*Wrote this from a male perspective for a client, hope you enjoy it*

The few times I’ve had to sit down and reminisce over my past relationship of my Ex have been more than just a trip down memory lane. The dire decisions I’ve made in my current relationship has been if nothing but an eye opener.

I always ask myself, what's the big deal still being in constant communication with my Ex, why does everyone make faces and frown when they hear the voice or receive a text from their Ex? Why do people cringe at the thought of taking time out to ask and find out how their Ex are faring? For you to even call someone an Ex, then there’s no denying the fact that at some point in time past, there was some real feeling of attraction towards you both and in fact, there's still no love lost between you two.

But I've come to realize that communicating with my Ex when I'm in the single market is one thing, and communicating with her when I'm in a new relationship with someone else is an entirely different thing on its own. Most times, in every new relationship I find myself in, there’s always this tension between I and my new mate when talking about our Exes. I talk about my Ex and more often than not, I realize that the topic makes them feel uncomfortable.

I’ll tell you the story of A’Marie, my Ex, an ever controlling, dictatorial and live-in girlfriend, who was always of the opinion that couples who've been through a relationship and now quit shouldn't be in any communication with each other. Her favorite lines were often, "If we're not together or still dating then it is for a reason, so why would I want to talk to you." If you think that's fair, she also adds that "I don't have Exes, I don't even know you anymore after our relationship".

I’m of the opinion that for couples to be lovers, a certain degree of rapport and friendship must have been built by both parties before the relationship began. That’s why; it’s not surprising to see couples that have been friends right from childhood get married, why? That’s because they discovered that friendship is the bedrock of any relationship. You can't expect people like these to forget each other when times are hard quickly, and when they are going through a rough patch.

I thought it normal to be in regular contact with my ex-wife, I needed to know how she was faring and know how life was treating her, I thought no different of it and never knew it upset my new mate, after all, it was my ex-wife. "You are too damn friendly with your ex" My new partner revealed one time. I didn't quite understand what she meant by that, but it was then I came to know that my completely innocent and naïve attempt by doing things like keeping photos, talking and maintaining contact with my Ex did arouse and stir up lots of jealousy in my new mate.

That left me a lot to ponder on. Why was friendship, something that had been built painstakingly over the years be forgotten and dusted under the carpet just because I was in another relationship? Why is it allowed and permissible for all the moments we’ve shared, the history, the respect, and most importantly the love be erased all in the context of being in a new relationship? Many a time, we have heard the saying that "friends are most important because they last longer." I thought being friends with someone was a good thing before you become lovers with that special someone? If so, why, or better yet, how does a friendship stop even at the cessation of being lovers? Friendships were never meant this way, never "Because if I can choose to get in, I can also decide to get out." It's like we're throwing the proverbial baby (friendship) out with the bathwater (relationship).

Alas, what I thought was innocent and harmless was more complicated than I imagined. I was neither flirting nor was I engaged in an affair with my Ex. I also believe other men feel the same way about the Exes of their female partner and not wanting them to communicate with their exes. Now, two things get to happen as someone in a relationship were both or only one party is still in communication with their Ex. I can either play the trusting and jealous card, if my woman wants to be with me, she should be with only me and not some other guy in her past, and it's my role to make her happy at all times and be her man or I can act aloof like I don't care what she does and accord her that respect as an adult and trust her to make decisions based on her interests and desires. If she chooses to cheat or engage in some other nebulous relationships, then she must be willing to accept the potential consequence of us breaking up and me turning to another "Ex."

Ultimately, I got to realize that being in a new relationship, it's not just about me anymore and not even about jealousy, to say the least. It took me time, but I learned that my new mate also has feelings and I need to be attentive to them if I want a future with them. More often than not, I found out that the primary cause of problems and conflicts in a relationship arises when a person is in regular communication with their Ex, without the knowledge of their present spouse. Doing that in secret can come off wrong, and can be mistakenly interpreted.

But the truth is this, whether you're still in contact with your Ex in secret or its open and your current mate knows about it, you're giving them the impression that you're not emotionally available for their needs and that makes you lose focus in your present relationship. Aforementioned is a just mere distraction as it won't lead you anywhere as it serves no good and no purpose.

A romantic relationship that's secure rests upon one thing. A foundation of trust and this trust between both parties as couples can never be established if one or both of the partners continues to keep steady contact with their Ex.

END

Originally written by me, SUGARBEE

You are right op! In a relationship, you have to think about your partner's feelings before doing some things. You may have a platonic friendship with your ex but does your partner see it that way?. To avoid contentions, some things / people are best left in the past or at arm's length

Davidgrey, Vorpal, Fitnessdoctor . What do you all think about this write up

Too damn long
In answer to the topic..a pūssy that has been fuçkd can always be refūckd so no way I'm cul with that

Dump her ass...who has time for nansense?...ex should be ex

Alondrah:
You are right op! In a relationship, you have to think about your partner's feelings before doing some things. You may have a platonic friendship with your ex but does your partner see it that way?. To avoid contentions, some things / people are best left in the past or at arm's length

Davidgrey, Vorpal, Fitnessdoctor . What do you all think about this write up

Yeah, you've got to think about your future with your current partner and whether its worth it to still be in communication with your ex

SirL0neWolf:
Too damn long
In answer to the topic..a pūssy that has been fuçkd can always be refūckd so no way I'm cul with that

How about if its your wife? You're cool with her ex coming to have sex with her?

babyfaceafrica:
Dump her ass...who has time for nansense?...ex should be ex

SUGARBEE:


How about if its your wife? You're cool with her ex coming to have sex with her?

You didn't get me..I meant as long as he has bleeped her once, it can surely happen again so there's no way I would want them to remain in touch

Ok

An Ex is (Ex)empted from the life I have right after our breakup. Still, I try to make sure all my breakups are peaceful and devoid of disrespect to the other party; you never know where you may need an Ex to help solve an otherwise dire need.

But until then, your Ex should be dead and buried in your past.

Alondrah:
You are right op! In a relationship, you have to think about your partner's feelings before doing some things. You may have a platonic friendship with your ex but does your partner see it that way?. To avoid contentions, some things / people are best left in the past or at arm's length

Davidgrey, Vorpal, Fitnessdoctor . What do you all think about this write up

I do not see anything wrong in that as long as she makes the conversation full disclosure to me likewise I too if I were to do so.

She is my partner, so when she is or not in my presence, I should be rest assured on her loyalty. After all she is an adult.

The most painful one is when they keep talking about the ex non stop.

Unless there are children involved or the pair of you had some financial investment together what is so pertinent that you still maintain contact? That said you will have ex's who like to maintain some sort of contact so that they know when a new relationship slot becomes available. They send what seems like very genuinely concerned texts about your welfare whilst covertly asking for instance " How are the kids ?" Would illicit a response of "I have no children!" Or " I am sure he/she are treating you well?" the response they hope to hear will be " What do you mean by he/she is treating me well there is no such thing I am single" result ! They now know. I have a simple approach I do not do anything that I know if the other half were to do the same it would get annoy me.

Alondrah:
You are right op! In a relationship, you have to think about your partner's feelings before doing some things. You may have a platonic friendship with your ex but does your partner see it that way?. To avoid contentions, some things / people are best left in the past or at arm's length

Davidgrey, Vorpal, Fitnessdoctor . What do you all think about this write up

i didn't expect this from a girl... Mmm, I'm impressed young lady

Davidgrey:

It's wrong to maintain any form of communication with an ex

Such associations will prevent you from having a healthy relationship

The idea is facile and shouldn't be practiced.

its Sunday bro,so I'd say... God bless you abundantly for this sincere statement! Amen.

Lalasticlala, mynd44, please move to fp..

SorftWerk:
i didn't expect this from a girl... Mmm, I'm impressed young lady

Are ladies less intelligent?

Alondrah:
Are ladies less intelligent?

never said so babe... Just surprised you didn't form a dickhead

Like the others

SorftWerk:
never said so babe... Just surprised you didn't form a dickhead

Like the others

Maybe because I've got no dick . Happy Sunday to you Mister

Alondrah:
Maybe because I've got no dick . Happy Sunday to you Mister

oh..really? Tell me what you got then...

Happy Sunday miss

SorftWerk:
oh..really? Tell me what you got then...

Happy Sunday miss

You are welcome