time with them.

3. Trust your child's instincts. If your child is skittish towards a relative or friend, don't push or force him to like and trust that person. Too often we assume that since we trust that individual, our child should too. Allow trust to happen naturally over time and under your supervision. There could be a legitimate reason for your child's apprehension of an individual. Don't force it.

4. Use the appropriate names for private parts. It's not a "willy," a "pee-pee," or a "dingy." Teach your son he has a joystick. The same is true for our daughters. Calling a vagina by its proper name is important because sexual predators often use "cutesy" names to lure children. They need to learn the appropriate terms. If your children know the names of their private parts, they can more accurately, and with no confusion, tell you if it hurts or if someone touched that area inappropriately.

5. Teach them the appropriate situations for private parts to be seen. Just as they need to be told the appropriate ways to speak to others, use a fork, or share toys, our kids need to learn the appropriate situations for private parts to be seen and touched by others. For the most part, this shouldn’t go beyond bath time at home with mom or dad or an examination at the doctor's office.

6. If your children ask questions, answer them. Don't ignore or deflect questions they have about their joystick or vagina. Our children are curious about everything, including their body parts. Ignoring their questions or concerns will only increase their curiosity and, at worst, lead to feelings of shame about their body, as if it's something they shouldn't discuss. Age-appropriately, answer their questions. Knowledge is power.

7. They don't have to hug and kiss everybody. There's always the overzealous aunt or grandma in the family who wants to pinch cheeks and plaster lipstick all over our children. Many times we comply and force our poor kids to do this. If your child doesn't want to give hugs and kisses to family members, neighbours, or friends, respect that boundaries and don't force them. Lord knows, you probably don't want to hug and kiss them either.

http://www.drjamesdobson.org/blogs/josh-straub-blog/dr.-josh-straub/2016/03/11/7-ways-to-protect-your-child-from-sexual-abuse?sc=FFB

4 Likes 3 Shares

Re: 7 Ways To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse by ElmaSpeed(f): 3:56pm On Apr 26, 2017
very well said.
One more point, treat everyone as a potential abuser. Avoid leaving your child alone with others as much as possible.

10 Likes

Re: 7 Ways To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse by OLAADEGBU(m): 6:08pm On Apr 26, 2017
ElmaSpeed:


very well said.
One more point, treat everyone as a potential abuser. Avoid leaving your child alone with others as much as possible.

Good point. Many children are victims of trusted relatives we think can do no harm. smiley

1 Like 1 Share

Re: 7 Ways To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse by Nobody: 6:33pm On Apr 26, 2017
Also keep members of extended family living with you to no more than one at a time, if you have to.

And children hang out with children only. No children hanging out with elder extended relatives.

Infact, tell them to say no if anyone other than his /her parents send her/him to the shop or to fetch anything. Let them be called rude but they will be safe. The times when everybody was a mother and father are long gone.

And also, let them know no one else has permission to punish them except you, and anyone who tries will get into trouble. Predators always get children to keep quiet by threatening to punish them. You'd rather have a spoilt child than a sexually abused one.

6 Likes

Re: 7 Ways To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse by enoqueen: 7:27pm On Apr 26, 2017
Good one.

And I was just about telling my kids that they will be going to spend their long vacation with their aunt's family.

Ama change my mind sharp sharp.
Re: 7 Ways To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse by OLAADEGBU(m): 1:09pm On Apr 29, 2017
Muafrika2:
Also keep members of extended family living with you to no more than one at a time, if you have to.

And children hang out with children only. No children hanging out with elder extended relatives.

Infact, tell them to say no if anyone other than his /her parents send her/him to the shop or to fetch anything. Let them be called rude but they will be safe. The times when everybody was a mother and father are long gone.

And also, let them know no one else has permission to punish them except you, and anyone who tries will get into trouble. Predators always get children to keep quiet by threatening to punish them. You'd rather have a spoilt child than a sexually abused one.

Even it is one at a time, we should not take that one for-granted. Good points though. smiley

1 Like 1 Share

Re: 7 Ways To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse by eyinjuege: 3:21pm On Apr 29, 2017
Nice thread.

This can probably never make front-page.
Sadly, only irrelevant chit chats make front page.

Anyway, let's call on lalasticlala. At least those predators are snakes.
Maybe he will find a way of taking this to front page, and educating more people.

Uncle Lala, snakes, snakes, snakes....

4 Likes

Re: 7 Ways To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse by StevensJojo(f): 3:28pm On Apr 29, 2017
Muafrika2:
Also keep members of extended family living with you to no more than one at a time, if you have to.

And children hang out with children only. No children hanging out with elder extended relatives.

Infact, tell them to say no if anyone other than his /her parents send her/him to the shop or to fetch anything. Let them be called rude but they will be safe. The times when everybody was a mother and father are long gone.

And also, let them know no one else has permission to punish them except you, and anyone who tries will get into trouble. Predators always get children to keep quiet by threatening to punish them. You'd rather have a spoilt child than a sexually abused one.

Nice insights

2 Likes

Re: 7 Ways To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse by OLAADEGBU(m): 12:07am On May 04, 2017
enoqueen:


Good one.

And I was just about telling my kids that they will be going to spend their long vacation with their aunt's family.

Ama change my mind sharp sharp.

That was a good move. Keep it up. smiley
Re: 7 Ways To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse by OLAADEGBU(m): 7:26pm On May 06, 2017
eyinjuege:


Nice thread.

This can probably never make front-page.
Sadly, only irrelevant chit chats make front page.

Anyway, let's call on lalasticlala. At least those predators are snakes.
Maybe he will find a way of taking this to front page, and educating more people.

Uncle Lala, snakes, snakes, snakes....

I guess the thread is not politically or commercially correct or else it would have made the front page or whatever it is called. undecided

1 Like 1 Share

Re: 7 Ways To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse by Mordyb: 10:51pm On May 08, 2017
Lalasticlala this is FP worthy with the numerous rape cases around
Re: 7 Ways To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse by nnamdibig(m): 6:25am On May 09, 2017
Very educating but No 4, Use the appropriate names for private parts. It's not a "willy," a "pee-pee," or a "dingy." Teach your son he has a joystick.
.
But the appropriate name is still not "joystick"
Re: 7 Ways To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse by OLAADEGBU(m): 1:29am On May 10, 2017
nnamdibig:


Very educating but No 4, Use the appropriate names for private parts. It's not a "willy," a "pee-pee," or a "dingy." Teach your son he has a joystick.
.
But the appropriate name is still not "joystick"

Please tell us what the appropriate name is. cool
Re: 7 Ways To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse by OLAADEGBU(m): 4:28pm On May 24, 2017
nnamdibig:


Very educating but No 4, Use the appropriate names for private parts. It's not a "willy," a "pee-pee," or a "dingy." Teach your son he has a joystick.
.
But the appropriate name is still not "joystick"

The appropriate name was mentioned but changed by NL administrators who believe it is not politically correct. smiley
Re: 7 Ways To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse by Nobody: 5:15pm On May 24, 2017
Let me add mine. I remember when I was in secondary school my besty confided in me that she was raped by a family friend who her parents allowed to pass a night in their house when she was younger. So, for those parents who are probably raising kids in a bedroom flat, instead of allowing a stranger/uncles to pass nights in your little flat with your kids. Tell them you don't have space for extra head.

1 Like

Re: 7 Ways To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse by Shalomdee(f): 10:11pm On May 25, 2017
Nice topic, also look out for any signs of sexual activity in your child like touching the private part unnecessarily, tell him or her it is wrong.
Re: 7 Ways To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse by Akinwale14(m): 10:16pm On May 25, 2017
Shalomdee:
Nice topic, also look out for any signs of sexual activity in your child like touching the private part unnecessarily, tell him or her it is wrong.
Huh so if u dey bath for morning u no dey wash ur package abi,abi which one be "touching d private part unnecessarily"?
Re: 7 Ways To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse by OLAADEGBU(m): 12:38am On May 31, 2017
kimbra:


Let me add mine. I remember when I was in secondary school my besty confided in me that she was raped by a family friend who her parents allowed to pass a night in their house when she was younger. So, for those parents who are probably raising kids in a bedroom flat, instead of allowing a stranger/uncles to pass nights in your little flat with your kids. Tell them you don't have space for extra head.

Thanks for sharing this invaluable point. smiley
Re: 7 Ways To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse by OLAADEGBU(m): 4:56pm On Oct 06, 2017
Shalomdee:


Nice topic, also look out for any signs of sexual activity in your child like touching the private part unnecessarily, tell him or her it is wrong.

Good point. smiley
Re: 7 Ways To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse by OLAADEGBU(m): 11:56am On Oct 22, 2018
Protect your children from child abuse
Re: 7 Ways To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse by OLAADEGBU(m): 8:42pm On Dec 18, 2018
Get Connected To Hope: Feasting after the Famine at Deeper Life National December Retreat 2018


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