I am a nairalander and I have a problem which is currently affecting marriage. I really need your help!
"My husband and I very been together for 8yrs now with kids. He is currently a part time teacher in one of the popular federal schools in Lagos,though studied mining engineering and graduated 2008,second class lower . he had engaged in home teaching and likes in order to save and add more qualification to his certificate. he did his masters program, geophysics but couldn't finish due to fund. His salary is not up to 40k.I am also an Hnd holder(insurance, 2008).i also teach in a private school and paid 18k monthly and we've been managing..but recently, due to the recession, things are a bit difficult for us. This affected my husband's ego and his attitude towards us. He keeps to himself ad whenever I ask him he says " I need a lucrative job to take care of u and my kids,my job is not secured and am not getting younger"(late thirties).i am always dejected whenever this comes to my mind and it's affecting my job too. I desperately need your help to save my marriage cos he has been supportive and caring, I don't know what to do if something worst happens. PLS HELP ME! MAY GOD BLESS YOU AS YOU DO SO!

Maybe u should call lalasticlala to help u to move it to the front page if this is not actually a scam.....

The hard truth.
You both weren't ready for marriage. His income and yours combined aren't enough to raise a family. But instead of focusing on the problem, let's focus on solutions.
He's a graduate, an engineer for chrissakes, I'm sure he can get more lucrative offers in a better private school, he just needs to make himself more employable and push his CV.
You're obviously underpaid too, I don't know your qualifications but I'm sure you'll make more self employed.

Finance is integral to every relationship especially marriage, you should both try to maximize your potentials and resources.

Dainty1:
I am a nairalander and I have a problem which is currently affecting marriage. I really need your help!
"My husband and I very been together for 8yrs now with kids. He is currently a part time teacher in one of the popular federal schools in Lagos,though studied mining engineering and graduated 2008,second class lower. His salary is not up to 40k.I am also an Hnd holder(insurance, 2008).i also teach in a private school and paid 18k monthly and we've been managing..but recently, due to the recession, things are a bit difficult for us. This affected my husband's ego and his attitude towards us. He keeps to himself ad whenever I ask him he says " I need a lucrative job to take care of u and my kids,my job is not secured and am not getting younger"(late thirties).i am always dejected whenever this comes to my mind and it's affecting my job too. I desperately need your help to save my marriage cos he has been supportive and caring, I don't know what to do if something worst happens. PLS HELP ME! MAY GOD BLESS YOU AS YOU DO SO!

I really do feel your plight.Its indeed terrible since you both have kids!!!!

Have you ever thought of exploring the entrepreneurship part of your life? Lets forget about what harm the country has done to you guys, you too are underpaid and never thought of you quiting your job after probably like 3mths savings to venture into a business with daily return and ready to go customers. A broke family is always a sad one. I pray for your restoration IJN.

Call Enyeama...

He saves anything

I really appreciate your comments.. We had a happy home despite the fact that our income was low then. We've been able to cut our coat according to our sizes but due to the country's situation we 've been managing.. My husband had applied to various companies but u know you must have a strong connections before u r employed. He is still applying though. He is very industrious. He's well known at his workplace..and the kids, they are blessings to us... I just want your assistance plssss

For both of you depending on one source of income is stewpeed of you both

Solution: both of you should save up,combine the money together and set up a family business of your choice that will be bringing money for both you and your husband

I can give you family business ideas that's profitable. Thank God you're kuku a teacher you'll have time to monitor and supervise the business

1.restaurant or buka or mama put.just hire sales girls that you can be paying 5k monthly
Hire alase that will be doing the cooking. Your own is to supervise that they don't steal your Palm oil,maggi or salt

2.laundry business. Just buy washing machine and the Washing machine will do the needful,dry it and package it for the respective owners maybe on weekends or your off days

3.lesson teacher job.going from house to house to teach people's children

4 selling of clothes from office to office

5.beer parlor/pepper soup joint. Hope your husband is not the jealous type

6.I don't encourage the last option but if all the 5 points raised cannot help try runz.after all there's no more arugbo in Ghana.repackage yourself, wear wig and look for customers in allen

Thanks a lot for Ur advice.. I just wish someone out there could get him a lucrative job.. I will be very grateful

Dainty1:
Thanks a lot for Ur advice.. I just wish someone out there could get him a lucrative job.. I will be very grateful

No one can get him a lucrative job. He has to help himself. So all this time that he was teaching part-time, he couldn't improve his skills? Like getting certifications or getting other skills like programming while not working? He's an engineering graduate he can lecture kids for WAEC, JAMB and NECO. Your husband needs to adopt a go-getter attitude. Otherwise even if he is offered a job, he won't advance quickly. It's not an insult. It's just obvious from his laid back way of life.

@op N40k a month or N40k a year?

And how many kids do you have?

Start hawking doughnut, before 1 month u don make profit more than 18k

u de form graduate
ur husband should go n learn driving
n become n uber or taxi driver, life go good

dangotesmummy:
For both of you depending on one source of income is stewpeed of you both

Solution: both of you should save up,combine the money together and set up a family business of your choice that will be bringing money for both you and your husband

I can give you family business ideas that's profitable. Thank God you're kuku a teacher you'll have time to monitor and supervise the business

1.restaurant or buka or mama put.just hire sales girls that you can be paying 5k monthly
Hire alase that will be doing the cooking. Your own is to supervise that they don't steal your Palm oil,maggi or salt

2.laundry business. Just buy washing machine and the Washing machine will do the needful,dry it and package it for the respective owners maybe on weekends or your off days

3.lesson teacher job.going from house to house to teach people's children

4 selling of clothes from office to office

5.beer parlor/pepper soup joint. Hope your husband is not the jealous type

6.I don't encourage the last option but if all the 5 points raised cannot help try runz.after all there's no more arugbo in Ghana.repackage yourself, wear wig and look for customers in allen

While your suggestions seem good you didn't consider some aspects!

Firstly they BOTH earn 58,000 thereabouts so it's not one income as you put it up there!

Then these businesses that you've suggested they save for how exactly do they maintain the family while saving towards these businesses on thier current income?

I feel a less capital intensive business that can run concurrently with thier jobs may be what they need. For eg Mrs may decide to
Start selling snacks in school or at home.

This is my addition anyway

baby124:

No one can get him a lucrative job. He has to help himself. So all this time that he was teaching part-time, he couldn't improve his skills? Like getting certifications or getting other skills like programming while not working? He's an engineering graduate he can lecture kids for WAEC, JAMB and NECO. Your husband needs to adopt a go-getter attitude. Otherwise even if he is offered a job, he won't advance quickly. It's not an insult. It's just obvious from his laid back way of life.

II understand... Due to his skills, he had engaged in home teachings and likes.He was able to save some money to study further so, he did his masters(Geophysics) then but unable to complete his project due to fund.. He is very hard working and never relent. I also engaged in home teaching but got few response due to the situation of the country. He has tried and I pray God grant him his wish.. Thanks everyone for Ur concern

dangotesmummy:
For both of you depending on one source of income is stewpeed of you both

Solution: both of you should save up,combine the money together and set up a family business of your choice that will be bringing money for both you and your husband

I can give you family business ideas that's profitable. Thank God you're kuku a teacher you'll have time to monitor and supervise the business

1.restaurant or buka or mama put.just hire sales girls that you can be paying 5k monthly
Hire alase that will be doing the cooking. Your own is to supervise that they don't steal your Palm oil,maggi or salt

2.laundry business. Just buy washing machine and the Washing machine will do the needful,dry it and package it for the respective owners maybe on weekends or your off days

3.lesson teacher job.going from house to house to teach people's children

4 selling of clothes from office to office

5.beer parlor/pepper soup joint. Hope your husband is not the jealous type

6.I don't encourage the last option but if all the 5 points raised cannot help try runz.after all there's no more arugbo in Ghana.repackage yourself, wear wig and look for customers in allen

Aunty K, how you go suggest no. 6 give married woman?

Abeg wetin be "arugbo"?

babythug:


While your suggestions seem good you didn't consider some aspects!

Firstly they BOTH earn 58,000 thereabouts so it's not one income as you put it up there!

Then these businesses that you've suggested they save for how exactly do they maintain the family while saving towards these businesses on thier current income?

I feel a less capital intensive business that can run concurrently with thier jobs may be what they need. For eg Mrs may decide to
Start selling snacks in school or at home.

This is my addition anyway

my dear I know but nothing good comes easy.

Their foundation first of all is faulty.thanks to those that encourage people who aren't financially stable to marry and God will take care of the rest as if God is a magician

My dear there's no business in Nigeria as of today that is not capital intensive even to those selling pants and bra

Shebi husband is earning 40k.henn he should squeeze himself temporarily till the business becomes reality.this means that every month he will be saving 5k while the wife will be saving 5k.meaning 10k from now till the end of the year is something

As for the kids let them be at home doing home schooling. This is where the wife comes in.it means she has to be a teacher to her children just so school fees money will be off the burden, then when the restaurant materializes they can go back to school

Then no more ijekuje.all the one that the husband will be asking for goat meat,bokoto,fresh fish, laced with pomo and shrimps inside vegetable soup should be out of it.they should just squeeze themselves and cook stew of 300 naira that will last for at most 2weeks.if they want to supplement their stew with whatever they eat they should buy 50naira egg.kojubelo

^^ Sensible talk.

They should also get birth control.

EfemenaXY:




Aunty K, how you go suggest no. 6 give married woman?

Abeg wetin be "arugbo"?

hehehehehe that's why I said I don't encourage it but if options fail that is the extreme of the extreme last resort

Long time efe I don miss you scarra.we no see your break light for nl again.

Then as for arugbo ,the full meaning or interpretation is there are no more old women in Ghana,married or unmarried once they get the right wig,make up and push up bra.the man for don carry them reach hotel room before he see say na bad market e buy by the time she removes her wig, make up and bra but he won't have a choice than to pay

dangotesmummy:
hehehehehe that's why I said I don't encourage it but if options fail that is the extreme of the extreme last resort

Long time efe I don miss you scarra.we no see your break light for nl again.

Then as for arugbo ,the full meaning or interpretation is there are no more old women in Ghana,married or unmarried once they get the right wig,make up and push up bra.the man for don carry them reach hotel room before he see say na bad market e buy by the time she removes her wig, make up and bra but he won't have a choice than to pay

Lol!

Missed you too dear

EfemenaXY:
^^ Sensible talk.

They should also get birth control.

very important because na all those people wey no get money na im their sperm dey always extra ordinarily potent.one touch another bele and na them go born triplets

Madam op birth control as efemena has recommended is very important o and if you know you cannot afford that one,let your thighs be tighter than a misers hand,keep it under lock and key till things become better financially

Dainty1:
II understand... Due to his skills, he had engaged in home teachings and likes.He was able to save some money to study further so, he did his masters(Geophysics) then but unable to complete his project due to fund.. He is very hard working and never relent. I also engaged in home teaching but got few response due to the situation of the country. He has tried and I pray God grant him his wish.. Thanks everyone for Ur concern

So why didn't you mention all this before? You think only highlighting the pathetic part of your life will appeal to people more? What you wrote in your OP does not even describe your husband in a good way. Always put all the cards on the table when seeking for help. Don't think manipulating your situation to make it pathetic will bring you help sooner. You can never tell who is looking for someone with a master's in Geophysics. Which you will miss out on going by your original post. So, what is holding him back from completing his master's? How much?

baby124:

So why didn't you mention all this before? You think only highlighting the pathetic part of your life will appeal to people more? What you wrote in your OP does not even describe your husband in a good way. Always put all the cards on the table when seeking for help. Don't think manipulating your situation to make it pathetic will bring you help sooner. You can never tell who is looking for someone with a master's in Geophysics. Which you will miss out on going by your original post. So, what is holding him back from completing his master's? How much?

I tire for some posters.

Immediately after reading her initial post, my impression of her husband was that he was a lazy, deadbeat man.

EfemenaXY:


I tire for some posters.

Immediately after reading her initial post, my impression of her husband was that he was a lazy, deadbeat man.

Can you imagine? She will now only get money that they will blow in one week and back to square one. Because most people will not just give someone a job from the internet. They will rather help them with their widows mite.
Instead of putting all the cards on the table so she can get help that will change their lives and sustain them for a long time. Maybe that is why they are where they are. They are thinking of what to eat now, instead of thinking of what structures to put in place to secure a good future.

EfemenaXY:


I tire for some posters.

Immediately after reading her initial post, my impression of her husband was that he was a lazy, deadbeat man.

he is not a lazy man and like I said earlier he is very industrious.. Some people didn't get my message, all am trying to say is that he needs a secured job.. We have lovely kids and we've been able to take care of them with the grace of God.. All I am asking for is a lucrative job..not begging for money

Whew it is well.

I can't believe you've been married for 8yrs on that combined salaries...

Pls both of you should go and register with recruitment firms for a fee and also follow some jobs and vacancies threads. May God change your story o.

sisisioge:
Whew it is well.

I can't believe you've been married for 8yrs on that combined salaries...

Pls both of you should go and register with recruitment firms for a fee and also follow some jobs and vacancies threads. May God change your story o.

Amen

I think it is unfair to call her husband names. Majority of households in Nigeria survive on lower earnings. It is only sad that this is happening in Lagos. Many civil servants in the state governments still earn below N100,000 after 8-10 years of service, so there is no evidence to suggest or call him lazy, especially since the OP has repeatedly emphasized that her husband is hardworking.

Again, it is also wrong for anyone to condemn their marriage. We weren't there when they decided to tie the nut some 8 years ago (at a time the economy was booming). I was a student then, and in some months, I get less than 10k as pocket money while living a "big boy" life on campus.

OP, I have to say "Congrats" to you. You know why? Money is the easiest thing to get. I'm happy you didn't come to demand loyalty, trust, faithfulness or the difficult immaterial issues that characterize many homes today.

N40k for a part time teacher isn't out of place. Except for the good schools on the Island, many private schools cannot afford that pay. I'm guessing your husband lectures at Ijanikin. I'm also guessing you live around that axis. By my projection, it means you spend less on transportation, feeding and accommodation. So, for me, I think this is a better deal than a 100k job in VI unless you're sure of speedy and reliable growth.

However, I'm totally in consonance with your husband's decision to explore. Your kids are grown now, higher schools and expenses have arrived and he just cannot maintain the status quo. At his age, getting a new job in a different sector will surely be difficult, but he has three great alternatives:

1. Business
2. Business
3. Business

That's where the secret lies. What business can he do? Which can you do with little capital? A Federal Government College may not be the best place to teach in Lagos. You know why? Majority of students in Federal Govt Colleges live in the hostels as most come from faraway towns/states, so the opportunity for HOME LESSONS have been automatically shut.

Nevertheless, you can create a new opportunity by yourself, for yourself: while still maintaining his job, he must think PRIVATE. Utilize the internet (beginning from Nairaland) and market his service.

A teacher in a Federal Government College can excel anywhere (I attended one, and I've lost count on the number of Professionals those guys produced in my set. 99.9% sat for WAEC/NECO with distinctions on first and only sitting).

Why must he settle for 40k in spite his heavy labour? His reward lies here on earth, and he must go for it. Channel your energy on internet/social media advertising if (and like you said) there are no connections. Home lesson is lucrative in Lagos when you meet the right audience.

Lastly, you're a great wife ma'am. I wish you all the best!

Dainty1:
Thanks a lot for Ur advice.. I just wish someone out there could get him a lucrative job.. I will be very grateful

you no dey hear word,stop looking for a lucrative job and start looking for jobs on the inside.if no one will employ him he should employ himself and I have shown you the way out


If you're still looking for job in the middle of the year where companies are viciously running and competing to gather money before the end of the year, my dear you're on a long thing

Companies are folding up,industries are no longer able to pay their staffs salaries that includes ministries and you're still talking about looking for a lucrative job.do you think its only you that's looking for a lucrative job?do you know how many corpers they churn out every year flocking the streets looking for non existent job


Its time to look inward. Be self employed. Only you can empower yourself abi you no dey taya to dey waste money on transportation at the end of the day na same story


Even if your husband is employed today he may not be paid at the end of the month for his services no matter how committed and punctual he is.they will give you excuses.the economy is not friendly and government aren't helping matters.even civil servants don strike taya,still no show,doctors don strike taya na bad market

But if you know after all my rants you're still hell bent on looking for a "lucrative job" why don't you speak to some of the guests you remember that came for your wedding maybe they can help out

Acidosis:
I think it is unfair to call her husband names. Majority of households in Nigeria survive on lower earnings. It is only sad that this is happening in Lagos. Many civil servants in the state governments still earn below N100,000 after 8-10 years of service, so there is no evidence to suggest or call him lazy, especially since the OP has repeatedly emphasized that her husband is hardworking.

Again, it is also wrong for anyone to condemn their marriage. We weren't there when they decided to tie the nut some 8 years ago (at a time the economy was booming). I was a student then, and in some months, I get less than 10k as pocket money while living a "big boy" life on campus.

OP, I have to say "Congrats" to you. You know why? Money is the easiest thing to get. I'm happy you didn't come to demand loyalty, trust, faithfulness or the difficult immaterial issues that characterize many homes today.

N40k for a part time teacher isn't out of place. Except for the good schools on the Island, many private schools cannot afford that pay. I'm guessing your husband lectures at Ijanikin. I'm also guessing you live around that axis. By my projection, it means you spend less on transportation, feeding and accommodation. So, for me, I think this is a better deal than a 100k job in VI unless you're sure of speedy and reliable growth.

However, I'm totally in consonance with your husband's decision to explore. Your kids are grown now, higher schools and expenses have arrived and he just cannot maintain the status quo. At his age, getting a new job in a different sector will surely be difficult, but he has three great alternatives:

1. Business
2. Business
3. Business

That's where the secret lies. What business can he do? Which can you do with little capital? A Federal Government College may not be the best place to teach in Lagos. You know why? Majority of students in Federal Govt Colleges live in the hostels as most come from faraway towns/states, so the opportunity for HOME LESSONS have been automatically shut.

Nevertheless, you can create a new opportunity by yourself, for yourself: while still maintaining his job, he must think PRIVATE. Utilize the internet (beginning from Nairaland) and market his service.

A teacher in a Federal Government College can excel anywhere (I attended one, and I've lost count on the number of Professionals those guys produced in my set. 99.9% sat for WAEC/NECO with distinctions on first and only sitting).

Why must he settle for 40k in spite his heavy labour? His reward lies here on earth, and he must go for it. Channel your energy on internet/social media advertising if (and like you said) there are no connections. Home lesson is lucrative in Lagos when you meet the right audience.

Lastly, you're a great wife ma'am. I wish you all the best!

I agree with you a little particularly the area you mentioned home lessons. The husband can discuss it or suggest it to his pupils if they're interested. The ones that are interested will discuss it with their parents and for those their parents can afford it,fine.meanwhile the reason I said he should discuss it with his pupils is because children are more closer to their parents than teachers.its easier for a child to convince his daddy that he wants uncle James to teach her maths than he himself suggesting it to the parents

However where I disagree with you is in the area of marriage. Just calm down and read with an open mind and objectivity. The truth is that they were not READY TO GET MARRIED FINANCIALLY. 40k or even 58k is barely enough for a bachelor or spinster in Nigeria of today because by the time he pays house rent,NEPA money water money,lawma money,security money,then feeding ,transportation, recharge card and clothes, how much remain? You too look am now.how much more now marrying then 58 k a month will cater for 4 people in the house?haba.that was the mistake and like the Bible says if the foundation be destroyed what can the righteous do.he should have waited till he was financially stable and that one you're consoling him with faithfulness, loyalty, trust.why are you sugar coating the reality. Do broke men have the financial resources to cheat? Can they even maintain cheating. Don't you know unfaithfulness is very expensive at least financially. Do you know how much he has to spend before the woman open her thighs, how he has to be manufacturing new new lies everyday to give his wife?do you think he will have time and energy for all that? Do you think side Chic's date married broke men? For a side chic to date a married man money is the defining factor .so don't go there at all.if its about big dicks or to catch fun there are many Hot bachelors

dangotesmummy:
I agree with you a little particularly the area you mentioned home lessons. The husband can discuss it or suggest it to his pupils if they're interested. The ones that are interested will discuss it with their parents and for those their parents can afford it,fine.meanwhile the reason I said he should discuss it with his pupils is because children are more closer to their parents than teachers.its easier for a child to convince his daddy that he wants uncle James to teach her maths than he himself suggesting it to the parents

However where I disagree with you is in the area of marriage. Just calm down and read with an open mind and objectivity. The truth is that they were not READY TO GET MARRIED FINANCIALLY. 40k or even 58k is barely enough for a bachelor or spinster in Nigeria of today because by the time he pays house rent,NEPA money water money,lawma money,security money,then feeding ,transportation, recharge card and clothes, how much remain? You too look am now.how much more now marrying then 58 k a month will cater for 4 people in the house?haba.that was the mistake and like the Bible says if the foundation be destroyed what can the righteous do.he should have waited till he was financially stable and that one you're consoling him with faithfulness, loyalty, trust.why are you sugar coating the reality. Do broke men have the financial resources to cheat? Can they even maintain cheating. Don't you know unfaithfulness is very expensive at least financially. Do you know how much he has to spend before the woman open her thighs, how he has to be manufacturing new new lies everyday to give his wife?do you think he will have time and energy for all that? Do you think side Chic's date married broke men? For a side chic to date a married man money is the defining factor .so don't go there at all.if its about big dicks or to catch fun there are many Hot bachelors

You should take time to read my post again. The husband lectures in a Federal Government College. Most FGCs in Nigeria run on boarding systems, so there is little to no room for home lessons. Besides, Lagos has only two FGCs (one is at Ijanikin, the other is King's College). Ijanikin is on the outskirt of Lagos, heading to Agbara, Badagry, etc. It will be difficult to get well paying lessons in these areas unless he derives a different strategy (which the school won't allow anyway) and most of the parents you talked about aren't in Lagos.

I also think you missed the point. They got married 8 years ago (2009). Do you know how much banks pay their staff in 2009? I was in school in 2009 and the biggest bankers (Oceanic Bank) back then were living large with below 100k salary. May I also tell you that Oceanic Bank of Cecilia Ibru has crumbled and most of her staff have long been abandoned with their fates.

I don't see why anyone would condemn the foundation of a 8 year old marriage over money issues. It doesn't make any SENSE. He may have started with N50k in 2009 with the hope of doing better in 2017. We all have hopes please, but not all come to reality.

Meanwhile, your analogy on Cheating is funny. I guess you spend too much time on Instagram to have believed it takes a lot of money to sleep with a girl. Only ediots and men with very low esteem do such... It takes NOTHING to sleep with a woman. The greatest fck boys and cheats do not spend ANYTHING.

baby124:

No one can get him a lucrative job. He has to help himself. So all this time that he was teaching part-time, he couldn't improve his skills? Like getting certifications or getting other skills like programming while not working? He's an engineering graduate he can lecture kids for WAEC, JAMB and NECO. Your husband needs to adopt a go-getter attitude. Otherwise even if he is offered a job, he won't advance quickly. It's not an insult. It's just obvious from his laid back way of life.

See you. You nor just try. Hahaha. If the the woman earns as much as her husband, things would be good. You left the wife and kept attacking the husband. Do you think certificate can help? Their jobs are not sustainable. UBER driver earns a lot more. He needs to do something to save up capital that the wife can utilise to start business. The call is for both of them.

I hope she goes for family planning too. No more children please!

Acidosis:


Meanwhile, your analogy on Cheating is funny. I guess you spend too much time on Instagram to have believed it takes a lot of money to sleep with a girl. Only ediots and men with very low esteem do such... It takes NOTHING to sleep with a woman. The greatest fck boys and cheats do not spend ANYTHING.

My friend,
Owo ni sinaa
Money for hand, back for ground
When that your friend(clearly you have no first hand experience with multiple women) told you he spent NOTHING, he lied.
Tl;dr
If you're not going to be realistic with this most basic of concepts, then your general advice is suspect.